“But improved signage, greeters at the door, and name tags represent only the beginning of a transformative process that moves an institution from an ostensibly busy place with a calendar full of programs to an organization deeply committed to becoming a community of relationships. What really matters is that we care about the people we seek to engage. When we genuinely care about people, we will not only welcome them; we will listen to their stories, we will share ours, and we will join together to build a Jewish community that enriches our lives.”
- Dr. Ron Wolfson in "Relational Judaism" (pp. 4-5)
(ו) חֲנֹ֣ךְ לַ֭נַּעַר עַל־פִּ֣י דַרְכּ֑וֹ גַּ֥ם כִּֽי־יַ֝זְקִ֗ין לֹֽא־יָס֥וּר מִמֶּֽנָּה׃
(6) Train a lad in the way he ought to go; He will not swerve from it even in old age.
כתנאי (משלי כב, ו) "חנ(ו)ך לנער על פי דרכו" ר' יהודה ורבי נחמיה חד אמר משיתסר ועד עשרים ותרתין וחד אמר מתמני סרי ועד עשרים וארבעה
The Gemara notes that this is like a dispute between tanna’im, based on the verse: “Train a child in the way that he should go” (Proverbs 22:6). Rabbi Yehuda and Rabbi Neḥemya disagreed about the age in which the verse instructs the parent to educate his child: One said that the verse is referring to the ages from sixteen until twenty-two, and one said it is referring to the ages from eighteen until twenty-four. The dispute concerning the correct age for marriage and the dispute about educating a child are the same, as while a father still has a large measure of influence over his son, he must both teach him and find him a wife.
מצוה שיהיה החינוך ע"פ דרכו כי כל אדם מסוגל מטבעו לענין אחר, בין בדעות יש שמוחם חד, ויש ששכלם ישר בלתי מחודד, וצריך ללמדם כפי ההכנה שנמצא בו, ובין במעשים, יש שמוכן לאומנות מיוחד, ולמדה מיוחדת, ויקבל אותה בקל, וזה יוכר בהנער לפי התשוקה, ולפי מה שמשתדל בעצמו באיזה דבר מיוחד, צריך לחנכו לפי דרכו ולפי הרושמים שיש בו אל מה שהוא מוכן אליה, שאז לא יסור ממנה גם כי יזקין, לא כן אם יחנכהו אל מה שהוא זולת טבעו:
And this command to educate according to his way exists because every person is naturally capable in different ways. When it comes to wisdom and thought, there are those who think in a straightforward manner and there are those whose thinking is more flexible; and when it comes to deeds and actions, there are those who pick up skills quickly because of their passion. And because of the unique way they apply themselves, you need to teach them according to their ways and in the manner in which they are prepared [to receive the instruction], so that when they get older they will not lose it. This will not happen if you do not teach them according to the ways that are natural to them.
Setting A Foundation for Growth
הרב עדין סטיינזלטס על "חנוך קטן" ב"שער היחוד ואמונה" (תניא)
אם מדובר בהדרכה חינוכית הצריכה להטביע במחונך יסודות עמוקים שלא ישכחו ולא יאבדו מערכם במשך הזמן - הרי הוא צריך לעסוק בדברים בתכלית הדיוק והאמת. ואז אין החינוך יכול להיות "על פי דרכו." ולהיפך, אם יחנך את הנער לפי השגתו ודרגתו יש לחשוש כי הנער לא יפתח את הנילמד ומושגיו ישארו בקטנוטם.
Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz's commentary on "Teaching a Child" in "The Gate of Unity and Faith" (Tanya)
If you want to to advance an educational method in which learners naturally acquire deep, foundational values they won't forget or lose over the course of time - you will need to work at the beginning on ideas that are precise and true. And thus it is impossible to teach "according to his way." Quite the opposite, if you teach children according to their abilities, there will be great concern that they will not advance their learning, and thus their learning will always remain unsophisticated.
But the comfort I felt in Israel was more than being accepted by Israelis. I began to understand it better after listening to one of the architects of Birthright, Avram Infeld speak. He began with an anecdote about how when he made Aliyah, his cousin said to him the same thing the soldier had said to me: “You’re in Israel now, stop being so Jewish.” He then explained Jews in the diaspora separate and create unique spaces for themselves to share collective memories and to pass down the covenant so our community will not be forgotten.
This helped me understand some of the disconnects I had with fellow American Jews. It’s hard to be seen as part of the group when externally you look so different. In the US especially because Jews create safe spaces for themselves, looking like you might be an outsider comes with questioning. In an effort to feel safe, they want to make sure that I am really like them. In the US Jewishness is an identity, something that you do.
In Israel Jewishness is all around you, it’s in the food, the jewelry, the language, the music, and the faces of the people that pass you by. It’s the dancing in the Kotel. It’s the bartering in the shuk. It’s soldiers going out of their way to help people they don’t know. It’s finding a synagogue less than a stone’s throw away in any direction. In Israel, Jewishness is something you are.
~ Shekhiynah Larks: Birthright While Black