Creating a Jewish Sexual Ethic

What comes to mind when you think of Judaism and sex?

PARTNERSHIP OBLIGATIONS

Ketubot 47b

Rava said: This tanna (Mishnaic Rabbi), in the baraita (Tannaitic tradition not cited in Mishna) cited below, maintains that the obligation of a husband to provide his wife’s sustenance applies by Torah law, as it is taught with regard to the verse pertaining to a husband’s obligations toward his wife: “If he takes another wife for himself, her food [she’era], her clothing [kesuta], and her conjugal rights [onata], he shall not diminish” (Exodus 21:10).

“She’era”; this is sustenance, and it likewise states: “Who also eat the flesh [she’er] of my people” (Micah 3:3).

“Kesuta” is understood in its literal sense as referring to clothing.

“Onata”; this is her conjugal rights, which is stated in the Torah, and so it says: “If you shall afflict [te’aneh] my daughters” (Genesis 31:50), which indicates that a husband may not deprive his wife of her conjugal rights.

Why do you think conjugal rights are included in what a husband is obligated to give his wife?
Do you see the idea of sex as an obligation in a positive or negative light? Why?

Mishnah Ketubot 5:6

If one vowed to have no intercourse with his wife, Bet Shammai says [the maximum amount of time allowable is] two weeks; Bet Hillel says, one week. Students go out for Torah study without permission [from their wives] for thirty days; labourers, one week. The times for onah stated in the Torah: tayalin [usually translated as “persons of leisure”], every day; labourers, twice a week; mule-drivers, once a week; camel-drivers, once in thirty days; sailors, once in six months (these are the words of Rabbi Eliezer).

(Translation from Jewish Learning Fellowship)

How do you understand the relationship between profession and frequency of sexual relations?
How might we translate the idea of regular intimacy to a contemporary context?

INTIMACY

Talmud Ketubot 48a

There must be close bodily contact during sex. This means that a husband must not treat his wife in the manner of the Persians, who perform their marital duties in their clothes. This provides support for the ruling of Rav Huna, who ruled that a husband who says, "I will not perform my marital duties unless she wears her clothes and I mine," must divorce her and give her also her ketubah settlement.

(Translation from Sex in the Texts by Paul Yedwab)

What does this text tell us about intimacy and sex?

Mishneh Torah, Laws Concerning Forbidden Relations 21:9

Since a man's wife is permitted to him, he may act with her in any manner whatsoever. He may have intercourse with her whenever he so desires and kiss any organ of her body he wishes, and he may have intercourse with her vaginally or otherwise, provided that he does not expend semen to no purpose. Nevertheless, it is an attribute of piety that a man should not act in this matter with levity and that he should sanctify himself at the time of intercourse.

This text can easily be read in a positive or negative light. Which view are you taking and why?
What does this text say about the purpose behind sexual relations?
What does it mean to sanctify oneself at the time of sexual relations?

SPIRITUALITY

Zohar, Section 3, 59a

Where there is no union of male and female, people are not worthy to behold the Divine Presence.

Arthur Green, “A Contemporary Approach to Jewish Sexuality,” in The Second Jewish Catalogue (Philadelphia: Jewish Publication Society, 1977), 96-99

[There is] for the Jew an ideal of sexuality. While we know well that most human sexuality hardly approaches this exalted pictures, it does provide us with a point of view. It indicates strongly that we Jews should stand opposed to the current moves toward the "the demystification" of sexuality, which seeks to define coupling as purely biological function. We are made most fully human by the fact that this act, shared by us with the animal kingdom, can be raised in our consciousness to the rung of the raza de-yihuda - the sublime mystery of union, Sexuality at its fullest is brimming with religious kavanah [intention]: this is a teaching we would be fools to ignore. If we cannot fulfill the ideal, we can begin to approach it.

MODERN SEXUAL ETHICS

Rabbi Selig Salkowitz, DMin, “Reform Jewish Sexual Values,” Central Conference of American (Reform) Rabbis Ad Hoc Committee on Human Sexuality, published in The Sacred Encounter: Jewish Perspectives on Sexuality (Excerpts)

B’tzelem Elohim: “[...] underscores the inherent dignity of every person, woman and man, with the equal honor and respect due to each individual’s identity and sexual integrity.”
Emet: “Authentic and ethical human relationships should be grounded in truth and honesty.”
B’riut: “Our tradition enjoins upon us the responsibility to rejoice in and to maximize our physical, emotional, and spiritual health.”
Mishpat: “Judaism enjoins upon us the mandate [...] to strive to create equality and justice wherever people are treated unfairly [...].” “[...] we must be especially sensitive to any abuse of power and victimization of other human beings.”
Mishpachah: “Although procreation and family are especially important as guarantors of the survival of the Jewish people, all Jews have a responsibility to raise and nurture the next generation of our people.”
Tz’niut: “The human body in itself is never to be considered an object of shame or embarrassment. [...] Our behavior should never reduce the human body to an object.”
B’rit: For sexual expression in human relationships to reach the fullness of its potential, it should be grounded in fidelity and the intention of permanence.”
Simchah: “As an expression of love, the physical release and relaxation, the enjoyment of sensuality and playfulness that responsibly sexual activity can provide are encouraged by our Jewish tradition.”
Ahavah: A love that “should be expressed through behavior that displays caring, support, and empathy.”
K’dushah: “In a Reform Jewish context, a relationship may attain a measure of [holiness] when both partners voluntarily set themselves apart exclusively for each other, thereby finding unique emotional, sexual, and spiritual intimacy.”