Rabbi Samuel J. Rose, "Bushah—Shame: The Soul-Trait of Shame," in Block, Rabbi Barry H.. The Mussar Torah Commentary: A Spiritual Path to Living a Meaningful and Ethical Life, CCAR Press.
The character trait, middah, of shame, according to Rabbi Hirsch, is “God’s gift of grace [to humanity]. [God] instilled in [each person’s] heart a sense of shame. God knew that a person would not always measure up to what [he/she/they were] meant to be. Therefore, God implanted within [each person] a sense of shame, which would always inform [that person] of [their] inadequacy. Thus [everyone] became [their] own monitor and guardian.” However, just because human beings were granted this gift of shame, it should not be taken for granted. Orchot Tzadikim encourages human beings “to exert [themselves] to conduct [themselves] in accordance with this noble trait and employ wisdom in cultivating it until it is implanted in [their souls,]” because “the trait of shame is a great fence and an iron barrier against all transgressions.”
(מו) כׇּל־יְמֵ֞י אֲשֶׁ֨ר הַנֶּ֥גַע בּ֛וֹ יִטְמָ֖א טָמֵ֣א ה֑וּא בָּדָ֣ד יֵשֵׁ֔ב מִח֥וּץ לַֽמַּחֲנֶ֖ה מוֹשָׁבֽוֹ׃ {ס}
Rabbi Samuel J. Rose, "Bushah—Shame: The Soul-Trait of Shame,"
Rabbi Hirsch insists that if we look deeper into the meaning of the words nega and tzaraat, we see that calling this particular collection of symptoms a disease in any sense is a misreading of the text. His definition also helps to explain why the person afflicted is exiled from the camp. Rabbi Hirsch explains, “In the majority of cases where the word nega occurs, it clearly refers to a disease that comes as a result of a special Divine decree. A person afflicted with a nega is nagu-a, literally ‘touched’ by the finger of God.”5 Tzaraat, he says, “denotes an inner rot that breaks out externally.”6 The way that the nega serves God with respect to the m’tzora may be likened to the way the question “Ayekah?” serves God in relation to Adam. God knows the spiritual location of the individual; it’s the spiritual state that is rotten. The nega, like the question “Ayekah?,” forces the affected individual to acknowledge that there is a problem.
They are merciful, as it is written: “And He will give you mercy, and have mercy upon you and multiply you” (Deuteronomy 13:18); not only will God have mercy upon you, but He will bestow the attribute of mercy upon you.
They are shamefaced, as it is written: “And that His fear shall be upon your faces” (Exodus 20:17), and the fear that is on one’s face is his shame.
They perform acts of kindness, as it is written: “For I have known him, to the end that he may command his children and his household after him, that they may keep the way of the Lord, to practice righteousness and justice” (Genesis 18:19), i.e., to perform acts of kindness.
Whoever has these three distinguishing marks is fit to cleave to this nation. Those who lack these qualities, however, are unfit to be part of the Jewish people. When David saw the cruelty of the Gibeonites, he decreed that they may never enter into the congregation of Israel.
Rabbi Brene Brown
Shame is “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.”
Dan Ariely The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty.
In a series of three experiments, participants were given a chance to claim unearned money at the expense of the researchers. There were two conditions in each experiment, and the only difference between them was in the wording of the instructions. In the first condition participants were told that researchers were interested in “how common cheating is on college campuses,” while in the second, they wondered “how common cheaters are on college campuses.
This is a subtle but, as it turned out, significant difference. Participants in the “cheating” condition claimed significantly more cash than those in the “cheater” condition, who, similar to when we tempted people who had sworn on the bible, did not cheat at all. This was true in both face-to-face and online interactions, indicating that relative anonymity cannot displace the implications of self-identifying as a cheater. People may allow themselves to cheat sometimes, but not if it involves identifying themselves as Cheaters."
Brene Brown
"What's interesting is guilt gets a really bad rap, but guilt is a very socially adaptive emotion."
"Guilt is 'I did something bad', and shame is 'I am that.'
"Guilt is cognitive dissonance. Guilt says, I've done something or failed to do something that is aligned with my values. And it feels awful. I need to make amends, make a change and hold myself accountable. I need to fix it."
Bachya Ibn Pekuda (11C), Duties of the Heart, Second Treatise on Examination 5:28
Afterwards, reflect on the feeling of shame with which man alone has been endowed. How high is its value! How numerous are its uses and advantages. Were it not for this feeling, men would not show hospitality to strangers. They would not keep their promises, grant favors, show kindness, nor abstain from evil in any way. Many precepts of the Torah are fulfilled only out of shame. A large number of people would not honor their parent if it were not for shame, and certainly would fail to show courtesy to others. They would not restore a lost article to its owner, nor refrain from any transgression. For whoever commits any of the disgraceful acts which we have mentioned, does so only when he has cast off the garment of shame. As Scripture said: "Yea they are not at all ashamed, neither know they how to blush" (Yirmiyahu 6:15), and "The sinner knows no shame" (Tzefania 3:5).
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, "Yom Kippur"
We are all failures. At least one day a year we should recognize it. I have failed so often; I am sure those present here have also failed. We have much to be contrite about; we have missed opportunities. The sense of inadequacy ought to be at the very center of the day....
I would strongly advise you to stress and develop this aspect, along with the aspect of contrition. To put contrition another way, develop a sense of embarrassment. The root of any religious faith is a sense of embarrassment, of inadequacy. I would cultivate a sense of embarrassment. It would be a great calamity for humanity if the sense of embarrassment disappeared, if everybody was an all-rightnik, with an answer to every problem. We have no answer to ultimate problems. We really don’t know. In this not knowing, in this sense of embarrassment, lies the key to opening the wells of creativity. Those who have no embarrassment remain sterile. We must develop this contrition or sense of embarrassment.
Midrash Tanchuma, Beha'alotcha 6
“When you set up the lamps!” To what is the matter comparable? To a king who had a friend. The king said to him, “You should know that I am dining with you; so make ready for me.” His friend went [and] prepared a commoner's couch [and] a commoner's table. When the king arrived, attendants came with him. They set around menorahs of gold before him on either side. When his friend saw all the splendor, he felt ashamed and concealed everything that he had prepared, because everything was [of the type used by] commoners. The king said to him, “What is this? Did I not tell you that I was dining with you? Why did you prepare nothing for me?” His friend said to him, “My lord king, when I saw all this splendor that came with you, I felt ashamed and concealed everything that I had prepared for you, as it consisted of commoner's utensils.” The king said to him, “By your life, I am rejecting all my utensils which I have brought with me, and out of love for you I only wish to use yours.”
Rabbi Samuel J. Rose, "Bushah—Shame: The Soul-Trait of Shame,"
A properly developed sense of bushah acts as a mechanism to prevent us from individual wrongdoing. In our personal lives, when we exercise our power over others unjustly, when we are unfaithful in our relationships both personal and professional, when we succumb to peer pressure, when we act in a demeaning or dehumanizing way toward others, when we act violently, we should feel bushah.
As members of society, when we see the devastation we are causing to our planet—through the overutilization of natural resources, the overbearing levels of pollution, and the destruction of our fragile ecosystems—we should feel shame. When we when we see but refuse to respond to the many faces of injustice, we should be ashamed. In both cases, shame must not be an end to itself. With respect to our individual actions, bushah should turn us to t’shuvah, not to the slaughtering of sheep or birds, but to repairing our behavior and our relationships. With respect to world at large, our shame should fuel our drive to confronting our society’s ills, to pursue justice, safety, sustainability, and peace. Then, our bushah may be called a blessing.