Marriage in Rabbinic Literature

והמלוה סלע לעני בשעת דחקו עליו הכתוב אומר (ישעיהו נח, ט) אז תקרא וה' יענה תשוע ויאמר הנני: סי' אש"ה וקרק"ע עז"ר זא"ת שת"י הברכו"ת תגר"י פחת"י: א"ר אלעזר כל אדם שאין לו אשה אינו אדם שנאמר (בראשית ה, ב) זכר ונקבה בראם ויקרא את שמם אדם ואמר רבי אלעזר כל אדם שאין לו קרקע אינו אדם שנא' (תהלים קטו, טז) השמים שמים לה' והארץ נתן לבני אדם ואמר רבי אלעזר מאי דכתיב (בראשית ב, יח) אעשה לו עזר כנגדו זכה עוזרתו לא זכה כנגדו ואיכא דאמרי ר' אלעזר רמי כתיב כנגדו וקרינן כניגדו זכה כנגדו לא זכה מנגדתו אשכחיה רבי יוסי לאליהו א"ל כתיב אעשה לו עזר במה אשה עוזרתו לאדם א"ל אדם מביא חיטין חיטין כוסס פשתן פשתן לובש לא נמצאת מאירה עיניו ומעמידתו על רגליו

Yevamot 63a:1-4

and who lends a sela to a pauper at his time of need, about him the verse states: “Then shall you call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and He will say: Here I am” (Isaiah 58:9). § The Gemara provides a mnemonic device for a series of statements cited in the name of Rabbi Elazar: Woman; and land; helper; this; two; the blessings; merchants; lowly. The Gemara presents these statements: Rabbi Elazar said: Any man who does not have a wife is not a man, as it is stated: “Male and female He created them…and called their name Adam” (Genesis 5:2). And Rabbi Elazar said: Any man who does not have his own land is not a man, as it is stated: “The heavens are the heavens of the Lord; but the earth He has given to the children of men” (Psalms 115:16). And Rabbi Elazar said: What is the meaning of that which is written: “I will make him a helpmate for him [kenegdo]” (Genesis 2:18)? If one is worthy his wife helps him; if he is not worthy she is against him. And some say a slightly different version: Rabbi Elazar raised a contradiction: It is written in the Torah with a spelling that allows it to be read: Striking him [kenagdo], and we read it as though it said: For him [kenegdo]. If he is worthy she is for him as his helpmate; if he is not worthy she strikes him. The Gemara relates that Rabbi Yosei encountered Elijah the prophet and said to him: It is written: I will make him a helpmate. In what manner does a woman help a man? Elijah said to him: When a man brings wheat from the field, does he chew raw wheat? When he brings home flax, does he wear unprocessed flax? His wife turns the raw products into bread and clothing. Is his wife not found to be the one who lights up his eyes and stands him on his feet?

בראשית רבה ט׳:ז׳

(ז) רַבִּי נַחְמָן בַּר שְׁמוּאֵל בַּר נַחְמָן בְּשֵׁם רַב שְׁמוּאֵל בַּר נַחְמָן אָמַר, הִנֵּה טוֹב מְאֹד, זֶה יֵצֶר טוֹב. וְהִנֵּה טוֹב מְאֹד, זֶה יֵצֶר רָע. וְכִי יֵצֶר הָרָע טוֹב מְאֹד, אֶתְמְהָא. אֶלָּא שֶׁאִלּוּלֵי יֵצֶר הָרָע לֹא בָּנָה אָדָם בַּיִת, וְלֹא נָשָׂא אִשָּׁה, וְלֹא הוֹלִיד, וְלֹא נָשָׂא וְנָתַן. וְכֵן שְׁלֹמֹה אוֹמֵר (קהלת ד, ד): כִּי הִיא קִנְאַת אִישׁ מֵרֵעֵהוּ.

Bereshit Rabbah 9:7

(7) Rav Nachman the son of Shmuel said: “Behold it was very good” - this refers to the good inclination; “And behold it was very good” - this refers to the evil inclination. But, is the evil inclination very good? How so? Were it not for the evil inclination, a person would not build, would not marry, would not have children, and would not engage in business. And so Shlomo said (Kohelet 4:4): “(all work comes from) man’s jealousy for his neighbor.”

סוטה ב׳ א:ח׳

א"ר שמואל בר רב יצחק כי הוה פתח ריש לקיש בסוטה אמר הכי אין מזווגין לו לאדם אשה אלא לפי מעשיו שנא' (תהלים קכה, ג) כי לא ינוח שבט הרשע על גורל הצדיקים אמר רבה בר בר חנה אמר ר' יוחנן וקשין לזווגן כקריעת ים סוף, שנאמר (תהלים סח, ז) אלהים מושיב יחידים ביתה מוציא אסירים בכושרות

Sotah 2a:8

Rav Shmuel bar Rav Yitzḥak says: When Reish Lakish would introduce his discussion of the Torah passage of sota he would say this: Heaven matches a woman to a man only according to his actions, as it is stated: “For the rod of wickedness shall not rest upon the lot of the righteous” (Psalms 125:3), indicating that if one has a wicked wife it is due to his own evil conduct. Rabba bar bar Ḥana says that Rabbi Yoḥanan says: And it is as difficult to match a couple together as was the splitting of the Red Sea, as it is stated in a verse that speaks of the exodus from Egypt: “God makes the solitary individuals dwell in a house; He brings out prisoners into prosperity [bakosharot]” (Psalms 68:7). God takes single individuals and causes them to dwell in a house by properly matching a man to a woman. This is similar to the exodus from Egypt, which culminated in the splitting of the Red Sea, where He released prisoners into prosperity.

בראשית רבה ס״ח:ג׳

(ג) רַבִּי אַבָּהוּ פָּתַח (משלי יט, יד): בַּיִת וָהוֹן נַחֲלַת אָבוֹת וּמֵה' אִשָּׁה מַשְׂכָּלֶת, רַבִּי פִּינְחָס בְּשֵׁם רַבִּי אַבָּהוּ, מָצִינוּ בַּתּוֹרָה בַּנְבִיאִים וּבַכְּתוּבִים שֶׁאֵין זִוּוּגוֹ שֶׁל אִישׁ אֶלָּא מִן הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, בַּתּוֹרָה מִנַּיִן (בראשית כד, נ): וַיַּעַן לָבָן וּבְתוּאֵל וַיֹּאמְרוּ מֵה' יָצָא הַדָּבָר. בַּנְּבִיאִים (שופטים יד, ד): וְאָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ לֹא יָדְעוּ כִּי מֵה' הִיא. בַּכְּתוּבִים הַיְנוּ דִּכְתִיב: וּמֵה' אִשָּׁה מַשְׂכָּלֶת. יֵשׁ שֶׁהוּא הוֹלֵךְ אֵצֶל זִוּוּגוֹ וְיֵשׁ שֶׁזִּוּוּגוֹ בָּא אֶצְלוֹ, יִצְחָק זִוּוּגוֹ בָּא אֶצְלוֹ, (בראשית כד, סג): וַיַּרְא וְהִנֵּה גְּמַלִּים בָּאִים. יַעֲקֹב הָלַךְ אֵצֶל זִוּוּגוֹ, דִּכְתִיב: וַיֵּצֵא יַעֲקֹב.

Bereshit Rabbah 68:3

Rabbi Abbahu opened (with Proverbs 19:14: "Property and riches are bequeathed by fathers, But an insightful wife comes from Adonai." Rabbi Pinchas in the name of Rabbi Abbahu: "We find in the Torah and the Prophets and the Writings that a man doesn't have a partner except from the Holy Blessed One, ( and the proof-texts are:) In Torah: "Then Laban and Bethuel answered, "The matter was decreed by Adonai; it is not possible for us to say it is good or bad." (Gen. 24:50)" In the Prophets: "His father and mother did not realize that this was Adonai's doing: He was seeking a quarrel against the Philistines, for the Philistines were ruling over Israel at that time. (Jdg. 14:4); In the Writings (as above): "Property and riches are bequeathed by fathers, But an insightful wife comes from Adonai. (Prov. 19:14). Sometimes a comes to his partner and sometimes his partner comes to him. In the case of Isaac, his spouse came to him: ("And Isaac went out walking in the field toward evening and, lifting up his eyes, behold, camels approaching. Raising her eyes, Rebekah saw Isaac. She got down from the camel and said to the servant, "Who is that man walking in the field toward us?" (Gen. 24:63-65)) Jacob, however, went to his spouse, as it is written "And Jacob went out...." (Gen. 28:10)

סוטה ב׳ א:ט׳

איני והא אמר רב יהודה אמר רב ארבעים יום קודם יצירת הולד בת קול יוצאת ואומרת בת פלוני לפלוני בית פלוני לפלוני שדה פלוני לפלוני לא קשיא הא בזוג ראשון הא בזוג שני

Sotah 2a:9

The Gemara asks: Is that so that a man is matched to a woman according to his actions? But Rav Yehuda says that Rav says: Forty days before an embryo is formed a Divine Voice issues forth and says: The daughter of so-and-so is destined to marry so-and-so; such and such a house is destined to be inhabited by so-and-so; such and such a field is destined to be farmed by so-and-so. This clearly states that these matters, including marriage, are decreed for a person even before he is formed. The Gemara answers: This is not difficult. This statement that Rav Yehuda says in the name of Rav is with regard to a first match [zivug], while this statement of Rabba bar bar Ḥana in the name of Rabbi Yoḥanan is with regard to a second match. A first match is decreed in heaven; a second match is according to one’s actions.

סוטה מ״ד א:ו׳

תנו רבנן אשר בנה אשר נטע אשר ארש לימדה תורה דרך ארץ שיבנה אדם בית ויטע כרם ואח"כ ישא אשה ואף שלמה אמר בחכמתו (משלי כד, כז) הכן בחוץ מלאכתך ועתדה בשדה לך אחר ובנית ביתך הכן בחוץ מלאכתך זה בית ועתדה בשדה לך זה כרם אחר ובנית ביתך זו אשה

Sotah 44a:6

§ The Sages taught (Tosefta 7:20-21): The Torah states: “What man is there that has built” (Deuteronomy 20:5), and then “that has planted” (Deuteronomy 20:6), and finally “that has betrothed” (Deuteronomy 20:7). The Torah has taught a person the desired mode of behavior: A person should build a house, then plant a vineyard, and afterward marry a woman. And even King Solomon said in his wisdom: “Prepare your work outside, and make it fit for yourself in the field; and afterward build your house” (Proverbs 24:27). The Sages explained: “Prepare your work outside”; this is a house. “And make it fit for yourself in the field”; this is a vineyard. “And afterward you shall build your house”; this is a wife.

קידושין ב׳ א:א׳

מתני׳ האשה נקנית בשלוש דרכים וקונה את עצמה בשתי דרכים נקנית בכסף בשטר ובביאה בכסף בית שמאי אומרים בדינר ובשווה דינר ובית הלל אומרים בפרוטה ובשווה פרוטה וכמה היא פרוטה אחד משמונה באיסר האיטלקי

Kiddushin 2a:1

MISHNA: A woman is acquired by, i.e., becomes betrothed to, a man to be his wife in three ways, and she acquires herself, i.e., she terminates her marriage, in two ways. The mishna elaborates: She is acquired through money, through a document, and through sexual intercourse. With regard to a betrothal through money, there is a dispute between tanna’im: Beit Shammai say that she can be acquired with one dinar or with anything that is worth one dinar. And Beit Hillel say: She can be acquired with one peruta, a small copper coin, or with anything that is worth one peruta. The mishna further clarifies: And how much is the value of one peruta, by the fixed value of silver? The mishna explains that it is one-eighth of the Italian issar, which is a small silver coin.

קידושין ב׳ ב:ב׳

וניתני התם האיש קונה מעיקרא תני לישנא דאורייתא ולבסוף תני לישנא דרבנן ומאי לישנא דרבנן דאסר לה אכולי עלמא כהקדש

Kiddushin 2b:2

The Gemara asks: But let the mishna teach there, in the next chapter: A man acquires. The Gemara explains: Initially, the mishna taught using the language of the Torah, in which betrothal is called taking. And ultimately, in the next chapter, it taught using the language of the Sages. And what is the reason that betrothal is called kiddushin, literally, consecration, in the language of the Sages? The reason is that through betrothal the husband renders her forbidden to everyone like consecrated property. Therefore, this act is referred to as consecration.

קידושין ב׳ ב:ה׳

ואי בעית אימא אי תנא קונה ה"א אפילו בעל כרחה תנא האשה נקנית דמדעתה אין שלא מדעתה לא

Kiddushin 2b:5

And if you wish, say instead another explanation. If the mishna had taught: The man acquires the woman, I would say that he can acquire her even against her will, as indicated by the expression: He acquires. One might have assumed that the betrothal depends on the husband, without the need for the woman’s consent. Therefore the mishna taught: The woman is acquired, from which it may be inferred that with her consent, yes, he can acquire her as a wife, but when he acts without her consent, no, she is not betrothed to him.

חולין פ״ד ב:י״ב-י״ג

דרש רב עוירא זימנין אמר לה משמיה דרבי אמי וזימנין אמר לה משמיה דרבי אסי מאי דכתיב (תהלים קיב, ה) טוב איש חונן ומלוה יכלכל דבריו במשפט לעולם יאכל אדם וישתה פחות ממה שיש לו וילבש ויתכסה במה שיש לו ויכבד אשתו ובניו יותר ממה שיש לו

Chullin 84b:4

Rav Avirah explained a verse from Psalms112:5, sometimes saying thisin the nae of R. Ami, and sometimes in the name of R. Assi: What is the meaning of "All goes well with the man who lends generously, who conducts his affairs with judgment"? A person should always eat and drink less than what he can afford and should clothe and adorn himself in accordance with his assets, and should give honor his wife and his children beyond his means.

בבא מציעא נ״ט א:ד׳

אמר רב חננא בריה דרב אידי מאי דכתיב (ויקרא כה, יז) ולא תונו איש את עמיתו עם שאתך בתורה ובמצות אל תונהו אמר רב לעולם יהא אדם זהיר באונאת אשתו שמתוך שדמעתה מצויה אונאתה קרובה

Bava Metzia 59a:4

§ Rav Ḥinnana, son of Rav Idi, says: What is the meaning of that which is written: “And you shall not mistreat each man his colleague [amito]” (Leviticus 25:17)? The word amito is interpreted as a contraction of im ito, meaning: One who is with him. With one who is with you in observance of Torah and mitzvot, you shall not mistreat him. Rav says: A person must always be careful about mistreatment of his wife. Since her tear is easily elicited, punishment for her mistreatment is immediate.

יבמות ס״ב ב:י״ג

אמר רבי תנחום א"ר חנילאי כל אדם שאין לו אשה שרוי בלא שמחה בלא ברכה בלא טובה בלא שמחה דכתיב (דברים יד, כו) ושמחת אתה וביתך בלא ברכה דכתיב (יחזקאל מד, ל) להניח ברכה אל ביתך בלא טובה דכתיב (בראשית ב, יח) לא טוב היות האדם לבדו

Yevamot 62b:13

§ Apropos the discussion with regard to the mitzva to have children, the Gemara cites statements about marriage in general. Rabbi Tanḥum said that Rabbi Ḥanilai said: Any man who does not have a wife is left without joy, without blessing, without goodness. He proceeds to quote verses to support each part of his statement. He is without joy, as it is written: “And you shall rejoice, you and your household” (Deuteronomy 14:26), which indicates that the a man is in a joyful state only when he is with his household, i.e., his wife. He is without blessing, as it is written: “To cause a blessing to rest in your house” (Ezekiel 44:30), which indicates that blessing comes through one’s house, i.e., one’s wife. He is without goodness, as it is written: “It is not good that man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18), i.e., without a wife.

יבמות ס״ב ב:י״ד

במערבא אמרי בלא תורה בלא חומה בלא תורה דכתיב (איוב ו, יג) האם אין עזרתי בי ותושיה נדחה ממני בלא חומה דכתיב (ירמיהו לא, כב) נקבה תסובב גבר

Yevamot 62b:14

In the West, Eretz Yisrael, they say: One who lives without a wife is left without Torah, and without a wall of protection. He is without Torah, as it is written: “Is it that I have no help in me, and that sound wisdom is driven from me?” (Job 6:13), indicating that one who does not have a wife lacks sound wisdom, i.e., Torah. He is without a wall, as it is written: “A woman shall go round a man” (Jeremiah 31:21), similar to a protective wall.

יבמות ס״ב ב:ט״ו

רבא בר עולא אמר בלא שלום דכתיב (איוב ה, כד) וידעת כי שלום אהלך ופקדת נוך ולא תחטא

Yevamot 62b:15

Rava bar Ulla said: One who does not have a wife is left without peace, as it is written: “And you shall know that your tent is in peace; and you shall visit your habitation and shall miss nothing” (Job 5:24). This indicates that a man has peace only when he has a tent, i.e., a wife.

God Blessed the First Wedding Between Adam and Eve

▪Friedlander, Gerald. Pirke de-Rabbi Eliezer (Kindle Locations 4355-4357). Varda Books. Kindle Edition.“More beloved is the service of loving-kindness than the sacrifices and burnt-offerings which Israel will bring in the future upon the altar before Me, as it is said, “For I desire love, and not sacrifice” (Hos. vi. 6). The ministering angels were going to and fro and walking before him like friends who guard the wedding canopies, as it is said, “For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways” (Ps. xci. 11). (The word) “way” here means only the way of bridegrooms. The Holy One, blessed be He, was like a precentor. What is the custom observed by the precentor? He stands and blesses the bride in the midst of her wedding chamber. Likewise the Holy One, blessed be He, stood and blessed Adam and his help-mate, as it is said, “And God blessed them” (Gen. i. 28).54.”

God Creates Worlds by Bringing Couples Together

▪Zohar, Daniel Matt, Stanford University Press 1:89a “The world was not firmly established until Israel stood at Mount Sinai and accepted Torah; then the world stood firm. Ever since that day, the blessed Holy One has been creating worlds. What are they? Human couplings, for since then the blessed Holy One has been matchmaking proclaiming: “The daughter of so-and-so for so-and-so!” These are the worlds He creates.”