How to "use" this sheet.
(1) Look at the questions, consider the text they're pointing to.
(2) Do NOT read the whole page at once. Jump to whatever catches your eye.
I would say enjoy, but for this I'll say "Good Luck" and "You've Got This" and finally "When you don't have this, we're here for you (we = CBE clergy, Yachad educators, all of us).
- Tehilah
How to explain to kids why the election isn't decided on election night
(click blue text for the link)
Summary: Take the diversions and details that work, and take a deep breath.
How to tame your temper when pandemic parenting stress has you boiling (Washington Post) (click blue text for the link)
Summary: Be kind to yourself, recognize impatient parenting often gets you less of what you want. Not in the article - you have the magic in your back pocket of repair, use it freely when you aren't your most patient. Name it. Fix it. That's the best lesson for all of us.
We try to teach our children patience, at the beginning largely for our own benefit. What do we really believe about patience and it's import? Talmud Shabbat 31a below ascribes some pretty huge benefits/losses to this topic.
קַפְּדָנוּתוֹ שֶׁל שַׁמַּאי בִּקְּשָׁה לְטוֹרְדֵנוּ מִן הָעוֹלָם, עִנְוְותָנוּתוֹ שֶׁל הִלֵּל קֵרְבַתְנוּ תַּחַת כַּנְפֵי הַשְּׁכִינָה.
Shammai’s impatience sought to drive us from the world; Hillel’s patience brought us beneath the wings of the Divine Presence.
Question to consider when reading Proverbs 30:33
Did you know our ancient texts talk about bloody noses? They also talk about how real it is to be where you are right now, and what that might be doing to your home life, partnership and other relationships. What are you doing to let off steam, rather then let steam off at someone?
(33) As milk under pressure produces butter, And a nose under pressure produces blood, So patience under pressure produces fights.
Loving parents want their children to have the resources/experiences (the "things") that they lacked growing up.
In the Midrash Tanchuma below the "parent," Moses, wants his "children," the Jewish people, to have the leadership he couldn't offer. What parenting elements are you struggling with right now, and who in your sphere/your child's sphere is able to give that to them in this rough patch?
(א) וַיְדַבֵּר מֹשֶׁה, יִפְקֹד ה' וְגוֹ'. מֹשֶׁה מְבַקֵּשׁ מִן הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא בִּשְׁעַת מִיתָתוֹ, וְאוֹמֵר לְפָנָיו, רִבּוֹנוֹ שֶׁל עוֹלָם, גָּלוּי וְיָדוּעַ לְפָנֶיךָ דַּעְתָּם שֶׁל כָּל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד, וְאֵין בְּשֶׁל בָּנֶיךָ דּוֹמֶה זֶה לָזֶה. כְּשֶׁאֲנִי מִסְתַּלֵּק מֵהֶן, בְּבַקָּשָׁה מִמְּךָ אִם בִּקַּשְׁתָּ לְמָנוֹת עֲלֵיהֶם מַנְהִיג, מְנֵה עֲלֵיהֶם אָדָם שֶׁיְּהֵא סוֹבֵל לְכָל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד לְפִי דַּעְתּוֹ.
(from Numbers 27:15-16:), “And Moses spoke … ‘Let the Lord appoint….’”
Moses asks the Holy One, blessed be God, at the time of Moses's death...“Master of the world, the temperament of each and every person is revealed to You; and the temperament of one person is unlike the temperament of another. Now that I am departing from them, would You please, if You so desire to appoint a leader over them, appoint over them a person who will bear with each and every one of them according to their temperament.”
How much of our frustration, impatience should we share with our children and how much should we keep to ourselves?
The Akeidat Yitzchak commentary below is slightly less ancient, it is from Isaac ben Moses Arama, a Spanish rabbi and author b 1420 Spain, d 1494 Italy.
Akeidat Yitzchak 27:1:5
The most important trait to be developed is patience. This is the ability to endure adversity easily, not without sensitivity, but heroically. One does not display one's pain or sorrow in a manner which reveals that one feels a burden that is difficult to bear. On the other hand, one does not conceal it to the point where fools would be justified in concluding that one is totally insensitive to such pains or burdens.
What else does Jewish wisdom say about patience? Here's a few more (non-exhaustive) bonus texts.
אתו אינהו ואמרו אדרבה זו היא גבורת גבורתו שכובש את יצרו שנותן ארך אפים לרשעים ואלו הן נוראותיו שאלמלא מוראו של הקב"ה היאך אומה אחת יכולה להתקיים בין האומות
.... this is the might of God's might [fullest expression of God's strength], that God conquers God's inclination [and] exercises patience toward the wicked.
(8) The end of a matter is better than the beginning of it. Better a patient spirit than a prideful spirit.
(ב) עֲשָׂרָה דוֹרוֹת מֵאָדָם וְעַד נֹחַ, לְהוֹדִיעַ כַּמָּה אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם לְפָנָיו, שֶׁכָּל הַדּוֹרוֹת הָיוּ מַכְעִיסִין וּבָאִין עַד שֶׁהֵבִיא עֲלֵיהֶם אֶת מֵי הַמַּבּוּל. עֲשָׂרָה דוֹרוֹת מִנֹּחַ וְעַד אַבְרָהָם, לְהוֹדִיעַ כַּמָּה אֶרֶךְ אַפַּיִם לְפָנָיו, שֶׁכָּל הַדּוֹרוֹת הָיוּ מַכְעִיסִין וּבָאִין, עַד שֶׁבָּא אַבְרָהָם וְקִבֵּל עָלָיו שְׂכַר כֻּלָּם:
(2) [There were] ten generations from the first human to Noah, to show how long-suffering God is; because all the generations kept on angering God until God brought them the waters of the flood. [There were] ten generations from Noah to Abraham, to show how long-suffering God is; because all the generations kept on angering God, until Abraham, came and received the reward of all of them [might also be read: made it all worthwhile for God].