פירוש "הסולם" לספר הזוהר, פרשת אמור, סע' קצ, עמ' סט, סע' קצג, עמ' ע
תקעו בחדש שופר בכסה ליום חגנו. שע"י השופר מתהפכת מדת הדין למדת רחמים. אשרי הם ישראל שיודעים להעביר כסא הדין, ולתקן כסא הרחמים, ובמה עושים זה. בשופר.
ושנתעורר שופר זה, וכשבני אדם שבים מעונותיהם, צריכים למשוך בקול שופר מלמטה, וקול ההוא עולה למעלה, אז מתעורר שופר אחר עליון ומתעוררים הרחמים והדין מסתלק
Rosh Hashanah is a day of judgment. Yet we want this judgment to be sweet. We want it to come out in our favor and that it should lead to rejoicing.
This is the process of the Ten Days of Teshuva- המתקת הדינים, the sweetening of judgment.
There is a starting point... and a so called end point.
This is not a new concept though the terms might be new. It's an idea as old as the universe itself.
רב הונא רמי כתיב (תהלים קמה, יז) צדיק ה' בכל דרכיו
וכתיב וחסיד בכל מעשיו
בתחלה צדיק ולבסוף חסיד
What is the difference between a tzaddik and a chassid
צדיק - במשפט אמת
ולבסוף - כשרואה שאין העולם מתקיים בדין:
חסיד - נכנס לפנים מן השורה
Righteous- in judgment of truth
Pious- enters within the letter of the law
(כה) וְ֝צַדִּ֗יק יְס֣וֹד עוֹלָֽם׃
(25) ... But the righteous is an everlasting foundation.
(ג) כִּֽי־אָמַ֗רְתִּי ע֭וֹלָם חֶ֣סֶד יִבָּנֶ֑ה שָׁמַ֓יִם ׀ תָּכִ֖ן אֱמוּנָתְךָ֣ בָהֶֽם׃
We have a new paradigm of the world of
tzedek as providing as foundation
And Chesed as providing a structure
First, truth and righteousness is what the world is founded on. But Chesed is what builds the world .
I look at justice as the building of a house- the structure and framework. But a home is created with kindness.
(ב) שִׁמְעוֹן הַצַּדִּיק הָיָה מִשְּׁיָרֵי כְנֶסֶת הַגְּדוֹלָה. הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, עַל שְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים הָעוֹלָם עוֹמֵד, עַל הַתּוֹרָה וְעַל הָעֲבוֹדָה וְעַל גְּמִילוּת חֲסָדִים:
(2) Shimon the Righteous was one of the last of the men of the great assembly. He used to say: the world stands upon three things: the Torah, the Temple service, and the practice of acts of piety.
(יח) רַבָּן שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן גַּמְלִיאֵל אוֹמֵר, עַל שְׁלשָׁה דְבָרִים הָעוֹלָם קיים, עַל הַדִּין וְעַל הָאֱמֶת וְעַל הַשָּׁלוֹם, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (זכריה ח) אֱמֶת וּמִשְׁפַּט שָׁלוֹם שִׁפְטוּ בְּשַׁעֲרֵיכֶם:
(18) Rabban Shimon ben Gamaliel used to say: on three things does the world exists: On justice, on truth and on peace, as it is said: “execute the judgment of truth and peace in your gates” (Zechariah 8:16).
Here's another way to look at it:
The Sages taught that acts of kindness are superior to charity in three respects:
A. Charity can be performed only with one’s money, while acts of kindness can be performed both with his person and with his money.
B. Charity is given to the poor, while acts of kindness are performed both for the poor and for the rich.
C. Charity is given to the living, while acts of kindness are performed both for the living and for the dead.
Process
truth and justice are necessary ingredients. That allows a society to function but it's not enough to build community.
For that, you need kindness, mercy, going within the letter of the law, forgiveness.
Confronting apartheid of the heart – opinion
Apartheid of the heart is a prejudice that focuses on any difference that allows us to see another human being as “other.”
JUNE 18, 2020
Every legislative reform required to uproot institutionalized racism needs to be passed. That is a given. But is legislation enough?
It took decades of struggle to dismantle apartheid. Freedom fighters, international pressure, a Mandela-led government and a brave new constitution stripped apartheid from the statute books. But that was only the beginning. Each and every day, we must work to build a society in which we dismantle the apartheid of the heart.
If you want to encounter the Divine, you better bring the truth.
But if you want to encounter a human being, you better be kind, merciful and most of all, forgiving.
Let's go a bit deeper and see how this idea is reflected in the fabric of our existence: Bereshit
(4) Such is the story of heaven and earth when they were created. When the LORD God made earth and heaven—
(ג) ברא אלקים וְלֹא נֶאֱמַר בָּרָא ה', שֶׁבַּתְּחִלָּה עָלָה בְמַחֲשָׁבָה לִבְרֹאתוֹ בְּמִדַּת הַדִּין, רָאָה שֶׁאֵין הָעוֹלָם מִתְקַיֵּם, הִקְדִּים מִדַּת רַחֲמִים וְשִׁתְּפָהּ לְמִהַ"דִּ, וְהַיְינוּ דִּכְתִיב בְּיוֹם עֲשׂוֹת ה' אֱלֹקִים אֶרֶץ וְשָׁמָיִם:
(3) ברא אלהים GOD [AS JUDGE] CREATED — It does not state 'ברא ה “The Lord (the Merciful One) created, because at first God intended to create it (the world) to be placed under the attribute (rule) of strict justice, but He realised that the world could not thus endure and therefore gave precedence to Divine Mercy allying it with Divine Justice. It is to this that what is written in (Genesis 2:4) alludes — “In the day that the Lord God made earth and heaven”.
For the world to exist, you need the name of God which connotes Justice, truth- that's Elokim.
This is the name of creation, of science, of nature, of distinction, division. good and bad, day and night.
א-להים =הטבע
This, perhaps we can say, is the name of God on Rosh Hashana. Building a society from the ground up- לתקן עולם במלכות ש-די
רב נחמן בר יצחק אמר לדין דכתיב (דברים יא, יב) מראשית השנה ועד אחרית שנה מראשית השנה נידון מה יהא בסופה ממאי דתשרי הוא דכתיב (תהלים פא, ד) תקעו בחדש שופר בכסה ליום חגנו איזהו חג שהחדש מתכסה בו הוי אומר זה ר"ה וכתיב (תהלים פא, ה) כי חק לישראל הוא משפט לאלקי יעקב
§ Rav Naḥman bar Yitzḥak said: When the mishna says that the first of Tishrei is the New Year for years, it is with regard to judgment, as on that day God judges the world for the whole year, as it is written: “A land that the Lord your God cares for; the eyes of the Lord your God are always upon it, from the beginning of the year until the end of the year” (Deuteronomy 11:12); from the beginning of the year judgment is passed as to what will happen at the end of the year. The Gemara raises a question: From where is it known that the day of judgment is in Tishrei? As it is written: “Blow a shofar at the New Moon, at the covered time for our Festival day” (Psalms 81:4). Which is the Festival day on which the moon is covered, i.e., hidden? You must say that this is Rosh HaShana, which is the only Festival that occurs at the beginning of a month, when the moon cannot be seen. And it is written in the next verse: “For this is a statute for Israel, a judgment of the [Elokei] God of Jacob” (Psalms 81:5), implying that this is the day of judgment.
In the intermediary days, you continue with building relationships and relationships are messy. People have needs and often those needs are not met, g-d has needs and often we don't meet them so we use this period to correct that.
צריכין כל ישר‘ להחזיק בתשובה ולעשות שלום בין אדם לחבירו ולמחול זה לזה בערב יום הכיפורים, כדי שיקבל תשובתם ותפילתם לפני הק‘ בשלום ובחיבה יתירה.
Pesikat Rabbati, 44, p.199b
All of Israel are required to engage in repentance and to make peace between people and to forgive one another during the ten days of repentance in order that their repentance and their prayer be accepted before God in peace and abundant love
The name of God of Havaya- of mercy, is the focus of the intermediary days. This is the time period of forgiveness, of appeasement, of relationship building
But as we go through Yom Kippur- something amazing happens.
We merge the two, culminating in the end of Neila:
A. Shema Yisrael,
B. Hashem Hu HaElokim...
this is the highest level of forgiveness- Kapara
(מח) שְׁמַע יִשְׂרָאֵל יְהֹוָה אֱלֹקֵֽינוּ ה' אֶחָד:
(נ) בָּרוּךְ שֵׁם כְּבוֹד מַלְכוּתוֹ לְעוֹלָם וָעֶד:
(נב) יְהוָֹה הוּא הָאֱלֹקִים:
(47) The Chazzan says the following once, and is repeated by the congregation:
(48) “Hear Yisrael, Adonoy is our God, Adonoy is One.”
(49) The Chazzan says the following three times, and is repeated by the congregation:
(50) Blessed [is His] Name, Whose glorious kingdom is forever and ever.
(51) The Chazzan says the following seven times, and is repeated by the congregation:
(52) Adonoy, He is God.
What does this mean in human terms. I'd like to share a short video of an idea that I've shared not just once or twice, but since I heard a few years back, it has longed itself in me.
When we choose to be right, we are choosing the path of truth.
[i'm not saying you should overlook every misdeed committed against you. Sometimes it's inappropriate to forgive.]
What is interesting is that g-d makes it really tough to let go of this need of feeling justified. It's the truth. When one feels the correctness of one's opinions and feelings, and you're told, be the bigger person, apologize, make amends. You feel you need to come down a level. You feel like you're giving something up. So, it's really hard.
we all know, when it comes to building family, building community, building society, building relationships between nations- you need good will, positive feelings, kindness, mercy.
there is a term for this: it is called forgivenes but in Hebrew, it's called: מעביר על מידותיו
That means to overlook ones own precisionness, middot.
Not being exacting with people. Being willing to overlook, to let go, to live in peace and harmony despite...
And the consequence, you feel great. Peace feels better than strife.
Here are some examples:
[this is the avoda of YK since ...
Often, we need to put truth aside to build family, community... and make peace.
הָנְהוּ בִּרְיוֹנֵי דַּהֲווֹ בְּשִׁבָבוּתֵיהּ דְּרַבִּי מֵאִיר וַהֲווֹ קָא מְצַעֲרוּ לֵיהּ טוּבָא. הֲוָה קָא בָּעֵי רַבִּי מֵאִיר רַחֲמֵי עִלָּוַיְהוּ כִּי הֵיכִי דְּלֵימוּתוּ. אָמְרָה לֵיהּ בְּרוּרְיָא דְּבֵיתְהוּ: מַאי דַּעְתָּךְ — מִשּׁוּם דִּכְתִיב ״יִתַּמּוּ חַטָּאִים״, מִי כְּתִיב ״חוֹטְאִים״? ״חַטָּאִים״ כְּתִיב. וְעוֹד, שְׁפֵיל לְסֵיפֵיהּ דִּקְרָא ״וּרְשָׁעִים עוֹד אֵינָם״, כֵּיוָן דְּ״יִתַּמּוּ חַטָּאִים״ ״וּרְשָׁעִים עוֹד אֵינָם״? אֶלָּא בְּעִי רַחֲמֵי עִלָּוַיְהוּ דְּלַהְדְּרוּ בִּתְשׁוּבָה, ״וּרְשָׁעִים עוֹד אֵינָם״. בְּעָא רַחֲמֵי עִלָּוַיְהוּ, וַהֲדַרוּ בִּתְשׁוּבָה.
There were these hooligans in Rabbi Meir’s neighborhood who caused him a great deal of anguish. Rabbi Meir prayed for God to have mercy on them, that they should die.
Rabbi Meir’s wife, Berurya, said to him: What is your thinking? On what basis do you pray for the death of these hooligans? Do you base yourself on the verse, as it is written: “Let sins cease from the land” (Psalms 104:35), which you interpret to mean that the world would be better if the wicked were destroyed?
But is it written, let sinners cease?” Let sins cease, is written. One should pray for an end to their transgressions, not for the demise of the transgressors themselves. Moreover, go to the end of the verse, where it says: “And the wicked will be no more.” If, as you suggest, transgressions shall cease refers to the demise of the evildoers, how is it possible that the wicked will be no more, i.e., that they will no longer be evil?
Rather, pray for God to have mercy on them, that they should repent, as if they repent, then the wicked will be no more, as they will have repented.
Rabbi Meir saw that Berurya was correct and he prayed for God to have mercy on them, and they repented.
Rabbi Shimon bar Yoḥai and his son, Rabbi Elazar... went and they hid in a cave. A miracle occurred and a carob tree was created for them as well as a spring of water. They would remove their clothes and sit covered in sand up to their necks. They would study Torah all day in that manner... They sat in the cave for twelve years. Elijah the Prophet came and stood at the entrance to the cave and said: Who will inform bar Yoḥai that the emperor died and his decree has been abrogated? They emerged from the cave, and saw people who were plowing and sowing. Rabbi Shimon bar Yoḥai said: These people abandon eternal life of Torah study and engage in temporal life for their own sustenance. The Gemara relates that every place that Rabbi Shimon and his son Rabbi Elazar directed their eyes was immediately burned. A Divine Voice emerged and said to them: Did you emerge from the cave in order to destroy My world? Return to your cave. They again went and sat there for twelve months. They said: The judgment of the wicked in Gehenna lasts for twelve months. Surely their sin was atoned in that time. A Divine Voice emerged and said to them: Emerge from your cave. They emerged. Everywhere that Rabbi Elazar would strike, Rabbi Shimon would heal. Rabbi Shimon said to Rabbi Elazar: My son, you and I suffice for the entire world, as the two of us are engaged in the proper study of Torah. As the sun was setting on Shabbat eve, they saw an elderly man who was holding two bundles of myrtle branches and running at twilight. They said to him: Why do you have these? He said to them: In honor of Shabbat. They said to him: And let one suffice. He answered them: One is corresponding to: “Remember the Shabbat day, to keep it holy” (Exodus 20:8), and one is corresponding to: “Observe the Shabbat day, to keep it holy” (Deuteronomy 5:12). Rabbi Shimon said to his son: See how beloved the mitzvot are to Israel. Their minds were put at ease and they were no longer as upset that people were not engaged in Torah study.
Both Rabbi Meir and Rabbi Shimon were students of Rabbi Akiva. Rabbi Akiva embodied this idea. He had 24 000 students who died because they didn't honor one another. They were unwilling to let go and recognize that perhaps the other students had truth as well.
They said by way of example that Rabbi Akiva had twelve thousand pairs of students in an area of land that stretched from Gevat to Antipatris in Judea, and they all died in one period of time, because they did not treat each other with respect. And the world was desolate of Torah until Rabbi Akiva came to our Rabbis in the South and taught his Torah to them. This second group of disciples consisted of Rabbi Meir, Rabbi Yehuda, Rabbi Yosei, Rabbi Shimon, and Rabbi Elazar ben Shamua. And these are the very ones who upheld the study of Torah at that time. Although Rabbi Akiva’s earlier students did not survive, his later disciples were able to transmit the Torah to future generations.
What did he teach his 5 students, don't act like my previous ones... (find source?)
Who was their student? Rabbi Akiva, but he took the line of Rabbi Yehoshua. [Perhaps we can say he merged the two? The idea deserves more thought.]
שוב מעשה בר' אליעזר שירד לפני התיבה ואמר עשרים וארבע ברכות ולא נענה ירד רבי עקיבא אחריו ואמר אבינו מלכנו אין לנו מלך אלא אתה אבינו מלכנו למענך רחם עלינו וירדו גשמים הוו מרנני רבנן יצתה בת קול ואמרה לא מפני שזה גדול מזה אלא שזה מעביר על מדותיו וזה אינו מעביר על מדותיו
There was another incident involving Rabbi Eliezer (a student of Shammai), who descended to serve as prayer leader before the ark on a fast day. And he recited twenty-four blessings, but he was not answered. g
Rabbi Akiva descended before the ark after him and said: Our Father, our King, we have no king other than You. Our Father, our King, for Your sake, have mercy on us. And rain immediately fell.
The Sages were whispering among themselves that Rabbi Akiva was answered while his teacher, Rabbi Eliezer, was not. A Divine Voice emerged and said: It is not because this Sage, Rabbi Akiva, is greater than that one, Rabbi Eliezer, but that this one is forgiving, and that one is not forgiving. God responded to Rabbi Akiva’s forgiving nature in kind by sending rain.
אמר לו אתה הוא עקיבא ששמך הולך מסוף העולם ועד סופו אשריך שזכית לשם ועדיין לא הגעת לרועי בקר אמר לו רבי עקיבא ואפילו לרועי צאן
Yonatan ben Harkinas grew angry and said to him: You are Akiva ben Yosef, whose name has spread from one end of the world to the other? Be happy that you have merited a great name, and yet you have not yet reached the level of cattle herders. Cattle herders were generally simple individuals who were not familiar even with ordinary matters, and certainly not with halakha.
Rabbi Akiva said to him with characteristic modesty: And I have not even reached the level of shepherds, who are considered even worse than cattle herders, as they are unfit for giving testimony.
For this reason, we always look to Hillel and Shammai.
Both were the words of the living God.
This idea is the theme of the holidays begining with RH.
On YK, we ask God to be forgiving of us:
- example of lifnim meshurat hadin
אָמַר רַבִּי אַבָּא אָמַר שְׁמוּאֵל: שָׁלֹשׁ שָׁנִים נֶחְלְקוּ בֵּית שַׁמַּאי וּבֵית הִלֵּל, הַלָּלוּ אוֹמְרִים: הֲלָכָה כְּמוֹתֵנוּ, וְהַלָּלוּ אוֹמְרִים: הֲלָכָה כְּמוֹתֵנוּ. יָצְאָה בַּת קוֹל וְאָמְרָה: אֵלּוּ וָאֵלּוּ דִּבְרֵי אֱלֹקִים חַיִּים הֵן, וַהֲלָכָה כְּבֵית הִלֵּל. וְכִי מֵאַחַר שֶׁאֵלּוּ וָאֵלּוּ דִּבְרֵי אֱלֹקִים חַיִּים, מִפְּנֵי מָה זָכוּ בֵּית הִלֵּל לִקְבּוֹעַ הֲלָכָה כְּמוֹתָן?
מִפְּנֵי שֶׁנּוֹחִין וַעֲלוּבִין הָיוּ,
וְשׁוֹנִין דִּבְרֵיהֶן וְדִבְרֵי בֵּית שַׁמַּאי,
וְלֹא עוֹד אֶלָּא שֶׁמַּקְדִּימִין דִּבְרֵי בֵּית שַׁמַּאי לְדִבְרֵיהֶן.
Rabbi Abba said that Shmuel said: For three years Beit Shammai and Beit Hillel disagreed. These said: The halakha is in accordance with our opinion, and these said: The halakha is in accordance with our opinion.
Ultimately, a Divine Voice emerged and proclaimed: Both these and those are the words of the living God.
However, the halakha is in accordance with the opinion of Beit Hillel. The Gemara asks: Since both these and those are the words of the living God, why were Beit Hillel privileged to have the halakha established in accordance with their opinion? The reason is that
A. they were agreeable and forbearing, showing restraint when affronted,
B. when they taught the halakha they would teach both their own statements and the statements of Beit Shammai.
C. Moreover, when they formulated their teachings and cited a dispute, they prioritized the statements of Beit Shammai to their own statements, in deference to Beit Shammai.
before tryie to be understood, they tried to understand
Hillel was happy to let Shammai go first.
Shammai was considered a kapdan.
[Perhaps we can say that Shammai was a perfected and rare tzaddik- he was able to see the beauty in others because he didn't forget that there's a whole picture: מקבל את כל האדם, he received the entirety of the person.
Hillel, was a chassid, so even if he didn't see the entirety of the picture, he was forebearing, forgiving, humble.
The avoda of a tzaddik- they need to see the entire picture. So it's important to withhold judgment out of recognition that one doesn't see the entirety. But, the ideal, to be a chassid... not wait until things make sense to make amends. We pasken like Hillel.]
(טו) שַׁמַּאי אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה תוֹרָתְךָ קֶבַע. אֱמֹר מְעַט וַעֲשֵׂה הַרְבֵּה, וֶהֱוֵי מְקַבֵּל אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם בְּסֵבֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת:
(15) Shammai used to say: make your [study of the] Torah a fixed practice; speak little, but do much; and receive all men with a pleasant countenance.
nevertheless, one day, halacha can be like Shammai when we discover that truth is kindness.
Mikdash Melech: Halacha like Beit Shammai
Hillel represents kindness and Shammai severity (hence the rulings of Beis Hillel are almost always more lenient). When Moshaich comes the advantage of the severity will be revealed and therefore the halacha will be in accordance with Beis Shamai. [Based on irkey Avos (5:19) that an argument for the sake of heaven such as that of Hillel and Shamai will endure; thus Shammai's position will also endure.)
SB
- machmir on BUT
- Spies- EFES... all the good we've said, it's like a zero
- we also, BUT... they do good... BUT... I can't stand them...
-
It helps to realize that we don't have a monopoly on truth and that helps us not take it so seriously all the time. We don't have a monopoly on the whole picture.
(א) יְסוֹד הַיְסוֹדוֹת וְעַמּוּד הַחָכְמוֹת לֵידַע שֶׁיֵּשׁ שָׁם מָצוּי רִאשׁוֹן. וְהוּא מַמְצִיא כָּל נִמְצָא. וְכָל הַנִּמְצָאִים מִשָּׁמַיִם וָאָרֶץ וּמַה שֶּׁבֵּינֵיהֶם לֹא נִמְצְאוּ אֶלָּא מֵאֲמִתַּת הִמָּצְאוֹ:
(1) The foundation of foundations and firmest pillar of all wisdom is, To know that there is a First Being, that He caused all beings to be, and that all beings from heaven and earth, and from between them, could not be save for the truth of His Own Being.
וְרֵישׁ לָקִישׁ אָמַר: ״תָּיו״ — סוֹף חוֹתָמוֹ שֶׁל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, דְּאָמַר רַבִּי חֲנִינָא: חוֹתָמוֹ שֶׁל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא ״אֱמֶת״. (אָמַר) רַבִּי שְׁמוּאֵל בַּר נַחְמָנִי [אָמַר]: אֵלּוּ בְּנֵי אָדָם שֶׁקִּיְּמוּ אֶת הַתּוֹרָה כֻּלָּהּ מֵאָלֶף וְעַד תָּיו.
And Reish Lakish said: The letter tav is the last letter of the seal of the Holy One, Blessed be He, as Rabbi Ḥanina said: The seal of the Holy One, Blessed be He, is truth [emet], which ends with the letter tav. Rabbi Shmuel bar Naḥmani said: The letter tav teaches that these are people who observed the entire Torah from alef through tav.
We bend over bagckwards for Shalom Bayit- you're right honey...
Why not bend over backwards for Shalom sviva (neighborhood), Kehila (community), Ir (city) etc...
since a healthy society is made up of healthy individuals.
Here's is another exampe of this in its rawest most excrutiatingly painful manifestation. If it wasn't written by this person, it would be inappropriate to express.
A Prayer for the Days of Awe, By Elie Wiesel, Oct. 2, 1997
Master of the Universe, let us make up. It is time. How long can we go on being angry?
More than 50 years have passed since the nightmare was lifted. Many things, good and less good, have since happened to those who survived it. They learned to build on ruins. Family life was re-created. Children were born, friendships struck...
Does this mean that the wounds in their soul have healed? They will never heal...
What about my faith in you, Master of the Universe?
I now realize I never lost it, not even over there, during the darkest hours of my life. I don't know why I kept on whispering my daily prayers, and those one reserved for the Sabbath, and for the holidays, but I did recite them, often with my father and, on Rosh ha-Shanah eve, with hundreds of inmates at Auschwitz. Was it because the prayers remained a link to the vanished world of my childhood?
But my faith was no longer pure. How could it be? It was filled with anguish rather than fervor, with perplexity more than piety. In the kingdom of eternal night, on the Days of Awe, which are the Days of Judgment, my traditional prayers were directed to you as well as against you, Master of the Universe. What hurt me more: your absence or your silence?
[In my testimony I have written harsh words, burning words about your role in our tragedy. I would not repeat them today. But I felt them then...These thoughts were in no way destined to diminish the guilt of the guilty. Their established culpability is irrelevant to my ''problem'' with you, Master of the Universe.]
In my childhood I did not expect much from human beings. But I expected everything from you.
Where were you, God of kindness, in Auschwitz? ...
[Auschwitz must and will forever remain a question mark only: it can be conceived neither with God nor without God...]
As we Jews now enter the High Holidays again, preparing ourselves to pray for a year of peace and happiness for our people and all people, let us make up, Master of the Universe. In spite of everything that happened? Yes, in spite. Let us make up: for the child in me, it is unbearable to be divorced from you so long.
Oprah, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rwcp_oEIwnU&ab_channel=OWN
Forgiveness and reconiciliation involves letting go of the past we thought we wanted. releasing the negative perception of it and coming back to the present. Giving up the hope that the past could be any different.
It is accepting that it has happened, not accepting that it was okay for it to happen. Accepting that it has happened and now, what do I do about it.
Giving up the hope that the past could be any different.
(18) Who is a God like You, Forgiving iniquity And remitting transgression; Who has not maintained His wrath forever Against the remnant of His own people, Because He loves graciousness!
truth- describes what god is
kindness is what He desires
On YK, we don't just ask for forgiveness, we plead for it.
But there are two ways to attain forgiveness and we ask of God to do the second: We ask Him to forgive us as a chassid, not as a Tzaddik.
A. we can attain the level of a tzaddik and rely on our merits. And there's truth to that. Maimonides instructs to see ouselves as weighed in the middle and our next action will tip the scale. We need to choose to be on the side of a tzaddik and inscribed into the book of life.
B. But, we can also be imperfect and ask of God, just like I am willing to overlook and forgive others despite their faults, You do the same. We act like Chassidim and God in turn judges like a chassid.
We follow this second approach:
Rava said: With regard to whoever forgoes his reckonings with others for injustices done to him, the heavenly court in turn forgoes punishment for all his sins, as it is stated: “He bears sin and forgives transgression” (Micah 7:18). Whose sins does He bear? The sins of one who forgoes his reckonings with others for injustices committed against him.
Israel Ba’al Shem Tov
If we cannot forgive others , how can we expect God to forgive us?
Here's a nice story highlighting the importance of being forgiving.
Maasiyot HaZohar Vol. I, Miketz – The Power of Forgiveness: A Zohar Legend
Rabbi Abba (the scribe of the Zohar) once sat at the gateway to the Town of Lud. He saw a traveler sit down on a pile of rocks at the edge of a mountain overlooking a cliff. The man was exhausted from his journey and immediately fell asleep. R. Abba watched this innocuous scene for a bit, until, to his dismay, he watched as a deadly snake slithered out of the rocks making its way towards the sleeping man. [R. Abba, who for some reason was immobilized and transfixed by this unfolding drama,] suddenly watched as a new turn of events happened. A giant lizard jumped out between the rocks and killed the snake. R. Abba continued watching and saw that the man stood up and was perplexed to see a beheaded snake lying in front of him. He quickly gathered his possessions and rose to continue his journey. At that instant the pile of rocks he was sitting on collapsed and fell into the ravine below.
The man was about to wander off when R. Abba ran after him and recounted everything he had witnessed. R. Abba asked the man, “My friend, to what do you attribute all these miracles that just transpired?” The traveler at first did not want to bothered but felt the sincerity of R. Abba’s question and confided in him. “Throughout my life, I have always forgiven and made up with anyone who wronged me. Never have I gone to sleep without forgiving someone for hurting me in any way. Anyone who would hurt me, I would endeavor, with all my heart, to resolve whatever animosity was between us. And lastly, I would turn the hateful situation [around] and do acts of kindness for the person involved in the misunderstanding.” When R. Abba heard this, he burst into tears. This person’s actions are great... he forgives anyone and everyone who has harmed him. It is no surprise that God performs miracles on a daily basis for this blessed man.
(5) The LORD is your guardian, the LORD is your protection (lit. shade) at your right hand.
(ד) וז''ש דוד המע''ה ה' צלך על יד ימינך. היינו שכמו שנטיית הצל של איזה דבר הוא מכוון רק כפי תנועות אותו הדבר לאן נוטה. כן בדמיון זה כביכול הוא ית''ש מתחבר לנטות העולמות כפי תנועות ונטיית מעשי האדם למטה. וכן מפורש במדרש אמר לו הקב''ה למשה לך אמור להם לישראל כי שמי אקי''ק אשר אקי''ק. מהו אקי''ק אשר אקי''ק כשם שאתה הוה עמי. כך אני הוה עמך. וכן אמר דוד ה' צלך על יד ימינך. מהו ה' צלך כצלך. מה צלך אם אתה משחק לו הוא משחק לך. ואם אתה בוכה הוא בוכה כנגדך. ואם אתה מראה לו פנים זעומות או מוסברות אף הוא נותן לך כך. אף הקב''ה ה' צלך כשם שאתה הוה עמו הוא הוה עמך ע''כ.
(4) And what King Dovid (OBM) said (Tehillim 121): “God-YHV”H is your shadow on your right side,” that is to imply that how an object’s shadow moves is only per the movements of that object, in what direction it moves. By this same metaphor it’s as if He (blessed be His name) joins in to move the worlds based on the movements and intentions of man’s actions below.
And so it is explained in the Midrash: “The Holy One (blessed be He) said to Moshe: go and say to them, to Israel, that my Name is ‘I will be as I will be’191Heb.: A-H-Y-H ah-sher A-H-Y-H”. What is ‘I will be as I will be’? Just as you are with Me, in that same way I am with you.
And so said Dovid: ‘God-YHV”H is your shadow on your right side’—What is ‘God-YHV”H is your shadow’? Like your shadow. As your shadow, when you play with it, it plays with you, and if you cry, it cries opposite you, and if you show it an angry or a cordial face, it does the same to you, so too the Holy One (blessed be He) ‘God-YHV”H is your shadow’—just as you are with Him, He is with you.”
Now, there are various levels of forgiveness
(ט) אֵין הַתְּשׁוּבָה וְלֹא יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים מְכַפְּרִין אֶלָּא עַל עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַמָּקוֹם כְּגוֹן מִי שֶׁאָכַל דָּבָר אָסוּר אוֹ בָּעַל בְּעִילָה אֲסוּרָה וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן. אֲבָל עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ כְּגוֹן הַחוֹבֵל אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ אוֹ הַמְקַלֵּל חֲבֵרוֹ אוֹ גּוֹזְלוֹ וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן אֵינוֹ נִמְחַל לוֹ לְעוֹלָם עַד שֶׁיִּתֵּן לַחֲבֵרוֹ מַה שֶּׁהוּא חַיָּב לוֹ וִירַצֵּהוּ. אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהֶחֱזִיר לוֹ מָמוֹן שֶׁהוּא חַיָּב לוֹ צָרִיךְ לְרַצּוֹתוֹ וְלִשְׁאל מִמֶּנּוּ שֶׁיִּמְחל לוֹ. אֲפִלּוּ לֹא הִקְנִיט אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ אֶלָּא בִּדְבָרִים צָרִיךְ לְפַיְּסוֹ וְלִפְגֹּעַ בּוֹ עַד שֶׁיִּמְחל לוֹ. לֹא רָצָה חֲבֵרוֹ לִמְחל לוֹ מֵבִיא לוֹ שׁוּרָה שֶׁל שְׁלֹשָׁה בְּנֵי אָדָם מֵרֵעָיו וּפוֹגְעִין בּוֹ וּמְבַקְּשִׁין מִמֶּנּוּ. לֹא נִתְרַצָּה לָהֶן מֵבִיא לוֹ שְׁנִיָּה וּשְׁלִישִׁית. לֹא רָצָה מְנִיחוֹ וְהוֹלֵךְ לוֹ וְזֶה שֶׁלֹּא מָחַל הוּא הַחוֹטֵא. וְאִם הָיָה רַבּוֹ הוֹלֵךְ וּבָא אֲפִלּוּ אֶלֶף פְּעָמִים עַד שֶׁיִּמְחל לוֹ:
(9) Neither repentance nor the Day of Atonement atone for any save for sins committed between man and God, for instance, one who ate forbidden food, or had forbidden coition and the like; but sins between man and man, for instance, one injures his neighbor, or curses his neighbor or plunders him, or offends him in like matters, is ever not absolved unless he makes restitution of what he owes and begs the forgiveness of his neighbor. And, although he make restitution of the monetory debt, he is obliged to pacify him and to beg his forgiveness. Even he offended not his neighbor in aught save in words, he is obliged to appease him and implore him till he be forgiven by him.
If his neighbor refuses a committee of three friends to forgive him, he should bring to implore and beg of him; if he still refuses he should bring a second, even a third committee, and if he remains obstinate, he may leave him to himself and pass on, for the sin then rests upon him who refuses forgiveness. But if it happened to be his master, he should go and come to him for forgiveness even a thousand times till he does forgive him.10Ibid. 85b; Baba Kamma, 92a; Yoma, 87b. C.
(א) שיפייס אדם חבירו בערב יום כפור ובו ד"ס:
עבירות שבין אדם לחבירו אין יום הכפורים מכפר עד שיפייסנו ואפילו לא הקניטו אלא בדברים צריך לפייסו ואם אינו מתפייס בראשונה יחזור וילך פעם שניה ושלישית ובכל פעם יקח עמו שלשה אנשים ואם אינו מתפייס בשלשה פעמים אינו זקוק לו (מיהו יאמר אח"כ לפני עשרה שביקש ממנו מחילה) . (מרדכי דיומא ומהרי"ל) ואם הוא רבו צריך לילך לו כמה פעמים עד שיתפייס: הגה והמוחל לא יהיה אכזרי מלמחול (מהרי"ל) אם לא שמכוין לטובת המבקש מחילה (גמרא דיומא) ואם הוציא עליו שם רע א"צ למחול לו (מרדכי וסמ"ק והגה"מ פ"ב מהלכות תשובה ומהרי"ו):
(1) To Reconcile with Your Friend on Erev Yom Kippur, 4 Seifim:Transgressions between people are not subject to atonement on Yom Kippur unless the offender appeases the offended party. Even if one aggrieved another with words alone, this appeasement is necessary. If one cannot effect appeasement at first, one must return a second and a third time, taking along three people each time. If the offended party will not be appeased after three visits, one may desist. RAMA: afterwards, however, the offender should relate before ten people that forgiveness was sought (Mordechai on Yoma, and Maharil). If he is one's Rabbi, one must go to him several times until the Rabbi is appeased. RAMA: one should not be cruel and withhold forgiveness (Maharil), unless it is for the benefit of the one seeking forgiveness (Gemara Yoma). If one was a victim of slander, one need not forgive. (Mordechai and Smag and Hagahot Maimuni, Teshuvah chapter 2, and Mahariv).
Rabbi Yisroel Salanter, Ohr Yisroel 58??
Once one forgives his fellowman, it is forbidden to bear a grudge. If he finds himself still feeling angry towards the person who offended him, it would be as if he has given a gift or forgiven a debt and is now demanding it back.
[http://www.nleresources.com/media/HH%20Guide/Forgiveness%20-%20Final.pdf]
there is an onus on the wronged party to forgive when asked for forgiveness. Letter of the law. If you are not asked for forgiveness, you owe them nothing.
But, more often than not, that is not the case...
But, what about when you don't get that apology which you feel you so deserve.
(ו) כְּשֶׁיֶּחְטָא אִישׁ לְאִישׁ לֹא יִשְׂטְמֶנּוּ וְיִשְׁתֹּק כְּמוֹ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר בָּרְשָׁעִים (שמואל ב יג כב) "וְלֹא דִבֶּר אַבְשָׁלוֹם אֶת אַמְנוֹן מְאוּמָה לְמֵרָע וְעַד טוֹב כִּי שָׂנֵא אַבְשָׁלוֹם אֶת אַמְנוֹן". אֶלָּא מִצְוָה עָלָיו לְהוֹדִיעוֹ וְלוֹמַר לוֹ לָמָּה עָשִׂיתָ לִי כָּךְ וְכָךְ וְלָמָּה חָטָאתָ לִי בְּדָבָר פְּלוֹנִי. שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (ויקרא יט יז) "הוֹכֵחַ תּוֹכִיחַ אֶת עֲמִיתֶךָ". וְאִם חָזַר וּבִקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ לִמְחֹל לוֹ צָרִיךְ לִמְחֹל. וְלֹא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (בראשית כ יז) "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם אֶל הָאֱלֹקִים":
(6) If one man commit a sin against another man, the one sinned against shall not remain in silent hate against the sinner... but, on the contrary, it is obligatory upon him to make known to him and say unto him: "Why have you done to me thus and such, and wherefore have you sinned against me in that particular matter?"; for, it is said: "And thou shalt indeed rebuke thy neighbor" (Lev. 19.17). And, if the sinner did repent and begged to be forgiven by him, he must forgive him; and in doing so he should not be cruel, for it is said: "And Abraham prayed unto God" (Gen. 20.17).6For Abimelech, who sinned against him.
On this level, you are told to go out and seek reconciliation
But sometimes, this is not the case.
It's just you ad your feeling, thoughts
[This makes me think of the book The Sunflower by Simon Wiesenthal:
Wiesenthal doesn't make peace with what he should have done. But he struggled with the question.
Here's a synopsis from Wikipedia- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sunflower_(book)
In 1943, at the height of both World War II and the Holocaust, a group of forced labourers from the Lemberg concentration camp are sent to a converted army hospital to clear medical waste. Simon Wiesenthal is summoned from this work detail by a nurse to the bedside of a dying Nazi soldier, Karl Seidl (identified only as Karl S. in earlier editions). The soldier tells him he is seeking "a Jew's" forgiveness for a crime that has haunted Seidl since it was committed one year prior.[2] Over a number of hours, Seidl tells Wisenthal his life story, including joining Hitler Youth and his experiences in the SS. He then confesses to having participated in the destruction, by fire and armaments, of a house full of 300 Jews. He states that as the Jews tried to leap out of windows to escape the burning building, he and the other soldiers gunned them down.
After Seidl finishes his story, he asks Wiesenthal to forgive him. Wiesenthal then leaves the room without saying anything. The next day, the nurse informs Wiesenthal that the soldier has died. The nurse tells him that Seidl has left his belongings to him, but Wiesenthal refuses to take them, telling the nurse to have them sent to Seidl's mother. Wiesenthal ruminates on whether or not he should have forgiven Seidl through the rest of his experiences in the concentration camp system. After the war, he finds Seidl's mother, who in their conversation unintentionally confirms the details of her son's story. Seidl's mother asks him how he knew his son, but Wiesenthal lies and leaves without telling her of her late son's participation in the Holocaust.[3] He then poses the ethical dilemma of whether or not he should have forgiven Seidl to the reader, after which a variety of responses from a diverse group of individuals is given.]
(י) אָסוּר לָאָדָם לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִתְפַּיֵּס אֶלָּא יְהֵא נוֹחַ לִרְצוֹת וְקָשֶׁה לִכְעֹס וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁמְּבַקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹטֵא לִמְחל מוֹחֵל בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם וּבְנֶפֶשׁ חֲפֵצָה. וַאֲפִלּוּ הֵצֵר לוֹ וְחָטָא לוֹ הַרְבֵּה לֹא יִקֹּם וְלֹא יִטֹּר. וְזֶהוּ דַּרְכָּם שֶׁל זֶרַע יִשְׂרָאֵל וְלִבָּם הַנָּכוֹן. אֲבָל הָעוֹבְדֵי כּוֹכָבִים עַרְלֵי לֵב אֵינָן כֵּן אֶלָּא (וְעֶבְרָתָן) [וְעֶבְרָתוֹ] שְׁמָרָה נֶצַח. וְכֵן הוּא אוֹמֵר עַל הַגִּבְעוֹנִים לְפִי שֶׁלֹּא מָחֲלוּ וְלֹא נִתְפַּיְּסוּ וְהַגִּבְעֹנִים לֹא מִבְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל הֵמָּה:
(10) ... Even if one persecuted him and sinned against him exceedingly he should not be vengeful and grudge-bearing, for such is the path of the seed of Israel and of their excellent heart.
Jerusalem Talmud Bava Kama 8 ???
Reb Yosi said, “The obligation to grant forgiveness does not apply to someone who has damaged one’s reputation. One who destroys the reputation of another is never forgiven.”
Rabbi Shlomo Luria, Maharshal, in Yam shel Shlomo Bava Kama 8:63, and Mishnah Berurah O.C 606
It is impossible to undo the damage that was done. People will hear the rumor but not the apology, and the victim will still suffer. Nevertheless, it is a trait of the modest and the pious to overcome one’s nature and grant complete forgiveness, even if it is difficult
This clearly, is talking about going beyond the letter of the law. What Chazal refer to as a Chasid.
It's often hard to let go
l'havdil elef havdalot...
Memories of a Giant pg. 325
On June 2, 2010, Armando Galarraga, 28 pitched what seemed to be a perfect game, a feat only achieved twenty times in Major League Baseball's 130 year history. However, on the very last play of the game, umpire Jim Joyce, 65, mistakenly called the runner safe at first base, ruining the perfect game. After the game, understanding the mistake he had made and the implications to Galarraga, with tears in his eyes, Joyce went over to Galarraga and apologized, admitting his mistake. Galarraga graciously accepted his apology saying "Nobody's perfect. Everybody's human. " They are currently writing a book together titled "Nobody's Perfect."
Rabbi Sacks, To be free...you have to learn to forgive, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbFnxAeeCTc&ab_channel=RabbiSacks
Have compassion on your works. Forgive.
That's what we say on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and the days between. But it cuts both ways.
We can't ask God to forgive us if we don't forgive others.
We have to forgive those who've offended us, however hard it is, because life is too short to feel resentment.
Lo tikom velo titor, says the Torah. Don't bear a grudge and don't take revenge.
At the end of his life Moses said to the Israelites, Don't despise an Egyptian, because you were strangers in his land. Strangers in his land? They persecuted the Israelites, enslaved them, tried to kill half their children. Don't despise them? They were despicable. But what Moses was saying was: if you continue to hate, you will still be slaves: slaves to the past and your resentment.
[If you want to be free you have to let go of hate. And that's still true. Our energies are too precious to waste on a past we can't undo. No one can offend me without my permission, and I refuse to give bad people the victory of knowing I care about what they say or do. On these holy days, we have to let go of hate. We have to forgive. And we will then travel lighter through life, with less grief, more joy.]
(עה) וְעַל כֻּלָּם אֱלוֹקַּ סְלִיחוֹת. סְלַח לָנוּ. מְחַל לָנוּ. כַּפֶּר לָנוּ:
Forgive us
Cleanse us
Atone for us
A. Slach lanu- I forgive= chasal, like in Pesach. It's complete, I have closure. Chapter closed.
B. Mechal Lanu- I cleanse it away, I also "forget".= Machol, the circle is complete, I feel complete,
C. Kaper lanu- Kopher, I came out better, I got something to replace the anger, resentment and hurt. I grew somehow, something more than I could have imagined. I gained at-one-ment with you. And as for my truth- it has become more enriched.
Because something amazing happens when we are able to bury the hatchet, come together.
Perhaps I will discover that ny truth becomes greater.
I discover that forgiveness, being מעביר על מידותיו is an aspect of truth
and truth is expressed through forgiveness
[- חבל נחלתו, Dvarim 32:
- the tanya on the verse- our connection with Hashem is like a chord with 613 strings. If cut it, we disconnect from god. But through Teshuva and retying it, the rope shortens and we come closer. This is the level of Kappara. ]
The benefit of choosing kindness
We start with Elokim... we give it up for Hashem... only to discover at the end of YK, Hashem Hu HaElokim.
Perhaps we gained more by ...
Again, this is the same process of these ten days, the sweetening of judgments.
And because of this, it behooves us all, to take a liberal approach with forgiveness and mercy in deference to building familiy, community and a healthy society.
To this end, I'd like to end, with the preliminary prayer that some say on their own before Kol Nidrei:
[We begin with Elokim- boundaries, border....
In encountering the story of man, we encounter Hashem- kindness, mercy, forgiveness. The building blocks of community
Culminating in: Hashem Hu HaElokim: a beautiful tapestry highlighting our truth maintaining the integrity of individuality.
In our particularity, is our universality. And in our universality, is revealed our uniqueness.]
[this is exactly what god did on Yom Kippur-
a. sin of the goldgen calf
b. thirteen attributes revealed
c. forgiveness on YK
d. Ashrecha sheshibarta]
(טו) וְלִהְיוֹת שֶׁיָּדַעְתִּי שֶׁכִּמְעַט אֵין צַדִּיק בָּאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר לֹא יֶחֱטָא בֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ בְּמָמוֹן אוֹ בְגוּפוֹ, בְּמַעֲשֶׂה אוֹ בְדִבּוּר פֶּה. וְעַל זֶה דָוֶה לִבִּי בְּקִרְבִּי כִּי עַל חֵטְא שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ אֵין יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים מְכַפֵּר עַד שֶׁיְּרַצֶּה אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ, וְעַל זֶה נִשְׁבַּר לִבִּי בְּקִרְבִּי וְרָחֲפוּ עַצְמוֹתַי, כִּי אֲפִלּוּ יוֹם הַמִּיתָה אֵין מְכַפֵּר. וְלָכֵן אֲנִי מַפִּיל תְּחִנָּתִי לְפָנֶיךָ שֶׁתְּרַחֵם עָלַי וְתִתְּנֵנִי לְחֵן וּלְחֶסֶד וּלְרַחֲמִים בְּעֵינֶיךָ וּבְעֵינֵי כָל בְּנֵי אָדָם. וְהִנְנִי מוֹחֵל בִּמְחִילָה גְמוּרָה לְכָל מִי שֶׁחָטָא נֶגְדִּי. בֵּין בְּגוּפוֹ וּבֵין בְּמָמוֹנוֹ. אוֹ שֶׁדִּבֶּר עָלַי לָשׁוֹן הָרָע. וַאֲפִלּוּ הוֹצָאַת שֵׁם רָע. וְכֵן לְכָל מִי שֶׁהִזִּיק לִי בְּגוּפִי אוֹ בְּמָמוֹנִי. וּלְכָל חַטֹּאת הָאָדָם אֲשֶׁר בֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ. חוּץ מִמָּמוֹן אֲשֶׁר (נ"א: אֲשֶׁר אֲנִי רוֹצֶה לְתָבְעָם וְאוּכַל וכו'. וכן ראוי לומר.) אוּכַל לְהוֹצִיא עַל פִּי דִין. וְחוּץ מִי שֶׁחוֹטֵא כְּנֶגְדִּי וְאוֹמֵר אֶחֱטָא לוֹ וְהוּא יִמְחַל לִי. וְחוּץ מֵאֵלּוּ אֲנִי מוֹחֵל בִּמְחִילָה גְמוּרָה וְלֹא יֵעָנֵשׁ שׁוּם אָדָם בְּסִבָּתִי. וּכְשֵׁם שֶׁאֲנִי מוֹחֵל לְכָל אָדָם כֵּן תִּתֵּן אֶת חִנִּי בְּעֵינֵי כָל אָדָם שֶׁיִּמְחֲלוּ לִי בִּמְחִילָה גְמוּרָה:
Rabbi Avraham Danzig, Prayer for Yom Kippur Eve
But since I know that there is hardly a righteous person in the world who never sins between man and his fellow, either monetarily or physically, in deeds or in speech. Therefore, my heart aches within me, because for a sin between man and his neighbor, Yom Kippur does not atone until one appeases his neighbor… Therefore, I extend complete forgiveness to everyone who has sinned against me, whether physically or monetarily, or who has gossiped about me or even slandered me. So, too, to anyone who has injured me, either physically or financially, regarding any interpersonal law…And just as I forgive everyone, so may You grant me favor in every person’s eyes, so that he will grant me complete forgiveness.