Traditional Jewish Views on Marriage
(23) Then the man said, “This one at last Is bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh. This one shall be called Woman, For from man was she taken.” (24) Hence a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, so that they become one flesh.
When you and your wife are engaged in sexual union do not behave lightheartedly and regard this act as vain, idle, improper. Therefore, first introduce her into the mood with gentle words that excite her emotion, appease her mind and delight her with joy. Thus you unite your mind and intention with hers. Say to her words which in part arouse in her passion, closeness, love, will, and erotic desire, and in part evoke in her reverence for God, piety and modesty...Never impose yourself upon her nor force her. For any sexual union without an abundance of passion, love and will, is without the Divine Presence. Do not quarrel with her nor act violently whenever coitus is involved. The Talmud says, "A lion ravishes and then eats and has no shame. So acts the brute: He hits and then cohabits and has no shame." Rather, court and attract her to you first with gracious and seductive, as well as refined and gentle words, so that both your intentions be for the sake of God...Do not hurry in arousing passion. Prolong till she is ready and in a passionate mood. Approach her lovintly and passionately, so that she reaches her orgasm first. - Iggeret Hakodesh, 13th C.
Alternative Caregiving:
(5) In the fortress Shushan lived a Jew by the name of Mordecai, son of Jair son of Shimei son of Kish, a Benjaminite. (6) [Kish] had been exiled from Jerusalem in the group that was carried into exile along with King Jeconiah of Judah, which had been driven into exile by King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon.— (7) He was foster father to Hadassah—that is, Esther—his uncle’s daughter, for she had neither father nor mother. The maiden was shapely and beautiful; and when her father and mother died, Mordecai adopted her as his own daughter. (8) When the king’s order and edict was proclaimed, and when many girls were assembled in the fortress Shushan under the supervision of Hegai, Esther too was taken into the king’s palace under the supervision of Hegai, guardian of the women. (9) The girl pleased him and won his favor, and he hastened to furnish her with her cosmetics and her rations, as well as with the seven maids who were her due from the king’s palace; and he treated her and her maids with special kindness in the harem. (10) Esther did not reveal her people or her kindred, for Mordecai had told her not to reveal it. (11) Every single day Mordecai would walk about in front of the court of the harem, to learn how Esther was faring and what was happening to her.
(18) When they returned to their father Reuel, he said, “How is it that you have come back so soon today?” (19) They answered, “An Egyptian rescued us from the shepherds; he even drew water for us and watered the flock.” (20) He said to his daughters, “Where is he then? Why did you leave the man? Ask him in to break bread.” (21) Moses consented to stay with the man, and he gave Moses his daughter Zipporah as wife.(3:1) Now Moses, tending the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian, drove the flock into the wilderness, and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. (18) They will listen to you; then you shall go with the elders of Israel to the king of Egypt and you shall say to him, ‘The LORD, the God of the Hebrews, manifested Himself to us. Now therefore, let us go a distance of three days into the wilderness to sacrifice to the LORD our God.’
(18) When they returned to their father Reuel, he said, “How is it that you have come back so soon today?” (19) They answered, “An Egyptian rescued us from the shepherds; he even drew water for us and watered the flock.” (20) He said to his daughters, “Where is he then? Why did you leave the man? Ask him in to break bread.” (21) Moses consented to stay with the man, and he gave Moses his daughter Zipporah as wife. (3:1) Now Moses, tending the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian, drove the flock into the wilderness, and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. (14) The LORD became angry with Moses, and He said, “There is your brother Aaron the Levite. He, I know, speaks readily. Even now he is setting out to meet you, and he will be happy to see you. (15) You shall speak to him and put the words in his mouth—I will be with you and with him as you speak, and tell both of you what to do— (16) and he shall speak for you to the people. Thus he shall serve as your spokesman, with you playing the rol(18) Moses went back to his father-in-law Jether and said to him, “Let me go back to my kinsmen in Egypt and see how they are faring.” And Jethro said to Moses, “Go in peace.”
Understanding Ourselves In Relation to Others
Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks- we will also find our path of authentic service in the world…
…As I learn more about the seed of true self that was planted when I was born, I also learn more about the ecosystem in which I was planted- the network of communal relations in which I am called to live responsively, accountable, and joyfully with beings of every sort. Only when I know both seed and system, self and community, can I embody the great commandment to love both my neighbor and myself.
- Parker Palmer, from Let Your Life Speak
Any meeting of personalities requires great bravery. One who attempts to communicate with another endangers his own life, for to do this he must reveal what is in his heart. Such an act is potentially dangerous because one does not know ahead of time if he will find a receptive ear. There is always the possibility that the ear of the listener will be impervious. Any real communication, then, is a dangerous leap. But if one never screws up the courage to jump, he will wither away in silent isolation . . .
...The Holy One, blessed be He, took a great chance when, at Sinai, He spoke with Israel for the first time. This act of communication was also an act of love. But God did not know ahead of time, so to speak, if His intended bride would be responsive to His voice: “I only hope their hearts will always be as responsive, as willing to obey Me, as they were just now” (Deuteronomy 5:26). How much anxiety is wrapped up in these awful words . . .
[This] dialectical tension in the loving relationship – the painful need to express feeling and the anxiety that the expression might not be properly received – is the inner dialectic of the human personality, as well as of the Divine, and is impossible to avoid. Mankind can only overcome this tension by imitating God Himself, by undertaking an act of bravery, a leap of faith, as God has done – by reaching out to the other, to communicate, to love.
- Yochanan Muffs, from The Personhood of God
1. The series explores several different relationships and types of relationships. What are examples of positive or healthy relationships, and how are they portrayed? Which relationships seem to demonstrate power imbalance, toxicity or abuse?
2. Consider the above Jewish texts. How do the relationships in the series between husbands and wives, caregivers and their children, and romantic partners align with or contradict these texts?Which, if any, of the relationships portrayed in the series, seem to be rooted in Jewish values or Jewish law? In what ways?
3. What is Esty able to learn about herself in the context of her former and recent communities?
4. What do you believe drives Moishe through out his journey and decision making, in relation to returning to the community? And supporting Yanky to help return Esty to Williamsburg?