Was Rebecca right?
וַיֶּעְתַּ֨ר יִצְחָ֤ק לַֽיהֹוָה֙ לְנֹ֣כַח אִשְׁתּ֔וֹ כִּ֥י עֲקָרָ֖ה הִ֑וא וַיֵּעָ֤תֶר לוֹ֙ יְהֹוָ֔ה וַתַּ֖הַר רִבְקָ֥ה אִשְׁתּֽוֹ׃ וַיִּתְרֹֽצְצ֤וּ הַבָּנִים֙ בְּקִרְבָּ֔הּ וַתֹּ֣אמֶר אִם־כֵּ֔ן לָ֥מָּה זֶּ֖ה אָנֹ֑כִי וַתֵּ֖לֶךְ לִדְרֹ֥שׁ אֶת־יְהֹוָֽה׃ וַיֹּ֨אמֶר יְהֹוָ֜ה לָ֗הּ שְׁנֵ֤י (גיים) [גוֹיִם֙] בְּבִטְנֵ֔ךְ וּשְׁנֵ֣י לְאֻמִּ֔ים מִמֵּעַ֖יִךְ יִפָּרֵ֑דוּ וּלְאֹם֙ מִלְאֹ֣ם יֶֽאֱמָ֔ץ וְרַ֖ב יַעֲבֹ֥ד צָעִֽיר׃
Isaac pleaded with the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren; and the LORD responded to his plea, and his wife Rebekah conceived. But the children struggled in her womb, and she said, “If so, why do I exist?” She went to inquire of the LORD, and the LORD answered her,
“Two nations are in your womb,
Two separate peoples shall issue from your body;
One people shall be mightier than the other,
And the older shall serve the younger.”
(כז) וַֽיִּגְדְּלוּ֙ הַנְּעָרִ֔ים וַיְהִ֣י עֵשָׂ֗ו אִ֛ישׁ יֹדֵ֥עַ צַ֖יִד אִ֣ישׁ שָׂדֶ֑ה וְיַעֲקֹב֙ אִ֣ישׁ תָּ֔ם יֹשֵׁ֖ב אֹהָלִֽים׃
(27) When the boys grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the outdoors; but Jacob was a mild man who stayed in camp.
Rebecca’s Veil of Independence
HAYYEI SARAH BY : Rabbi LAUREN EICHLER BERKUNPOSTED ON NOV 22, 2004 / 27 MARHESHVAN 5764 | A TASTE OF TORAH
In a traditional Jewish wedding, there is a beautiful and dramatic ceremony before the chuppah known as the “bedeken” (Yiddish for “veiling”). At this celebratory moment, a groom is escorted with song and dance to meet his bride as he lowers the veil over her face. One popular explanation for the custom of bedeken is that the groom is “checking” (from the Hebrew root b-d-k) to make sure that he is marrying the correct woman. Jacob was tricked by Laban into marrying Leah, instead of Rachel, because she was masked behind a veil. However, the origin of the bedeken, “veiling,” ceremony is found in this week’s Torah portion.
In parashat Hayyei Sarah, Rebecca leaves her childhood home to join her future husband, Isaac. Upon seeing Isaac in the distance, Rebecca “took her veil and covered herself” (Genesis 24:65). Jewish brides replicate Rebecca’s gesture at every marriage by covering their faces with a veil. At the bedeken, it is also customary to bless the bride with the same blessing bestowed upon Rebecca, “O sister! May you grow into thousands of myriads” (Genesis 24:60).
Given this biblical precedent for the bedeken ceremony, the question still remains — what is the purpose of veiling a bride? Veiling is usually understood as a sign of modesty. A bride veils herself to signify that she will reserve herself solely for her husband. They alone will share a sacred intimacy. However, I would like to propose another symbolic theme of veiling suggested by our parashah.
Notice that Rebecca does not veil herself after meeting and wedding Isaac, as a sign that she is saving herself for the sole purview of her husband. Rather, she veils herself before approaching Isaac. Similarly today, a bride veils herself before the chuppah. The veil suggests that, despite the intimate union of marriage, a bride will retain her independence and her unique identity. Rebecca veils herself as if to say, “I will give myself to you, but there will always be a part of myself that is separate and distinct from you.” In the modern bedeken ceremony, when the groom himself lowers the veil over his bride, he affirms and respects his wife’s privacy and her individual self worth.
Marriage is a delicate balance. On the one hand, a loving marriage embraces the union, intimacy and selfless sharing of two lives. On the other hand, a successful marriage supports and fosters the personal growth and unique journeys of each partner throughout their lives. At a Jewish wedding, the chuppah represents the holy union of a bride and groom as they create a shared home together. The gossamer veil suggests that in the midst of their deep connection, each spouse will retain a healthy independence.
(נח) וַיִּקְרְא֤וּ לְרִבְקָה֙ וַיֹּאמְר֣וּ אֵלֶ֔יהָ הֲתֵלְכִ֖י עִם־הָאִ֣ישׁ הַזֶּ֑ה וַתֹּ֖אמֶר אֵלֵֽךְ׃
(58) They called Rebekah and said to her, “Will you go with this man?” And she said, “I will.”
(א) וַיֹּ֤אמֶר יְהֹוָה֙ אֶל־אַבְרָ֔ם לֶךְ־לְךָ֛ מֵאַרְצְךָ֥ וּמִמּֽוֹלַדְתְּךָ֖ וּמִבֵּ֣ית אָבִ֑יךָ אֶל־הָאָ֖רֶץ אֲשֶׁ֥ר אַרְאֶֽךָּ׃
Were Rebecca and Ya'akov Wrong? Did they know it? What did they learn from it?
(33) Isaac was seized with violent trembling. “Who was it then,” he demanded, “that hunted game and brought it to me? Moreover, I ate of it before you came, and I blessed him; now he must remain blessed!” (34) When Esau heard his father’s words, he burst into wild and bitter sobbing, and said to his father, “Bless me too, Father!” (35) But he answered, “Your brother came with guile and took away your blessing.” (36) [Esau] said, “Was he, then, named Jacob that he might supplant me these two times? First he took away my birthright and now he has taken away my blessing!” And he added, “Have you not reserved a blessing for me?”
(25) When morning came, there was Leah! So he said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? I was in your service for Rachel! Why did you deceive me?” (26) Laban said, “It is not the practice in our place to marry off the younger before the older.
(כג) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר יְהֹוָ֜ה לָ֗הּ שְׁנֵ֤י (גיים) [גוֹיִם֙] בְּבִטְנֵ֔ךְ וּשְׁנֵ֣י לְאֻמִּ֔ים מִמֵּעַ֖יִךְ יִפָּרֵ֑דוּ וּלְאֹם֙ מִלְאֹ֣ם יֶֽאֱמָ֔ץ וְרַ֖ב יַעֲבֹ֥ד צָעִֽיר׃
(23) and the LORD answered her,
“Two nations are in your womb,
Two separate peoples shall issue from your body;
One people shall be mightier than the other,
And the older shall serve the younger.”
Of the dew of heaven and the fat of the earth,
Abundance of new grain and wine. (29) Let peoples serve you,
And nations bow to you;
Be master over your brothers,
And let your mother’s sons bow to you.
Cursed be they who curse you,
Blessed they who bless you.”
“See, your abode shall enjoy the fat of the earth
And-b the dew of heaven above. (40) Yet by your sword you shall live,
And you shall serve your brother;
But when you grow restive,
You shall break his yoke from your neck.”
Jacob gave back the blessing that was Esau's