Are Humility and Self-Esteem Contradictory?
The Chofetz Chaim was once traveling by train to a Jewish community to give a lecture. A man sat down next to him during the trip and started a conversation. When the Chofetz Chaim asked where he was heading, the man replied, "I'm going into town to hear the Chofetz Chaim speak. He's the greatest tzaddik (righteous person) in the Jewish world today." Embarrassed by what he was hearing, the Chofetz Chaim told the man, "People exaggerate about his greatness. I know him very well and he's not that great." The man became infuriated by what he was hearing and slapped the Chofetz Chaim in the face. That night, the man was horrified when he came to the lecture and realized that the person he hit was actually the Chofetz Chaim. As soon as the lecture was over, the man pleaded for forgiveness. The Chofetz Chaim smiled and said, "There's no need for forgiveness - you were defending me. In fact, you taught me a great lesson: my whole life I've been teaching people not to defame others; now I've learned that it's also wrong to defame yourself."
http://levechad.blogspot.com/2010/08/are-humility-and-self-esteem.html
(א) וַיִּקְרָ֖א אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֑ה וַיְדַבֵּ֤ר ה' אֵלָ֔יו מֵאֹ֥הֶל מוֹעֵ֖ד לֵאמֹֽר׃
- (1) 'ה called to Moses and spoke to him from the Tent of Meeting, saying:
א' דויקרא זעירא שמשה לא רצה לכתוב אלא ויקר כדרך שנא' בבלעם כאלו לא נראה לו השם אלא במקרה ואמר לו הקב''ה לכתוב גם באל''ף וכתבה קטנה. ויקרא אל משה.
The alph of vayikra is small, since Moshe wanted to write vayikar (he happened), as it is said of Bilaam, as if G-d had only happened upon him accidentally.
G-d told him to write an aleph, so he wrote it small.
G-d happened upon Balaam, who stated, “I have set up the seven altars and offered up a bull and a ram on each altar.”
ויקר AND [GOD] HAPPENED TO MEET [BALAAM] — This is an expression ordinarily used to denote events of a casual character, an expression for something shameful, an expression for an unclean happening (קרי). It is as much as to say: with reluctance and in a contemptuous manner. And on this occasion He revealed Himself to him by day, only to show how dear Israel was to Him (cf. Genesis Rabbah 52:5; Rashi on Leviticus 1:1).
(ג) וְקָרָ֨א זֶ֤ה אֶל־זֶה֙ וְאָמַ֔ר קָד֧וֹשׁ ׀ קָד֛וֹשׁ קָד֖וֹשׁ ה' צְבָא֑וֹת מְלֹ֥א כׇל־הָאָ֖רֶץ כְּבוֹדֽוֹ׃
“Holy, holy, holy!
The LORD of Hosts!
His presence fills all the earth!”
ויקרא אל משה. לְכָל דִּבְּרוֹת וּלְכָל אֲמִירוֹת וּלְכָל צִוּוּיִים קָדְמָה קְרִיאָה, לְשׁוֹן חִבָּה, לָשׁוֹן שֶׁמַּלְאֲכֵי הַשָּׁרֵת מִשְׁתַּמְּשִׁין בּוֹ, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וְקָרָא זֶה אֶל זֶה (ישעיהו ו'), אֲבָל לִנְבִיאֵי אֻמּוֹת הָעוֹלָם נִגְלָה עֲלֵיהֶן בִּלְשׁוֹן עֲרָאִי וְטֻמְאָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וַיִּקָּר אֱלֹקִים אֶל בִּלְעָם (במדבר כ"ג):
ויקרא אל משה AND [THE LORD] CALLED UNTO MOSES — All oral communications of the Lord to Moses whether they are introduced by דבר or by אמר or by צו were preceded by a call (to prepare him for the forthcoming address) (Sifra). It is a way of expressing affection, the mode used by the ministering angels when addressing each other, as it is said (Isaiah 6:3) “And one called unto another [and said, Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts]”. To the prophets of the nations of the world, however, God revealed himself in a manner which Scripture describes by an expression ordinarily used for denoting events of a casual character and of uncleanness, as it is said, (Numbers 23:4) “and God happened to meet (ויקר) Balaam” (the term ויקר, from the root ,קרה, is connected with מִקְרֶה which denotes “chance”, “occurrence”, and has also the meaning of “uncleanness”, by analogy with Deuteronomy 23:11: לא יהיה טהור מקרה לילה) (cf. Bereishit Rabbah 52; Leviticus Rabbah 1).
Discuss:
What does it say about Moshe that he wanted the word to be ויקר, without the א?
Kitzur Baal Haturim on Exodus 27:20:1
You shall command the B’nei Yisrael. This (tetzaveh) is the only parshah in the Torah since Moshe first appears in which he is not mentioned (outside of the book of Devarim in which he is the narrator). This is in fulfillment of the curse that he proclaimed against himself, “[And if not,] blot me out from Your book” (Shemos 32:32). Although this curse was conditional upon God’s refusal to forgive the people for the sin of the Calf, the curse of a scholar is fulfilled in some way, even when made conditionally. The expression “command” is used in connection with both the oil and the daily sacrifice (Bamidbar 28:2) because both entail a daily expense and therefore need reinforcement.
The Gaon of Vilna
In the whole weekly portion t'tzaveh, the name of Moses is not mentioned at all. The reason was that God knew that the day of Moses' future death would be Adar 7 (which is also his birthday), the time tetzaveh is usually read at services (It was, so to speak, God's anticipatory mourning).
Discuss:
Moshe is praised for his humility, but is there a point where it becomes too much?
Where is the line between humility and low self-esteem?
Can humility coexist with high self-esteem?
What did the Chofetz Chayim exhibit? Were his actions admirable?
What does Moshe exhibit?
Humility isn't just about acknowledging that which you are not, it's also about recognizing that which you are. Thus, Moses is described as the most humble man who ever lived (Numbers 12:3). Yet, he could have also been referred to as the most courageous or the most compassionate human being of all time. Why does the Torah go out of its way to only mention this characteristic? Given the above definition of humility, it becomes clear as to why this was the case. Moses was quite aware of his weaknesses (including having a speech impediment), but at the same time also understood that his strengths put him in the position to lead the Jewish people. A lesser person would have either failed to acknowledge their weaknesses, or worse yet, would have downplayed the strengths they did possess in order to avoid greater responsibility.
Humility should never be confused with low self-esteem. Low self-esteem demoralizes people, while humility inspires people to better themselves. Therefore, the true opposite of humility isn't self-esteem but arrogance. Arrogance is the terrible character trait that convinces people they are God's gift to mankind, have all the answers, and don't have to follow the same rules as everyone else. On the other extreme, humility is the character trait that allows us to recognize our weaknesses - as well as our strengths - and cultivates the realization that God created us with a certain set of skills for a reason. For some people, the simple acknowledgment of what they can't do humbles them. For others, knowing what they can do humbles them even more.
http://levechad.blogspot.com/2010/08/are-humility-and-self-esteem.html
Dr. Lisa Grant (as quoted in Torah: A Woman's Commentary p. 491)
"While the plots and purposes of [Megillat Esther and Parashat Tetzaveh) are vastly different, each in its own way, asks us to confront an absence. T'tzaveh is the only parashah from the beginning of the book of Exodus until the end of Deuteronomy where the name of Moses does not appear. And Esther is one of only two books of the Bible in which the name of God does not appear."