Marriage I: Kiddushin קידושין

Prior to the giving of the Torah, a man would encounter a woman in the marketplace. If he and she would want that he marry her (lisa, from the same verb root as nissuin), he would bring her into his home and have relations with her in private and she would be his wife. Since the Torah was given, Israel were commanded that if a man wants to marry a woman, he make a kinyan of her first before witnesses, and afterwards she will be his wife …

And the Lord God said, “It is not good for the Adam to be alone. I will make him a helpmate corresponding to him…And the Lord God built up the rib that he had taken [lakach] from the Adam into a woman and he brought her to the Adam. And the Adam said, “This time is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. This will be called woman [isha], for from man [ish] this was taken [lukacha]. Therefore, a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.

And they become one flesh. In the [physical] place that they become one flesh.

One flesh – The offspring is formed through the two of them, and there their flesh becomes one.

…For the female of Adam was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, and he cleaved to her, and she was in his bosom like his flesh. And he desired her to be with him always. And as this was with Adam, his nature was placed in his descendants, that the males among them would cleave to their wives, leave their fathers and mothers, and see their wives as though they are with them as one flesh.

May God’s name be blessed, that He desires the good of His creations, for He knew that it is not good for man to be alone and, therefore, made him a helpmate corresponding to him. And further, for the intent of creating man is in order that he be fruitful and multiply and this is impossible without the helpmate. And therefore, He commanded him to cleave to the helpmate that He made for him. Therefore, a man is obligated to marry a woman in order to procreate…and whoever dwells without a wife, dwells without goodness…

Rav Azarya said in the name of Rav Yehuda bar Simon: Thus would the men of the generation of the flood do. One of them would marry two [women], one for procreation and one for sexual relations. The one who was for procreation would sit as though a widow during the life of her husband, and the one who was for relations, he would give her to drink a cup of roots [to induce sterility] so that she not give birth, and she would sit by him adorned like a prostitute.

…For it is said: “and the land be filled with depravity” [Vayikra 19:29] “it is depravity” [Vayikra 20:14]. Rabbi Lazer says: This is a single man who has relations with a single woman not for the purpose of marriage. Rabbi Lazer says: Whence that he is punished before God like one who has relations with a woman and her mother? It is said here “depravity” and it is said later: “And a man who takes a woman and her mother, it is depravity.” Rabbi Lazer son of Yaakov says: Since he had relations with many women and it is not known with which of them he had relations, and she who received [for relations] many men, and it is not known from which of them she received [the seed that conceived]. The result is, this man marries his daughter and this one marries his sister. The result is, all of the world become mamzerim [offspring of forbidden relations who are very limited in whom they can marry]. Therefore, it is said: “and the land be filled with depravity.”

When a man has two wives, one beloved and one hated, and they, the beloved and the hated, bear him sons, and the firstborn son is the hated’s.

Rav said: A man may marry several wives in addition to his wife, as long as he has [enough] to support them.

Rabbeinu Gershom pronounced a ban against one who marries in addition to his [first] wife.

A woman is not eligible for [marriage] to two [men]…

And to the wife of your fellow do not give your relations for seed to defile her.

And a man who commits adultery with a married woman [eishet ish], who commits adultery with the wife of his neighbor, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely die.

With [regard to] non-Jews, Rabbi Abbahu in the name of Rabbi Elazar: It is written: “Behold you will die on account of this woman whom you have taken, for she is married to a husband [be’ulat ba’al]” [Bereishit 20:3]. They [non-Jews] are liable for the be’ulot [women who have had relations with a husband], and they are not liable for the arusot [women after eirusin, halachic betrothal].

If the man finds the betrothed young woman [ha-na’ara ha-me’orasa) in a field, and the man takes hold of her and lies with her, then solely the man that lay with her dies. And to the young woman you will not do anything. The young woman has no capital sin for as when a man arises against his neighbor and murders him, so is the matter here.

[A woman who is] mekudeshet, even though she did not have relations and did not enter her husband’s household, behold she is an eishet ish and anyone aside from her husband who has relations with her is liable for death by Beit Din, and if [her husband] wanted to divorce her, she would need a get [halachic bill of divorce].

If a man takes a woman and has relations with her, and it will be that if she does not find favor in his eyes, for he found in her a matter of erva [sexual misconduct], then he writes her a bill of severance and places it in her hand and sends her out of his house.

For since he has betrothed her, she is his wife, for it is written “When a man takes a woman.” From the time of taking, she is called his wife, and this taking is kiddushin.

All of these arayot [forbidden sexual relationships] of relatives, [the prohibitions] apply to them through kiddushin. It makes no difference whether from eirusin or from nissuin.

For there is no kiddushin where she has no [claim] on him for food, clothing, and ona.

What is the language of our sages? That he prohibited her to everyone [else] like hekdesh [something sanctified to God and thus prohibited for personal use].

And [the formula recited by the chatan] “behold you are mekudeshet to me” means “to be mine, sanctified always for me,” as (Nedarim 48a) “Behold these are sanctified to Heaven” [means] to belong to Heaven. And the simple meaning of the expression “mekudeshet to me” is “set aside for me and available to me.”…

Rav Himnuna said to him: If he said to a woman, ‘Today you are my wife and tomorrow you are not my wife,’ can she go out [of the marriage] without a get [halachic bill of divorce]? Rava said to him…kedushat ha-guf [inherent sanctity] is not undone with nothing…

…Kiddushin of a woman, for it is written, “When a man takes a woman and has relations with her,” and we derive [the meaning of] “taking” [with regard to kiddushin by drawing a verbal analogy with the word] “taking” from the field of Efron. And we learn in the Mishna: “Beit Hillel say with a peruta [coin of minimum value] or with [something] of equivalent value to a peruta.

For we do not derive [the halacha regarding] a woman from [that of] a field at all. Rather, we derive that the “taking” written regarding a woman is a term [referring to] money, and a woman was never compared to a field at all…

The woman becomes betrothed [is mitkadeshet] with a dinar or with the equivalent value of a dinar, according to Beit Shammai, and Beit Hillel say with a peruta or the equivalent value of a peruta.

What is the rationale of Beit Shammai? Rabbi Zeira said: For a woman is particular about herself and does not become betrothed [mitkadeshet] through less than a dinar…Rava said: That is the rationale of Beit Shammai, that the daughters of Israel not be as though free for the taking.

…For the matter doesn’t depend on [her being] particular but rather this is the reason, because it derived “taking”-“taking” from Efron’s field, for “kessef” [money] is written regarding it, and with less than the value of a peruta it is not called money…

The woman undergoes kinyan in three ways and has kinyan for herself in two ways. She undergoes kinyan through money, through contract, or through relations…And has kinyan for herself through a get [halachic bill of divorce] or through the death of the husband…

… For her person is certainly not acquired by him [the husband].

…The kinyan issur [acquisition of prohibition] is not undone without a get [halachic bill of divorce].

I might have said that where she gives to him and betroths [mekadeshet] him, it is [valid] kiddushin. God [in his capacity of author of the Torah] wrote “when he takes” and not “when she takes.”

Our rabbis taught [in a baraita]: How [does one do kiddushin] with money? He gave her money or the equivalent of money and said to her, “behold you are mekudeshet to me,” “behold you are me’oreset to me,” “behold you are for me a wife”—behold she is mekudeshet…And if you want, say: If he gave and he said [the statement], she is mekudeshet. If she gave and she said, she is not mekudeshet. If he gave and she said, it is a case of doubt.

Perhaps one can say that it is different here, for it is written “When a man takes,” that the man should perform the entire “taking,” both the giving and the speaking.

For it was taught in a baraita: Rabbi Shimon says: Why did the Torah say, “when a man takes a woman” and did not write “when a woman is taken unto a man?” Because the way of a man is to pursue a woman and it is not the way of a woman to pursue a man. A parable—to a man who has lost something. Who chases whom? One who has lost something pursues what he lost.

If [the mishna] had taught “[he] effects a kinyan” [“koneh”], I would have thought, even against her will. It teaches “the woman undergoes kinyan” [ha-isha nikneit], for in accordance with her will, yes, against her will, no.

This is the matter that God commanded the daughters of Tzelofchad saying: they should become wives to [those] who are good in their eyes, but they should become wives to the family of their father’s tribe.

Kiddushin in general – And she went and became [the wife] of a different man (Devarim 24:2), it implies with her consent.

And I will betroth you to me forever, and I will betroth you to me with justice and with law and with lovingkindness and with mercy. And I will betroth you to me with faith and you will know God.

A kalla without a beracha is prohibited to her husband like a nidda, just as a nidda who has not immersed is prohibited to her husband, so a kalla without a beracha is prohibited to her husband.

He has prohibited to us betrothed women [arusot] – Rabbinically, for they decreed against seclusion with a single woman and they didn’t even permit a betrothed woman until she enters the chuppa and with a beracha, as I explained, a kalla without a beracha is prohibited to her husband like a nidda.

…Since transfer to the chuppa is required…she is like another man’s betrothed, and is prohibited to him like the law of eishet ish, so explained Rav Aharon Halevi and Rashba.