The Purpose Of Marriage From A Torah Perspective

(6) The law about forbidden sexual intercourse seeks in all its parts to inculcate the lesson that we ought to limit sexual intercourse altogether, hold it in contempt, and only desire it very rarely. The prohibition of pederasty (Lev. 18:22) and carnal intercourse with beasts (ibid. 73) is very clear. If in the natural way the act is too base to be performed except when needed, how much more base is it if performed in an unnatural manner, and only for the sake of pleasure.

(7) The female relatives whom a man may not marry are alike in this respect--that as a rule they are constantly together with him in his house: they would easily listen to him, and do what he desires; they are near at hand, and he would have no difficulty in procuring them. No judge could blame him if found in their company. If to these relatives the same law applied as to all other unmarried women, if we were allowed to marry any of them, and were only precluded from sexual intercourse with them without marriage, most people would constantly have become guilty of misconduct with them. But as they are entirely forbidden to us, and sexual intercourse with them is most emphatically denounced unto us as a capital crime, or a sin punishable with extinction (karet), and as there is no means of ever legalizing such intercourse, there is reason to expect that people will not seek it, and win not think of it. That the persons included in that prohibition are, as we have stated, at hand and easily accessible, is evident. For as a rule, the mother of the wife, the grandmother, the daughter, the granddaughter, and the sister-in-law, are mostly with her; the husband meets them always when he goes out, when he comes in, and when he is at his work. The wife stays also frequently in the house of her husband's brother, father, or son. It is also well known that we are often in the company of our sisters, our aunts, and the wife of our uncle, and are frequently brought up together with them. These are all the relatives which we must not marry. This is one of the reasons why intermarriage with a near relative is forbidden. But according to my opinion the prohibition serves another object, namely, to inculcate chastity into our hearts. Licence between the root and the branch, between a man and his mother, or his daughter, is outrageous. The intercourse between root and branch is forbidden, and it makes no difference whether the male element is the root or the branch, or both root and branch combine in the intercourse with a third person, so that the same individual cohabits with the root and with the branch. On this account it is prohibited to marry a woman and her mother, the wife of the father or of the son; for in all these cases there is the intercourse between one and the same person on the one side and root and branch on the other.

(1) Every man is obligated to marry a woman in order to be fruitful, and to multiply and anyone who doesn't engage in being fruitful and multiplying is as if he spills blood, and lessens the appearance, and causes the divine presence to depart from Israel. Rem"a: He who does not marry is not allowed to make a blessing or to engage in Torah etc. and he is not called a man, and when he marries a woman, his sins are cast into doubt, as it is said: "One who has found a wife has found goodness and obtains favor in the eyes of God." (Proverbs 18:22)

(2) One can only sell a sefer Torah in order to learn Torah or marry a woman.

(3) It is incumbent on every man that they should marry a woman at the age of 18 and the diligent get married at 13 and this mitzvah is for those who choose it, but before the age of 13 one should not marry, because it is similar to harlotry. If 20 years go by and he has not taken a wife and he who lets 20 years pass, or he who does not want to marry, the courts can force him to marry in order to fulfill the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying. What are the things that might delay marriage? If he is busy with Torah, or if it is too burdensome and he fears to marry a women in order that he is not burdened in his livelihood and he will not fail in Torah it is permitted to delay. Rem"a: In this time, its custom that one does not force in regards to this. Likewise he who does not fulfill the mitzvah of being fruitful and multiplying and he comes to marry a woman who is not a bat banim, for example...

(4) Before the giving of the Torah, a man would meet a woman at the market and, if both of them wanted to, he would give her her wages and have intercourse with her and thereafter be on his way. Such a woman is called a cult-prostitude. Since the giving of the Torah, the cult-prostitude has become forbidden, for it says "There shall be no cult-prostitude among the daughters of Israel". Therefore, if one has intercourse after the manner of prostitution, without a legal and legitimate marriage, he shall receive Torah lashes because he had had intercourse with a prostitute.

(2) It is well known that man requires friends all his lifetime. Aristotle explains this in the ninth book of his Nikomachean Ethics. When man is in good health and prosperous, he enjoys the company of his friends; in time of trouble he is in need of them; in old age, when his body is weak, he is assisted by them. This love is more frequent and more intense between parents and children, and among [other] relations. Perfect love, brotherhood, and mutual assistance is only found among those near to each other by relationship. The members of a family united by common descent from the same grandfather, or even from some more distant ancestor, have towards each other a certain feeling of love, help each other, and sympathize with each other. To effect this is one of the chief purposes of the Law. Professional harlots were therefore not tolerated in Israel (Deut. 23:18), because their existence would disturb the above relationship between man and man. Their children are strangers to everybody; no one knows to what family they belong; nor does any person recognize them as relatives. And this is the greatest misfortune that can befall any child or father. Another important object in prohibiting prostitution is to restrain excessive and continual lust; for lust increases with the variety of its objects. The sight of that to which a person has been accustomed for a long time does not produce such an ardent desire for its enjoyment as is produced by objects new in form and character. Another effect of this prohibition is the removal of a cause for strife; for if the prohibition did not exist, several persons might by chance come to one woman, and would naturally quarrel with each other; they would in many cases kill one another, or they would kill the woman. This is known to have occurred in days of old, "And they assembled themselves by troops in a harlot's house" (Jer. 5:7). In order to prevent these great evils, and to effect the great boon that all men should know their relationship to each other, prostitutes (Deut. 23:17) were not tolerated, and sexual intercourse was only permitted when man has chosen a certain female, and married her openly; for if it sufficed merely to choose her, many a person would bring a prostitute into his house at a certain time agreed upon between them, and say that she was his wife. Therefore it is commanded to perform the act of engagement by which he declares that he has chosen her to take her for his wife, and then to go through the public ceremony of marriage. Comp. "And Boaz took ten men," etc. (Ruth 4:2). It may happen that husband and wife do not agree, live without love and peace, and do not enjoy the benefit of a home; in that case he is permitted to send her away. If he had been allowed to divorce her by a mere word, or by turning her out of his house, the wife would wait for some negligence [on the part of the husband], and then come out and say that she was divorced; or having committed adultery, she and the adulterer would contend that she had then been divorced. Therefore the law is that divorce can only take place by means of a document which can serve as evidence, "He shall write her a bill of divorcement" (Deut. 24:1). There are frequently occasions for suspicion of adultery and doubts concerning the conduct of the wife. Laws concerning a wife suspected of adultery (sotah) are therefore prescribed (Num. v.); the effect of which is that the wife, out of fear of the "bitter waters," is most careful to prevent any ill-feeling on the part of her husband against her. Even of those that felt quite innocent and safe most were rather willing to lose all their property than to submit to the prescribed treatment; even death was preferred to the public disgrace of uncovering the head, undoing the hair, rending the garments and exposing the heart, and being led round through the Sanctuary in the presence of all, of women and men, and also in the presence of the members of the Synhedrion. The fear of this trial keeps away great diseases that ruin the home comfort.

(1) THE general object of the Law is twofold: the well-being of the soul, and the well-being of the body. The well-being of the soul is promoted by correct opinions communicated to the people according to their capacity. Some of these opinions are therefore imparted in a plain form, others allegorically: because certain opinions are in their plain form too strong for the capacity of the common people. The well-being of the body is established by a proper management of the relations in which we live one to another. This we can attain in two ways: first by removing all violence from our midst: that is to say, that we do not do every one as he pleases, desires, and is able to do; but every one of us does that which contributes towards the common welfare. Secondly, by teaching every one of us such good morals as must produce a good social state. Of these two objects, the one, the well-being of the soul, or the communication of correct opinions, comes undoubtedly first in rank, but the other, the well-being of the body, the government of the state, and the establishment of the best possible relations among men, is anterior in nature and time. The latter object is required first; it is also treated [in the Law] most carefully and most minutely, because the well-being of the soul can only be obtained after that of the body has been secured. For it has already been found that man has a double perfection: the first perfection is that of the body, and the second perfection is that of the soul. The first consists in the most healthy condition of his material relations, and this is only possible when man has all his wants supplied, as they arise; if he has his food, and other things needful for his body, e.g., shelter, bath, and the like. But one man alone cannot procure all this; it is impossible for a single man to obtain this comfort; it is only possible in society, since man, as is well known, is by nature social.

(2) The second perfection of man consists in his becoming an actually intelligent being; i.e., he knows about the things in existence all that a person perfectly developed is capable of knowing. This second perfection certainly does not include any action or good conduct, but only knowledge, which is arrived at by speculation, or established by research.

(3) It is clear that the second and superior kind of perfection can only be attained when the first perfection has been acquired; for a person that is suffering from great hunger, thirst, heat, or cold, cannot grasp an idea even if communicated by others, much less can he arrive at it by his own reasoning. But when a person is in possession of the first perfection, then he may possibly acquire the second perfection, which is undoubtedly of a superior kind, and is alone the source of eternal life. The true Law, which as we said is one, and beside which there is no other Law, viz., the Law of our teacher Moses, has for its purpose to give us the twofold perfection. It aims first at the establishment of good mutual relations among men by removing injustice and creating the noblest feelings. In this way the people in every land are enabled to stay and continue in one condition, and every one can acquire his first perfection. Secondly, it seeks to train us in faith, and to impart correct and true opinions when the intellect is sufficiently developed. Scripture clearly mentions the twofold perfection, and tells us that its acquisition is the object of all the divine commandments. Comp. "And the Lord commanded us to do all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that he might preserve us alive as it is this day" (Deut. 6:24). Here the second perfection is first mentioned because it is of greater importance, being, as we have shown, the ultimate aim of man's existence. This perfection is expressed in the phrase, "for our good always." You know the interpretation of our Sages, "'that it may be well with thee' (ibid. 22:7), namely, in the world that is all good, 'and that thou mayest prolong thy days' (ibid.), i.e., in the world that is all eternal." In the same sense I explain the words, "for our good always," to mean that we may come into the world that is all good and eternal, where we may live permanently; and the words, "that he might preserve us alive as it is this day, "I explain as referring to our first and temporal existence, to that of our body, which cannot be in a perfect and good condition except by the co-operation of society, as has been shown by us.

(1) Now, after it is known that the reward and the good which we will acquire for observing the precepts and the way of the Lord according to what it is written in the Torah consist of life in the World to Come, even as it is said: "That it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest prolong thy days" (Deut. 22.7), and that the punishment inflicted upon the wicked who abandoned the righteous paths described in the Torah consists of excision, even as it is said: "That soul shall be utterly cut off; his iniquity shall be upon him" (Num.15.31), what is this which it is written throughout the Torah, if ye will hearken you will be overtaken by thus, but if ye will not hearken you will be met with such, and all those things are in this world, for instance, plenty, famine, war, peace, government, oppression, permanency in the land, exile, success in undertakings, its failure, and other similar text in the Covenant? All those things were and will be true, and as long as we observe the precepts of the Torah all the good of this world will overtake us, and as long as we transgress them we will be met by those evil things described therein. Nevertheless, neither are those good things the end of the reward for observing the commandments nor are those evil things the end of the punishment to be inflicted upon one who violates the precepts. For so are all these matters balanced: The Holy One, blessed is He! bestowed upon us this Torah as a tree of life, and whosoever conducts himself after the prescribed order therein, and studies to know it with a complete and upright knowledge, he acquires therewith life in the World to Come. And, in the measure of his works and wisdom he obtains his acquisition. We were moreover, assured in the Torah that if we will observe it in joy and out of goodness of soul, and constantly meditate in its wisdom, He will detach from us all such things which prevent us from observing it, such as sickness, war, famine and the like. He will, in addition thereto, be bountiful unto us by giving us all good which sustain our hands to observe the Torah, as plenty, peace, and an increase in silver and gold, so that we be not occupied all of our days in the things that are of bodily need, but, instead, be at leisure to study wisdom and observe the precept in order to acquire life in the World to Come. Even so it is said in the Torah: "And it shall be our righteousness, if we observe to do all these commandments, before the Lord our God, as He hath commanded us" (Deut. 6.24–25). He made likewise known to us, that if we will purposely abandon the Torah, and busy ourselves with the vanities of the times, as the subject is spoken of, saying: "But Jeshurun waxed fat, and kicked (Ibid. 32.15). The True Judge will detatch from the forsakers all the good of this world which had strengthened their hands so that they kicked, and bring upon them all the evil to prevent them from acquiring the World to Come, so that they be lost in their wickedness. This is as it is written in the Torah: "Because thou didst not serve the Lord thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, by reason of the abundance of all things; therefore shalt thou serve thine enemy who the Lord shall send against thee" (Ibid. 28. 46–47) Consequently, the interpretation of all those blessings and curses is this way: As if saying, if you have served the Lord with joyfulness and observed His way, he will bestow in abundance these blessings upon you and set at a distance the curses from you, so that you be at leisure to grow wise in the wisdom of the Torah, and to busy yourselves therein, and so that you will merit life in the World to Come, and to do you good in the world which is all good, and prolong your days in the world which is unending, and you will find yourselves acquiring two worlds, to good living in this world, which will bring to a life in the World to Come, for if one does not acquire wisdom and good works here he has nothing else to acquire it with, even as it said: "For there is no work, no device, no knowledge nor wisdom in the grave (Ecc. 9.10). But if you have forsaken the Lord, and did err in eating drinking and prostitution, and their like, he will bring upon you those curses and detach from you all blessings until you will end your days in confusion and dread, and your will have neither a heart of leisure nor a sound body to perform the precepts, so that you lose the life in the World to Come, as a consequence whereof you will have lost two worlds; for, as long as a man is occupied in this world with sickness, war and hunger he can not be engaged either in wisdom or in precepts, by which to acquire the World to Come.

(2) Because of this, all Israel their prophets and their scholars craved for the Messianic era so that they may rest up from tyrannical government which do not give them the tranquility to study the Torah and observe the precepts as they ought to, and so that they may find the peacefulness of mind to increase wisdom in order to acquire life in the World to Come. For, in those days knowledge and wisdom and truth will increase, even as it is said: "For the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord" (Is. 11.9); and it is again said: "And they shall teach no more every man his neighbor, and every man his brother" (Jer. 31.34); and it is yet again said: "And I will take the stony heart out of your flesh" (Ez. 36.26), as that king who will arise from the seed of David will be gifted with wisdom more than Solomon, and great in prophecy nigh unto Moses our Master. He will, therefore, teach the whole people and point out to them the Lord's path, and all nations will come to listen to him, even as it is said: "And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the Lord's house shall be established in the top of the mountains" (Is. 2.2). Nevertheless, the end of the whole reward, and the last good which has neither interruption nor diminution is life in the World to Come. As for the Messianic era, it is in this world, and the world goes on after its fashion, save only that Israel will again have a government. Indeed, the ancient sages have long since said: "There is no difference between this world and the Messianic era, save alone in the oppression of government.¹