Fasting on Yom Kippur? Not so fast for me!

Two questions to guide your ritual creation/activities:

• What is the goal (or goals) of fasting according to the Torah and rabbis? Can you think of other benefits or purposes on fasting on the Day of Atonement?
  • How does fasting help to bring out these ends?
  • In what ways can I achieve these ends, if not by fasting?
• What are the themes of the day?
  • Through which modalities or in which settings can I engage with or evoke these themes? (e.g., prayer, meditation, deep conversation, music, journaling, film, nature etc.)

Contents

• Some of the Early Sources (Torah and Talmud)
• Alternative Practices/Rituals
  • Ritualizing Eating on Yom Kippur
  • 3 Ways to Fast Without Fasting
  • Themed Activities
    • Death/Big Picture
    • Zooming Out and Zooming In
    • Teshuvah
    • Change
    • Joy/Positive Confession
  • Annuling Broken Promises / Kol Nidrei
  • Kapparot and Tzedakah
  • Getting Rid of Past Sins and Grudges / Tashlich
  • Physical/Spiritual Purification / Mikvah

Some Early Sources

Rabbi Jay Michaelson

First, fasting can bring about a strong sense of cleansing, or even catharsis... On an emotional level, maybe it’s about cleansing the accumulated grime of ignored emotions, and getting some insight (often painful) into what lies beneath.

Second, fasting makes spiritual reflection and meditation easier. Denying the body food reduces the amount of energy available to the brain, and so it becomes increasingly difficult as the day wears on to think in the usual, linear ways. Often, the momentum of thought decreases and it becomes quite satisfying just to “be here now.”

This is similar to what meditation does: slowing down the train of thought so that it is possible to see the world more clearly. It’s no wonder then that fasting has been part of contemplative, prophetic, and even magical practices from the Bible to the present day. In a concentrated state, the mind can visit territories otherwise beyond our ken.

Third, on Yom Kippur in particular, these effects of fasting are enhanced by community, and by the knowledge that hundreds of thousands of people are doing this internal work at the same time as you are. This is true even though we don’t all agree about the day’s significance. After all, Jews have never agreed about anything; we have four new years and three names for the Passover holiday. Community is built by doing, not agreeing.

Finally, having a fixed date helps. If you only do a spiritual practice when you feel like doing it, is it really a spiritual discipline at all? Having the calendar date fixed enables the practice of fasting to act as a mirror on life as it is, not just life when you’re in the mood to do something spiritual. It comes whether you want it to or not. It takes religion beyond the ego.

Fast days can lead to places that are achingly beautiful: it’s possible to become, albeit temporarily, more loving, more accepting, and more grateful simply by changing the body’s biochemistry for a day. If nothing else, fasting can reveal how much the personality and identity that we’re so proud of is dependent on daily nourishment. Just one skipped meal, and look what happens to this supposedly self-sufficient ego!

As Isaiah famously said, fasting without heart is no guarantee of piety. But with intention and attention, it can lead to precisely the compassion the prophet demands.

Alternative Practices/Rituals

Ritualizing Eating on Yom Kippur

When Fasting Is Not Teshuvah: Yom Kippur with Eating Disorders, A Yom Kippur Seder

For many in the Jewish community, fasting is an important and difficult spiritual exercise, reminding them of their attachment to the physical, and helping them focus on teshuvah and spiritual growth for 25 hours.

For others, however, fasting presents a different kind of challenge. For individuals who suffer, or are in recovery from, an eating disorder, eating on Yom Kippur is a holy act. Rather than finding "purity" or "spiritual growth" through denying themselves food, the act of eating itself is an act of teshuvah.

This was not something I had considered until I was approached this year by a friend seeking a liturgy that helps her acknowledge the holiness of the act of eating on Yom Kippur, having found little that helped online or in our traditional liturgy. This was developed together with her, in the hope it might also help others. As she said to me, she would like to create something that would “bring a kavannah (intention) to the act of eating on Yom Kippur, framing it in a positive, constructive way but also recognizing the religious and personal challenges of the day.”... (click the link above for the full seder)

Jaclyn Novatt, "How to Do Yom Kippur Without Fasting"

First, I consider that one purpose of fasting is to prevent distraction on this day of inner focus. Therefore, I plan my meals in advance, even prepare them in advance when possible, so that there’s no thought or effort involved on the day. I know exactly what I’m going to eat and when. I plan simple meals–nothing fancy or extravagant, just what is needed to provide me the right nutrition and keep me on track.

Second, I eat round things on Yom Kippur to symbolize the cyclical year–for example, cheerios with an apple for breakfast, an English muffin sandwich and grapes for lunch. I then join my family for a late dinner at break fast.

Finally, I try and find other ways to practice self-denial and increase my focus. I am not normally shomer Shabbat (observant of the laws of Sabbath), but I try and avoid the computer or television on Yom Kippur.

3 Ways to Fast without Fasting

Julie Thompson, "Alternative Ways to Fast This Yom Kippur"

FAST FROM SOCIAL MEDIA

...Addicted to the meager hit of serotonin that little Instagram heart provides, I find myself checking my apps without even realizing it. I put my phone down, only to immediately pick it up 17 seconds later to scroll mindlessly, before realizing what I’ve just done and throwing my phone down in disgust.

What better way to connect with yourself and reflect on the past year, than by removing the device that may be a gateway, but is also one of the biggest barriers in connecting to your larger social world? Disconnect, power down, and let yourself sink into the past year without the aid of your timeline. What went wrong? Where could you have done better? The answers might be hard, but they definitely won’t be found behind your screens.

FAST FROM WASTE

Cleanse 5780, led by Shaina Shealey and Arielle Golden, is a 10-day initiative using the Days of Awe (the 10-day period between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur) to intensively reflect on “the mind/body/spirit connection” by eliminating food-based, single-use plastics from your life [LB: and foods whose production is harmful to the environment].

This “cleanse” spoke deeply to my rapidly growing environmental panic, and gave me the space and permission to start thinking about how I can change my habits to be kinder to our world. I really love the idea of fasting from some of the most wasteful aspects of our modern life. In refraining from participating in needless and harmful waste, we can use these energies instead to reflect on the things we can repent for as it pertains to our ecological sins and how we can change our actions to do and be better going forward.

FAST FROM JUDGMENT

Judgment is a daily part of our lives, and sometimes it can be helpful – being able to take stock of social situations and make snap judgments is critical to navigating our social world and maintaining one’s physical safety in it...

Our connected world makes it easier than ever to pass this mean, petty type of judgment, to feel judged by the virtual masses (see: Social Media Fast), even to pass overly-critical negative judgment on ourselves! As Rabbi Adina Allen said in her Erev (eve of) Rosh Hashanah sermon just last week, “…we are all too quick to take God’s place, elevating ourselves to the role of arbiter, looking upon one another harshly, judging loudly, sentencing with impunity.” What if we left the judgment to God tomorrow and chose to navigate our day entirely without judgment, in order to more fully focus and turn inward to reflect on our own actions of the last year?

Heavily inspired by "Alternative YK Experience" with Rabbi Aaron Potek and Sarah Horwitz (Washington DC)

Theme: Death/Big Picture (Film and Journaling)

The combination of refraining from physical pleasure and sustenance, wearing white garments like one's burial shrouds, and the idea that our fates are signed and sealed on Yom Kippur evoke images of approaching death. Indeed, Yom Kippur is described as a dress rehearsal for one's death.

• Try reading or listening to the call recordings and text messages between those who tragically perished on September 11, 2001 and their loved ones. Imagine yourself in their shoes, as someone who has just a few minutes left to live.
  • What are you thinking about? Who are you calling or trying to call? What do you want to say? What do you most regret? What are you most proud of? Journal some of your reactions to these questions.

• Listen to this meditative talk by David Brooks about resume virtues and eulogy virtues. One part of us craves professional success, while the other seeks deep connection and relationships - virtues that get mentioned in our eulogies. Take some time to reflect about your own death, if you were to die tomorrow:
  • What would your funeral look like?
  • Who would be at your funeral?
  • What will people say about you and your relationships with them?
  • How would the different people in your lives handle your death?
• With these thoughts in mind, write your own eulogy.
  • What parts of my childhood, education and career do I want to highlight?
  • What are the accomplishments I want people to learn about or remember?
  • What do I want to say about my family and relationships?
  • What qualities set me apart and am I proud of?
  • What will people miss about me?

Rabbi Alan Lew, This Is Real and You Are Completely Unprepared: The Days of Awe as a Journey of Transformation

Now we understand why the rabbis said, Repent one day before your death. Which, of course, could be today. And we understand as well why we rehearse our death on Yom Kippur—why we say Vidui and wear a kittel and refrain from eating—why in the middle of this day, we send our proxy, now the cantor, into the dangerous emptiness at our center. We need a taste of this emptiness, to give us a sense of what will go with us, what will endure as we make this great crossing. What’s important? What is at the core of our life? What will live on after we are wind and space? What will be worthy of that endless, infinitely powerful silence? And what are we clinging to that isn’t important, that won’t endure, that isn’t worthy? What do we want to live on? Our money, our pride? Our anger, our selfishness? If not, we better let go of them now, before they become what we are, what we will always be in that great emptiness for which we are bound.

Theme: Zooming Out and Zooming In (Text Study & Journaling)

God’s first question to human beings is: "Ayeka" or “Where are you?” God knows where the humans are physically; God is asking a deeper question. Reflect on:

• Where am I right now - physically, emotionally, spiritually? How did I get here? What brought me to this space/place?
• Who am I? What adjectives describe me? What are my strengths?
• What do I value? Have I strayed from these values? If so, how?
• What do I believe?
• Am I where I want to be, or who I want to be? If not, where or who do you I to be? What changes can I make in my life to get me there?
• Do I need to forgive myself for anything? If so, what, and what do I need to say to myself or do for myself to successfully forgive myself?

Rabba Anat Sharbat, Rosh HaShana 5777 HIR - The Bayit, on Rav Kook (Orot HaKodesh 3, 97)

HaRav Kook explains further that sin results from forgetting the "me", whether as individuals or as a collective. The question "איכה – "where are you [see Bereishit 3:9 above] is the question that lies at the core of sin. He writes:

The sin of Adam, [the first man,] which according to the Gemara took place on Rosh Hashanah, was that he became estranged from himself, that he yielded to the snake's opinion, and lost himself. He failed to answer a clear response to [God's] question of איכה because he didn't recognize his own soul, because the real sense of self was lost from him… "The breath of our nostrils, the anointed of God" … does not come from an external source, it is the breath of our nostrils - in other words, it comes from within. We seek ourselves - we seek and we will find. (Orot HaKodesh 3, 97)

This, then, I believe, is the basic definition of teshuvah. Returning to ourselves and the Divine Spark in each of us. Discovering, or rediscovering, who we are and what our mission is in this world. (Click here to see more on the connection between returning to one's self and joy below)

Theme: Teshuvah

Teshuvah (repentance, answer, return) cannot be done in isolation or without context; it is an exercise that responds to your past year (or years). To reflect on and review where this passed year has taken you, take 10-minutes to engage in this meditation, which recaps the year through the lens of the Jewish calendar or this "wheel of teshuvah" journey. Once you've done so, you are ready to journal in response to the following prompts:

• Teshuvah seeks an atonement for one's sins, or "chata'im" - both the interpersonal between human beings, and between God and humans (and between humans and the environment). It requires regret, verbal confession, apologies, and a promise to not repeat that act.
  • In what ways have I not lived up the larger mission I am called to fulfill? Can I find strength to get back on track this year? And who in my life have I hurt this year, and how? Can I push myself to sincerely apologize to them and make amends? How can I be sure I don't repeat those harms this year?
• The word "cheit" is often translated as "sin," but many say it can also mean to "miss the mark."
  • Where have I missed the mark? Where have I hit the mark? What can I miss from these mistakes or missteps?
• Teshuvah means not only atonement or repentance, but a return - to the ways of the Divine, or even to one's own true self.
  • Where/when have I been close to my best self? When have I been far from my best self?
  • What obstacles do I need to overcome to get to my best self? What do I need to let go of / leave behind? What do I need to confront?
• Teshuvah can also mean "answer."
  • What has my soul been trying to say to me that I’ve been ignoring

• It can be helpful to know what others are trying to atone for, and comforting to know that they most likely are seeking atonement for the very same things you are. Take a good look at Atonenet and see if identifying with others' struggles helps you find more compassion for yourself.

• This practical teshuvah workshop from Pardes is a great way to take a soul-accounting, or cheshbon hanefesh:

Theme: Change

Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz, Teshuvah: A Guide for the Newly Observant Jew, trans. by Michael Swirsky, pp 3-4.

[20th-21st Century teacher, philosopher, social critic, and spiritual mentor, who has devoted his life to making the Talmud accessible to all Jews." - Wikipedia]

Broadly defined, teshuvah is more than just repentance from sin; it is a spiritual reawakening, a desire to strengthen the connection between oneself and the sacred. The effectiveness of teshuvah is thus frequently a function of one's sense of distance from the sacred. The greater the distance, the greater the potential movement towards renewed connectedness. As one Jewish sage put it, A rope that is cut and retied is doubly strong at the point where it was severed.... All forms of teshuvah, however diverse and complex, have a common core: the belief that human beings have it in their power to effect inward change.

• What does Adin Steinsaltz use as a metaphor for teshuva and inward change?
• How does this view of the capacity for inward change contrast from our societal views of the capacity for behavioral change and growth? How do you agree or disagree with the metaphor Rav Steinsaltz uses?
• Is there a practice or behavior in your own life that you have "cut and retied" that has become stronger than other practices and behaviors you have?

(questions by Shira Sacks)

Theme: Joy in Returning to One's Self and the Divine

Rav Kook, Orot HaTeshuva ("Lights of Teshuva")

When we forget the essence of our own soul… everything becomes confused and in doubt. The primary teshuva, that which immediately lights the darkness, is when a person returns to himself, to the root of his soul – then he will immediately return to God, to the soul of all souls.

Parker Palmer, “The Soul in Depression,” On Being: the Podcast, November 16, 2016

To move close to God is to move close to everything that human beings have ever experienced. And that, of course, includes a lot of suffering, as well as a lot of joy.

• Positive Vidui (confession) by Rabbi Binyamin Holtzman:

Kol Nidrei ("All vows") / Broken Promises

What promises have you made that you later regretted? The first prayer of Yom Kippur and possibly the most well-known, in Kol Nidrei we ask to be free of all the commitments we take upon ourselves. The prayer looks forward to the coming year and asks that we not be held to account for all the promises and vows that we make. Have a listen:

• What are three promises you made this past year, and to whom did you make them? To others? Yourself?

• Which promises have you broken this year? Have you expressed regret or apology?

• Why do you think you were not able to fulfill them?

• What, or who, do you need this coming year to help you follow through?

Kapparot and Tzedakah

Kapparot is a custom where a rooster is swung around one’s head and is then slaughtered while being declared a “substitute” for the individual, as an atonement for their sins.' As you might imagine, it was not without its detractors back in the 13th Century, and it's out without its detractors now. One more animal-friendly and socially impactful Kapparot ritual involves waving money, instead of a rooster, over one's head and donating it. Check out this link for a ready-made ritual guide to this alternative kapparator practice.

Tashlich (It's not too late!)

It's not too late to cast off one's sins into the ever-flowing water (technically, you can do it until Hoshana Rabbah). In addition to thinking about where you've come up short, think about those who have harmed you. In the same way you might feel you deserve forgiveness for your mistakes and missteps, those who have hurt you most likely feel they deserve that same forgiveness. While throwing your regrets and mistakes away, think of some of the grudges you are holding against others and try to throw them away as well; it can't hurt to start the new year with grudge-free.

Physical and Spiritual Purification (Mikvah)

Immersing in the mikvah (ritual bath) on Yom Kippur has been a custom for men for centuries, and more recently, people of all gender identities have taken on this practice (as was the original intention, anyway!). If you are looking for a guide to help facilitate a spiritually purifying experience before Yom Kippur, check out Mayyim Chayyim or this ritual guide or this one, which is designed for Rosh Hashanah but is still appropriate! It may be your first time going to the mikvah, or your fiftieth. Either way, immersing in the mikvah can be a powerful standalone ritual, or go hand in hand with fasting.