This sheet on Leviticus 10 was written by Mimi Micner for 929 and can also be found here
Leviticus 10 opens with the sudden death of Aaron’s sons Nadav and Avihu. Having offered a “strange fire” before God, God kills them instantly. Aaron, in response to their sudden death and Moses' explanation of what happened, is silent (10:3). This might surprise us: as their father, why does Aaron seemingly not react, not cry out in anguish or anger?
Generations of commentators help us understand the reaction within the silence. Some look underneath Aaron’s silence to find a process of reconciling to their death. We learn from the Talmud, Zevachim 115b, that Moses told Aaron that their death was a sanctification of God’s name, and since Aaron knew that God loved his sons, he felt relieved. Rabbi Eliezer Lipman Lichtenstein understands that the Hebrew word for “silent” in the verse (וַיִּדֹּ֖ם) emphasizes that his heart and soul were at peace, and he did not question God’s verdict or justice.
Others have interpreted his silence to mean that he was mourning. Rabbeinu Bahya teaches that silence is one of the ways in which people express mourning. Baruch Levine comments that a better way to translate וַיִּדֹּ֖ם is “to mourn”, which suggests that Aaron initiated formal Jewish mourning.
Another interpretation is that Aaron’s heart broke, rendering him silent. Abravanel teaches that Aaron’s heart turned to lifeless stone, and because of this he neither mourned as a grieving father would, nor did he accept Moses’ attempt to console him. His soul simply left him, and he was speechless.
Those of us who have experienced loss or have been with others who have experienced loss may have noticed an interesting paradox: while we have a deep cultural understanding of what grief is supposed to look like, we also know that no one grieves in exactly the same way. Some, like Aaron, are silent, while others want to talk a lot about their loved one. Some cry, while others seem emotionless as they focus on the logistical aspects of the loss. Contemporary grief theory suggests that many people’s grief includes alternating between deep sadness and focus on the loss to moving forward with life and not engaging with the loss much at all. There is simply no one way, and no right way, to grieve.
Aaron’s response to his son’s death reminds us that grief can take many forms. Whether his silence meant he was in an inner process of reconciliation, was engaged in Jewish mourning practices, or was simply heartbroken, he was surely in the process of grieving, whether or not it might look like that to us.
Mimi Micner is a 4th year Rabbinical Student at Hebrew College. She is the Rabbinic Intern at Keshet in Boston and Temple Tifereth Israel in Winthrop, MA.
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