Sources Through Srugim, Session 26: A Husband's Obligation to His Wife

(ט) וְאִם־לִבְנ֖וֹ יִֽיעָדֶ֑נָּה כְּמִשְׁפַּ֥ט הַבָּנ֖וֹת יַעֲשֶׂה־לָּֽהּ׃ (י) אִם־אַחֶ֖רֶת יִֽקַּֽח־ל֑וֹ שְׁאֵרָ֛הּ כְּסוּתָ֥הּ וְעֹנָתָ֖הּ לֹ֥א יִגְרָֽע׃

Exodus 21:9-10

(9) And if he designated her for his son, he shall deal with her as is the practice with free maidens. (10) If he marries another, he must not withhold from this one her food, her clothing, or her conjugal rights.

כתובות מ״ז ב:י׳-מ״ח א:ב׳

אמר רבא האי תנא סבר מזונות מדאורייתא דתניא (שמות כא, י) שארה אלו מזונות וכן הוא אומר (מיכה ג, ג) ואשר אכלו שאר עמי כסותה כמשמעו עונתה זו עונה האמורה בתורה וכן הוא אומר (בראשית לא, נ) אם תענה את בנותי רבי אלעזר אומר שארה זו עונה וכן הוא אומר (ויקרא יח, ו) איש איש אל כל שאר בשרו לא תקרבו לגלות ערוה כסותה כמשמעו עונתה אלו מזונות וכן הוא אומר (דברים ח, ג) ויענך וירעיבך רבי אליעזר בן יעקב אומר שארה כסותה לפום שארה תן כסותה שלא יתן לה לא של ילדה לזקינה ולא של זקינה לילדה כסותה ועונתה לפום עונתה תן כסותה שלא יתן חדשים בימות החמה ולא שחקים בימות הגשמים: תני רב יוסף שארה זו קרוב בשר שלא ינהג בה מנהג פרסיים שמשמשין מטותיהן בלבושיהן מסייע ליה לרב הונא דאמר רב הונא האומר אי אפשי אלא אני בבגדי והיא בבגדה יוציא ונותן כתובה:

Ketubot 47b:10-48a:2

§ Rava said: This tanna, in the baraita cited below, maintains that the obligation of a husband to provide his wife’s sustenance applies by Torah law, as it is taught with regard to the verse pertaining to a husband’s obligations toward his wife: “If he takes another wife for himself, her food [she’era], her clothing [kesuta], and her conjugal rights [onata], he shall not diminish” (Exodus 21:10). “She’era”; this is sustenance, and it likewise states: “Who also eat the flesh [she’er] of my people” (Micah 3:3). “Kesuta” is understood in its literal sense as referring to clothing. “Onata”; this is her conjugal rights, which is stated in the Torah, and so it says: “If you shall afflict [te’aneh] my daughters” (Genesis 31:50), which indicates that a husband may not deprive his wife of her conjugal rights. The baraita continues: Rabbi Elazar says: “She’era”; this is her conjugal rights, and so it says: “None of you shall approach to any who is near [she’er] of kin to him, to uncover their nakedness” (Leviticus 18:6), which demonstrates that the word she’er is used in the context of sexual relations. “Kesuta” is understood in its literal sense as referring to clothing. “Onata”; this is sustenance, and so it says: “And He afflicted you [vayanekha], and made you suffer hunger, and fed you with manna” (Deuteronomy 8:3). Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov says that she’era and kesuta should be interpreted as follows: In accordance with her flesh [she’era], i.e., her age, give her clothing [kesuta]. This means that he should not give the garments of a young girl to an elderly woman, nor those of an elderly woman to a young girl. Similarly, kesuta and onata are linked: In accordance with the time of year [onata], give her clothing [kesuta], meaning that he should not give new, heavy clothes in the summer, nor worn-out garments in the rainy season, i.e., the winter, when she requires heavier, warmer clothes. The entire phrase, therefore, refers only to a husband’s obligation to provide clothing for his wife. Rav Yosef taught the following baraita: “She’era,” this is referring to closeness of flesh during intercourse, which teaches that he should not treat her in the manner of Persians, who have conjugal relations in their clothes. The Gemara comments: This baraita supports the opinion of Rav Huna, as Rav Huna said: With regard to one who says: I do not want to have intercourse with my wife unless I am in my clothes and she is in her clothes, he must divorce his wife and give her the payment for her marriage contract. This is in keeping with the opinion of the tanna of the baraita that the Torah mandates the intimacy of flesh during sexual relations.

משנה תורה, הלכות אישות י״ד

(א) עוֹנָּה הָאֲמוּרָה בַּתּוֹרָה. לְכָל אִישׁ וְאִישׁ כְּפִי כֹּחוֹ וּכְפִי מְלַאכְתּוֹ. כֵּיצַד. בְּנֵי אָדָם הַבְּרִיאִים וְהָרַכִּים וְהָעֲנֻגִּים שֶׁאֵין לָהֶם מְלָאכָה שֶׁמַּכְשֶׁלֶת כֹּחָן אֶלָּא אוֹכְלִין וְשׁוֹתִין וְיוֹשְׁבִין בְּבָתֵּיהֶן עוֹנָתָן בְּכָל לַיְלָה. הַפּוֹעֲלִין כְּגוֹן הַחַיָּטִין וְהָאוֹרְגִין וְהַבּוֹנִים וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן. אִם הָיְתָה מְלַאכְתָּן בָּעִיר עוֹנָתָן פַּעֲמַיִם בְּשַׁבָּת. וְאִם הָיְתָה מְלַאכְתָּן בְּעִיר אַחֶרֶת עוֹנָתָן פַּעַם אַחַת בְּשַׁבָּת. הַחַמָּרִים פַּעַם אַחַת בְּשַׁבָּת. ...

(ב) יֵשׁ לְאִשָּׁה לְעַכֵּב עַל בַּעְלָהּ שֶׁלֹּא יֵצֵא לִסְחוֹרָה אֶלָּא לְמָקוֹם קָרוֹב שֶׁלֹּא יִמָּנַע מֵעוֹנָתָהּ וְלֹא יֵצֵא אֶלָּא בִּרְשׁוּתָהּ. וְכֵן יֵשׁ לָהּ לְמָנְעוֹ לָצֵאת מִמְּלָאכָה שֶׁעוֹנָתָהּ קְרוֹבָה לִמְלָאכָה שֶׁעוֹנָתָהּ רְחוֹקָה. ...

(ז) אָסוּר לָאָדָם לִמְנֹעַ אִשְׁתּוֹ מֵעוֹנָתָהּ וְאִם עָבַר וּמָנַע כְּדֵי לְצַעֲרָהּ עָבַר בְּלֹא תַּעֲשֶׂה שֶׁבַּתּוֹרָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמות כא י) "שְׁאֵרָהּ כְּסוּתָהּ וְעֹנָתָהּ לֹא יִגְרָע". וְאִם חָלָה אוֹ תָּשַׁשׁ כֹּחוֹ וְאֵינוֹ יָכוֹל לִבְעל יַמְתִּין שִׁשָּׁה חֳדָשִׁים שֶׁמָּא יַבְרִיא שֶׁאֵין לְךָ עוֹנָה גְּדוֹלָה מִזּוֹ. וְאַחַר כָּךְ אוֹ יִטּל מִמֶּנָּה רְשׁוּת אוֹ יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה:

Mishneh Torah, Marriage 14

When the Torah talks about a man's conjugal responsibilities, these are dependent on each man according to his strength and his profession. For example, people whose work does not force them out of the home, and who rather are able to spend the whole day in their house, should avail themselves to their partner every evening. Manual laborers who need to go into the city for their work, they should avail themselves to their partners twice a week, but if they need to travel to another city for work, they only must avail themselves once a week...

2) A woman can prevent her husband from traveling far away for work so that he does not withhold her conjugal rights, and he can only travel with her permission. Similarly, she can prevent him from transferring from a close job to a job that requires him to regularly travel far away, as this travel will sap his energy.

7) A husband cannot consistently refuse to engage in sexual relations with his wife, and a man who does so violates a Biblical prohibition, and the woman has legal grounds to ask for her divorce, claiming the full amount of the financial compensations established in the Ketuba. This does not apply, however, when the reason for the husband’s abstinence is, for example, health-related.

בראשית א׳:כ״ח

וַיְבָ֣רֶךְ אֹתָם֮ אֱלֹהִים֒ וַיֹּ֨אמֶר לָהֶ֜ם אֱלֹהִ֗ים פְּר֥וּ וּרְב֛וּ וּמִלְא֥וּ אֶת־הָאָ֖רֶץ וְכִבְשֻׁ֑הָ וּרְד֞וּ בִּדְגַ֤ת הַיָּם֙ וּבְע֣וֹף הַשָּׁמַ֔יִם וּבְכָל־חַיָּ֖ה הָֽרֹמֶ֥שֶׂת עַל־הָאָֽרֶץ׃

Genesis 1:28

God blessed them and God said to them, “Be fertile and increase, fill the earth and master it; and rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and all the living things that creep on earth.”

משנה יבמות ו׳:ו׳

לֹא יִבָּטֵל אָדָם מִפְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה, אֶלָּא אִם כֵּן יֶשׁ לוֹ בָנִים. בֵּית שַׁמַּאי אוֹמְרִים, שְׁנֵי זְכָרִים. וּבֵית הִלֵּל אוֹמְרִים, זָכָר וּנְקֵבָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר, (בראשית ה) זָכָר וּנְקֵבָה בְּרָאָם. נָשָׂא אִשָּׁה, וְשָׁהָה עִמָּהּ עֶשֶׂר שָׁנִים, וְלֹא יָלְדָה, אֵינוֹ רַשַּׁאי לִבָּטֵל. גֵּרְשָׁהּ, מֻתֶּרֶת לִנָּשֵׂא לְאַחֵר. וְרַשַּׁאי הַשֵּׁנִי לִשְׁהוֹת עִמָּהּ עֶשֶׂר שָׁנִים. וְאִם הִפִּילָה, מוֹנֶה מִשָּׁעָה שֶׁהִפִּילָה. הָאִישׁ מְצֻוֶּה עַל פְּרִיָּה וּרְבִיָּה, אֲבָל לֹא הָאִשָּׁה. רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן בֶּן בְּרוֹקָא אוֹמֵר, עַל שְׁנֵיהֶם הוּא אוֹמֵר (בראשית א), וַיְבָרֶךְ אֹתָם אֱלֹהִים וַיֹּאמֶר לָהֶם אֱלֹהִים פְּרוּ וּרְבוּ:

Mishnah Yevamot 6:6

A man may not neglect the mitzva to be fruitful and multiply unless he already has children. Beit Shammai say: One fulfills this mitzva with two males, and Beit Hillel say: A male and a female, as it is stated: “Male and female He created them” (Genesis 5:2). If a man married a woman and stayed with her for ten years and she did not give birth, he is no longer permitted to neglect the mitzva to be fruitful and multiply. Consequently, he must either divorce her and marry someone else, or take another wife while still married to her. If he divorced her she is permitted to marry another man, as it is not necessarily on her account that she and her first husband did not have children, and the second husband is permitted to stay with her for ten years. And if she had a miscarriage, he counts the ten years from the time of the miscarriage. A man is commanded with regard to the mitzva to be fruitful and multiply, but not a woman. Rabbi Yoḥanan ben Beroka says that a woman is also commanded, as the verse states with regard to both of them: “And God blessed them, and God said to them: Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28).