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בראשית ג׳:ו׳-ט׳
(ו) וַתֵּ֣רֶא הָֽאִשָּׁ֡ה כִּ֣י טוֹב֩ הָעֵ֨ץ לְמַאֲכָ֜ל וְכִ֧י תַֽאֲוָה־ה֣וּא לָעֵינַ֗יִם וְנֶחְמָ֤ד הָעֵץ֙ לְהַשְׂכִּ֔יל וַתִּקַּ֥ח מִפִּרְי֖וֹ וַתֹּאכַ֑ל וַתִּתֵּ֧ן גַּם־לְאִישָׁ֛הּ עִמָּ֖הּ וַיֹּאכַֽל׃ (ז) וַתִּפָּקַ֙חְנָה֙ עֵינֵ֣י שְׁנֵיהֶ֔ם וַיֵּ֣דְע֔וּ כִּ֥י עֵֽירֻמִּ֖ם הֵ֑ם וַֽיִּתְפְּרוּ֙ עֲלֵ֣ה תְאֵנָ֔ה וַיַּעֲשׂ֥וּ לָהֶ֖ם חֲגֹרֹֽת׃ (ח) וַֽיִּשְׁמְע֞וּ אֶת־ק֨וֹל יְהוָ֧ה אֱלֹהִ֛ים מִתְהַלֵּ֥ךְ בַּגָּ֖ן לְר֣וּחַ הַיּ֑וֹם וַיִּתְחַבֵּ֨א הָֽאָדָ֜ם וְאִשְׁתּ֗וֹ מִפְּנֵי֙ יְהוָ֣ה אֱלֹהִ֔ים בְּת֖וֹךְ עֵ֥ץ הַגָּֽן׃ (ט) וַיִּקְרָ֛א יְהוָ֥ה אֱלֹהִ֖ים אֶל־הָֽאָדָ֑ם וַיֹּ֥אמֶר ל֖וֹ אַיֶּֽכָּה׃
Genesis 3:6-9

(6) When the woman saw that the tree was good for eating and a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable as a source of wisdom, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave some to her husband, and he ate. (7) Then the eyes of both of them were opened and they perceived that they were naked; and they sewed together fig leaves and made themselves loincloths. (8) They heard the sound of the LORD God moving about in the garden at the breezy time of day; and the man and his wife hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. (9) The LORD God called out to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” Adam replied, “I heard the sound of You in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.”

How Big Is Your Story
בראשית ט״ז:ח׳
וַיֹּאמַ֗ר הָגָ֞ר שִׁפְחַ֥ת שָׂרַ֛י אֵֽי־מִזֶּ֥ה בָ֖את וְאָ֣נָה תֵלֵ֑כִי וַתֹּ֕אמֶר מִפְּנֵי֙ שָׂרַ֣י גְּבִרְתִּ֔י אָנֹכִ֖י בֹּרַֽחַת׃
Genesis 16:8

God said, “Hagar, maidservant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?” And she said, “I am running away from my mistress Sarai.”

Dr. Rabbi Rachel Adler

“To determine where we ought to go, we must reflect on where we have been. We do this best by storytelling. As individuals, we continually rework and relate our life stories to ourselves and to others and project ourselves into possible futures through dreams and fantasies….The ethicist Alasdair MacIntyre says, “I can only answer the question, ‘What am I to do?’ if I can answer the prior questions, 'Of what story or stories do I find myself a part?’ Commitments emerge out of stories and are refashioned in stories.'"

בראשית רבא כד:ז

ר"ע אומר (ויקרא יט) ואהבת לרעך כמוך, זה כלל גדול בתורה, שלא תאמר הואיל ונתבזיתי יתבזה חבירי עמי הואיל ונתקללתי יתקלל חבירי עמי, א"ר תנחומא אם עשית כן דע למי אתה מבזה, בדמות אלהים עשה אותו.

Genesis Raba 24:7

Rabbi Akiva also said: ”Love thy friend as you love yourself; this is a great rule in the Torah”. You shouldn’t say that just because I put myself down, I can put others down as well, and just like I curse myself, I can curse others around me as well. Rav Tanchuma said: If you do this, know before whom you are humiliating yourself, and that he was made in the image of God.

בראשית י״ח:י״ב-י״ג

(יב) וַתִּצְחַ֥ק שָׂרָ֖ה בְּקִרְבָּ֣הּ לֵאמֹ֑ר אַחֲרֵ֤י בְלֹתִי֙ הָֽיְתָה־לִּ֣י עֶדְנָ֔ה וַֽאדֹנִ֖י זָקֵֽן׃ (יג) וַיֹּ֥אמֶר יְהוָ֖ה אֶל־אַבְרָהָ֑ם לָ֣מָּה זֶּה֩ צָחֲקָ֨ה שָׂרָ֜ה לֵאמֹ֗ר הַאַ֥ף אֻמְנָ֛ם אֵלֵ֖ד וַאֲנִ֥י זָקַֽנְתִּי׃ הֲיִפָּלֵ֥א מֵיְהוָ֖ה דָּבָ֑ר לַמּוֹעֵ֞ד אָשׁ֥וּב אֵלֶ֛יךָ כָּעֵ֥ת חַיָּ֖ה וּלְשָׂרָ֥ה בֵֽן׃ וַתְּכַחֵ֨שׁ שָׂרָ֧ה ׀ לֵאמֹ֛ר לֹ֥א צָחַ֖קְתִּי כִּ֣י ׀ יָרֵ֑אָה וַיֹּ֥אמֶר ׀ לֹ֖א כִּ֥י צָחָֽקְתְּ

Genesis 18:12-13

And Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “Now that I am worn out, am I to have pleasure—with my husband who is old?” Then the LORD said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh, saying, ‘Shall I in truth bear a child, old as I am?’

Is anything too wondrous for the LORD? I will return to you at the same season next year, and Sarah shall have a son.” Sarah lied, saying, “I did not laugh,” for she was frightened. But He replied, “You did laugh.”

Baba Metziah 87a

The School of Ishmael taught: Peace is a precious thing, for even the Holy One, blessed be He, made a variation for its sake. As it is written, Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old, shall I have pleasure, my Lord [Abraham] being old as well. But later God only says: "Shall I indeed now bear a son now that I am old?"

  1. According to the rabbis, when is it okay to lie?
  2. What kind of lies are they talking about?
  3. Do you agree or disagree with them?
  4. ​What are the limits or downsides of this ethical leniency?
  5. What are the benefits ur upsides of the concept of Shalom Bayyit?
  6. How do you see this playing out in your own friendships?

Teshuva by Rabbi Joseph Chayim

(Ben Ish Chai, 19th Century Arabia)

Lying is prohibited when...

  1. People cheat in business, causing others financial loss
  2. For financial gain, even when stealing is not involved (Shabbat 140b)
  3. People exploit others after gaining their trust through deception
  4. Peoples lies cause others to lose out on something that meant for their benefit
  5. People who fabricate stories merely for the sake of lying
  6. People delay a promise of giving someone something when they never intended to follow up on that promise (g'vinat ha'dat)
  7. People intend to keep a promise but do not honor their commitment
  8. People claim that they did a good deed for another when they have not
  9. People praise themselves for virtues that they do not possess
  10. People change minor details when retelling a story

~R. Yonah Gerondi, 1505 (Sha’arei Teshuvah 3:178-186)

Lying is permitted when...

  1. People are asked to keep a secret, one can say "I don't know" even if they know the secret at hand (HaRav Auerbach, Titen Emet L'Yakov 76)
  2. One wants to avoid sharing bad news (Yoreh Deah 402:12)
  3. If a wealthy person wants to avoid arousing jealousy (Sukkah 29a)
  4. Trying to raise funds for a poor person, one may give another reason if they think people will be more reeptive to that cause (Torah scholar vs. Bride) [Teshuvot Mishneh Sachir v.1, based on Exodus Rabbah Ki Tisa & a story by Chatam Sofer]
  5. If one fears that a package will be mishandled, it is permitted to write "glass" on it, even though it does not contain any glass
  6. If one sees that his wife will be late for Shabbat-- only when she is procrastinating. However, if she is authentically hurrying, one cannot lie.
  7. One wants to protect the feelings of a visitor, you are permitted to leave a note saying you are not home (Titen Emet L'Yaakov 76).
רמב"ם משנה אבות א׳:ו׳:א׳
עשה לך רב. ר"ל אפי' לא יהיה ראוי להיות לך לרב אבל שים אותו לך לרב עד שתדמה בו שהוא מלמד ויעלה בידך בעבור זה למוד החכמה כי אין למוד האדם מעצמו כלמודו מזולתו שהלמוד מעצמו טוב הוא אבל למודו מזולתו יתקיים בידו יותר והוא יותר מבואר אפי' היה כמוהו בחכמה או למטה הימנו וכן בארו בפירוש זאת המצוה. ואמר וקנה לך חבר זכר אותו בלשון קנייה ולא אמר עשה לך חבר או התחבר לאחרים הכונה בזה שצריך לאדם שיקנה אוהב לעצמו שיתקנו בו מעשיו וכל עניניו כמו שאמרו או חברותא או מיתותא ואם לא ימצאהו צריך להשתדל בו בכל לבו ואפילו אם יצטרך שימשכנו לאהבתו עד שישוב אוהב ולא יסור מהמשך תמיד אחר רצונו עד שתתחזק אהבתו כמו שיאמרו בעלי המוסר כשתאהב לא תאהב על מדותיך ואמנם תאהב על מדת אהוביך וכשיכוין כל אחד משני האהובים אל זאת הצואה יהיה כונת כל אחד משניהם להפיק רצון חבירו ויהיה כונת שניהם יחד דבר אחד בלא ספק. ומה טוב מאמר אריסטוטלוס האהוב אחד הוא והאוהבים ג' מינים אוהב תועלת אוהב מנוחה ואוהב מעלה אמנם אוהב תועלת כאהבת שני השותפים ואהבת המלך ומחנהו ואמנם אוהב מנוחה הוא ב' מינים אוהב הנאה ואוהב בטחון אמנם אוהב הנאה כאהבת הזכרים לנקבות וכיוצא בהם. ואמנם אוהב בטחון הוא שיהיה לאדם אוהב תבטח נפשו בו לא ישמר ממנו לא במעשה ולא בדבור ויודיעהו כל עניניו הטוב מהם והמגונה מבלתי שירא ממנו שישיגהו בכל זה חסרון לא אצלו ולא זולתו כי כשיגיע לאדם בטחון באיש זה השעור ימצא מנוחה גדולה בדבריו ובאהבתו הרבה. ואוהב מעלה הוא שיהיה תאות שניהם וכונתם לדבר אחד והוא הטוב וירצה כל אחד להעזר בחבירו בהגיע הטוב ההוא לשניהם יחד וזה האוהב אשר צוה לקנותו והוא כאהבת הרב לתלמיד והתלמיד לרב:
Rambam on Pirkei Avot 1:6:1
"Make for yourself a mentor": He means to say even if he is not fit to be your mentor; still place him upon you as a mentor, so that you can give and take (discuss and argue) with him, and as a result of this the study of wisdom will come to your hand. As the study of a man on his own is good, but his study from someone else will be better established in his hand and it will be more clear - and even if he is like him in wisdom or below him. And so did they elucidate the explanation of this commandment. And he said, "acquire for yourself a friend". He said it with an expression of acquisition and he did not say, "Make for yourself a friend," or "Befriend others." The intention of this is that a person must acquire a friend for himself, so that all of his deeds and all of his matters be refined through him, as they said (Taanit 23a), "Either a friend or death." And if he does not find him, he must make efforts for it with all his heart, and even if he must lead him to his friendship, until he becomes a friend. And [then] he must never let off from following [his friend's] will, until his friendship is firmed up. [It is] as the masters of ethics say, "When you love, do not love according to your traits; but rather love according to the trait of your friend." And when each of the friends has the intention to fulfill the will of his friend, the intention of both of them will be one without a doubt. And how good is the statement of Aristotle, "The friend is one." And there are three types of friends: a friend for benefit, a friend for enjoyment and a friend for virtue. Indeed, a friend for benefit is like the friendship of two [business] partners and the friendship of a king and his retinue; whereas the friendship for enjoyment is of two types - the friend for pleasure and the friend for confidence. Indeed, the friend for pleasure is like the friendship of males and females and similar to it; whereas the friend for confidence is when a man has a friend to whom he can confide his soul. He will not keep [anything] from him - not in action and not in speech. And he will make him know all of his affairs - the good ones and the disgraceful - without fearing from him that any loss will come to him with all of this, not from him and not from another. As when a person has such a level of confidence in a man, he finds great enjoyment in his words and in his great friendship. And a friend for virtue is when the desire of both of them and their intention is for one thing, and that is the good. And each one wants to be helped by his friend in reaching this good for both of them together. And this is the friend which he commanded to acquire; and it is like the love of the master for the student and of the student for the master.