(א) קֹדֶם מַתַּן תּוֹרָה הָיָה אָדָם פּוֹגֵעַ אִשָּׁה בַּשּׁוּק אִם רָצָה הוּא וְהִיא לִשָּׂא אוֹתָהּ מַכְנִיסָהּ לְתוֹךְ בֵּיתוֹ וּבוֹעֲלָהּ בֵּינוֹ לְבֵין עַצְמוֹ וְתִהְיֶה לוֹ לְאִשָּׁה. כֵּיוָן שֶׁנִּתְּנָה תּוֹרָה נִצְטַוּוּ יִשְׂרָאֵל שֶׁאִם יִרְצֶה הָאִישׁ לִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה יִקְנֶה אוֹתָהּ תְּחִלָּה בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים וְאַחַר כָּךְ תִּהְיֶה לוֹ לְאִשָּׁה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים כב-יג) "כִּי יִקַּח אִישׁ אִשָּׁה וּבָא אֵלֶיהָ":
(ב) וְלִקּוּחִין אֵלּוּ מִצְוַת עֲשֵׂה שֶׁל תּוֹרָה הֵם. וּבְאֶחָד מִשְּׁלֹשָׁה דְּבָרִים אֵלּוּ הָאִשָּׁה נִקְנֵית. בְּכֶסֶף. אוֹ בִּשְׁטָר. אוֹ בְּבִיאָה. בְּבִיאָה וּבִשְׁטָר מֵהַתּוֹרָה. וּבְכֶסֶף מִדִּבְרֵי סוֹפְרִים. וְלִקּוּחִין אֵלּוּ הֵן הַנִּקְרָאִין קִדּוּשִׁין אוֹ אֵרוּסִין בְּכָל מָקוֹם. וְאִשָּׁה שֶׁנִּקְנֵית בְּאֶחָד מִשְּׁלֹשָׁה דְּבָרִים אֵלּוּ הִיא הַנִּקְרֵאת מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת אוֹ מְאֹרֶסֶת:
(ד) קֹדֶם מַתַּן תּוֹרָה הָיָה אָדָם פּוֹגֵעַ אִשָּׁה בַּשּׁוּק אִם רָצָה הוּא וְהִיא נוֹתֵן לָהּ שְׂכָרָהּ וּבוֹעֵל אוֹתָהּ עַל אֵם הַדֶּרֶךְ וְהוֹלֵךְ. וְזוֹ הִיא הַנִּקְרֵאת קְדֵשָׁה. מִשֶּׁנִּתְּנָה הַתּוֹרָה נֶאֶסְרָה הַקְּדֵשָׁה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים כג-יח) "לֹא תִהְיֶה קְדֵשָׁה מִבְּנוֹת יִשְׂרָאֵל". לְפִיכָךְ כָּל הַבּוֹעֵל אִשָּׁה לְשֵׁם זְנוּת בְּלֹא קִדּוּשִׁין לוֹקֶה מִן הַתּוֹרָה לְפִי שֶׁבָּעַל קְדֵשָׁה:
(ויקרא כא-יג) "וְהוּא אִשָּׁה בִבְתוּלֶיהָ יִקָּח" אַתָּה לָמֵד שֶׁאֵינָהּ בְּתוּלָה לֹא יִקַּח. וְלָאו הַבָּא מִכְּלַל עֲשֵׂה הֲרֵי הוּא כַּעֲשֵׂה:
(1) Before the giving of the Torah, it would be that if a man happened upon a woman in the marketplace and they wanted to marry each other, he would bring her into his house and consummate the marriage between them privately, and she would be his wife. Once the Torah was given, Israel was commanded that if a man wanted to marry a woman, he would acquire her first through witnesses, and afterwards she would be his wife, as it says, "When a man takes a woman and sleeps with her..." (Deuteronomy 22:13).
(2) And taking a wife as such is a positive commandment of the Torah. And a woman is acquired through three means: money, a contract, or through intercourse. Marriage through intercourse and by contract is from the Torah, and by money is Rabbinical. And this acquisition is what is called "Kiddushin" or "Eirusin" in several places. And a woman who is acquired through one of these three means is called a "Mekudeshet" or "Meureset".
(4) Before the giving of Torah, if a man bumped into a woman in the Shuk, if they wanted one another he would give her her value and baal her by the side of the way - and this was called 'kadeisha.' When Torah was given kadeisha was prohibitied, as it says (Deut 23:18) 'There shall not be a kadeisha among the people of Israel.' Therefore any who baals a woman in the name of znut without Kiddushin is whipped as a Torah decree.
(א) כֵּיצַד הָאִשָּׁה מִתְקַדֶּשֶׁת. אִם בְּכֶסֶף הוּא מְקַדֵּשׁ אֵין פָּחוֹת מִפְּרוּטָה כֶּסֶף אוֹ שְׁוֵה פְּרוּטָה. אוֹמֵר לָהּ הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לִי. אוֹ הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְאֹרֶסֶת לִי. אוֹ הֲרֵי אַתְּ לִי לְאִשָּׁה בָּזֶה. וְנוֹתֵן לָהּ בִּפְנֵי עֵדִים. וְהָאִישׁ הוּא שֶׁאוֹמֵר דְּבָרִים שֶׁמַּשְׁמָעָן שֶׁקּוֹנֶה אוֹתָהּ לוֹ לְאִשָּׁה וְהוּא שֶׁיִּתֵּן לָהּ הַכֶּסֶף:
(ב) נָתְנָה הִיא וְאָמְרָה לוֹ הֲרֵי אֲנִי מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת לְךָ. הֲרֵינִי מְאֹרֶסֶת לְךָ. הֲרֵינִי לְךָ לְאִנְתּוּ אוֹ בְּכָל לְשׁוֹן הַקְנָאָה אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְכֵן אִם נָתְנָה הִיא לוֹ וְאָמַר הוּא אֵינָהּ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת. וְאִם נָתַן הוּא וְאָמְרָה הִיא הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת מִסָּפֵק:
(ו) הַדְּבָרִים שֶׁיֹּאמַר הָאִישׁ כְּשֶׁיְּקַדֵּשׁ צָרִיךְ שֶׁיִּהְיֶה מַשְׁמָעָם שֶׁהוּא קוֹנֶה הָאִשָּׁה וְלֹא שֶׁיְּהֵא מַשְׁמָע שֶׁהִקְנָה עַצְמוֹ לָהּ. כֵּיצַד. הֲרֵי שֶׁאָמַר לָהּ אוֹ שֶׁכָּתַב בַּשְּׁטָר שֶׁנְּתָנוֹ לָהּ. הֲרֵינִי בַּעְלֵךְ. הֲרֵינִי אֲרוּסֵךְ. הֲרֵינִי אִישֵׁךְ וְכָל כַּיּוֹצֵא בָּזֶה. אֵין כָּאן קִדּוּשִׁין כְּלָל. אָמַר לָהּ אוֹ כָּתַב לָהּ. הֲרֵי אַתְּ אִשְׁתִּי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ אֲרוּסָתִי. אוֹ הֲרֵי אַתְּ קְנוּיָה לִי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ שֶׁלִּי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ לְקוּחָתִי. הֲרֵי אֶת חֲרוּפָתִי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ בִּרְשׁוּתִי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ זְקוּקָה לִי וְכָל כַּיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן. הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת:
(ז) אָמַר לָהּ אוֹ כָּתַב לָהּ הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְיֻחֶדֶת לִי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ מְיֹעֶדֶת לִי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ עֶזְרָתִי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ נֶגְדָּתִי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ צַלְעָתִי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ סְגוּרָתִי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ תַּחְתַּי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ עֲצוּרָתִי. הֲרֵי אַתְּ תְּפוּסָתִי. הֲרֵי זוֹ מְקֻדֶּשֶׁת בְּסָפֵק. וְהוּא שֶׁיִּהְיֶה מְדַבֵּר עִמָּהּ תְּחִלָּה עַל עִסְקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין. אֲבָל אִם אֵינוֹ מְדַבֵּר עִמָּהּ תְּחִלָּה עַל עִסִקֵי קִדּוּשִׁין אֵין חוֹשִׁשִׁין לִמִלּוֹת אֵלּוּ:
(1) How is a woman sanctified (for engagement)? If one choses to do so with money (or its equivalent), it can not have less than the value of a "Pruta". He says to her, "behold, you are sanctified to me", "behold, you are engaged to me", "behold, with this, you are to be my wife", and he gives her the object in front of witnesses. The man must be the one to say words that have the meaning of an acquisition, and it must be he that is giving her the money.
(2) If she gives the money and says, "I am sanctified to you", "I am engaged to you", "I am a wife to you" or any other acquisition term, she is not sanctified. So to if she gives the money and he speaks, she is not sanctified.If he gives and she speaks, this is a questionable sanctification.
The Halachic implication of this inequality is that it is only the woman's status that changes substantially when she marries, only she is liable for the harshest punishments under the law should she be sexually unfaithful to her husband. Given that the central act in a traditionalist Jewish wedding is still an act of acquisition (where money, generally in the form of a ring, passes from the man to the woman) anyone choosing to get married mindfully in this way will need to think through their relationship with tradition itself in a profound manner.
Some scholars have even suggested that a radical change to the wedding ceremony may be necessary in our day. In halachah, in order for kiddushin to be valid, both parties must consent to the contract undertaken. This means that the woman may need to consent to 'being acquired.' Professor Meir Feldblum has written on the current implications of the lack of informed consent of women at the time of the marriage... Even worse, if the woman does indeed know the meaning of the ceremony and states explicitly beforehand that she does not believe in or accept the nature of kiddushin what does that do to the validity of their wedding ceremony.
Kinyan with reciprocal declarations
Kiddushin
Al Tanai
Derech Kiddushin - “Harei ani miyuchad(et) lach/lecha bitaba’at zu” (Behold, I am made exclusively yours with this ring.)
On the ________ day of the week on the _________ day of the month of ___________
in the year five thousand ____________ according to the Hebrew calendar, corresponding to the ___________ day of the month of ______________, 20__, according to the reckoning that we use here in ___________________ in _______, we witness that the groom _______________, son of _____________and ____________ said to the bride ___________, daughter of ________________ and _______________, “With this ring you are consecrated to me according to the tradition of Moses and the people Israel.” And the bride ___________, daughter of ________________ and _______________, said to the groom _______________, son of _____________and ____________, “With this ring you are consecrated to me according to the tradition of Moses and the people Israel.”
The bride _____________ and the groom _____________ have accepted upon themselves all the conditions of marriage as required by the laws of the Torah and the enactments of our Sages of blessed memory.
They further agreed, freely and without compulsion, to serve, honor, support and nourish one another, to live as husband and wife, and to build together an enduring Jewish home, according to the custom of Jewish men and women.
The bride, ___________, accepted a ring from her beloved, and the groom __________, accepted a ring from his beloved, for the purpose of kiddushin and as a symbol of their love for one another. They further agreed to uphold the conditions of this ketubbah and to take responsibility for the money and property that comes with them from their homes and from their families’ homes.
We performed an act of confirmation (kinyan) with the groom, ____________, on behalf of the bride _____________, and with the bride ________________, on behalf of the groom, ________________, with an object that is legally fit for this purpose.
And everything is certain and enduring
Attested to _____________________ (witness)
This paper provides the background to the following statement issued by Masorti Judaism UK in October 2014: After much learning and discussion, the Masorti rabbis have ruled that communities may carry out ceremonies for gay and lesbian couples based on a ‘shutafut,’ or partnership, ceremony. We recognise that our movement encompasses diverse views on this important subject. Each Masorti community, together with its rabbi, will be free to decide whether to carry out these ceremonies and, if so, whether the relationships sanctified by them should be registered under English law as samesex marriages or civil partnerships. Masorti Judaism is proud to be taking this opportunity to make our communities ever more welcoming and to realise our values of inclusion, equality and diversity within the framework of halakhah (Jewish law).
A shutafut ceremony is based on the same moral, emotional and spiritual premises as the public affirmation of heterosexual monogamous relationships in Judaism through marriage: the commitment to a faithful, enduring, exclusive bond, based on respect, love and the express intention to establish a Jewish home and live according to Jewish values and practice. As already noted, it is founded on the wish to create a bayit ne’eman be’Yisrael, a true home in the People of Israel. It is at heart a celebration of this commitment before friends, community and God. It marks a sacred bond.
It differs clearly from the kinyan and kiddushin, or ‘acquisition’, model which forms the basis of the traditional Jewish wedding ceremony. In the words of Rabbi Joel Levy, it is ‘rooted in the Jewish law of partnership, shutafut, rather than the law of acquisition. The central act of such a ceremony replaces the kinyan (‘acquiring’) of kiddushin, where the man gives an object of value to the woman, with a ceremony where each partner places an object of value into a bag which they then raise together, thereby indicating that they enter into a joint partnership. The terms of their contract are detailed in a “Covenant of Love”, one of the terms of which must be a promise of mutual sexual fidelity.’ [10]
by Rabbis Elliot Dorff, Daniel Nevins and Avram Reisner - available here
We are offering two model ceremonies, one that closely follows the traditional Jewish wedding liturgy, and one that starts fresh. Each ceremony accomplishes the following tasks, which we consider to be essential to any Jewish marriage ceremony:
a. The couple is welcomed, and God’s blessings are requested for their marriage.
b. Traditional symbols of celebration—such as wine—and of commitment—such as rings—are used to add significance to this moment.
c. A document of “covenant” committing the couple to live a life of mutual fidelity and responsibility is read and witnessed. This covenant is affirmed at the rings ceremony and constitutes the halakhic mechanism for binding the couple together as a family.
d. Blessings thanking God for this sacred moment of loving covenant are recited, and the couple’s relationship is linked to the broader narrative of the Jewish people and its redemption.
These two wedding ceremonies, like the kiddushin ceremony developed in Jewish tradition for heterosexual couples, emphasize values such as faithfulness, compassion, and financial responsibility. They employ traditional symbols of love and marriage, speak to the couple’s commitment to living a life infused with study and devotion, and ask for God’s blessing upon their union. In all of these ways these ceremonies communicate that the family established by the couple has the potential to become a bayit ne’eman b’Yisrael, a faithful household in Israel. They accomplish this with a mechanism distinct from the traditional kiddushin, but they reflect the kedushah or holiness in the covenant that now binds the couple together as equal partners.