Rabbi Judith Lazarus Siegel, "Yirah- Awe: From Fear to Awe," in Rabbi Barry H. Block. The Mussar Torah Commentary: A Spiritual Path to Living a Meaningful and Ethical Life (p. 51). CCAR Press.
JACOB GOES THROUGH a major life transformation in Parashat Vayishlach, including a wrestling match with God and a change in his name from Jacob to Israel. These changes are reflective of changes in Jacob’s character as well, as he goes from a person filled with fear to one who is full of awe and gratitude. His transformation involves resolving old issues and grappling with feelings of guilt over his stealing the blessing and birthright from his brother—and, in the process, lying to their father, Isaac. As Jacob prepares to see his brother Esau in the morning, he lies restless. The Torah tells us of his state of mind: vayira Yaakov (וַיִּירָא יַעֲקֹב), “Jacob was terrified” (Genesis 32:8).
(ד) וַיִּשְׁלַ֨ח יַעֲקֹ֤ב מַלְאָכִים֙ לְפָנָ֔יו אֶל־עֵשָׂ֖ו אָחִ֑יו אַ֥רְצָה שֵׂעִ֖יר שְׂדֵ֥ה אֱדֽוֹם׃ (ה) וַיְצַ֤ו אֹתָם֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר כֹּ֣ה תֹאמְר֔וּן לַֽאדֹנִ֖י לְעֵשָׂ֑ו כֹּ֤ה אָמַר֙ עַבְדְּךָ֣ יַעֲקֹ֔ב עִם־לָבָ֣ן גַּ֔רְתִּי וָאֵחַ֖ר עַד־עָֽתָּה׃ (ו) וַֽיְהִי־לִי֙ שׁ֣וֹר וַחֲמ֔וֹר צֹ֖אן וְעֶ֣בֶד וְשִׁפְחָ֑ה וָֽאֶשְׁלְחָה֙ לְהַגִּ֣יד לַֽאדֹנִ֔י לִמְצֹא־חֵ֖ן בְּעֵינֶֽיךָ׃ (ז) וַיָּשֻׁ֙בוּ֙ הַמַּלְאָכִ֔ים אֶֽל־יַעֲקֹ֖ב לֵאמֹ֑ר בָּ֤אנוּ אֶל־אָחִ֙יךָ֙ אֶל־עֵשָׂ֔ו וְגַם֙ הֹלֵ֣ךְ לִקְרָֽאתְךָ֔ וְאַרְבַּע־מֵא֥וֹת אִ֖ישׁ עִמּֽוֹ׃ (ח) וַיִּירָ֧א יַעֲקֹ֛ב מְאֹ֖ד וַיֵּ֣צֶר ל֑וֹ וַיַּ֜חַץ אֶת־הָעָ֣ם אֲשֶׁר־אִתּ֗וֹ וְאֶת־הַצֹּ֧אן וְאֶת־הַבָּקָ֛ר וְהַגְּמַלִּ֖ים לִשְׁנֵ֥י מַחֲנֽוֹת׃ (ט) וַיֹּ֕אמֶר אִם־יָב֥וֹא עֵשָׂ֛ו אֶל־הַמַּחֲנֶ֥ה הָאַחַ֖ת וְהִכָּ֑הוּ וְהָיָ֛ה הַמַּחֲנֶ֥ה הַנִּשְׁאָ֖ר לִפְלֵיטָֽה׃ (י) וַיֹּ֘אמֶר֮ יַעֲקֹב֒ אֱלֹהֵי֙ אָבִ֣י אַבְרָהָ֔ם וֵאלֹהֵ֖י אָבִ֣י יִצְחָ֑ק יְהֹוָ֞ה הָאֹמֵ֣ר אֵלַ֗י שׁ֧וּב לְאַרְצְךָ֛ וּלְמוֹלַדְתְּךָ֖ וְאֵיטִ֥יבָה עִמָּֽךְ׃ (יא) קָטֹ֜נְתִּי מִכֹּ֤ל הַחֲסָדִים֙ וּמִכׇּל־הָ֣אֱמֶ֔ת אֲשֶׁ֥ר עָשִׂ֖יתָ אֶת־עַבְדֶּ֑ךָ כִּ֣י בְמַקְלִ֗י עָבַ֙רְתִּי֙ אֶת־הַיַּרְדֵּ֣ן הַזֶּ֔ה וְעַתָּ֥ה הָיִ֖יתִי לִשְׁנֵ֥י מַחֲנֽוֹת׃ (יב) הַצִּילֵ֥נִי נָ֛א מִיַּ֥ד אָחִ֖י מִיַּ֣ד עֵשָׂ֑ו כִּֽי־יָרֵ֤א אָנֹכִי֙ אֹת֔וֹ פֶּן־יָב֣וֹא וְהִכַּ֔נִי אֵ֖ם עַל־בָּנִֽים׃
(4) Jacob sent messengers ahead to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom, (5) and instructed them as follows, “Thus shall you say, ‘To my lord Esau, thus says your servant Jacob:-b I stayed with Laban and remained until now; (6) I have acquired cattle, asses, sheep, and male and female slaves; and I send this message to my lord in the hope of gaining your favor.’” (7) The messengers returned to Jacob, saying, “We came to your brother Esau; he himself is coming to meet you, and there are four hundred men with him.” (8) Jacob was greatly frightened; in his anxiety, he divided the people with him, and the flocks and herds and camels, into two camps, (9) thinking, “If Esau comes to the one camp and attacks it, the other camp may yet escape.” (10) Then Jacob said, “O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, ‘Return to your native land and I will deal bountifully with you’! (11) I am unworthy of all the kindness that You have so steadfastly shown Your servant: with my staff alone I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps. (12) Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau; else, I fear, he may come and strike me down, mothers and children alike.
Malbim on Genesis 32:8:1
Yaakov was very frightened. When Yaakov realized that he was afraid despite Hashem’s assurance, he reckoned that he was not worthy of miraculous salvation and began preparing naturalistic stratagems instead.
Rabbi Karyn Kedar, https://reformjudaism.org/learning/torah-study/torah-commentary/fear-opposite-love
And like Jacob, we hold both types of fear in our hearts. Sometimes we feel the paradox of vayera: awe and fear. The mystery inspires us, we are in awe of the beauty that abounds. I behold Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, the moon and stars that You set in place (Psalm 8:4). But so often the vastness makes us afraid what are we that You have been mindful of us, we are mortal, do You take note of us? (Psalm 8:5) We feel small, unable, incapable, judged. We are so afraid of the ambiguities in life. Afraid because we have so little control over forces both small and large.
And sometimes we feel vayetzer. Constricted. We live with a life perspective of scarcity. Will there ever be enough -- enough love, enough blessing, enough friendship, enough fame and fortune? Will we ever be good enough? Worthy, so that we may be redeemed from what holds us down, holds us back from living our best life. Who among us is not afraid of judgment? Of being small? We walk through the world clenched, anxious, tense.
But we do have a choice. In the spiritual world, the opposite of fear is love. Instead of fearing scarcity, we can hope for abundance. Our liturgy teaches that the universe is a vessel with overflowing love, hope, and beauty -- ahava rabah,. When we live with a perspective of abundance, we have plenty, we live with gratitude for the many blessings in our life. We are worthy.
Rabbi Judith Lazarus Siegel, "Yirah- Awe: From Fear to Awe,"
Jacob is a model of another kind of yirah. Jacob is fearful, and rightly so. Not only has he done wrong in the eyes of God, but he has wronged his brother, who may understandably be hurt and angry with him. Jacob moves beyond his fear, symbolized by the wrestling he does with a man (perhaps his conscience?) throughout the night. When we have wronged someone, we, too, must take that fear of what may become of us, either through divine punishment or the anger of the person we have harmed, and turn it into something more productive.
Rabbi Zeitlin, https://rabbizeitlin.com/2013/06/20/%D7%99%D7%A8%D7%90%D7%94-yirah-fearawevision/
"The goal of God-fearing is not that we live in paralyzing, quivering terror. Rather, the key is our quotation from Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) urging us to always examine the consequences of our every act and decision. The certainty that no act goes unaccounted instills in us proper caution, respect and awe of the moral universe created and embodied by God. It inspires us to live at the level of קְדשִׁים תִּהְיוּ כִּי קָדוֹשׁ אֲנִי, Be Holy because I am Holy (VaYikra 19:2).... Proper Yirah also has to do with where we direct our attention/awareness. We gaze at our tzitzit which leads us to the eternal presence of Heaven and of God’s involvement in our lives (the imagery of the Heavenly Throne is that by sitting on it, God descends into our world)."
Rabbi Judith Lazarus Siegel, "Yirah- Awe: From Fear to Awe,"
When we feel the fear of something that is greater than our humanity and more powerful, we also become aware of our own mortality and limitations. Only then can we move into gratitude for the blessings that we do have. It is taught that we should say one hundred blessings a day.5 In order to do so, we must constantly focus on saying a blessing each time we do something. I once challenged a group of students to do this. Then, when we came together again, we reviewed our experiences. It completely changed the way they experienced the world. Instead of running from one thing to the next, fearful of missing something or that they would not get all of their daily routines done, their experience was transformed into one of gratitude for the myriad blessings around them.
Block, Rabbi Barry H.. The Mussar Torah Commentary: A Spiritual Path to Living a Meaningful and Ethical Life (p. 54). CCAR Press.
Questions to Ask
Has there been a time that you have felt true fear that changed to something else, and if so, how did that change within you happen?
When you think of the middah of yirah, do you first associate it with fear or with something closer to awe? How are those two qualities linked for you?