The allusion to weeping is a sure sign that what we have here is a revelation of genuine humanity. A kiss can be superficial but an outburst of tears is a strong presumption in favor of sincerity. Esau betrays his Abrahamic origins and shows himself as not merely a cruel hunter. Otherwise he could never have reached such a leading position in the development of mankind. The sword alone, brute force cannot accomplish this. Even Esau gradually relinquishes his sword and begins to feel the chords of human love. It is Jacob who usually provides him with the opportunity for showing his innate humanity. When the strong respects the strong, this is discretion. But when the strong, i.e. Esau falls on the neck of the weak, of Jacob, and casts his sword away, then we know that humanity and justice have prevailed.

Jacob, the pious and "dweller of tents" was actually a man who possessed great physical power. Shepherding flocks for twenty years certainly hardened him and it all appeared to strengthen and toughen him a great deal. At the outset of his journey of his great power he indicates a demonstration of his muscles at the well in Haran ... and after, at the zenith of his power, he struggles all night with a great wonder, and even this anonymous one without a name does not succeed against him. Why, if so, would a a man such as this so fear the struggle with his brother Esau? The shepherds and (Divine) messengers - sure, but against the "red head", no?! It appears that Jacob knows that the imminent war with Esau is not justified. He carries within himself, for twenty years, a secret and a feeling of heavy guilt that he stole the birthright (בכורה b'chorah) and the blessing (ברכה b'racha) ...

In the record of the dramatic meeting with him, between the hug and the tears, between the kiss and bodily caress and patting on the shoulders, the inner truth that lies upon his conscience is divulged: please take my blessing (Genesis 33:11). Not my gift [מנחה mincha, a word that appears five times earlier in the narrative], but blessing (ברכה b'racha). Not the "spin", but the inner truth. Thus, he returns the stolen blessing; with a simple reordering of the letters he returns not only the blessing, but also the birthright whose letters are similar and equal. And herein lies the wonder: from the moment that which was stolen is returned there is no longer a need for struggle ...

translated by Irwin Zeplowitz

Perhaps the answer for what happens in the meeting between Jacob and Esau is neither reconciliation nor rivalry, but both - a sense we all carry of uncertainty and hope.

In our relationships - our family from whom we may be estranged, with those of different political ideologies, with anyone we may not fully trust, or as a society, with potential national rivals - we would do well to be guided by the nuanced sense of reconciliation and uncertainty, a hope for rapport wedded to a sense of rivalry, of shared guilt, grief and growth in the meeting of Jacob and Esau after so many years:

- On the one hand, to be open-hearted enough to see that friction, political divisiveness and hate is not inevitable; that a rival, opponent or enemy can become an ally if not quite a friend.

- On the other hand, clear-eyed enough to know that the path to peace is not just relying on prayer, concession or even the assertion of power (all means that Jacob uses before meeting Esau again), but a healthy balance of all of them to seek ways to learn to live with those we may not like or even trust, but with whom we are inevitably bound.