When the Clouds Return: Finding Joy in the Rain

V’samachta b’chagecha…v’hayita ach sameach. These words, from the Book of Leviticus, close out the instructions for the celebration of Sukkot. You shall rejoice in your festivals, and you shall be—ach sameach. It’s usually translated as “nothing but happy” but let me suggest another possibility. Ach can also mean but, it can mean despite it all. Ach might be--I am happy in this hyper present. In this moment.

I am happy despite my pain, I am laughing with my tears, I am celebrating within my sorrow.

It feels almost too simple. Faced with the existential pain of Yom Kippur, faced with our own suffering, our own losses and despairs, and brokenness--you are telling me that our grand tradition says go outside in a hut and be happy? How can that be the answer to someone in deep darkness?

Because the command to be “ach--only? Even? But? sameach, appears only during Sukkot. THAT is the wisdom. Not Passover, when we are gathered around a table with friends and family. Not Shavuot, when we stand together to receive Torah. Not Rosh HaShanah, the birthday of the world. No, the command is given on Sukkot, when we are sitting there, exposed, out in the open. It seems no coincidence that we must be able to be joyful—that we are obligated—to be joyful, when the rain is falling or the sun is pounding, when we are at our most vulnerable, when the very structure surrounding us could collapse. Will collapse.

The nation of Israel first became protected by the Ananai HaKavod, in the month of Nissan. Why then, the Gaon asks, do we commemorate this gift of protection in the month of Tishrei? He answers that when the nation of Israel sinned by constructing the Egel HaZahav, the Golden Calf, the protective clouds were removed. The clouds did not return until after Moshe had secured the complete atonement of the nation of Israel, and the nation began to construct the Mishkan, the Tabernacle. The date Moshe returned to the camp of Israel was Yom Kippur, the 10th of Tishrei, and the nation began the construction of the Mishkan on the 15th of Tishrei. For this reason, the Gaon writes, we celebrate Sukkos on the 15th of Tishrei.

In the sukkah, a house that is open to the world, a house that freely acknowledges that it cannot be the basis of our security, we let go of this need. The illusion of protection falls away, and suddenly we are flush with our life, feeling our life, following our life, doing its dance, one step after another.

And when we speak of joy here, we are not speaking of fun. Joy is a deep release of the soul, and it includes death and pain. Joy is any feeling fully felt, any experience we give our whole being to.