There is no real easy way to say this but as I studied this parshah for myself this week I could not help but recognize that of anything to offend the modern person. Ki Tetzei does have a lot of both ageism and sexism within it . Today though I am going to focus on those parts that I found sexist that seem to me as a man to degrade women and seek out some relevancy for today. I have to say as a man I am no expert on the topic of sexism. I though have one semester left and I finish up a Women and Gender Studies Concentration at Oakton . In doing this concentration it is has made me more self-aware to my own sexism and opened my eyes even more to how I as a man aid in the continued oppression of women ,and the gender non-conforming especially within this parshah which I find witnessed to in the parshah those in the treatment of Non-Israelite women, and the way one is told to dress .I hope to bring some relevancy to the topic and maybe some answer to the sexism we deal with within our day.
First of all we read within the first part of this parshah :
(י) כִּֽי־תֵצֵ֥א לַמִּלְחָמָ֖ה עַל־אֹיְבֶ֑יךָ וּנְתָנ֞וֹ יְהוָ֧ה אֱלֹהֶ֛יךָ בְּיָדֶ֖ךָ וְשָׁבִ֥יתָ שִׁבְיֽוֹ׃ (יא) וְרָאִיתָ֙ בַּשִּׁבְיָ֔ה אֵ֖שֶׁת יְפַת־תֹּ֑אַר וְחָשַׁקְתָּ֣ בָ֔הּ וְלָקַחְתָּ֥ לְךָ֖ לְאִשָּֽׁה׃ (יב) וַהֲבֵאתָ֖הּ אֶל־תּ֣וֹךְ בֵּיתֶ֑ךָ וְגִלְּחָה֙ אֶת־רֹאשָׁ֔הּ וְעָשְׂתָ֖ה אֶת־צִפָּרְנֶֽיהָ׃ (יג) וְהֵסִ֩ירָה֩ אֶת־שִׂמְלַ֨ת שִׁבְיָ֜הּ מֵעָלֶ֗יהָ וְיָֽשְׁבָה֙ בְּבֵיתֶ֔ךָ וּבָֽכְתָ֛ה אֶת־אָבִ֥יהָ וְאֶת־אִמָּ֖הּ יֶ֣רַח יָמִ֑ים וְאַ֨חַר כֵּ֜ן תָּב֤וֹא אֵלֶ֙יהָ֙ וּבְעַלְתָּ֔הּ וְהָיְתָ֥ה לְךָ֖ לְאִשָּֽׁה׃ (יד) וְהָיָ֞ה אִם־לֹ֧א חָפַ֣צְתָּ בָּ֗הּ וְשִׁלַּחְתָּהּ֙ לְנַפְשָׁ֔הּ וּמָכֹ֥ר לֹא־תִמְכְּרֶ֖נָּה בַּכָּ֑סֶף לֹא־תִתְעַמֵּ֣ר בָּ֔הּ תַּ֖חַת אֲשֶׁ֥ר עִנִּיתָֽהּ׃ (ס)
(10) When you take the field against your enemies, and the Eternal your G-d delivers them into your power and you take some of them captive, (11) and you see among the captives a beautiful woman and you desire her and would take her to wife, (12) you shall bring her into your house, and she shall trim her hair, pare her nails, (13) and discard her captive’s garb. She shall spend a month’s time in your house lamenting her father and mother; after that you may come to her and possess her, and she shall be your wife. (14) Then, should you no longer want her, you must release her outright. You must not sell her for money: since you had your will of her, you must not enslave her.
Some may argue that within this text the woman is afforded some rights she is not a "Slave" but she is still taken away from everything she knows, forced to assimilate, and has no choice in any of what has happened she is simply a "Spoil of war"
Elizabeth Cady Stanton notes in her commentary on these verses within The Women's Bible:
Elizabeth Cady Stanton notes in her commentary on these verses within The Women's Bible:
Women's Bible ,Elizabeth Cady Stanton
All this is done if the woman will renounce her religion and accept the new faith. The shaving of the head was a rite in accepting the new faith, the paring of the nails a token of submission. In all these transactions the woman had no fixed rights whatever. In that word "humbled" is included the whole of our false morality in regard to the equal relations of the sexes. Why in this responsible act of creation, on which depends life and immortality, woman is said to be humbled, when she is the prime factor in the relation, is a question difficult to answer, except in her general degradation, carried off without her consent as spoils of war, subject to the fancy of any man, to be taken or cast off at his pleasure, no matter what is done with her.
All this is done if the woman will renounce her religion and accept the new faith. The shaving of the head was a rite in accepting the new faith, the paring of the nails a token of submission. In all these transactions the woman had no fixed rights whatever. In that word "humbled" is included the whole of our false morality in regard to the equal relations of the sexes. Why in this responsible act of creation, on which depends life and immortality, woman is said to be humbled, when she is the prime factor in the relation, is a question difficult to answer, except in her general degradation, carried off without her consent as spoils of war, subject to the fancy of any man, to be taken or cast off at his pleasure, no matter what is done with her.
These verses on how we treat those women who are not Israelite in times of war witness to the fact that even within our society today women are not given the choices afforded to men, business environments do at times require women look or dress a certain way just to get promoted and be honest some men do treat women still now as if they are trophies. These are very much realities within our times. How do these verses give an answer as to what can be done? I think they point us to the fact that we as men have done these things to women denied them choice, dictate they not be their true selves around us and even seen them as trophies to be won instead of human being beings deserving of the same equality as you and I have. These verses in Torah I think are some of those hard verses that should challenge us in our own privilege and the privilege at the expense of others during the time.
Now on to the way we are told to dress
(ה) לֹא־יִהְיֶ֤ה כְלִי־גֶ֙בֶר֙ עַל־אִשָּׁ֔ה וְלֹא־יִלְבַּ֥שׁ גֶּ֖בֶר שִׂמְלַ֣ת אִשָּׁ֑ה כִּ֧י תוֹעֲבַ֛ת יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ כָּל־עֹ֥שֵׂה אֵֽלֶּה׃ (פ)
(5) A woman must not put on man’s apparel, nor shall a man wear woman’s clothing; for whoever does these things is abhorrent to the Eternal your G-d.
This verse if taken literally seems to forbid all cross-dressing but it leaves out those today within our society who may feel they don't fit within the gender binary or those who were assigned a certain gender at birth that do not match who they truly are on the inside . This verse leaves out a whole growing section of our society that from my gender studies classes I have learned has always existed but I want to say that from torah myself I have two answers to where the Rabbis stood on this :
The first one being the Rabbis did recognize gender nuance.If any two rabbis could be called allies to those who were gender nuanced it was Rabbi Yochanon and Reish Lekesh one just need to do a Sefaria search to see that these two recognized those who were gender nuanced within their society at the time as is held in their opinion of the first Adam within the Midrash where they say Adam to begin with was a being that held within them both the fem and masculine and that each and every one of us as human beings today hold similar .
The first one being the Rabbis did recognize gender nuance.If any two rabbis could be called allies to those who were gender nuanced it was Rabbi Yochanon and Reish Lekesh one just need to do a Sefaria search to see that these two recognized those who were gender nuanced within their society at the time as is held in their opinion of the first Adam within the Midrash where they say Adam to begin with was a being that held within them both the fem and masculine and that each and every one of us as human beings today hold similar .
אִשָּׁה כִּי תַזְרִיעַ (ויקרא יב, ב), הֲדָא הוּא דִכְתִיב (תהלים קלט, ה): אָחוֹר וָקֶדֶם צַרְתָּנִי, אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן אִם זָכָה אָדָם נוֹחֵל שְׁנֵי עוֹלָמוֹת, הַזֶּה וְהַבָּא, הֲדָא הוּא דִכְתִיב: אָחוֹר וָקֶדֶם צַרְתָּנִי, וְאִם לָאו בָּא לִתֵּן דִּין וְחֶשְׁבּוֹן, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים קלט, ה): וַתָּשֶׁת עָלַי כַּפֶּכָה, כְּדִכְתִיב (איוב יג, כא): כַּפְּךָ מֵעָלַי הַרְחַק, אָמַר רַבִּי שְׁמוּאֵל בַּר נַחְמָן בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁבָּרָא הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן, אַנְדְּרוֹגִינוֹס בְּרָאוֹ, אָמַר רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁנִּבְרָא דוּ פַּרְצוּפִין נִבְרָא וּנְסָרוֹ וְנַעֲשָׂה שְׁנַיִם גַּבִּים, גַּב לְזָכָר גַּב לִנְקֵבָה. אֵיתִיבוּן לֵיהּ (בראשית ב, כא): וַיִּקַּח אַחַת מִצַּלְעֹתָיו, אָמַר לָהֶן מִסִּטְרוֹהִי, כְּדִכְתִיב (שמות כו, כ): וּלְצֶלַע הַמִּשְׁכָּן. אָמַר רַבִּי בֶּרֶכְיָה וְרַבִּי חֶלְבּוֹ וְרַבִּי שְׁמוּאֵל בַּר נַחְמָן בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁבָּרָא הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן מִסּוֹף הָעוֹלָם וְעַד סוֹפוֹ מְלוֹא כָל הָעוֹלָם כֻּלּוֹ בְּרָאוֹ. מִן הַמִּזְרָח לַמַּעֲרָב מִנַּיִן, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: אָחוֹר וָקֶדֶם צַרְתָּנִי, מִן הַצָּפוֹן לַדָּרוֹם מִנַיִן, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים ד, לב): וּלְמִקְצֵה הַשָּׁמַיִם וְעַד קְצֵה הַשָּׁמָיִם, וּמִנַּיִן כַּחֲלָלוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: וַתָּשֶׁת עָלַי כַּפֶּכָה. אָמַר רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר אָחוֹר זֶה יוֹם רִאשׁוֹן, וָקֶדֶם זֶה יוֹם הָאַחֲרוֹן, עַל דַּעְתֵּיהּ דְּרַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר דִּכְתִיב (בראשית א, כד): תּוֹצֵא הָאָרֶץ נֶפֶשׁ חַיָּה לְמִינָהּ, נֶפֶשׁ חַיָּה, זוֹ רוּחוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם הָרִאשׁוֹן. אָמַר רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ אָחוֹר זֶה יוֹם הָאַחֲרוֹן, וָקֶדֶם זֶה יוֹם הָרִאשׁוֹן, עַל דַּעְתֵּיהּ דְּרֵישׁ לָקִישׁ דִּכְתִיב (בראשית א, ב): וְרוּחַ אֱלֹהִים מְרַחֶפֶת עַל פְּנֵי הַמָּיִם, זֶה רוּחוֹ שֶׁל מֶלֶךְ הַמָּשִׁיחַ, אִם זָכָה אָדָם אוֹמְרִים לוֹ אַתָּה קָדַמְתָּ לְכָל מַעֲשֵׂה בְרֵאשִׁית, וְאִם לָאו אוֹמְרִים לוֹ יַתּוּשׁ קַדְמָךְ, שִׁלְשׁוּל קַדְמָךְ. אָמַר רַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל בְּרַבִּי תַּנְחוּם, אָחוֹר לְכָל הַמַּעֲשִׂים, וָקֶדֶם לְכָל הָעֳנָשִׁין, רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן אוֹמֵר אַף קִלּוּסוֹ לֹא בָּא אֶלָּא בָּאַחֲרוֹנָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (תהלים קמח, י): הַחַיָּה וְכָל בְּהֵמָה רֶמֶשׂ וְצִפּוֹר כָּנָף, וְאַחַר כָּךְ מַלְכֵי אֶרֶץ וְכָל לְאֻמִּים. אָמַר רַבִּי שִׂמְלָאי, כְּשֵׁם שֶׁיְצִירָתוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם אַחַר בְּהֵמָה חַיָּה וָעוֹף, כָּךְ תּוֹרָתוֹ אַחַר בְּהֵמָה חַיָּה וָעוֹף, הֲדָא הוּא דִכְתִיב (ויקרא יא, מו): זֹאת תּוֹרַת הַבְּהֵמָה, וְאַחַר כָּךְ אִשָּׁה כִּי תַזְרִיעַ.
"A woman when she gives seed (conceives)" [Leviticus 12:2]: That's what is written, "You have created me behind and before." [Psalms 139:5] Said Rabbi Yochanan: If man merits, he inherits two worlds, this one and the coming one, that's what is written: "You have created me behind and before (front)." And if not, he comes to give reckoning, as it says, "And You laid your hand (kapcha) on me." [ibid], as it is written, [Job 13:21] "Withdraw your hand (kapcha) far from me." Said Rav Shmuel bar Nachman: When the Holy One, blessed be He, created the first man, he created him as an androgynous being. Reish Lakish: When it was created, dual faces [together] were created, and it was cut, and two were made. [One] back was male, [one] back was female. They challenged him: [Genesis 2:21] "And He took one of his ribs (tzela)"!? He said to them, it is of his sides, as it is written, "and to the side (tzela) of the Tabernacle" [Exodus 26:20]. Said Rabbi Berachiya and Rabbi Chelbo and Rabbi Shmuel bar Nachman: When God created the first man, from one end of the world to the other end, He created him to fill the entire world. How do we know from east to west? As it says, "You created me back to east (kedem)." How do we know from north to south? As it says, [Deuteronomy 4:32] "From the ends of the heavens to the ends of the heavens." How do we know that it was the expanse of the world? As it says, "And You laid your hand on me." Said Rabbi Elazar: "Behind" - that's the first day [of creation]. "Before" - that's the last day. For the opinion of Rabbi Elazar, there is the verse, [Genesis 1:24]: "Let the earth bring forth the living soul (nefesh chaya) to its kind." "Living soul" - that's the spirit of the first man. Said Reish Lakish: "Behind" - that's the last day. "Before" - that's the first day. For the opinion of Reish Lakish, there is the verse: [Genesis 1:2] "And the spirit of God wavered upon the water" - that is the spirit of the king messiah. If man merits, we say to him: "You were created before all of creation." If not, we say to him, "The mosquito preceded you." Said Rabbi Yishmale b'Rabbi Tanchum: "Behind" on all creation, "before" (first) in all punishments. Said Rabbi Yochanan: Even man's praise only comes last, as it says [Psalms 148:110]: "Beasts and all cattle creeping things and flying fowl". And afterwards, [Psalms 148:11]: "Kings of the earth and all peoples." Said Rabbi Simlai: "Just like man's formation was after beast, cattle, and bird, so too his laws are after beast, cattle, and bird, and that's what is written, "This is the law of cattle" [Leviticus 11:46], and afterwards, "A woman when she gives seed..."
I think the rabbis in recognizing Adam as such were saying that we all come from the same source and in coming from that same source we will not be able to avoid the mixing of the masculine and the feminine but gender nuance itself is very much a part of each and every human being's identity.
the other answer to that the rabbis give to those who are gender nuanced within our society is that we as individuals are never told to forsake our identity ,who we are as individuals . The Rambam says within the Mishneh Torah those who lie don't have a share in the world to come. As Jews whether we be gay ,straight,non-binary etc... are told to be honest in all are dealings before others save for if life is at risk . A Part of that honesty I feel comes in our gender identity and living into greater who we are as human beings .Sadly many in our world are asked to lie and it comes with much pain but real tikkun(Healing/Repair) can happen by recognizing a person honestly for who they are I believe save for if they were a true Rasha(Wicked Person) of which I think the world has few of them.
the other answer to that the rabbis give to those who are gender nuanced within our society is that we as individuals are never told to forsake our identity ,who we are as individuals . The Rambam says within the Mishneh Torah those who lie don't have a share in the world to come. As Jews whether we be gay ,straight,non-binary etc... are told to be honest in all are dealings before others save for if life is at risk . A Part of that honesty I feel comes in our gender identity and living into greater who we are as human beings .Sadly many in our world are asked to lie and it comes with much pain but real tikkun(Healing/Repair) can happen by recognizing a person honestly for who they are I believe save for if they were a true Rasha(Wicked Person) of which I think the world has few of them.
וְאֵלּוּ הֵן שֶׁאֵין לָהֶן חֵלֶק לָעוֹלָם הַבָּא אֶלָּא נִכְרָתִים וְאוֹבְדִין וְנִדּוֹנִין עַל גֹּדֶל רִשְׁעָם וְחַטָּאתָם לְעוֹלָם וּלְעוֹלְמֵי עוֹלָמִים. הַמִּינִים. וְהָאֶפִּיקוֹרוֹסִין. וְהַכּוֹפְרִים בַּתּוֹרָה. וְהַכּוֹפְרִים בִּתְחִיַּת הַמֵּתִים וּבְבִיאַת הַגּוֹאֵל. הַמּוֹרְדִים. וּמַחֲטִיאֵי הָרַבִּים. וְהַפּוֹרְשִׁין מִדַּרְכֵי צִבּוּר. וְהָעוֹשֶׂה עֲבֵרוֹת בְּיָד רָמָה בְּפַרְהֶסְיָא כִּיהוֹיָקִים. וְהַמּוֹסְרִים. וּמַטִּילֵי אֵימָה עַל הַצִּבּוּר שֶׁלֹּא לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם. וְשׁוֹפְכֵי דָּמִים. וּבַעֲלֵי לָשׁוֹן הָרַע. וְהַמּוֹשֵׁךְ עָרְלָתוֹ:
And, the following are they that have no share in the World to Come but suffer excision and loss of identity, and are damned for ever and ever for their exceeding wickedness and sinfulness: atheists, infidels, traducers of the Torah, dissenters of resurrection and the coming of a Redeamer, apostates, enticers of many to sin, seceders from the congregation, a public perpetrator of sins emulating Jehoiakim,8See II. Kings, 23.36–24.6 G. informers, leaders who cast fear upon the congregation not for the sake of God, shedders of blood by defaming people in public, evil-tongued people, he who abolishes circumcision.9Rosh ha-Shanah, 17a. G.
מיתיבי רבי יוסי ברבי יהודה אומר מה תלמוד לומר (ויקרא יט, לו) הין צדק והלא הין בכלל איפה היה אלא לומר לך שיהא הן שלך צדק ולאו שלך צדק אמר אביי ההוא שלא ידבר אחד בפה ואחד בלב
The Gemara raises an objection: Rabbi Yosei, son of Rabbi Yehuda, says: What is the meaning when the verse states: “A just ephah, and a just hin, shall you have” (Leviticus 19:36)? But wasn’t a hin included in an ephah? Why is it necessary to state both? Rather, this is an allusion that serves to say to you that your yes [hen] should be just, and your no should be just. Apparently, it is a mitzva for one to fulfill his promises. Abaye says: That verse means that one should not say one matter with his mouth and think one other matter in his heart. It is prohibited for one to make a commitment that he has no intention of fulfilling. Rav Kahana made his commitment in good faith and reneged due to changed circumstances. That is not prohibited.
We cannot allow I think women to not have their fair share when it comes to equity in our society nor can we allow a blind eye to continue to be given to the Transgender people of color who are killed every other month. We just cannot and our own Jewish narrative calls us to make issues of human rights paramount to our existence.
There is no easy answer to the sexism just that we must recognize it even more so and start creating inroads for equity where there is none .
To close I would like to share with you all a version of the Hashkivenu I wrote that reimagines G-d as the Mother Bird of which we all I think are comforted under the wings of yet at times taken away from because of our own bias and the biases of others which affect us.
There is no easy answer to the sexism just that we must recognize it even more so and start creating inroads for equity where there is none .
To close I would like to share with you all a version of the Hashkivenu I wrote that reimagines G-d as the Mother Bird of which we all I think are comforted under the wings of yet at times taken away from because of our own bias and the biases of others which affect us.
Hashkiveinu: God As Mother Bird
By Karl Malachut
Hashkivenu, adonai eloheinu l'shalom, v'ha'amideinu malkeinu l'hayyim, ufros aleinusukkat sh'lomekha
Dear Eternal Source of Life, Our Mother dear, leader in our lives, bring us your children into your nest of peace
V'takneinu b'eitzah tovah milfenekha, V'hoshi'einu l'ma'an sh'mekha.
Sing to us, cause us to dance to your words of unity amidst all the divisions we have experienced in our lives. Let your rhapsody become our song of hope witnessing to the universality of your name.
V'hagvein ba'adeinu, v'haseir meilanu oyeiv, dever, v'herev, v'ra'av, v'gayon, v'harkheik mimeinu avon vafesha. Uv'tzeil k'nafecha tasreinu...
Let us feel the comfort of your wings, let them remind us that all our trials, our fears, our worries, our concerns dissolve in your presence because we are all a part of something greater than ourselves....You.
Ki el shomreinu u'matzileinu atah, ki el hanun v'rakhum atah.
For you have watched us grow throughout all generations. You have liberated us from any tyranny that has arisen and shown us an abounding love despite our many shotcomings.
U'shmor tzeiteinu u'vo'einu l'hayyim u'l'shalom, me'atah v'ad olam.
Protect us as we leave you and return to you, looking to you as life and peace forevermore.
Weekday Closing
Nevarekh et eyn hayyim hey ha'olamim, shomeir amo Yisrael laad.
Let us bless that source of all, the exuberant life held within every sphere of being waiting to be experienced, and preserver of all who all struggle with the questions of life.
Shabbat Closing
Nevarekh et eyn hayyim hey ha'olamim, haporeis sukkat shalom aleinu v'al kol amo Yisrael v'al Yerushalayim
Let us bless that source of life, the exuberant life held within every sphere of being that is waiting to be experienced, calling us to our unanswered questions and to a universal harmmony called Zion.
By Karl Malachut
Hashkivenu, adonai eloheinu l'shalom, v'ha'amideinu malkeinu l'hayyim, ufros aleinusukkat sh'lomekha
Dear Eternal Source of Life, Our Mother dear, leader in our lives, bring us your children into your nest of peace
V'takneinu b'eitzah tovah milfenekha, V'hoshi'einu l'ma'an sh'mekha.
Sing to us, cause us to dance to your words of unity amidst all the divisions we have experienced in our lives. Let your rhapsody become our song of hope witnessing to the universality of your name.
V'hagvein ba'adeinu, v'haseir meilanu oyeiv, dever, v'herev, v'ra'av, v'gayon, v'harkheik mimeinu avon vafesha. Uv'tzeil k'nafecha tasreinu...
Let us feel the comfort of your wings, let them remind us that all our trials, our fears, our worries, our concerns dissolve in your presence because we are all a part of something greater than ourselves....You.
Ki el shomreinu u'matzileinu atah, ki el hanun v'rakhum atah.
For you have watched us grow throughout all generations. You have liberated us from any tyranny that has arisen and shown us an abounding love despite our many shotcomings.
U'shmor tzeiteinu u'vo'einu l'hayyim u'l'shalom, me'atah v'ad olam.
Protect us as we leave you and return to you, looking to you as life and peace forevermore.
Weekday Closing
Nevarekh et eyn hayyim hey ha'olamim, shomeir amo Yisrael laad.
Let us bless that source of all, the exuberant life held within every sphere of being waiting to be experienced, and preserver of all who all struggle with the questions of life.
Shabbat Closing
Nevarekh et eyn hayyim hey ha'olamim, haporeis sukkat shalom aleinu v'al kol amo Yisrael v'al Yerushalayim
Let us bless that source of life, the exuberant life held within every sphere of being that is waiting to be experienced, calling us to our unanswered questions and to a universal harmmony called Zion.