The Chofetz Chaim Said What?! Shmiros HaLashon Class

Shmiros HaLoshon Class – “The Chofetz Chaim Said What?”

By: Moriah Dubowsky

(Start Date: March 18th, 2020 @ 6:45pm & May 25th, 2022)

Moriah Dubowsky is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: The Chofetz Chaim Said What?!

Time: May 25^th, 2022 @ 08:30 PM on Wednesdays

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us04web.zoom.us/j/73792870521?pwd=R2E5enVpb2lNV1pMdzQ2MG9YbTV4QT09

Meeting ID: 737 9287 0521

Passcode: NoGossip

Sefer Chofetz Chaim

Nidchei Yisrael - two volumes, published in 1893.

Yisrael Meir Kagan

CLASS 1- 3/18/20: INTRO to the class

Hello everyone, my name is Moriah Dubowsky, welcome to “The Chofetz Chaim Said What?”. This is about Shmiros HaLoshon (guarding one’s speech) based on the writings of the Chofetz Chaim [of blessed memory]. Thank you so much for being a part of this class! I will be going through the laws of loshon hara, practical steps we can take to work on our speech, and examples of how loshon hara relates to and affects us.

Everyone introduces themselves

Please pitch in with your own, stories/anecdotes, thoughts, and questions. This is an open and interactive class.

Rabbi Wyne spoke in synagogue about how this is a time of quarantine, with the Coronavirus. He said that there are two reasons why Hashem gives us this time of quarantine:

-Loshon Hara (bad speech/gossip)

-Haughtiness

Q: How does Loshon Hara connect to quarantine?

A: My wonderful father explained the connection. When a person said Loshon Hara, in biblical times, they got tzara’as (loosely translated as leprosy, which was a disease of the person, clothes, and home). Since this was a spiritual disease, the Kohen would examine and send away the metzora (leper) in quarantine. The metzora’s gossip isolates the person they spoke about socially; meaning it hurts their reputation or worse.

Intro to the Sefer Chofetz Chaim:

(Proverbs 21:23) “One who keeps an eye on his mouth & tongue protects his life from trouble.”

248 = physical organs = positive commandments

365 = physical sinews = negative commandments

“When man fulfills a mitzvah in this world with a certain organ, in Olam Habah (the World to Come) the light of Hashem reposes on that organ… when someone fulfills the 248 positive commandments, they are a ‘complete man’, if chas veshalom someone is lacking in even one positive commandments, there will be a defect on his (neshama) soul in Olam Habah… We wish to be perfect with all of our limbs and not be blemished, including the smallest organs… This hold true especially in the area of guarding one’s tongue. So, the organs correspond to the mitzvos”

Hashem helps us so that we do not we do not speak Loshon Hara. Hashem gives us two barriers to protect our speech; our teeth & our lips. Hashem also gave us free will, our responsibility is to guard our speech.

(Psalm 34:13) “Whoever is a man who desires life covets [his] days in order to perceive benevolence, shield your tongue from evil”]

The Concise Chofetz Chaim – A Page A Day (pg. 30)

1. Hashem loves us and distances us from harmful traits, including loshon hara and rechilus. “These traits promote strife and dispute, which may even lead to bloodshed.” [Evils come from this.]
2. The current galus (exile) is mainly because of the sin of spies. They were asked to investigate Eretz Yisroel (the land of Israel). They spoke loshon hara against the land. The city of Beitar was also destroyed by loshon hara and rechilus. Countless other terrible tragedies have been caused by loshon hara. – no need to get too in detail or too personal, but by a dhow of hands, who here has been affected by loshon hara?
3. Because of these, the Torah explicitly forbids it, “You shall not go talebearing among your people”. It can lead you to transgress most of the commandments “bein adam lechavero” (between man and his friend) and many commandments “bein adam l”Makom” (between man and G-d).

READ:

1. Daily Companion
2. Daily Q & A
3. Positive Word Power
4. 30 Seconds of Proper Speech

Chofetz Chaim: A Lesson A Day (Loshon Hara: A Definition, pg. 50)

PRINCIPLE 1- Pt 1: (on my Sefaria App) ------ highlight = summary

1. “It is forbidden to speak demeaningly of one’s friends, even if it is the absolute truth.” Chazal defines this as Loshon Hara. (Loshon Hara is the truth)

If it is falsehood, it is called “motzei shem ra (spreading a false report)”- greater sin

1. Many other negative and positive commandments transgressed – as mentioned before

Issur (prohibition)- “You shall not go talebearing among your people” & “You shall not bear a false report” (in the 10 commandments).

1. This is if one spoke demeaningly of one’s friend by chance. If someone custom/ used to speaking loshon hara naturally, chas v’shalom, they are called “ba’alei loshon hara (men of loshon hara)”. Their punishment is greater. (Psalms 12:4) “Let the L-rd cut off all smooth-talking lips, the tongue that speaks haughtily”. (connecting to both of the reasons for this time of quarantine.
2. For three certain transgressions, a person has no share in Olam Haba (the World to Come); idolatry, illicit relations, and blood-spilling – LOSHON HARA is worse. Chazal proved this from the Scripture.
3. There is no difference if someone speaks loshon hara of their own volition or if someone forced him to tell him. It is ALL forbidden! Even if it is someone’s father or Rabbi (which we are obligated to honor) want him to speak and he knows it may lead to loshon hara OR even “dust” or loshon hara, he is forbidden to consent.
4. Even if one sees that if he takes it upon himself never to speak demeaningly of a Jew, or say anything else that is forbidden, his livelihood will suffer greatly, as when he is around someone who does not really know anything about Torah. He may not transgress; it is better that he give up all his possessions than transgress. EX: Surround yourself with Torah scholars
5. Loshon Hara is forbidden even where only one’s personal honor is at stake. For example: Where people are speaking loshon hara and it is no way to avoid them, if he sits in silence he will be considered “crazy”. Chazal said (Eduyoth 5:6), “Better that a man be called ‘fool’ all of his days rather than be wicked one moment before the L-rd.” He should have bitachon (faith) that Hashem will reward him. “According to the strain is the reward”. In Avoth d’R. Nathan, “One time with strain for one hundred times without strain”.
6. It is still loshon hara whether it is by mouth, sign, or letter
7. It is still slander, if he is demeaning himself while demeaning his friend, with the very same slur.

READ:

Chofetz Chaim: The Family Lesson A Day (Day 2, pg 6 & Day 10, pg. 22)

CLASS 2- 3/25/20: 2^nd Class

https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/812861/jewish/A-Pillow-Full-of-Feathers.htm

Mashal (parable) about the pillow and feathers- Too tempted & and always spoke loshon hara He found out something interesting about a businessman and spread it and it eventually got to the man who was spoken about “Let all the feathers go… now, collect all the feathers” IMPOSSIBLE – Once you say something you can never take it back. He apologized and stopped his problem.

PRINCIPLE 2: (on my Sefaria App) – the din (judgement) of Loshon Hara in the presence of three [apeitelata]

1. It is forbidden to speak demeaningly of one’s friends, even if it is the absolute true, even before one and, especially before many. The more listeners, the bigger the sin. Also, he makes several people go astray in the issur (prohibition) of listening to loshon hara.

1. As there being a heter (halachic permit/ leniency/loophole) of Chazal to speak before three- apei tlasa. This is when something is not an absolute taint, which is understood in two ways; how they are said. If something is said in the presence of three, it is expected that it will get back to the subject’s ears, so the speaker pays attention in speaking, that what he says will not be taken negatively.

EX: “Where can I find fire” “You can always find fire there [where they always cook flesh and fish]”. How is it said? What are they implying? What do you take from this? Is it positive or negative? Does it mean that he has a large family or an Innkeeper, because they have people to feed and keep warm (Hashem blessed them wealth) or that they are always cooking.

1. If one speaks demeaningly of his friend before three he transgresses the issur/prohibition of loshon hara. If one of the three who heard the loshon hara told it to others, he does not transgress the prohibition. BECAUSE if three have become to know of it, it is considered to be known by all. “Your friend has a friend etc.,” The Torah does not forbid as Loshon Hara something which is bound to be known. And this is only if he relates it by chance; not if he intends to spread it or publicize it more. (G-d forbid) Even if he does not mention the name of who told (so as to not be rechilus/gossip mongering), when the purpose is to publicize. EX: Someone posted something on Instagram or Facebook, it is bound to be known by many. If you accidentally let it slip what is on the post. Even if that person does not follow them on social media.

1. The heter (leniency) (to repeat to another) where there is no intent to publicize it only applies to the 1^st hearer. If someone (2^nd hearer) hears it from the 1^st hearer, it is forbidden to tell anyone. It is forbidden to believe the informer.

EX: This may become a “broken telephone” situation

1. If the recounting in the presence of 3 (and even one is a G-d fearing man) were before G-d fearing men who guard themselves against the prohibitions of Loshon Hara. Then, the report is not bound to be heard and it is forbidden. Even if only one of the three men is G-d fearing, the din/judgement remains the same. BECAUSE there are not 3 potential publicizers. This can also be the judgement if one of the three is a relative or close friend of the person being slandered, because they would not publicize it.

1. This is also only permitted if in that city the report was heard by three, but not in a different city.

1. If the speaker urges the hearers not to reveal it, even if he said it before many, it would be loshon hara for someone to reveal it afterward, even if it is by chance. And even if he sees that one of the hearers or two did not heed the exhortation and revealed what he had to others, in spite of this, this third listener may reveal thing to others, even by chance. [see Be’er Mayim Chayim].

Rechilus is forbidden even when told to one person. Certainly, says the Chofetz Chaim, it is forbidden when said publicly. One might argue: “If I announce in public, ‘Chaim called Meir a fool,’ Chaim is sure to find out what I said. So obviously, I’m not afraid for Chaim to find out, and obviously I’m telling the truth.” Anyone who would put forth such an argument is overlooking a fundamental point of hilchos rechilus. As we have already learned, rechilus by definition is true information and it is forbidden even if the speaker would be unafraid to make the same statement in the subject’s presence.

The Chofetz Chaim presents a case of avak rechilus, “the dust of rechilus.” The classic case of avak rechilus is where a person makes a statement which could be interpreted either positively or negatively. A few people standing outside a shul (synagogue) are approached by a stranger. He wants to know where he can get something to eat. One member of the group says, “Why don’t you go to Levi? He always has something cooking on the stove.” The issue is whether or not this is a derogatory statement. The speaker may have meant, “Levi is always eating, so he always has food cooking” or he may have meant, “Levi always has guests, and he’s always prepared for extra company.”

In the first part of this volume (Day 29), we discussed whether or not such ambiguous statements are permissible. Here, the question is whether or not someone else may repeat this statement to Levi in the speaker’s name. The Chofetz Chaim informs us that it is surely forbidden to repeat the remark to Levi in a way which indicates that it was meant derogatorily. If it is repeated in a way which indicates that it was intended as a compliment, this would seemingly be permissible. However, if Levi is a person who tends to be suspicious of people’s motives and judges them unfavorably, then the remark should not be repeated to him even where the connotation is positive. The same would apply where there already exists some bad feeling between Levi and the person who made the remark, for here, too, it is likely that Levi will understand the remark the wrong way.

1. There’s no difference in the language of the exhortation, whether he urged them not to mention the subject at all anymore, or whatever choice of words he used, it is forbidden to reveal the demeaning of another even to a different person; how much more so to the person who is being demeaned – because if it is revealed to another, in the end it will become known to all, and even to the person being demeaned. As we’ve learned “your friend has a friend, etc.”

The heter (leniency) of Apei Tlasa applies only if there were three hearers. Not two who spoke before two.

All this that we have said applies to the issur (prohibition) of repeating it itself, but (G-d forbid) to add even one word or to “embroider” one thing before the hearer, is completely forbidden. Since he thereby harms him with his words more than he would have been harmed had he himself heard the original report within the normal dynamics of apei tlasa (loshon hara spoken in front of three people). By adding to the original, the report will be accepted as true, and this is forbidden by all poskim (legal scholar who determines the position of Halacha)

1. (we will discuss this more in principle 7, section 1)

If someone had faults in his youth, but now conducts himself correctly OR his forbears did not conduct themselves correctly at all, but he is not a part of it (if someone has a past and does teshuva or his parents did something wrong and he is not a part of it), it is forbidden to demean him or shame him before his friends. If someone speaks about these things before others, even if he does not add anything to the truth, is speaking loshon hara and does not behold the Divine Presence (Sha’arei Teshuvah). The heter of apei tlasa does not apply.

EX: I believe that this connects to someone who is a ba’alei teshuva (“master of the return” a Jew from a secular background who becomes religiously observant.) Once he has done teshuva (repentance) it is forbidden to bring up the sins of his/her past.

1. The heter (leniency or loophole) of Apei Tlasa applies to the speaker. And after all these things and this truth that we’ve explained, how much for one must distance himself from the leniency, which is practically no place in reality; and especially, even if all the conditions obtain it is easily to be determined whether the halacha is consistant. According to many poskim (legal scholar who determines the position of Halacha), there is no source for this leniency in the Talmud. ----- DO NOT RELY ON THIS LENIENCY!

Therefore, one who guards his soul will distance himself from this.

1. When the seven city dignitaries preside over the actions of men in the city in matters of assessments and the like, where their judgment will be to the detriment of one into the benefit of another, and they were different opinion and decide a quart of the majority - when they leave the queen of chamber they must not believe what happened and whose opinion was whose.

1. If someone lectures in a house of study, it is forbidden to mock him and to say that there’s nothing to his lectures and that there’s nothing to hear. (Vayikra 19:18) “And you shall love your neighbor as youself” - Apei tlasa does not apply

EX: mocking a Rabbi or speakers’ drasha (G-d forbid)

1. If someone revealed to his friend, in the presence of three, details about his occupation or trade or the like, things which, in general, or otherwise forbidden to repeat afterwards to another, if it would result in injury or pain to him - now, since he himself revealed it in the presence of three it is evident that if this is of no concern to him, even if it comes to being on the end. Therefore, one who hears it is permitted to reveal it to others as long as the teller does not make it clear that he is opposed to doing so.

Question from class: what are considered “forceful words” that will get someone to stop telling people what they are saying?

It is referring to words that have strong emotions behind them. Things like saying what you did was very wrong… this is a chiddush because usually you are not allowed manipulating people in such away. The reason you can do this is because it is for the good.

Is Lashon Hara true or false information?

True

What is name for someone giving over false information?

Motzei shem ra or hotzaas shem ra

Apei Tlasa

Speaking in front of three

mumor l’tayovon

lit., rebel due to temptation

mumor l’hachis,

lit., rebel whose intent is to spite

lo saylaych rachil b’amecha

Do not go as a gossipmonger among your people (Vayikra 19:16)

Class right before Shavuos:

Holiday of Shavuos is coming up, the day when we received the Torah from Hashem.

What is the connection between guarding your tongue and learning Torah? Rabbi Gladstein.

Daily prayer we say, “Guard my tongue from speaking evil, guard my lips from speaking deceit, open my heart in your Torah”. If a person is not careful about what he speaks about then their Torah is in jeopardy/danger. How?

Chavos Halevavos – when you speak lashon hara you are hurting your friend. Hashem has to pay back the person that you hurt. Hashem will take away the Torah that the speaker knows and gives it to the subject of the lashon hara. It is possible for a person to lose (limud haTorah – the Torah that they have learned). Guarding your mouth is an insurance policy for your Torah knowledge. We have to be careful about what we say!

R’ Avigdor Miller- If you speak lashon hara about somebody you do not lose all the Torah that you have ever learned, but Hashem measures how much you hurt the other person and in accordance with that Hashem will take away some of the Torah. If you continue, G-d forbid, you could eventually lose all the Torah [CHAS VESHALOM!!!]

Rav Papa said to Abaya - What does the world stand on? The learning of Torah of children. Is our learning not valuable? There is truly no comparison between a person who has ruined their mouth with lashon hara and people who have begun to speak lashon hara. An adult learns with more understanding and focus, how is children’s learning greater? The tool you use with which to create the Torah.

GREAT EXAMPLE: There are two painters; one is learning how to paint and has new and clean tools & one is more professional, experienced, and knowledgeable in painting and color theory and has great skill, but his brushes have become dirty from not washing and keeping their tools neat and clean. Even though the professional knows how to paint well he cannot paint anything nice because the brush is dirty, full of dust and old paint and new paint. The amateur may not be as skilled, but at least his painting is cleaner and nicer and the color he wants on the painting will be the right ones because he is starting from scratch.

A person can learn at a high level and know how to read and translate all of the meforshim (commentaries) and understand, but over time his mouth speaks lashon hara, which sullies the mouth. The Torah afterwards is not the same.

Better to use a mouth that has never spoken lashon hara and is not on a lower level, than be at a high level and have the mouth “dirty” from Lashon Hara.

Lashon hara effects the Torah level that the person is on. The more careful we are about not speaking lashon hara, the greater and more powerful the Torah will be.

Rav Papa said to Abaya were amoraim- “Jewish spokespeople”, so they probably did not even speak lashon hara! (G-d forbid- maybe at the most the might have spoken “avak lashon hara”- dust of lashon hara).

We should ask Hashem, “Please Hashem, before you open our heart in Torah it is more important that you help us be careful in not speaking lashon hara.

Someone who is involved in Torah will be safe from speaking lashon hara. Torah is a way to protect oneself from speaking lashon hara.

Principle 4: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 6/3/20 Part 1

1. (Basically a summary of principle 3) It is forbidden to speak against your friend, even (and especially) to their face and if it true, if it will shame him. Not just demeaning things in general but mentioning the bad deeds of their relatives or their bad deeds that they previously committed (bein adam l’makom- between man and G-d & bein adam l’chavairo- between man and his friend/man), if they have since done teshuva (repentance). Even if you saw them doing something recently that is questionable according to Jewish Law. It is forbidden to demean him, not to his face, if not in accordance with the qualifications of section 7.

1. There is no distinction between reporting him to have transgressed a positive and negative commandment, which is well known to be forbidden, since they will certainly be shamed before the hearer. Even if it is something that not many Jews are careful about, which he will not be greatly demeaned EX: He does not want to learn Torah, he is stingy and does not honor Shabbos. IT IS STILL FORBIDDEN! According to his words the person does not fulfill the Torah. It is for bidden to speak against someone in the branches of the mitzvos; if it goes against the rule of the Torah or the Rabbis. It is forbidden; even if not spoken to his face, even if it is true, and even if the speaker himself saw them do it.

1. This din (judgement) has many qualifications: If the person is “regular” (a plain man of Israel), who generally guards himself and “stumbles” into the sin occasionally and it most likely that he committed this sin unintentionally or did not know that it was a sin, or they thought that the ruling for this Jewish law is a chumra (stringency), - even if someone saw him transgress this several times HE SHOULD BE GIVEN THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT & he should be judged in the scales of merit. (Vayikra 19:15) Positive commandment “In [the scales of] righteousness shall you judge your friend.” It is forbidden to expose him because this would cause him shame before his people and even in his own eyes. It is also forbidden to hate him for this. - Connected to Principle 6, section 8 & Principle 7, section 7, part a

1. But it appeared as if the sinner knew that the issur (prohibition) and they intentionally sinned. (This is an obvious prohibition). There should be some things taken into consideration; like are they “regular” (a plain man of Israel) who usually guards himself from sin, and he have they only been seen to transgress once in secret, it is forbidden to reveal his sin. The sinner could have repented and he has been in turmoil over it and Hashem has forgiven him. The “fool” who mentions the sin, will be sinful and guilty. It cannot be revealed in public or to the judges of the city, even if there was a second witness. The speaker is not allowed to be believed. But he should reprove him in private (by being gentle) and “fence himself off” from the factors that led him to sin. If there was a Torah scholar who is a fearer of sin who was overpowered by the yetzer hara (the evil inclination) it is forbidden to publicize his sin, As Chazal said (Berachos 19a) “If you have seen a Torah scholar who transgressed at night, do not think even of him in the daytime, for he has certainly repented.”

1. If the sinner is a foolish scoffer who hate their reprovers, (Mishlei 9:8) “Do not reprove the scoffers lest he hate you”. They will not accept it and will return to their [sinful] ways. It is better to the judges of the city, so that they will keep him from transgressing again. This is also true about telling the relatives of the sinner, if their words of reproof will help him change his ways. The intent of the seller has to be for the sake of Heaven, not because of hatred or revenge. The judges can only chastise the sinner in secret. (Vayikra 19:17) “Reprove shall you reprove your neighbor, but do not bear sin because of him”. There have to have been [at least] two witnesses to testify against his friend or it is in vain and cannot be relied upon. If there is one witness it is considered motzei shem ra (spreading a evil/false report). But he can reveal this to the sinner’s rabbi and close confidant in private, if he knows for a fact that his words will be accepted. The rabbi can hate him and distance himself from him, until he repents, but cannot tell others. – Principle 7, section 7, part a

1. If the man is accustomed to repeat his sin, and he would listen to his rabbi and stop repeating the offense, it is permitted to tell his rabbi. Even if the rabbi was not so discreet and the information would become public knowledge, since the teller’s intent is for the sinners benefit and NOT to demean him. If two people witnessed him doing so and he will return to doing the sin he can tell the judges of the city and no one else. (for the many reasons we mentioned of giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Principle 4: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 6/10/20 & 6/17/20 Part 2

(an apicores- who denies that God communicates with humans through prophecy, or one who denies the prophecy of Moses, or one who denies God's knowledge of the affairs of humans)

1. All of these (denim) judgements that have been mentioned only apply to a man who is the type to regret his sins. Not to a man who has no fear of G-d and he persists in a way that is not good. Someone who is not aware of a transgression, which is an obvious transgression. Whether the sin that you want to reveal was committed deliberately many times or he commits a different sin, which everyone knows is a sin. Then it is clear that the evil inclination did not overpower him and you may shame him and speak demeaningly of him, before him and in his absence. And if he does something that could be judged in the scale of merit or guilt, he should be judged in the scales of guilt, since he has shown that he is an evildoer. Especially so if someone reproved him and he did not stop the sin. Then you can expose him in public and spill scorn upon him until he returns to good.
2. When the bais din (Jewish court) tells a man a certain din (judgment) involving a positive commandment , whether it is “bein adam lechavero” (between man and his friend) and many commandments “bein adam l”Makom” (between man and G-d) and he refuses to fulfill it with no reason, it is permitted to speak demeaningly of him and to record his stubbornness in the registry for everyone, including future generations to see. If he tries to excuse his behavior and it is not true, attempting to push the bais din off, then he can be demeaned and it can be recorded. But if there is even a slight doubt [that he is lying, he may be telling the truth], it is forbidden to demean him.

1. In sections 3 & 4, we learn that it is forbidden to demean one’s friend and point out his negative traits, since it would be degrading. Even if it is true, who knows if he repented already? Even if it seems that he does not feel bad or bitter about what he has done it is forbidden to berate him. Maybe he does not understand the severity of the issur (prohibition). Sometimes even Torah scholars do not regard the evil traits as a grave issur (prohibition). If they knew the true gravity of the issur they would exert all his effort to avoid doing the prohibition ever again. So, one should reprove him and explain the gravity of the prohibition, which is a positive commandment (Vayikra 19:17) “Reprove shall you reprove your neighbor”. It is possible that he will admit he was wrong and at the time his way was just in his eyes as it says in Mishlei. [not thinking of what is expected from Hashem].So, it is forbidden to call him “wicked” and speak demeaningly of him.

1. If someone sees a trait that is degrading in someone EX: haughtiness or anger or other evil traits or he neglects Torah study. It is proper to tell this to his son or students and encourage them not to keep company with him, so as to not learn from his bad deeds. – (connected to Principle 1: Surround yourself with Torah scholars.) One cannot speak Lashon Hara if the intent is to shame one’s friend and rejoice in that shame. But if there is a to’eles (constructive purpose) to guard his friend from learning from a sinner’s ways, it is permitted and it considered a mitzvah. In this case, he can explain why he is speaking demeaningly, so that the listener won’t wonder why the person is contradicting himself by speaking Lashon Hara, when pointing out the severity of Lashon Hara.
2. If someone wishes to bring a friend into his affairs; like hire him for work or go into a partnership OR make a match with him, even if up until now he has only heard positive things about him, they can still make inquiries about the person’s character and dealings. Even though they may tell him something negative about the person, it is still permitted, since his intent is for his good alone, so that he will not afterward into injury or to strife or desecration of G-d’s name, G-d forbid. He must state why he making the inquiry, so that there is no fear of issur (prohibition) because he has no desire to demean him. He is not allowed to believe the answer, but he must hear the answer to protect himself. The intent has to be to tell the truth and NOT to demean him (even and especially if it is true). The answerer CANNOT exaggerate his answer beyond the truth and other details that are pertinent to the inquiry.
3. If he transgresses and spoke against his friend and he repented, his repentance depends on this; if his friends rejected his words and his friend is not demeaned by the Lashon Hara in their eyes. So the sin is only “ben adam l’Makom” (between man and G-d/Maker) and not “ben adam l’chavairo” (between man and his friend). His correction is to regret what passed, confess the sin, and take it upon himself to not to repeat it in the future, with sins “ben adam l’Makom” (between man and G-d/Maker). But if the subject was demeaned in the eyes of his friends and he suffered physical, financial, or emotional harm “ben adam l’chavairo” (between man and his friend), which even Yom Kippur and the day of death (yartziet) do not atone for, until he conciliates his friend. He must ask teshuva (pardon) from his friend. After he is forgiven by his friend, he still has to repent the sin between him and G-d. Even if his friend does not know anything about it, he must reveal what he did and ask for forgiveness, since he knows that because of him harm was done to his friend. This is why guarding ourselves from speaking Lashon Hara is so important, if someone is G-d forbid, steeped in this trait, it is almost impossible to do teshuva because he will not remember all of the souls, he grieved through Lashon Hara. For the people he does remember, they may not know about it and he will be ashamed to tell them. He will speak of a family taint and harm all future generations and he can never be pardoned for this. Therefore, someone should distance himself from this terrible trait, so that he is not G-d forbid in the category of, (Koheles 1:15) “The crooked cannot be straightened”.

Principle 5: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 6/24/20 Part 1

Summary: The issur (prohibition) of Loshan Hara bein adam l’chavero “between man and his neighbor”

1. It is forbidden to shame one’s friend bein adam l’Makom OR bein adam l’chaveuro, even [& especially] if there is no falsehood. I will not “conceal under my longue”, this principle is more complicated, often the din (judgement) changes with circumstances. One element that is completely forbidden is if someone sees someone asking his friend to lend money (even though lending money is a positive mitzvah) OR asking him for some other favor and he does not grant him or if he sees he is transgressing a negative commandment bein adam l’chaveuro (EX: taking revenge or bearing a grudge). Since the subject of the Lashon Hara did not do the speaker any evil and there is no benefit or constructive purpose (toeles) for accruing to the affected party by the speaker’s relating this information to others, if he does it is Lashon hara. Even if it happened to the speaker himself and it is clear that he could have been done the favor, but he refused to (out of the perverseness of his nature) – including the issur explained in section 3 bein adam l’Makom - Even if this was done to another and the speakers intent is to reveal the truth. How much more so if withholding the favor from the speaker themselves, it is certainly forbidden to demean him for this. (Vayikra 19:18) “You shall not bear a grudge” and if he intends to take revenge by publicizing their perverseness also transgresses “You shall not take revenge” aside from the prohibition of Lashon hara.

1. So far, we discussed what is forbidden and prohibited according to the circumstance. Now we will discuss when there is nothing to say on behalf of the speaker, where there is no intention of benefit except to demean his friend. The stumbling block is more prevalent and the Chofetz Chaim speaks about thought that perhaps through this Hashem will remove part of this great stumbling block.

It is forbidden to shame one’s friend for any insufficiency they may poses (this could be in wisdom, strength, wealth, etc.- EX: saying someone is not so smart). There is no difference if the information is true or false and he exaggerates the truth. It is a great sin to spread an evil report, since he demeans his friend with his falsehood or even (& especially) if it is true, because that is what Lashon hara is. (Avos 1:17) “Lashon Hara is relating one’s evils and blemished and demeaning a Jew in any way, even if the demeaned one were [indeed] deficient”. Lashon is something, which when it is known, causes someone to be harmed by body or in money, or to aggrieve him, or to frighten him (monetary loss or grief).

Q: How can we know if something will cause someone to be harmed?

Principle 5: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 7/1/20 Part 2

If someone was speaking about someone saying how they are not wise, there is no deficiency greater than this. If he was not married and this was to be known by people, no would want to make a match with him. If he had an occupation; whether a craftsman or a teacher, who would want to join him in his affairs or hire him? Especially if he was a posek (a teacher of Law in Israel)and people heard he was not wise, aside from the issur of Lashon Hara, if this information was publicized and accepted by the hearers it would cause monetary loss and no one would want to go to him for din (judgment) or pasharah (compromise).

And even worse, demeaned before the city and be removed. His blood and the blood of his children will be on the head of the speaker. He demeans the honor of the Torah and its learners and is called “the shamer of the Torah scholar” and Chazal say there is no healing for the wound. And through Lashon Hara there will greatly decline the fulfillment of Torah. In the people’s eyes he is a man who is not wise. – connected to Principle 7, section 7, part a

1. (Quoted straight from Sefer Chofetz Chaim): The Chofetz Chaim implores, “Further, I will ask you, my brother, about the wiles of the evil inclination, (for my asking you this is not in the category of Lashon Hara). Look into yourself: If it were known to you of a certainty that one publicized about you that you were not wise how resentful you would be of him for this! You would think: ‘What signs of folly did he see in me? He is nothing other than an evil-hearted person and a speaker of lashon hara, whose desire is only to demean his friend and to degrade him!’ And yet, when you yourself do this to your friend, who in many things is much better than you to the L–rd and to people, you do not see this as a sin at all! See the great blindness in this! And, in truth, when you reflect upon this, you will find in this instance of the varieties of the issur of lashon hara many more [elements] than in the others. This is so because in other instances of his saying about his friend that he transgressed an issur both in the area of "between man and his Maker" or in the area of "between man and his neighbor," it very often happens that his sole intent is zeal for the L–rd. And though this is of no avail for the din [it still being considered lashon hara (viz. Principle IV, section 2, and also section 1), still his intent was not for evil; as opposed to this instance, where his sole intent was to demean his friend and degrade him, an egregiously bad trait, as explained in the Sha'arei Teshuvah of Rabbeinu Yonah.”

In terms of the hearer, in the instance of Lashon hara where the speaker’s words are not immediately accepted. Many of the listeners will say, “So long as we do not see it with our own eyes, we will not believe it. And certainly, in what you have said, even if it is true, there must have been some mitigating circumstances which led him to act in this manner, for, as it was told, we cannot believe such things of him." If it turns out that what the speaker said what false, then the speaker will be an object of scorn and shame to all because they spread the false report about their friend. [If the words are believed] and he degrades his friend and publicizes him as a fool and a simpleton to all, as a result of which all the townspeople will make him an object of shame and scorn. Oftentimes, the hearers will not say, "Speak less and pity the honor of Israel. Why do you have to shame him so much!" as if the speaker had done no wrong and of such a speaker it is said, (Mishlei 30:20): "She ate and wiped her mouth and said: 'I have done no wrong.”

Principle 5: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 7/8/20 Part 3

“A Thousand Words” movie summary - Eddie Murphy is Jack McCall, a fast-talking literary agent, who can close any deal, any time, anyway. He has set his sights on New Age guru Dr. Sinja (Cliff Curtis) for his own selfish purposes. But Dr. Sinja is on to him, and Jack's life comes unglued after a magical Bodhi tree mysteriously appears in his backyard. With every word Jack speaks, a leaf falls from the tree and he realizes that when the last leaf falls, both he and the tree are toast. Words have never failed Jack McCall, but now he's got to stop talking and conjure up some outrageous ways to communicate or he's a goner. -- (C) Paramount

In my Jewish high school, I had a teacher who said that Hashem gave us a certain amount of words to use throughout our lifetime, just like the leaves on the tree. When we pass away, bezras Hashem at 120 years old, our words and actions will be judged and weighted; we all want the majority of our “limited” amount of words to be words that will lift others up and make them feel better. We want to make sure that we are using our words for the good and saying positive things. Not, chas v’shalom, spreading reports on others and using our words to bring people down.

1. Everything said above applies even if he just said that the subject is not wise in worldly matters specifically. Especially if he is seen as a wise person in Torah (like how we previously mentioned a posek) and it is said that he is less It is possible wise, and people will think less of him. This is Lashon Hara since the intent is to lower the way his friends see the subject, not for the subject’s benefit. This can cause him harm or distress, as we mentioned before.
   1. Someone speaks of the city Rabbi to the city saying that he is not wise in Torah, but that he knows a little about halachic rulings that are needed in practice, even if true, it is ABSOLUTE Lashon Hara. This lowers his honor and undermines his livelihood, therefore dishonors the Torah and mitzvos.
   2. This also applies if he spoke about someone who recently got married in the city, since he will be seen as lower in his in-laws’ eyes and the members of his household. - There is no greater pain.

If someone said about a worker that they are not a good worker, this is Lashon Hara. If the intent is not to demean, but to derive benefit, bz”H, this will be discussed in Principle 9.

1. Continuing demeaning someone “in respect to strength”, speaking about him before the city, saying that he is a weak man. He can be harmed by this if he is a day-laborer or teacher (which is very likely, especially at this time), then this is certainly Lashon Hara.

Saying that someone is poor or not wealthy, if this becomes public knowledge, he will not find anyone to extend him credit, which threatens his livelihood.

A man of heart, who does not intend to receive benefit and what they say does not result in harm to the subject. He must say that he does not anticipate benefit—will go into detail in Principle 9 – He cannot be lenient in this manner and say, “I do not intend to demean this man, but to derive such and such benefit”.

Practical Halacha: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 7/15/20

1. It depends on the man being spoken of (the subject). It is possible for someone to say the same thing about two people; they can be praising one person and speaking Lashon Hara about the other person.
   1. EX: He speaks of someone whose sustenance is provided by others and has no problem with livelihood, that he learns Torah 3-4 hours a day – he would be demeaning him and speaking Lashon Hara. But if he said the same thing about someone who works and toils for a living, it would be great praise.

This can also be said about positive commandments, like honoring Shabbos. – If it talks about someone, who is poor, who spends a substantial sum for him to honor the holy Shabbos, this is praise. But if the same thing is said for a wealthy [towns]person it could be demeaning for him and he would be scorned (since the sum is would be considered little for him. So the speaker who says this would have said Lashon Hara.

This also applies to giving charity. (meaning whether or not it is Lashon Hara), it depends on the subject’s financial status (what is a complement or praise to one, is an insult to the other). Also, with mitzvos (commandments) bein adam l’chaveiro (between man and his friend). This can go for many situations and people, if it says that person conducts themselves in a certain manner it can either be praise or be demeaning depending on the situation (like an employer vs. eminence of Israel- examples mentioned in Sefer Chofetz Chaim).

“Therefore, it is very difficult to include in a book all the instances in which one can fall prey to Lashon Hara. But make the words of the Rambam (Hilchos Deos 7) ‘a crown to your head’, and remember them always: that anything which, when publicized, can cause his friend physical harm, or monetary loss, or pain, or fright of Lashon Hara.

Make sure that the (yetzer hara) evil inclination does not deceive you by saying that “But have Chazal not said (Shabbath 31b): ‘Whatever is hateful to you do not do to your friend?’ What have I said about him?” That he learns ONLY three or four hours a day? Am I commanded to love him more than I love myself? I would take it as a compliment if they said it about me. Instead of thinking “All that would be hateful to you”, think of it as, “All that would be hateful to you if you were on his level [and his situation].” This is dependent on the subject, place, and time. If under the circumstances what you say would be demeaning then it is considered Lashon Hara, according to the din (judgement).

1. Just as it is forbidden to slander one’s friend, it is also forbidden to slander his possessions. In Sefer Chofetz Chaim, it discusses that it is common for a shopkeeper to slander the wares of another (usually of the similar kind), out of envy. This is absolute Lashon hara according to the Torah.

The issur of speaking Lashon Hara, applies even (& especially) if it is true and even in private. It is forbidden to speak of one’s friend demeaningly before two people, which is a greater sin than before one person, since people will believe it easier and the subject will be more greatly scorned in their eyes, if they hear it from two (since two “witnesses” are seen as reliable). Whenever the issur of Lashon Hara is mentioned in general, the intent is in all [eight] modes, unless we indicate otherwise.

Principle 6: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 9/2/20 Part 2

Onas Devarim- Causing hurt through spoken words (avaira)

Giluy Sod- Sharing information that was related in confidence

1. The reader should not be confused and think: – “If so, how can we satisfy the demands of heaven (bein adam l’makom) if you have fenced the way against us, that even hearing alone of one’s friend being demeaned is forbidden? Since, it might affect me in my business or something else.” The answer is that: If someone wants to satisfy the demands of heaven through hearing, he has to deport himself. Let’s say someone went up to him to tell him about his friend, and speak of them in a demeaning way, then he should ask “What do you want to tell me? It might affect me in the future OR might I [by hearing it] be able to correct things by reproof OR the like?” If he answers in the affirmative then he is permitted to hear it. He may only suspect, not believe the information, until it is proved (probed). But if no benefit would be derived through hearing and the speaker wants to vent his wrath against someone by imputing evil to him is forbidden to even hear.

Principle 6: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 9/9/20 Part 3

1. Sometimes it is a mitzvah to hear one speaking demeaningly about one’s friend. When he feels that by hearing the story completely, he might be able to show the speaker or other listeners that what was said is not true or say other things in his friend’s favor. There is another circumstance in which it is a mitzvah to hear. When someone comes before him to complain against his friend for something he has done against him and he knows that by listening to him he might assuage (make a bad feeling less intense) his wrath so that he will not repeat the story to others. Because the hearers may end up believing the Lashon Hara and be “accepters of Lashon Hara”. By the friend listening he is “increasing peace in Israel”. But in these heterim that we mentioned for hearing he has to be careful not to believe what he hears. He is only allowed to “suspect” so that he does not become ensnared in the net of acceptance of Lashon Hara.

Annul Vows & Teshuvah: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 9/16/20 Part 1

The Annulment of Vows

OU Staff June 28, 2006

The Torah permits people to accept upon themselves personal obligations and prohibitions. Once made, these vows (or oaths) must be kept. There are two commandments in the Torah making it obligatory to keep such vows. The Torah, however, also provided a way to release oneself from a vow. By going to a Beit Din, a court of three knowledgeable individuals, the vow can be annulled. The annulment takes place based on the decision of the court that the vow was made based on a false impression.

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM Hilchos Lashon Hara 4:12 – 5:1

Any time a Jew commits a sin, he is defying the will of Hashem. When he is ready to engage in teshuvah (repentance), he must embark on a three-part process:

1. Letting go of the sin and resolving not to repeat it in the future. Our Sages offer a parable of a person who immerses himself in a mikveh to purify himself from tumah and continues to hold a dead sheretz (creeping animal) — the cause of his tumah — in his hand! He can immerse himself all day and it will accomplish nothing. Until he lets go of the sheretz, he will not become purified.

Similarly, If someone sincerely wants to engage in teshuvah, his first step must be to stop committing that sin and to resolve not to repeat it in the future.

2. Regret – He must sincerely regret his sinful actions of the past.

3. Confession – He must confess his sin before Hashem.

Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch explained that the reason for confession is to ensure that the person will make a real effort to change. When we express with our lips what we have thought in our hearts, we are more likely to live up to it.

These three steps are required for any sin. When a sin is between man and his fellow, the sinner must also seek forgiveness. Speaking lashon hara is, of course, in this category of sin.

The Chofetz Chaim states: If a person speaks lashon hara and no one believes it, then he does not have to ask forgiveness, though he still needs to follow the three-step program outlined above for having sinned against Hashem. However, if even one person believed the lashon hara and this caused the victim emotional, physical, or financial harm, the speaker must ask forgiveness.

When a person has developed the terrible habit of speaking lashon hara regularly, it is virtually impossible for him to achieve complete teshuvah. How can he possibly recall all the people against whom he spoke? Even if he could recall them all, he will very likely be embar­rassed to approach some of his victims. If his lashon hara did damage to an entire family and this affected the good name of later generations as well, this would make full repentance impossible.

This segment concludes with a word of caution: Just as it is forbid­den to say that someone engages in conversation during davening, so it is forbidden to say that he did not want to extend a loan to someone. Mitzvos that are between man and Hashem and mitzvos between man and his fellow are equally important. To say that someone went against any sort of mitzvah is forbidden.

And surely, it is forbidden to say, “Yosef refused to extend a loan to me.” In this case, aside from the sin of lashon hara, the speaker is guilty of bearing a grudge, which is also forbidden by the Torah.

.l.

Teshuvah for speaking lashon hara often requires seeking forgive­ness from the subject.

-A project of Mesorah Publications –

Principle 6: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 9/23/20 Part 4

1. Let’s return to the subject. In section 2 we discussed even hearing Lashon Hara is an issur of the Torah. Meaning to go and hear. If someone is sitting with people who gathered for a certain purpose and they began speaking forbidden things and he feels that his words of reproof would be of no avail to them what he should do depends on the following: If it is possible for him to leave the, or to place his fingers in his ears, it is a mitzvah to do so (Chazal said in Kesuvos). If it is impossible for him to leave and he feels that by putting his fingers in his ears it is difficult for him and they would mock him, and he certainly could not do this. Let him see to it to guard himself at this time of trial and “battle the war of the Lord with his evil inclination,” not to stumble in any event into the Torah of hearing and accepting Lashon Hara. This entails three requirements of which he must take great heed so that he rescues himself from the issur of the Torah which inheres in this sin:

a) he must resolve within himself with a firm resolve not to believe the demeaning things that they say about their friends.

b) He should not be comfortable in hearing these forbidden things.

c) He must discipline himself not reveal to the speakers in any way/movement in which it would appear that he agrees with what they are saying.

REVIEW: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 9/30/20

Shmiros HaLashon Class: TRUE/FALSE – YI Aish Group chat
-Lashon Hara is gossip that is not true

-FALSE - “It is forbidden to speak demeaningly of one’s friends, even if it is the absolute truth.” Chazal defines this as Loshon Hara. (Loshon Hara is the truth)

Motzi shem ra & hotzaas shem ra- not true

-Lashon Hara is only when conveying negative information

- FALSE - It can be positive information, but you need to know your audience. They can react badly. It can cause someone to be jealous OR give the wrong idea about someone. It could be positive information if someone said it about you, but about this person would be negative. Your words can say one thing, but your tone of voice says another.

-Lashon Hara can only be conveyed through speech

- FALSE - It is still lashon hara whether it is by mouth, sign, or letter

-Lashon Hara is a small challenge for our generation

- FALSE - It is one of greatest challenges of our generation

-Lashon Hara is only a sin for the speaker

- FALSE - Even on hearing the lashon hara alone there is an issur (prohibition), according to the Torah (even if at the time of the hearing the information he does not intend to accept what is being said, since he inclines his ear to hear.) There is a difference between hearing and accepting in many ways.: In hearing alone there is no issur (the dust of accepting Lashon Hara). There is no issur only when what is said does not affect the subject in the future.

-Lashon Hara once known to two people is considered public information

- FALSE - There is a heter/leniency of apei tlasa (speaking before three), because it could be considered public information. We DO NOT rely on this heter! BECAUSE if three have become to know of it, it is considered to be known by all. “Your friend has a friend etc.,” The Torah does not forbid as Loshon Hara something which is bound to be known.

-When it comes to Lashon Hara the amount of listeners does not make a difference

- FALSE - It is forbidden to speak demeaningly of one’s friends, even if it is the absolute true, even before one and, especially before many. The more listeners, the bigger the sin.

-Lashon Hara is not as great a sin as eating non-kosher

- FALSE - You can remind someone who is speaking lashon hara that this is a Torah prohibition, halachically equivalent to munching on shrimp or bacon.

Principle 6: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 10/14/20 Part 5

1. When does foregoing apply? When the person sat down with the people, they were not engaged in forbidden speech. At this point [in which they are engaged in forbidden speech] he cannot get away. If he decided that he wanted to sit next to them, while they are speaking this way and he could have left and was lax in doing so and these people are known to be “natural slanderers” who like speaking demeaningly of their friends and he still sat with them anyway- even though he did not take part in the conversation and even if he felt “uncomfortable”, he is called a poshea (an “offender”), just like the speakers. He did not follow the words of Chazal to distance himself from improper words. All the more so if his intent was to hear their words! His sin is “too great to bear” and he will be inscribed in the “Book of Remembrances” as a wicked man and a ba’alei lashon hara (a man of Lashon hara). We learn that we need to distance ourselves from evil company from Pirkei d’R. Eliezer in the will of R. Eliezer Hagadol to his son Hyrkanus: (His dying wish to his son)

"My son, do not sit in the company of those who speak ill of their friends. For when their words rise above, they are written in a book. And all who stand there are written down as 'a company of wickedness and men of lashon hara.'"

Principle 6: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 10/21/20 Part 6

Day 11 - Common Knowledge

1. According to the Torah it is forbidden to believe demeaning things that other people say about their friends. The din/judgement is that even if someone knows that what was told to him was true, they can still incline in one direction or another and the person telling over this information is judging on the scales of guilt and it is a mitzvah to judge the subject on the scales of merit. If the listener agrees and does not judge on the scales of merit, not only does he transgress (Vayikra 19:15): "In righteousness shall you judge your neighbor," but he is also called "an accepter of lashon hara." For because he did not judge him in the scales of merit, the demeaning words came to be believed of him. – Principle 7, section 7, part b

1. Even if the story is about a plain man who is careful not to sin, but sometimes stumbles into it. How much more so, if the subject was a G-d fearing man. to whom there applies even more the mitzvah of "In righteousness shall you judge your neighbor" (viz. Rambam on Avoth 1:6 and Rabbeinu Yonah, Sha'arei Teshuvah 218). The hearer transgresses this and judges him on the scales of guilt, agreeing with the speaker in his demeaning of him. He certainly transgresses the issur (prohibition) of Lashon Hara. (Connection to Principle 4, section 3)

Principle 6: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 10/28/20 Part 7

1. Just as the issur/prohibition of Lashon Hara obtains when the speaker says about someone that he now did something improper, concerning which we were commanded not to believe in our her that the story is true, mentioned in section 1. So does it obtain relative to the other instances of the issur of [speaking] lashon hara that we explained above (such as shaming one with the deeds of his forbears or with his own early misdeeds, since he now conducts himself correctly, or [shaming him] with a lack of wisdom, both in Torah and in worldly affairs, and the like [as mentioned above in Principle IV and V].) In anything that is demeaning to him, we have been commanded, likewise, not to accept the words of the speaker for the one spoken of to be shamed in our eyes. In sum: Wherever there is an issur vis-à-vis the speaker for his speaking, there is an issur vis-à-vis the accepter for his accepting.

1. (L’toeles) - Even though the Sefer Chofetz Chaim explained the acceptance of Lashon Hara. That is to believe in one’s heart that the thing said is true is forbidden to the Torah. Still Chazal have said in Niddah “One must nevertheless, suspect’. This means that one must not accept the Lashon Hara on the level of suspicion alone. To guard himself from the object of Lashon Hara, so that no harm comes to him from the subject’s hand. The hearer is still obligated to grant the subject spoken about all the good commanded by the Torah to be accorded to all the men of Israel. His worth has not been diminished in our eyes in any way because of Lashon Hara. The Torah allows us to be suspicious and guard ourselves and others from him. (the words “others” requires an extensive explanation- in principle 9) In other instances, besides from fear of harm, it is forbidden to suspect on the basis of Lashon Hara and to believe the speaker at all.

1. There are many things in which men stumble in the area of “to suspect”, but it is not the place to treat it at length. In sum, their saying that one must suspect in the area of Lashon Hara refers only to guarding yourself against the object of the Lashon Hara. But G-d Forbid to do anything against him OR to cause him harm OR shame him because of this (great OR small) [even if Lashon Hara were spoken by a single kasher witness, who testifies about him in beis din, for one witness is of no avail, more than that] it is forbidden, in the Torah, to hate them in your heart because of this. How much more so can he not exempt himself, because of the Lashon Hara, from his obligations to the one spoken of.

1. If he already heard the Lashon Hara and accepted it in his heart, both in the area “bein adam lechavero” (between man and his friend) and “bein adam l”Makom” (between man and G-d). He can amend this by strengthening himself and remove these things from his heart and that he not believe them and take it upon himself in the future not to accept Lashon Hara anymore about any man of Israel. He should confess this and therefore correct his transgresstion of the negative and positive commandments that he was guilty of by accepting Lashon Hara, as explained above in the introduction, if he has not yet related the Lashon Hara to others.

Summary- What did you take from Principle 6?: 10/28/20

1.

It is forbidden to accept lashon hara both “bein adam lechavero” (between man and his friend) and “bein adam l’Makom” (between man and G-d) We may not believe in our hearts that what is said is true.

Chazal said in Pesachim 118a that all people who accept lashon hara deserve to be cast to the dogs.

2.

Even on hearing the lashon hara alone there is an issur (prohibition), according to the Torah (even if at the time of the hearing the information he does not intend to accept what is being said

3.

he should ask “What do you want to tell me? It might affect me in the future OR might I [by hearing it] be able to correct things by reproof OR the like?”

4.

Sometimes it is a mitzvah to hear one speaking demeaningly about one’s friend. When he feels that by hearing the story completely, he might be able to show the speaker or other listeners that what was said is not true or say other things in his friend’s favor.

5.

If it is possible for him to leave the place, or to place his fingers in his ears, it is a mitzvah to do so

If it is impossible for him to leave and he feels that by putting his fingers in his ears it is difficult for him and they would mock him, and he certainly could not do this.

a) he must resolve within himself with a firm resolve not to believe the demeaning things that they say about their friends.

b) He should not be comfortable in hearing these forbidden things.

c) He must discipline himself not reveal to the speakers in any way/movement in which it would appear that he agrees with what they are saying.

Summary- What did you take from Principle 6?: 11/4/20

6.

If he decided that he wanted to sit next to them, while they are speaking this way and he could have left and was lax in doing so and these people are known to be “natural slanderers” who like speaking demeaningly of their friends and he still sat with them anyway- even though he did not take part in the conversation and even if he felt “uncomfortable”, he is called a poshea (an “offender”),

7.

they can still incline in one direction or another and the person telling over this information is judging on the scales of guilt and it is a mitzvah to judge the subject on the scales of merit

Even if the story is about a plain man who is careful not to sin, but sometimes stumbles into it. How much more so, if the subject was a G-d fearing man.

9.

Wherever there is an issur vis-à-vis the speaker for his speaking, there is an issur vis-à-vis the accepter for his accepting

10.

“One must nevertheless, suspect’. This means that one must not accept the Lashon Hara on the level of suspicion alone. To guard himself from the object of Lashon Hara, so that no harm comes to him from the subject’s hand.

11.

, their saying that one must suspect in the area of Lashon Hara refers only to guarding yourself against the object of the Lashon Hara. But G-d Forbid to do anything against him OR to cause him harm OR shame him because of this (great OR small) it is forbidden

12.

He can amend this by strengthening himself and remove these things from his heart and that he not believe them and take it upon himself in the future not to accept Lashon Hara anymore about any man of Israel.

Principle 7: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 11/18/20 & 11/25/20

Introduction: Explains the issur of the acceptance of Lashon Hara, whether it was stated before 3 people OR before him alone. And the din (judgement) if he heard it from many people OR if it were publicized in the city OR one spoke it “in his innocence” OR the speaker one who was believed by him as two witnesses are. (14 sections)

1. The issur (prohibition) of accepting Lashon Hara is relevant even if the speaker spoke it in public, before many people. Still, it is not to be concluded because of this that it is true, but the bearers must suspect that it might be true and probe the matter. And if it becomes clear to them that it is true, they should reprove him (the object of the Lashon Hara) for it (what was done or said).

2. There is no heter (leniency) to believe Lashon Hara, even if the speaker spoke it to his face, since we have heard no acknowledgement of this from the one spoken about; how much more so are we not to believe it, if the speaker is not now in front of him, but only says that he would have said it to his face (which we discussed is worse - chutzpah). We greatly struggle with this. Even if he (the subject) stays quiet now, when the demeaning things are said before him, even so, no proof is to be taken from this that what was said was true. And even if it was always the subject’s nature to never remain silent when he was told something against him, and this time he does remain silent, this is NO proof of his guilt. Maybe this time he overcame his nature and resolved “not to answer to the quarrel” (which is a mitzvah) OR perhaps he saw that certainly they would believe the words of the speaker rather than his -- which is the nature of the world. It’s commonly held that if someone says things to the other person’s face, even if the other deny them a hundred times, he will not be believed – he could have worked on himself and realized that it is better to remain silent and be of the company of the “the shamed.” Because of this, it is forbidden to take proof from this silence that the thing is true.

3. It is forbidden to accept lashon one and the same din (judgement) for two or more. This does not only apply when the speakers are considered “evildoers” by their speaking in which instance they are certainly not to be believed (even according to their words that someone ex. Ploni acted improperly, this transgresses "You shall not go about talebearing," which applies even to [tales] that are true, in this instance they are considered evildoers. So how, then, how we can we believe them about this Jew, whose status until now was one of absolute kashrus (no reason to doubt their character, they are a regular person of Israel)? If someone is suspected of transgressing the negative commandment against lashon hara is also suspected of lying, fabricating, and adding. What if there are two people saying so? Even if there were many more "a band of evildoers are not of the count" [of kosher Jews]!) — but even if what they say about him is not something for which they are branded "evildoers" if they are truthful. Even so, it is forbidden to accept their words and to believe them indirectly. Even if there are two or more people, the title of “witnesses” can be ascribed only to those who testify in bais-din, but not to those who testify outside of bais-din, who even if they are not truthful they would not gain the title of “false witnesses”, but they are only called "spreaders of an evil name". All this, as far as belief is concerned, to suspect is permitted, even if he heard it from one alone.

Principle 7: Sefer Chofetz Chaim - 12/2/20

4. The same is true if a rumor has spread about someone that has done or said something not in accordance with the Torah, whether it’s a greater or lesser issur (prohibition), it is forbidden to accept it/believe it implicitly. You are only allowed to suspect, until it’s been clarified. How much more so must he take care, if he wants to tell this to others, that he has no intent to spread the rumor and to reveal it.

a. further, as we explained above (viz. Principle II, section 2).

5. Everything said applies to a Jew in general, but if, from his past, he was already known to be an evildoer, and it was revealed to him several times that flagrantly transgressed issurim (prohibitions) known to all of Israel to be forbidden, such as fornication, it is permitted to accept lashon hara about such a man.

6. If someone comes to him and tells him of his affairs and includes something demeaning both to himself and his friend, he is only permitted to believe what applies to himself and not what applies to his friend.

7. “And now we shall begin to explain, with the help of the L–rd, the din of accepting lashon hara from a man who is believed like two witnesses, or from someone speaking "in his innocence," or if there are elements in what is said which indicate it to be true. And though in most of their dinim they are alike, I have divided each one into sections by themselves, for there are several details in which each one is different from the other, and also so that the eyes of the reader not be overtaxed by the abundance of branches which spread from each one. And this I have begun with the help of Him who graces man with knowledge.”

a. As to what we have written above, in Principle 4, section 5, that it is permitted to reveal the matter secretly to his Rabbi or to his close confidant if he knows that his words will be believed like those of two witnesses, and that it is permitted for his Rabbi to accept his words and to hate the object of the lashon hara, and to distance himself from his company, until it becomes known to him that he has repented of his evil way — that is there, where it is a thing because of which he is, in truth, permitted to speak demeaningly of him if he has not repented, since he knowingly transgressed something which is known by all of Israel to be forbidden, in which instance no merit is to be posited (assumed as fast) of him (like the act of Toviyah in Pesachim, 113b, which is an act of fornication, and the like)- (where there is no way to judge him for merit, only guilt).

Not where it is a thing where some merit is to be posited of him, such as lacking knowledge of the issur/prohibition of the act, or, perhaps, having performed the act unwittingly. Nor is it permitted to speak of him demeaningly in general, or as lacking in advantages, as mentioned before in Principle 5, section 2, or to bring up the [negative] acts of his forbears or his relatives, or his early [negative] deeds.

Principle 7: Sefer Chofetz Chaim – 12/9/20

Certainly, "being believed like two" does not apply in these instances. For what difference does it make if this [i.e., what is said about him in these instances] is not false at all? In spite of this, the Torah forbade speaking of him demeaningly because of this, but [legislated] to judge him only in the scales of merit in such things, as explained in Principle 4, section 3.

b. And the hearer, as well as the speaker, is also forbidden to think demeaningly of his friend in his heart because of this (viz. Principle 6, section 7). And aside from the issur/prohibition of accepting [the lashon hara], he transgresses "Before the blind man do not place a stumbling- block”, along with many other positive and negative commandments, as explained above in the introduction. For the speaker certainly transgresses the issur/prohibition of lashon hara, as explained by all the poskim (legal scholar who determines a postion in halacha), to the effect that lashon hara is forbidden even if true, the accepter brings the speaker to this issur/prohibition. For if he refused to listen, his friend [the speaker] would not arrive at this issur at all. (by listening, he places a stumbling block because he enabled the speaker to sin. And the more the words of the speaker are accepted and his [the speaker's] act is effectual, to that extent the accepter's act is more severe, for through him his friend is brought to such a great issur/prohibition.

8. And even if what was spoken is like the act of Toviyah (which we discussed earlier in Principle 7, something outright wrong, can only be judged on the side of guilt and not merit- something known to all of Israel to be forbidden), it is not permitted to be accepted, except when the two following qualifications are met:

1. Only if the speaker tells him that he himself saw the thing. If he heard it from others, there is no advantage at all - (It means nothing).
2. Even if he told him that he saw it himself, it is only permitted only to believe him to distance himself from the sinner’s company, until it is known that he repented of his evil way, but he cannot go and reveal it to others. (Principle 4, end of section 5) It is especially [not permitted] forbidden to cause him monetary loss or to physically hurt (physically or financially harm) him, G-d forbid, because of this.

9. If someone spoke lashon hara “in his innocence” (this will be explained in Be’er Mayim Chayim- a deep commentary on the Chumash, especially on Shabbos/the Seventh Day), the din/judgement is as follows: If in this matter, even if it’s true, there is a reason to judge him on the side of merit or if it concerns the negation of advantages, or another instance that we explained in section 7, if this speaker did not see the thing himself but only heard it from others, certainly it is forbidden to accept it from him and to believe it in his heart as demeaning to his friend. Even if none of these particulars are relevant, still, he must be careful not to accept from one "speaking in his innocence" anything demeaning about his friend. And it certainly is forbidden to rely on this to go afterwards and tell this to others or to shame him with words because of this.

How much more so is it forbidden to cause him “monetary loss or to strike him”- physically or financially harm him, G-d forbid, which is definitely forbidden according to the Torah.

Wednesday, 12/23/2020

Shmiros HaLashon & Social Media:

JEWISH LAW

A Torah Guide for the Digital Age: The Ten Tenets of Social Media

GIL STUDENT

Technology is changing faster today than at any other time in history. These developments affect our lives in many wonderful, and sometimes not-so-wonderful, ways. As we try to enrich our lives both by using technology and by refraining from using it as appropriate, we need to remember the Torah’s guidance as it applies to these new forms of communication. For too long, the Internet has been a lawless Wild West. Responsible people need to think carefully about how they behave online.

This article is not intended to encourage or discourage use of social media. The simple fact is that people are using them and will continue to use them. My goal is to encourage responsible use of social media by pointing out important concerns and offering recommendations for the best practices.

Some professional and religious organizations have created guidelines for the use of social media. After reviewing many of their policies, I have begun developing guidelines based on Torah principles. These are not new chumrot, stringencies, but the result of an attempt to apply common sense and existing Torah concepts to new technologies.

These guidelines are a work in progress. I encourage you to consider these ideas and to offer your suggestions on improving them. Most importantly, I encourage you to adopt ethical guidelines in your use of technology that conform with the best practices and Torah rules.

1. Practice Privacy

The Internet is easily searchable. Anything you place anywhere on the Internet will likely be available for decades to come. Your parents, children, (future) spouse, neighbors, teachers, rabbi, potential employers as well as criminals may find pictures or other information that you post. You must therefore use extreme caution in releasing personal information on the Internet. This responsibility is particularly difficult for children to understand, but everyone, including adults, must recognize this and act accordingly. Protect your privacy by using discretion. Protect your children’s privacy by refraining from divulging personal information about them. And explain to your children the importance of guarding their privacy in this age of the eternal digital archive.

2. Be Responsible

For a number of reasons, many Internet users prefer to protect their identities and remain anonymous. However, anonymity includes a lack of accountability. That removes an important barrier to dishonesty and lack of civility. Internet users need to understand that anonymity is usually not absolute because methods exist to detect users’ identities. Additionally, even if other people do not know what you are doing online, God does, and the Torah’s rules on proper speech and behavior apply even when you are anonymous. Those who choose to remain anonymous should create new barriers for themselves that discourage improper online behavior. (Some suggestions are offered in the sidebar entitled “Recommendations for Web Site Owners.”)

3. Be Transparent

Because of the ease with which people shift identities online, it is important to let people know what to expect. Are you promoting a product from which you benefit financially or are you criticizing a competitor’s product? Are you vehemently disagreeing with someone who once wronged you? You need to be transparent, even if you are anonymous. Everyone has biases and you are effectively lying if you fail to disclose those biases (“midvar sheker tirchak” and “vihyitem neki’im”). Transparency through disclaimers is crucial here. If you wish to maintain your anonymity, you have to either be creative in wording a disclaimer or avoid certain topics.

For example, there are only two stores that sell a product in your community and you own one. You wish to describe a negative experience with your competitor while remaining anonymous. You probably should not do so because of your clear bias. If you ask someone else to describe his negative experience, he should include a disclaimer stating that he has a connection to your store so readers understand his bias.

4. Be Careful About Confidentiality

The Torah forbids revealing secrets (megaleh sod), except under extenuating circumstances. Breaking personal confidences may also involve violations of secular law. Therefore, individuals must take care not to reveal personal and confidential information about others. Additionally, the Torah forbids defaming people by telling negative stories about them, whether true or not (lashon hara and hotza’at shem ra). You may not describe other people or organizations in an unflattering light, with only limited exceptions discussed later in this article. The damage we can cause online, where potentially thousands of people can read our words, is much greater than when we speak with a few friends.

5. Do Not Defame

You are not only forbidden to defame others but also to provoke defamation (avak lashon hara). This means that you must avoid potentially explosive topics unless you have clear permission as determined by the laws of lashon hara. These requirements include not only a societal benefit in revealing the information but also, among other conditions, a lack of bias. And when discussing neutral or even positive stories, beware of the potential to provoke criticism. Exaggerated praise about a person or organization will inevitably lead to someone disagreeing and presenting a story to the contrary. It is important to anticipate such fallout and write strategically to avoid it.

The Internet makes theft as easy as the click of a button. However, the Torah forbids violating copyright laws . . . You may not steal someone else’s creative product, whether it is the written word or a photograph or some other image.

You are not permitted to enable other people to sin, including to defame (lifnei iveir and mesayei’a yedei ovrei aveirah). Even if other, less responsible venues for that defamation exist, you are still forbidden to provide a forum for defamation. The implications of this position in social media are significant and specific recommendations are provided in an accompanying sidebar. You may lose followers because of this strict stance, but your maintaining higher standards than tabloid journalism demonstrates not only fealty to basic halachah but also basic decency.

We cannot justify linking to or otherwise highlighting a damaging story by claiming that we did not reveal it ourselves. Our actions constitute publicizing it even if we only empower others to reveal it. Stories that affect a broader public can and should be told (to’elet). However, there are a number of necessary conditions before you may go about publicizing such a story. Most importantly, you must be certain the story is true (or includes appropriately worded caveats such as “these are unproven allegations”) and that you have no ulterior motives to report it. On such complex and potentially damaging issues, you should always consult with your rabbi.

6. Ban Bullying

The Torah forbids causing emotional distress to others (ona’at devarim). This effectively prohibits insulting and bullying. Do not let the anonymity of the Internet lull you into more aggressive patterns of speech. Words hurt and often cause real damage beyond the computer screen. Wikipedia defines “cyberbullying” as “the use of the Internet and related technologies to harm other people, in a deliberate, repeated, and hostile manner.” This is the equivalent of verbally attacking and stalking someone.

But even one-time attacks are wrong. If someone expends a lot of time and effort to create something, your denigrating it or him is hurtful even if you are correct. You must find ways to express your strong feelings without insulting others.

7. Keep Track of Time

Time is precious, even when you have no children clamoring for attention or work calling for completion. Beware of the Internet black hole. The web can easily pull you away from the many tasks to which you must regularly attend, the many people in your life to whom you must give attention and the many religious obligations you must perform. Even individuals who are not addicted to the Internet often waste their precious time (bitul Torah) or improperly use their employers’ time (gezel). They may also neglect their spousal and parenting duties (shalom bayit and chinuch) due to distraction.

8. Be Cautious About Copyright

The Internet makes theft as easy as the click of a button. However, the Torah forbids violating copyright laws, whether due to an inherent creator’s right or because of the binding nature of secular law (gezel and dina demalchuta dina). You may not steal someone else’s creative product, whether it is the written word, a photograph, a design or some other electronic creation. Make sure to obtain permission before using someone else’s creation and take care to properly attribute your sources.

9. Be Positive

The Internet is the public domain. You may not damage the Jewish community or the Torah itself by spreading misunderstandings or incorrect teachings (ziyuf haTorah and chillul Hashem). While the Torah needs no apologies, it often requires proper context. For example, outsiders can easily misunderstand insular trends of thought and practice within Judaism as racist or intolerant. The global nature of the Internet confers a responsibility to properly explain the Torah and the behavior of its adherents to avoid misunderstanding.

What you say about Torah and how you phrase it can impact people’s impressions of your specific community, the greater Jewish community and the Torah. It is important, of course within the bounds of honesty, to always strive to create a positive image of Judaism (kiddush Hashem) and avoid the opposite (chillul Hashem). It is also important to avoid undermining other people’s religious convictions. There are always people undergoing religious crises who are teetering on the edge of spiritual collapse. You do not want to push them over by supporting whatever misunderstanding currently occupies their minds. Standards of what types of theological discussions are acceptable vary by community. However, everyone needs to be sensitive about this issue and consult with advisors, whether a rabbi or someone familiar with the specific medium, on how to proceed with caution.

10. Be Serious About Tzeniut

Judaism demands modest behavior, a trait that is manifested in many ways. Among them are avoiding arrogance, excessive fraternizing with married members of the opposite gender and looking at pictures of improperly dressed people. Standards vary by community, but they certainly exist. These standards are not always explicit, and both adults and teens would do well to discuss them and the tools available to help maintain them. Internet users need to be constantly mindful of the importance of tzeniut and aware of the standards they strive to follow.

These guidelines represent an application of eternal Torah principles to new forms of communication. Because of the complexity of applying abstract ideas to new technologies, this cannot be said to be the authoritative word on the subject. More than anything, these guidelines are intended to raise issues for readers to discuss with their family, friends and halachic authorities. The more we keep these concepts in our conversations and thoughts, the more likely we are to act like the responsible God-fearing Jews that Hashem expects us to be.

Recommendations for Web Site Owners and Bloggers

1. Be Accountable

A. Anonymity is not recommended but is sometimes necessary. Always allow for users to contact you.

B. Disclose conflicts of interest, affiliations and agendas. When that is not possible, avoid topics where these conflicts may affect the subject.

C. Make available the rules for your site so readers know what to expect.

D. Never pretend to be someone else.

2. Be Accurate

A. Confirm your information before posting, or couch your language with appropriate disclaimers.

B. Do not post defamatory information, even if readily available elsewhere, without proper justification. Consult your rabbi with any questions.

C. Do not knowingly publish false information. Distinguish between fact, suspicion and opinion.

D. Be honest and fair. Make sure you do not oversimplify or highlight incidents out of context.

E. Admit mistakes and correct them as soon as possible.

3. Be Considerate

A. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt and judge favorably. Remember that their family and yours may be reading your words.

B. Be considerate of other people’s feelings, as well as their beliefs.

C. Do not insult anyone, ever. The more you disagree, the more respectful you should be while disagreeing.

D. Do not use profanity or sexually suggestive language.

E. Only accept advertising that corresponds to your and most of your readers’ religious standards.

F. Only link to web sites that fit in with your and your readers’ religious standards.

4. Be Responsible

A. Do not violate people’s privacy or confidence, including your family’s.

B. Respect copyright laws. Do not plagiarize from other web sites. Identify sources and link to them whenever possible.

C. Be modest in your words, the topics you discuss and the pictures and videos you post.

D. Ideally, comments should be screened prior to publication. If that is not possible, commenters should be informed of your standards and their comments should be retroactively reviewed and edited or deleted as necessary.

E. Delete or edit comments that are defamatory, profane, link to unsavory web sites or are otherwise objectionable.

F. Anonymous comments should not be allowed and commenters should be required to register and use their real names or consistent pseudonyms.

5. Seek Guidance

A. At all times, use common sense.

B. No set of guidelines can address every possible scenario. In addition to using your own common sense, find a rabbi who can serve as your guide on these complex issues.

Recommendations for Users

1. Responsible Reading

A. Carefully choose which web sites to visit. Make sure they fit your religious standards and will not subject you to inappropriate ideas, words or images. Use filters and ad/image blockers as appropriate.

B. Recognize that not everything reported is true and not every medium adheres to journalistic or Torah standards.

C. Judge people favorably, both when they are being discussed and when they are communicating with you. Try to find ways to read things positively.

2. Names and Pseudonyms

A. Using your real name makes you more credible and more responsible; it is highly recommended.

B. If you feel you cannot use your real name, you should use a consistent pseudonym.

3. Responsible Writing

A. Follow the same guidelines for accuracy and propriety set for web site owners.

4. Proper Use

A. Keep discussions on topic.

B. Do not spam. Spamming includes leaving repeated comments promoting a specific idea or web site.

C. Do not troll. Trolling is the posting of inflammatory comments with intent to provoke or disrupt.

5. Tzeniut

A. Follow the same guidelines for responsible writing set for web site owners.

B. Know and follow the standards in your community for online inter-gender communication.

Rabbi Gil Student writes frequently on Jewish issues and blogs at TorahMusings.com. He can be reached at [email protected].

Shmiros HaLashon & Social Media cont.:

Scenario #1: Finding Purpose The sources for the prohibition of speaking Lashon Harah:

Rabbi Yitzchak Hutner, Collected Letters 59
Here, Rabbi Hutner explains why the prohibition of Lashon Harah is permitted when it is to prevent personal harm or damage:

In this sefer, he discusses the 7 conditions that are needed in order for Lashon Harah to be considered “for a purpose” and therefore permissible:


Scenario #2: Saying “I’m sorry” Face-to-Face for Talking Behind their Back

When Rabbi Kagan traveled throughout Europe asking Rabbis to write approbations for his work, one very notable Rabbi refused. Rabbi Yisroel Salantar (1810-1883) was the founder of The Mussar Movement, which spread ethical teaching throughout European Yeshivos. He objected to writing an approbation based on the following passage in the work Chafetz Chaim:

As we have seen, it is not always clear when a person should be forthcoming about wronging another. Here, we will examine a source that discusses when and how a person should share their frustrations with another person:

WHAT DOES NOT HATING SOMEONE IN YOUR HEART HAVE TO DO WITH REBUKE?