My friend asked this shabbos, why when the first four of the last five dibrot that speak of human obligation to fellow human are so succinct, the last is so long winded, going into a list of all the things we are not supposed to covet.
My idea was that, when we covet something that is someone else’s, we build up an image of themselves in our head to justify our actions. We say: they have it all! The perfect relationship! A huge house! The best job! Great kids! And we build up this idea in our head of their perfect life. We don’t just want one thing they have- we want their whole life. And often we ignore things they’re dealing with in the process- we ignore their struggles. We don’t see their issues as real because we have developed this idea in our head of them having everything. We see them as on a pedestal, and we wish to take them off it, when we covet what they have, but we don’t care for their needs as they are now. The Torah here mimics our yetzer hara with this list, listing out all the things we could covet and forcing us to take a step back and realize how it’s an aveira to covet even one of these things, much less covet their whole life.
הָרַחֲמָן הוּא יְבָרֵךְ אֶת (אָבִי מוֹרִי) בַּעַל הַבַּיִת הַזֶּה וְאֶת (אִמִּי מוֹרָתִי) בַּעֲלַת הַבַּיִת הַזֶּה. אוֹתָם וְאֶת בֵּיתָם וְאֶת זַרְעָם וְאֶת כָּל אֲשֶׁר לָהֶם. (הָרַחֲמָן הוּא יְבָרֵךְ אוֹתִי וְאֶת אִשְׁתִּי וְאֶת זַרְעִי וְאֶת כָּל אֲשֶׁר לִי), אוֹתָנוּ וְאֶת כָּל אֲשֶׁר לָנוּ. כְּמוֹ שֶׁנִּתְבָּרְכוּ אֲבוֹתֵינוּ אַבְרָהָם יִצְחָק וְיַעֲקב, בַּכּל. מִכּל. כּל. כֵּן יְבָרֵךְ אוֹתָנוּ כֻּלָּנוּ יַחַד בִּבְרָכָה שְׁלֵמָה. וְנאמַר אָמֵן:
May the Merciful One bless (my revered father) the master of this house and (my revered mother) the mistress of this house, them, and their household, and their children, and everything that is theirs. May the Merciful One bless me and my wife and my children and all that is mine. us all together and all our possessions just as He blessed our forefathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, with every blessing. May He bless us all together with a perfect blessing, and let us say, Amen.
The language of וכל אשר לרעך is harkened to in the Harachamans for bentching. We bless our host, hostess, their children, their house, and all that is theirs. Similarly, there is a list. However, instead of the list being inspired by our yetzer hara, here it is inspired by our yetzer tov. We see our friends and their family as a family unit, and we don’t want to leave anyone out. We have to take a mental note when doing this part of bentching - who are we blessing, do they have kids I should bless? When my friends had a baby recently, it was such a joyous occasion the first time I ate at their house after their baby was born, because I realized that I was adding to the bentching I did previously at their house - there was a new soul at the table to bless. And after we wish for good things for our hosts, we wish for good things for ourselves too, but our blessing ourselves only comes after those who had us into their home.
(א) וה' פקד את שרה וגו'. סָמַך פָּרָשָׁה זוֹ לְלַמֶּדְךָ, שֶׁכָּל הַמְבַקֵּשׁ רַחֲמִים עַל חֲבֵרוֹ וְהוּא צָרִיךְ לְאוֹתוֹ דָבָר, הוּא נַעֲנֶה תְחִלָּה (בבא קמא צ"ב), שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל וְגוֹ', וּסְמִיךְ לֵיהּ וה' פָּקַד אֶת שָׂרָה, שֶׁפְּקָדָהּ כְּבָר קֹדֶם שֶׁרִפֵּא אֶת אֲבִימֶלֶךְ: לְאַבְרָהָם:
(1) 'וה' פקד את שרה וגו AND THE LORD VISITED SARAH —It (Scripture) places this section after the preceding one to teach you that whoever prays for mercy on behalf of another when he himself also is in need of that very thing for which he prays on the other’s behalf, will himself first receive a favorable response from God, for it is said (at end of last chapter), “And Abraham prayed for Abimelech and his wife and they brought forth” and immediately afterwards it states here, “And the Lord remembered Sarah” — i. e. he had already remembered her before he healed Abimelech (Bava Kamma 92a). (2) פקד את שרה כאשר אמר
It reminds me of the idea from Rashi that if you ask for something you yourself need for your friend, that you will get it first. However, in this case, we’re asking for others first. It’s the polar opposite of the listing out what our neighbor has in a coveting manner, where we think of what we want over our neighbor continuing to live life happily.
May we all be blessed to celebrate our friends’ simchas and our own.