(2) Oh, give me of the kisses of your mouth,
For your love is more delightful than wine.
Love in Hebrew:
- אהבה, Ahavah = love
- חסד, Chesed = lovingkindness
- ידידות, Yedidut = love, as in beloved or lovely
- חביב , Chaviv = favorite, loved one
Tu B'Av
Tu B'Av was a joyous holiday in the days of the Second Temple in Jerusalem, marking the beginning of the grape harvest, during which the unmarried girls dressed in white garments and went out to dance in the vineyards. This was also the day that wood was brought to the Temple for the fire offering.
(ח) אָמַר רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל, לֹא הָיוּ יָמִים טוֹבִים לְיִשְׂרָאֵל כַּחֲמִשָּׁה עָשָׂר בְּאָב וּכְיוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים, שֶׁבָּהֶן בְּנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם יוֹצְאוֹת בִּכְלֵי לָבָן שְׁאוּלִין, שֶׁלֹּא לְבַיֵּשׁ אֶת מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ. כָּל הַכֵּלִים טְעוּנִין טְבִילָה. וּבְנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלַיִם יוֹצְאוֹת וְחוֹלוֹת בַּכְּרָמִים. וּמֶה הָיוּ אוֹמְרוֹת, בָּחוּר, שָׂא נָא עֵינֶיךָ וּרְאֵה, מָה אַתָּה בוֹרֵר לָךְ.
(8) Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel said: There were no days as joyous for the Jewish people as the fifteenth of Av and as Yom Kippur, as on them the daughters of Jerusalem would go out in white clothes, which each woman borrowed from another. Why were they borrowed? They did this so as not to embarrass one who did not have her own white garments. And the daughters of Jerusalem would go out and dance in the vineyards. And what would they say? Young man, please lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself for a wife.
Q: Why this day?
Q: Isn't it kind of creepy to have men snatching up women?
And there are those that wonder: How was this custom good in the eyes of the Sages - that a man should snatch [a woman, to be] his wife? And, God forbid, it is similar to it being as if the daughters of Israel were abandoned! But this is not a [true] wonder. For it should be known that anyone who could afford to marry off his daughter would not send her there. For if she was a minor, what does his snatching help? Behold, she is not married without the consent of her father. And if she was a maiden or an adult [and could consent on her own], he would not let her go out [there]. And if he did permit her to go out, he would warn her to only get married to [a man] who was suitable for her. Rather the custom was for girls whose fathers could not afford to marry them off; and if it were not for this custom, perhaps they would have remained [single] until their hair whitened.
Love in the Torah & Talmud
"Jacob went to the well, I read, but its mouth was blocked by a stone, so he spoke with the other shepherds. In the distance, Rachel, with her father's flock, approached. She saw him, and he her. Before he spoke, he rolled away the stone. She approached him and they kissed. Then he wept. But it is the stone that I remember, rolling away the stone that I thought would be there forever, opening up to the deep waters."
The Book of Jewish Sacred Practices, Rabbi Irwin Kula & Vanessa L. Ochs, Ph.D
Q: What is love and what is lust?
Amnon was in "love" with his half-sister Tamar, but after he had her sexually, he loathed her. Our sages use this as an example of lust, not love.
David, our king, & Jonathan son of Saul, were bonded intimately in what may have been romantic or platonic love.
(41) When the boy got there, David emerged from his concealment at the Negeb. He flung himself face down on the ground and bowed low three times. They kissed each other and wept together; David wept the longer.
My brother Jonathan,
You were most dear to me.
Your love was wonderful to me
More than the love of women.
Ruth and her mother-in-law Naomi had an intense bond that some have interpreted as romantic.
(14) They broke into weeping again, and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law farewell. But Ruth clung to her. (15) So she said, “See, your sister-in-law has returned to her people and her gods. Go follow your sister-in-law.” (16) But Ruth replied, “Do not urge me to leave you, to turn back and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. (17) Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. bA formula of imprecation. Thus and more may the LORD do to me if anything but death parts me from you.”
Chavrutim and the Sages - descriptions of what your study partner, or chavruta, was supposed to look like often seem highly romantic.
וקנה לך חבר כיצד מלמד שיקנה האדם חבר לעצמו שיאכל עמו וישתה עמו ויקרא עמו וישנה עמו ויישן עמו ויגלה לו כל סתריו סתר תורה וסתר דרך ארץ
And acquire for yourself a friend. How so? This teaches that a person should acquire a friend for himself who will eat with him, and drink with him, and study Scripture and Mishnah with him, and go to sleep with him, and tell him all his secrets, both secrets of the Torah and secrets of the ways of the world.
אָמַר רַב פָּפָּא: אֵיבְרֵיהּ דְּרַבִּי יוֹחָנָן כְּחֵמֶת בַּת חֲמֵשֶׁת קַבִּין, וְאָמְרִי לַהּ בַּת שְׁלֹשֶׁת קַבִּין. אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן: אֲנָא אִשְׁתַּיַּירִי מִשַּׁפִּירֵי יְרוּשָׁלַיִם הַאי מַאן דְּבָעֵי מִחְזֵי שׁוּפְרֵיהּ דְּרַבִּי יוֹחָנָן, נַיְיתֵי כָּסָא דְכַסְפָּא מִבֵּי סִלְקֵי, וּנְמַלְּיֵיהּ פַּרְצִידַיָּא דְּרוּמָּנָא סוּמָּקָא, וְנַהְדַּר לֵיהּ כְּלִילָא דְּוַורְדָּא סוּמָּקָא לְפוּמֵּיהּ, וְנוֹתְבֵיהּ בֵּין שִׁמְשָׁא לְטוּלָּא, (הָהוּא) [הָנְהוּ] זַהֲרוּרֵי מֵעֵין שׁוּפְרֵיהּ דְּרַבִּי יוֹחָנָן. אִינִי? וְהָאָמַר מָר:
נָח נַפְשֵׁיהּ דְּרַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן לָקִישׁ, וַהֲוָה קָא מִצְטַעַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן בָּתְרֵיהּ טוּבָא. אֲמַרוּ רַבָּנַן: מַאן לֵיזִיל לְיַתֹּבֵיהּ לְדַעְתֵּיהּ? נֵיזִיל רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן פְּדָת, דִּמְחַדְּדָין שְׁמַעְתָּתֵיהּ. אֲזַל יְתֵיב קַמֵּיהּ. כֹּל מִילְּתָא דַּהֲוָה אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן אֲמַר לֵיהּ: תַּנְיָא דִּמְסַיְּיעָא לָךְ. אֲמַר: אַתְּ כְּבַר לְקִישָׁא?! בַּר לְקִישָׁא, כִּי הֲוָה אָמֵינָא מִילְּתָא, הֲוָה מַקְשֵׁי לִי עֶשְׂרִין וְאַרְבַּע קוּשְׁיָיתָא, וּמְפָרְקִינָא לֵיהּ עֶשְׂרִין וְאַרְבְּעָה פֵּרוּקֵי, וּמִמֵּילָא רָוְוחָא שְׁמַעְתָּא. וְאַתְּ אָמְרַתְּ: ״תַּנְיָא דִּמְסַיַּיע לָךְ״, אַטּוּ לָא יָדַעְנָא דְּשַׁפִּיר קָאָמֵינָא? הֲוָה קָא אָזֵיל וְקָרַע מָאנֵיהּ וְקָא בָכֵי וְאָמַר: ״הֵיכָא אַתְּ בַּר לָקִישָׁא, הֵיכָא אַתְּ בַּר לָקִישָׁא״! וַהֲוָה קָא צָוַח עַד דְּשָׁף דַּעְתֵּיהּ מִינֵּיהּ. בְּעוֹ רַבָּנַן רַחֲמֵי עֲלֵיהּ וְנָח נַפְשֵׁיהּ.
The Gemara continues discussing the bodies of these Sages: Rav Pappa said: The organ of Rabbi Yoḥanan was the size of a jug of five kav, and some say it was the size of a jug of three kav. With regard to Rabbi Yoḥanan’s physical features, the Gemara adds that Rabbi Yoḥanan said: I alone remain of the beautiful people of Jerusalem. The Gemara continues: One who wishes to see something resembling the beauty of Rabbi Yoḥanan should bring a new, shiny silver goblet from the smithy and fill it with red pomegranate seeds [partzidaya] and place a diadem of red roses upon the lip of the goblet, and position it between the sunlight and shade. That luster is a semblance of Rabbi Yoḥanan’s beauty...
Rabbi Shimon ben Lakish, Reish Lakish, died. Rabbi Yoḥanan was sorely pained over losing him. The Rabbis said: Who will go to calm Rabbi Yoḥanan’s mind and comfort him over his loss? They said: Let Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat go, as his statements are sharp, i.e., he is clever and will be able to serve as a substitute for Reish Lakish. Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat went and sat before Rabbi Yoḥanan. With regard to every matter that Rabbi Yoḥanan would say, Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat would say to him: There is a ruling which is taught in a baraita that supports your opinion. Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Are you comparable to the son of Lakish? In my discussions with the son of Lakish, when I would state a matter, he would raise twenty-four difficulties against me in an attempt to disprove my claim, and I would answer him with twenty-four answers, and the halakha by itself would become broadened and clarified. And yet you say to me: There is a ruling which is taught in a baraita that supports your opinion. Do I not know that what I say is good? Being rebutted by Reish Lakish served a purpose; your bringing proof to my statements does not. Rabbi Yoḥanan went around, rending his clothing, weeping and saying: Where are you, son of Lakish? Where are you, son of Lakish? Rabbi Yoḥanan screamed until his mind was taken from him, i.e., he went insane. The Rabbis prayed and requested for God to have mercy on him and take his soul, and Rabbi Yoḥanan died.
Q: What is the correct way to love?
(יט) וְכֵן צִוּוּ חֲכָמִים שֶׁיִּהְיֶה אָדָם מְכַבֵּד אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ יוֹתֵר מִגּוּפוֹ וְאוֹהֲבָהּ כְּגוּפוֹ. וְאִם יֵשׁ לוֹ מָמוֹן מַרְבֶּה בְּטוֹבָתָהּ כְּפִי מָמוֹנוֹ. וְלֹא יַטִּיל עָלֶיהָ אֵימָה יְתֵרָה. וְיִהְיֶה דִּבּוּרוֹ עִמָּהּ בְּנַחַת. וְלֹא יִהְיֶה עָצֵב וְלֹא רַגְזָן: (כ) וְכֵן צִוּוּ עַל הָאִשָּׁה שֶׁתִּהְיֶה מְכַבֶּדֶת אֶת בַּעְלָהּ בְּיוֹתֵר מִדַּאי וְיִהְיֶה עָלֶיהָ מוֹרָא מִמֶּנּוּ וְתַעֲשֶׂה כָּל מַעֲשֶׂיהָ עַל פִּיו. וְיִהְיֶה בְּעֵינֶיהָ כְּמוֹ שַׂר אוֹ מֶלֶךְ. מְהַלֶּכֶת בְּתַאֲוַת לִבּוֹ וּמַרְחֶקֶת כָּל מַה שֶּׁיִּשְׂנָא. וְזֶה דֶּרֶךְ בְּנוֹת יִשְׂרָאֵל וּבְנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל הַקְּדוֹשִׁים וְהַטְּהוֹרִים בְּזִוּוּגָן. וּבִדְרָכִים אֵלּוּ יִהְיֶה יִשּׁוּבָן נָאֶה וּמְשֻׁבָּח:
(19) Thus the Sages commanded: A man should honor his wife more than himself and love her as himself. If his money is plentiful, he should honor her as much as he can afford. He should not inspire excess fear in her, and he should speak gently with her, and not act downcast or hot-tempered.
(20) Thus the Sages commanded: A woman should honor her husband to excess, and stand in awe of him, and act according to his word. He should seem to her like a minister or king, following the desires of his heart, and distancing herself from the things he hates. This is how holy and pure Jews behave in their marriages; these ways are their pleasant and praiseworthy lifestyle.
Enter, the sexiest book in all of the Torah: Song of Songs! Here are a selected few verses.
So is my beloved among the youths.
I delight to sit in his shade,
And his fruit is sweet to my mouth.
Refresh my bed. Spread my bed around me with apples for a good fragrance, in the manner of [treating] the sick, for I am sick for His love, for I thirst for Him here in my exile.
(1) Ah, you are fair, my darling,
Ah, you are fair.
Your eyes are like doves
Behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
Streaming down Mount Gilead. (2) Your teeth are like a flock of ewes
Climbing up from the washing pool;
All of them bear twins,
And not one loses her young. (3) Your lips are like a crimson thread,
Your mouth is lovely.
Your brow behind your veil
[Gleams] like a pomegranate split open. (4) Your neck is like the Tower of David,
Built to hold weapons,
Hung with a thousand shields—
All the quivers of warriors. (5) Your breasts are like two fawns,
Twins of a gazelle,
Browsing among the lilies.
(10) My beloved is clear-skinned and ruddy,
Preeminent among ten thousand. (11) His head is finest gold,
His locks are curled
And black as a raven. (12) His eyes are like doves
By watercourses,
Bathed in milk,
Set by a brimming pool. (13) His cheeks are like beds of spices,
Banks of-g perfume
His lips are like lilies;
They drip flowing myrrh. (14) His hands are rods of gold,
Studded with beryl;
His belly a tablet of ivory,
Adorned with sapphires. (15) His legs are like marble pillars
Set in sockets of fine gold.
He is majestic as Lebanon,
Stately as the cedars. (16) His mouth is delicious
And all of him is delightful.
Such is my beloved,
Such is my darling,
O maidens of Jerusalem!
And my beloved is mine;
He browses among the lilies.
As if you had nursed at my mother’s breast:
Then I could kiss you
When I met you in the street,
And no one would despise me.
Nor rivers drown it.
If a man offered all his wealth for love,
He would be laughed to scorn.
Love in Jewish Magic
The below quoted sections are from Jewish Magic and Superstition by Joshua Trachtenberg:
"A variety of love potions and love-inducing amulets are documented in medieval jewish literature. One example involves a magical square with angelic names written on a shell (it is unclear whether an egg shell, turtle shell, or sea shell is meant) with ink made of spices, using a bronze or copper instrument.
Several love incantations involve casting a spell inscribed on metal or clay into fire, using the flames as a magic analogy for burning passion: 'just as this potshard burns, so may burn the heart of...'"
Reciting this verse of Song of Songs would bring you love:
(3) Your ointments yield a sweet fragrance,
Your name is like finest oil—
Therefore do maidens love you.
Early Kabbalah promotes sexual practice as its own discipline. The mystics believed that sex between a husband and wife could help a wise one astral project to the heavens, or with the right kavanah, intention, could draw down the divine into the semen to make any resulting children righteous.
"Igeret ha-Kodesh: a medieval mystical sex manual attributed to Nachmanides. It teaches that human sexuality is a mimesis of the divine union that occurs in the Pleroma, hinting at the idea that sex serves a theurgic function in sustaining the celestial order: Such is the secret of man and woman in the ways of Kabbalah. This, this human sexual union is a matter most elevated when it is done properly, and the greater secret is that the merkavot also unite, this one to that, in the manner of male and female.
To achieve this influence, it instructs the reader about spiritual intention while having sex, sexual positions and their relative merits, even the direction to be oriented while having sex."
A fifteenth-century work in Hebrew and Yiddish with clear German influence:
"Take virgin wax and make a female figure, with the sex organs clearly delineated, and with the features of the person you have in mind. Write on the breast, _ daughter of _ [father's name] and _, daughter of _ [mother's name], and on the back between the shoulders write the same, and say over it, "May it be Thy will, O Lord, that N daughter of N burn with a mighty passion for me." Then bury the figure, and cover it carefully so that its limbs are not broken, and leave it thus for twenty-four hours. Then bury it under the eaves, being careful that no one witnesses your acts, and cover it with a stone so that it doesn't break. When you disinter it, dip it carefully in water three times, so that it is washed clean, once in the name of Michael, again in the name of Gabriel, and the third time in the name of Raphael, and immerse it in some urine. Then dry it, and when you wish to arouse passion in her, pierce the heart of the image with a new needle, in that spot where it will cause most pain. So will she daily experience now this pain, now that."
From a late Middle Ages manuscript also inspired by German superstition:
"Thus to arouse love:
1. Place a small copper plate upon which a spell has been incised in a new glass goblet filled with your sweat, and hide it in a place which the woman must pass.
2. (for a woman) Take a hot bath, cover the entire body in flour, and perspire profusely; wipe the sweat off with a clean white linen cloth, and wring it into a dish; mix in an egg; cut the nails from hands and feet and the hair from the entire body and burn these to a powder; bake them all together and serve.
3. Cut the finger- and toe-nails and the pubic hair, burn to a powder, leave standing in water for nine days and nights, and serve as a drink.
4. Blow out the contents of an egg that was laid on a Thursday, and fill the shell with blood drawn from the left arm; place it under a setting hen, and as soon as its chicks are hatched, burn the contents of the egg-shell, together with some human excrement, to a powder; then buy the hen at the first price asked, tear it open and place its heart under your tongue, until it dies; then burn the heart, too, to ash and mix the various powders together and serve.
5. Take some blood from the heart of a guinea-pig, leave it in a dish until it dries up, inject the dried blood into the quill of a feather, and place this surreptitiously between the two people when they are together
6. Take a live mole, a male for a man, a female for a woman, and strike it on its right foot, "and it will bring you true love."
A further spell for arousing passion:
"To arouse passion, one must purchase a small hand-mirror at the first price demanded, scrape some of the pitch from the back of the glass, and write the name of his beloved in this space three times. He should then hold this glass in front of two dogs that are copulating, so that their image is reflected in it, and should also induce the girl to glance into it; then he must hide it for nine days in a spot which she passes frequently, and when that period has expired he must always carry it on his person."
A modern meditation for the ending of a relationship from The Book of Jewish Practices by Rabbi Irwin Kula and Vanessa L. Ochs, Ph.D.:
הרופא לשבורי לב ומחבש לעצבותם
G-d heals the broken-hearted and binds up their sorrows.
"May You who heals broken hearts lead me to discover the wholeness of my heart. Blessed are You, Creator of love and hope, Source of all the living, give me wisdom and understanding. Guide me as a I step away from the one with whom I can no longer share my life. Guide me as I move forward and give me the strength to trust and love again."
ובטובו מחדש בכל יום תמיד מעשה בראשית.
ברוך אתה מחיה כל חי.
Creation renews itself every day, in goodness.
Blessed is the One who restores our spirits.
(א) לֵב נִשְׁבָּר וְעַצְבוּת – אֵינוֹ עִנְיָן אֶחָד כְּלָל.
(ג) וְעַצְבוּת שֶׁהוּא מֵהַטְּחוֹל, הִיא סִטְרָא אַחֲרָא וְהַקָּדוֹשׁ־בָּרוּךְ־הוּא שׂוֹנֵא אוֹתָהּ. אֲבָל לֵב נִשְׁבָּר הִיא חָבִיב לִפְנֵי הַשֵּׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ, כִּי לֵב נִשְׁבָּר יָקָר מְאֹד מְאֹד בְּעֵינָיו יִתְבָּרַךְ.
(ד) וְהָיָה טוֹב שֶׁיִּהְיֶה לוֹ לֵב נִשְׁבָּר כָּל הַיּוֹם, אַךְ אֲנָשִׁים כְּעֶרְכְּכֶם יְכוֹלִין לָבוֹא מִלֵּב נִשְׁבָּר לְעַצְבוּת.
(ה) עַל־כֵּן צְרִיכִין לְיַחֵד אֵיזֶה שָׁעָה בַּיּוֹם שֶׁיִּהְיֶה לוֹ לֵב נִשְׁבָּר, דְּהַיְנוּ לְהִתְבּוֹדֵד וּלְשַׁבֵּר לִבּוֹ לְפָנָיו יִתְבָּרַךְ (כַּמְבֹאָר בְּמָקוֹם אַחֵר), אֲבָל שְׁאָר כָּל הַיּוֹם כֻּלּוֹ יִהְיֶה רַק בְּשִׂמְחָה.
(ו) וְעַל זֶה הִזְהִיר אוֹתָנוּ כַּמָּה פְּעָמִים. לְהִתְאַמֵּץ וּלְהִתְגַּבֵּר שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה לָנוּ לֵב נִשְׁבָּר רַק אֵיזֶה שָׁעָה בַּיּוֹם, וְעַצְבוּת כְּלָל לֹא. וּשְׁאָר כָּל הַיּוֹם יִהְיֶה בְּשִׂמְחָה:
(1) Broken-heartedness and depression are not at all the same.
(3) Depression comes from the Other Side and is hated by God. But a broken heart is very dear and precious to God.
(4) It would be very good to be broken-hearted all day long. But for the average person, this can easily degenerate into depression.
(5) You should therefore set aside some time each day and isolate yourself to express your broken-heartedness to God for a given time. But the rest of the day should be joyful.
(6) The Rebbe emphasized this many times, telling us not to be brokenhearted except for a fixed time each day. Other than during that period, we should always be joyful; but depressed, never.
ברוך שברא אהבה ואחווה ושלום ורעות
Blessed is the One who creates love, harmony, peace, and companionship.