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Save "At the edge ~ What matters at the end of life

(Tikkun Leil Shavuot)
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At the edge ~ What matters at the end of life (Tikkun Leil Shavuot)
תָּנוּ רַבָּנַן, בִּשְׁעַת פְּטִירָתוֹ שֶׁל רַבִּי, אָמַר: לְבָנַי אֲנִי צָרִיךְ. נִכְנְסוּ בָּנָיו אֶצְלוֹ. אָמַר לָהֶם: הִזָּהֲרוּ בִּכְבוֹד אִמְּכֶם. נֵר יְהֵא דָּלוּק בִּמְקוֹמוֹ, שׁוּלְחָן יְהֵא עָרוּךְ בִּמְקוֹמוֹ, מִטָּה תְּהֵא מוּצַּעַת בִּמְקוֹמָהּ. יוֹסֵף חׇפְנִי שִׁמְעוֹן אֶפְרָתִי הֵם שִׁמְּשׁוּנִי בְּחַיַּי, וְהֵם יְשַׁמְּשׁוּנִי בְּמוֹתִי. הִזָּהֲרוּ בִּכְבוֹד אִמְּכֶם. דְּאוֹרָיְיתָא הִיא, דִּכְתִיב: ״כַּבֵּד אֶת אָבִיךָ וְאֶת אִמֶּךָ״! אֵשֶׁת אָב הֲוַאי. אֵשֶׁת אָב נָמֵי דְּאוֹרָיְיתָא הִיא, דְּתַנְיָא: ״כַּבֵּד אֶת אָבִיךָ וְאֶת אִמֶּךָ״, ״אֶת אָבִיךָ״ — זוֹ אֵשֶׁת אָבִיךָ, ״וְאֶת אִמֶּךָ״ — זוֹ בַּעַל אִמֶּךָ, וָיו יְתֵירָה — לְרַבּוֹת אֶת אָחִיךָ הַגָּדוֹל! הָנֵי מִילֵּי מֵחַיִּים, אֲבָל לְאַחַר מִיתָה לָא. ״נֵר יְהֵא דָּלוּק בִּמְקוֹמוֹ, שׁוּלְחָן יְהֵא עָרוּךְ בִּמְקוֹמוֹ, מִטָּה תְּהֵא מוּצַּעַת בִּמְקוֹמָהּ״, מַאי טַעְמָא? כֹּל בֵּי שִׁמְשֵׁי הֲוָה אָתֵי לְבֵיתֵיהּ. הַהוּא בֵּי שִׁמְשָׁא אֲתַאי שִׁבָבְתָּא, קָא קָרְיָה אַבָּבָא, אֲמַרָה אַמְּתֵיהּ: שְׁתִיקוּ, דְּרַבִּי יָתֵיב. כֵּיוָן דִּשְׁמַע, שׁוּב לָא אֲתָא, שֶׁלֹּא לְהוֹצִיא לַעַז עַל צַדִּיקִים הָרִאשׁוֹנִים. ״יוֹסֵף חׇפְנִי שִׁמְעוֹן אֶפְרָתִי, הֵם שִׁמְּשׁוּנִי בְּחַיַּי וְהֵם יְשַׁמְּשׁוּנִי בְּמוֹתִי״. סְבוּר מִינָּה בְּהָדֵין עָלְמָא הוּא דְּקָאָמַר, כֵּיוָן דַּחֲזוֹ דְּקָדֵים עַרְסַיְיהוּ לְעַרְסֵיהּ, אָמְרִי: שְׁמַע מִינַּהּ לְהָהוּא עָלְמָא הוּא דְּקָאָמַר. וְהַאי דַּאֲמַר הָכִי — דְּלָא לֵימְרוּ: מִילְּתָא הֲוַאי לְהוּ וְעַד הָאִידָּנָא נָמֵי זְכוּתוֹ דְּרַבִּי הוּא דְּאַהַנְיָא לְהוּ. אָמַר לָהֶן: לְחַכְמֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל אֲנִי צָרִיךְ. נִכְנְסוּ אֶצְלוֹ חַכְמֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל, אָמַר לָהֶן: ״אַל תִּסְפְּדוּנִי בָּעֲיָירוֹת, וְהוֹשִׁיבוּ יְשִׁיבָה לְאַחַר שְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם״. ״שִׁמְעוֹן בְּנִי חָכָם, גַּמְלִיאֵל בְּנִי נָשִׂיא, חֲנִינָא בַּר חָמָא יֵשֵׁב בָּרֹאשׁ״.
§ The Sages taught: At the time of the passing of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, he said: I need my sons. His sons entered his room. He said to them as a last will and testament: Be careful with the honor of your mother. He said further: My lamp should be lit in its usual place, my table should be set in its usual place, and the bed should be arranged in its usual place. Yosef Ḥeifani and Shimon Efrati; they served me during my lifetime and they will serve me in my death. The Gemara clarifies the various requests that he made of his sons: Be careful with the honor of your mother. The Gemara asks: Why would he need to say this? After all, this is required by Torah law, as it is written: “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:11)? The Gemara answers: She was their father’s wife. She was not their mother, but their stepmother, and he therefore needed to caution them concerning her honor. The Gemara asks: Honoring a father’s wife is also required by Torah law, as it is taught in a baraita: Honor your father [et avikha] and your mother [ve’et immekha]. The preposition et in the phrase: Your father; this teaches that you must honor your father’s wife. Similarly, the preposition et in the phrase: And your mother; this teaches that you must honor your mother’s husband. And the extra letter vav, which is appended as a prefix in the phrase “ve’et immekha” is included in order to add your older brother to those who must be honored. The Gemara answers: This halakha, that one is obligated by Torah law to respect his father’s wife, applies only during his father’s lifetime. While the father is alive, out of respect for him, his wife must also be treated with respect. However, following his death, no, there is no longer any obligation to honor a stepmother. It was for this reason that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi had to caution his sons in this matter. Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi commanded his sons: My lamp should be lit in its usual place, my table should be set in its usual place, and the bed should be arranged in its usual place. The Gemara asks: What is the reason he made these requests? The Gemara explains: Every Shabbat eve, even after his passing, Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi would come to his house as he had done during his lifetime, and he therefore wished for everything to be set up as usual. The Gemara relates the following incident: It happened on a certain Shabbat eve that a neighbor came by and called and knocked at the door. His maidservant said to her: Be quiet, for Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi is sitting. When he heard his maidservant reveal his presence to the neighbor, he did not come again, so as not to cast aspersions on earlier righteous individuals who did not appear to their families following their death. The Gemara elaborates on Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi’s statement: Yosef Ḥeifani and Shimon Efrati, they served me during my lifetime and they will serve me in my death. It was understood from this statement that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi was speaking of this world, that these two should serve him in his death and administer his burial. However, when they saw that their biers preceded his bier, i.e., they died before him, they said: Conclude from here that he was speaking of that world. They will attend to him in the World-to-Come. And the reason he said this was so that people should not say: There was something wrong with them, and until now, too, it was the merit of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi that benefited them and prevented them from dying due to their sins. Now that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi is dying, his merit no longer protects them. Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi therefore clarified that the reason for their deaths was in order to enable them to escort him in death as in life. § Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi said further to his attendants: I need the Sages of Israel. The Sages of Israel entered his room. He said to them: Do not eulogize me in the small towns and reconvene the study sessions at the yeshiva after thirty days of mourning. My son Shimon is a Sage. My son Gamliel should be the Nasi. Ḥanina bar Ḥama will sit at the head of the yeshiva.

~ What is Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi (Rabbi) doing?

~ What are the values he is reinforcing at his last days?

~ Is talking about death hard for you, specifically?

~ What are things you would like others to know about your desires?

ההוא יומא דנח נפשיה דרבי גזרו רבנן תעניתא ובעו רחמי ואמרי כל מאן דאמר נח נפשיה דר' ידקר בחרב סליקא אמתיה דרבי לאיגרא אמרה עליוני' מבקשין את רבי והתחתוני' מבקשין את רבי יהי רצון שיכופו תחתונים את העליונים כיון דחזאי כמה זימני דעייל לבית הכסא וחלץ תפילין ומנח להו וקמצטער אמרה יהי רצון שיכופו עליונים את התחתונים ולא הוו שתקי רבנן מלמיבעי רחמי שקלה כוזא שדייא מאיגרא [לארעא] אישתיקו מרחמי ונח נפשיה דרבי

§ It is related that on the day that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi died, the Sages decreed a fast, and begged for divine mercy so that he would not die. And they said: Anyone who says that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi has died will be stabbed with a sword. The maidservant of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi ascended to the roof and said: The upper realms are requesting the presence of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi, and the lower realms are requesting the presence of Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi. May it be the will of God that the lower worlds should impose their will upon the upper worlds. However, when she saw how many times he would enter the bathroom and remove his phylacteries, and then exit and put them back on, and how he was suffering with his intestinal disease, she said: May it be the will of God that the upper worlds should impose their will upon the lower worlds. And the Sages, meanwhile, would not be silent, i.e., they would not refrain, from begging for mercy so that Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi would not die. So she took a jug [kuza] and threw it from the roof to the ground. Due to the sudden noise, the Sages were momentarily silent and refrained from begging for mercy, and Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi died.

~ What is Rabbi's maidservant doing? What are the rabbis doing?

~ What do you think this story comes to teach us?

~ This story is used to discuss the halachah of the limits of prolonging life in medical settings, today. What do you think it tells us?

Trigger warning: the next story is distressing in many levels
תנו רבנן כשחלה רבי יוסי בן קיסמא הלך רבי חנינא בן תרדיון לבקרו אמר לו חנינא אחי (אחי) אי אתה יודע שאומה זו מן השמים המליכוה שהחריבה את ביתו ושרפה את היכלו והרגה את חסידיו ואבדה את טוביו ועדיין היא קיימת ואני שמעתי עליך שאתה יושב ועוסק בתורה [ומקהיל קהלות ברבים] וספר מונח לך בחיקך אמר לו מן השמים ירחמו אמר לו אני אומר לך דברים של טעם ואתה אומר לי מן השמים ירחמו תמה אני אם לא ישרפו אותך ואת ספר תורה באש אמר לו רבי מה אני לחיי העולם הבא אמר לו כלום מעשה בא לידך אמר לו מעות של פורים נתחלפו לי במעות של צדקה וחלקתים לעניים אמר לו אם כן מחלקך יהי חלקי ומגורלך יהי גורלי אמרו לא היו ימים מועטים עד שנפטר רבי יוסי בן קיסמא והלכו כל גדולי רומי לקברו והספידוהו הספד גדול ובחזרתן מצאוהו לרבי חנינא בן תרדיון שהיה יושב ועוסק בתורה ומקהיל קהלות ברבים וס"ת מונח לו בחיקו
§ The Sages taught: When Rabbi Yosei ben Kisma fell ill, Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon went to visit him. Rabbi Yosei ben Kisma said to him: Ḥanina my brother, do you not know that this nation has been given reign by a decree from Heaven? The proof is that Rome has destroyed God’s Temple, and burned His Sanctuary, and killed His pious ones, and destroyed His best ones, and it still exists. Evidently, all of this is by Divine decree. And yet I heard about you that you sit and engage in Torah study, and convene assemblies in public, and have a Torah scroll placed in your lap, thereby demonstrating complete disregard for the decrees issued by the Romans. Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon said to him: Heaven will have mercy and protect me. Rabbi Yosei ben Kisma said to him: I am saying reasonable matters to you, and you say to me: Heaven will have mercy? I wonder if the Romans will not burn both you and your Torah scroll by fire. Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon said to him: My teacher, what will become of me? Am I destined for life in the World-to-Come? Rabbi Yosei ben Kisma said to him: Did any special incident occur to you which might serve as an indication? Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon said to him: I confused my own coins that I needed for the festivities of Purim with coins of charity, and I distributed them all to the poor at my own expense. Rabbi Yosei ben Kisma said to him: If that is so, may my portion be of your portion, and may my lot be of your lot. The Sages said: Not even a few days passed before Rabbi Yosei ben Kisma died of his illness, and all of the Roman notables went to bury him, and they eulogized him with a great eulogy. And upon their return, they found Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon, who was sitting and engaging in Torah study and convening assemblies in public, with a Torah scroll placed in his lap.

~ This is at the height of the Hadrianic persecutions.

~ What do you make of the dialogue between Yosei ben Kisma and Hanina ben Teradyon?

~ What re the values Yosei ben Kisma is trying to impart to Hanina ben Teradyon?

הביאוהו וכרכוהו בס"ת והקיפוהו בחבילי זמורות והציתו בהן את האור והביאו ספוגין של צמר ושראום במים והניחום על לבו כדי שלא תצא נשמתו מהרה אמרה לו בתו אבא אראך בכך אמר לה אילמלי אני נשרפתי לבדי היה הדבר קשה לי עכשיו שאני נשרף וס"ת עמי מי שמבקש עלבונה של ס"ת הוא יבקש עלבוני אמרו לו תלמידיו רבי מה אתה רואה אמר להן גליון נשרפין ואותיות פורחות אף אתה פתח פיך ותכנס בך האש אמר להן מוטב שיטלנה מי שנתנה ואל יחבל הוא בעצמו אמר לו קלצטונירי רבי אם אני מרבה בשלהבת ונוטל ספוגין של צמר מעל לבך אתה מביאני לחיי העולם הבא אמר לו הן השבע לי נשבע לו מיד הרבה בשלהבת ונטל ספוגין של צמר מעל לבו יצאה נשמתו במהרה אף הוא קפץ ונפל לתוך האור יצאה בת קול ואמרה רבי חנינא בן תרדיון וקלצטונירי מזומנין הן לחיי העולם הבא בכה רבי ואמר יש קונה עולמו בשעה אחת ויש קונה עולמו בכמה שנים
They brought him to be sentenced, and wrapped him in the Torah scroll, and encircled him with bundles of branches, and they set fire to it. And they brought tufts of wool and soaked them in water, and placed them on his heart, so that his soul should not leave his body quickly, but he would die slowly and painfully. His daughter said to him: Father, must I see you like this? Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon said to her: If I alone were being burned, it would be difficult for me, but now that I am burning along with a Torah scroll, He who will seek retribution for the insult accorded to the Torah scroll will also seek retribution for the insult accorded to me. His students said to him: Our teacher, what do you see? Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon said to them: I see the parchment burning, but its letters are flying to the heavens. They said to him: You too should open your mouth and the fire will enter you, and you will die quickly. Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon said to them: It is preferable that He who gave me my soul should take it away, and one should not harm oneself to speed his death. The executioner [kaltzatoniri] said to him: My teacher, if I increase the flame and take off the tufts of wool from your heart, so that you will die sooner and suffer less, will you bring me to the life of the World-to-Come? Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon said to the executioner: Yes. The executioner said: Take an oath for me, that what you say is true. Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon took the oath for him, and the executioner immediately increased the flame and took off the tufts of wool from his heart, causing his soul to leave his body quickly. The executioner too leaped and fell into the fire and died. A Divine Voice emerged and said: Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon and the executioner are destined for the life of the World-to-Come. Upon hearing this, Rabbi Yehuda HaNasi wept and said: There is one who acquires his share in the World-to-Come in one moment, such as the executioner, and there is one who acquires his share in the World-to-Come only after many years of toil, such as Rabbi Ḥanina ben Teradyon.

~ What is happening in this story?

~ What values did Hanina ben Teradyion want to impart to his daughter?

~ What values did Hanina ben Teradyion want to impart to his students?

~ What do you make of the end of the story, with the executioner and the heavenly voice?

~ What does this story teach about end-of-life decisions?

In Lieu of a Guide
חולה שמת לו מת. ובו סעיף אחד:
חולה שמת לו מת אין מודיעין אותו שמא תטרף דעתו עליו ואין קורעין חלוקו ואין בוכין ואין מספידין בפניו שלא ישבר לבו ומשתיקין את המנחמין מפניו:
One who is sick and suffered a bereavement, must not be informed thereof lest his mind become unclear; nor is his garment rent; nor is it permitted to cry or make lamentation [for the dead] in his presence, so that his heart be not broken; and they silence the comforters in his presence.

~ Why do you think this is one of the laws?

~ Is it permitted to lie to someone who is very sick?

וידוי החולה וכיצד אומרים לו. ובו ב"ס:
נטה למות אומרים לו התודה ואומרים לו הרבה התודו ולא מתו והרבה שלא התודו ומתו ובשכר שאתה מתודה אתה חי וכל המתודה יש לו חלק לעולם הבא ואם אינו יכול להתודות בפיו יתודה בלבו (ואם אינו יודע להתודות אומרים לו אמור מיתתי תהא כפרה על כל עונותי) (טור) וכל אלו הדברים אין אומרין לו בפני ע"ה ולא בפני נשים ולא בפני קטנים שמא יבכו וישברו לבו:

If one feels death approaching, he is instructed, 'Confess [your sins],' and they say to him, 'Many confessed [their sins] and died not, and many who have not confessed, died; and as a reward, should you confess, you will live; and he who confesses [his sins] has a portion in the world to come.' And if he is unable to make confession with his mouth, he should confess in his heart. If he knows not what to confess, they instruct him, say, 'My death should be an expiation for all my sins.' All these instructions are given to him, not in the presence of illiterate people, nor women, nor minors, lest they cry and break his heart.

~ What is the approach of Jewish law regarding confession?

~ Instead of "confess your sins", what could you say?

~ Why confessing sins is important, even if only to yourself?

(א) הוֹאִיל וּרְשׁוּת כָּל אָדָם נְתוּנָה לוֹ כְּמוֹ שֶׁבֵּאַרְנוּ יִשְׁתַּדֵּל אָדָם לַעֲשׂוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה וּלְהִתְוַדּוֹת בְּפִיו מֵחֲטָאָיו וְלִנְעֹר כַּפָּיו מֵחֲטָאָיו כְּדֵי שֶׁיָּמוּת וְהוּא בַּעַל תְּשׁוּבָה וְיִזְכֶּה לְחַיֵּי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא:

(ב) לְעוֹלָם יִרְאֶה אָדָם עַצְמוֹ כְּאִלּוּ הוּא נוֹטֶה לָמוּת וְשֶׁמָּא יָמוּת בִּשְׁעָתוֹ וְנִמְצָא עוֹמֵד בְּחֶטְאוֹ. לְפִיכָךְ יָשׁוּב מֵחֲטָאָיו מִיָּד וְלֹא יֵאָמֵר כְּשֶׁאַזְקִין אָשׁוּב שֶׁמָּא יָמוּת טֶרֶם שֶׁיַּזְקִין. הוּא שֶׁשְּׁלֹמֹה אָמַר בְּחָכְמָתוֹ (קהלת ט ח) "בְּכָל עֵת יִהְיוּ בְגָדֶיךָ לְבָנִים":

(ג) אַל תֹּאמַר שֶׁאֵין תְּשׁוּבָה אֶלָּא מֵעֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁיֵּשׁ בָּהֶן מַעֲשֶׂה כְּגוֹן זְנוּת וְגֵזֶל וּגְנֵבָה. אֶלָּא כְּשֵׁם שֶׁצָּרִיךְ אָדָם לָשׁוּב מֵאֵלּוּ כָּךְ הוּא צָרִיךְ לְחַפֵּשׂ בְּדֵעוֹת רָעוֹת שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ וְלָשׁוּב מִן הַכַּעַס וּמִן הָאֵיבָה וּמִן הַקִּנְאָה וּמִן הַהִתּוּל וּמֵרְדִיפַת הַמָּמוֹן וְהַכָּבוֹד וּמֵרְדִיפַת הַמַּאֲכָלוֹת וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן מִן הַכּל צָרִיךְ לַחֲזֹר בִּתְשׁוּבָה. וְאֵלּוּ הָעֲוֹנוֹת קָשִׁים מֵאוֹתָן שֶׁיֵּשׁ בָּהֶן מַעֲשֶׂה שֶׁבִּזְמַן שֶׁאָדָם נִשְׁקָע בְּאֵלּוּ קָשֶׁה הוּא לִפְרשׁ מֵהֶם. וְכֵן הוּא אוֹמֵר (ישעיה נה ז) "יַעֲזֹב רָשָׁע" וְגוֹ':

(1) Since free choice is granted to all men as explained, a person should always strive to do Teshuvah and to confess verbally for his sins, striving to cleanse his hands from sin in order that he may die as a Baal-Teshuvah and merit the life of the world to come.

(2) A person should always view himself as leaning towards death, with the possibility that he might die at any time. Thus, he may be found as a sinner.
Therefore, one should always repent from his sins immediately and should not say: "When I grow older, I will repent," for perhaps he will die before he grows older. This was implied by the wise counsel given by Solomon [Ecclesiastes 9:8]: "At all times, your clothes should be white."

(3) A person should not think that repentance is only necessary for those sins that involve deed such as promiscuity, robbery, or theft. Rather, just as a person is obligated to repent from these, similarly, he must search after the evil character traits he has. He must repent from anger, hatred, envy, frivolity, the pursuit of money and honor, the pursuit of gluttony, and the like. He must repent for all [of the above].
These sins are more difficult than those that involve deed. If a person is attached to these, it is more difficult for him to separate himself. In this context, [Isaiah 55:7] exhorts: "May the wicked abandon his path and the crooked man, his designs."

~ Is confession of sins just for the last moments of one's life?

~ When are other times in the Jewish tradition that we confess sins? Why?

סדר וידוי שכיב מרע מודה אני לפניך ה' אלהי ואלהי אבותי שרפואתי ומיתתי בידך יהי רצון מלפניך שתרפאני רפואה שלימה ואם אמות תהא מיתתי כפרה על כל חטאים ועונות ופשעים שחטאתי ושעויתי ושפשעתי לפניך ותן חלקי בגן עדן וזכני לעוה"ב הצפון לצדיקים. (ואם רוצה להאריך כוידוי יו"כ הרשות בידו) (כל בו):

The rite of confession for a dangerously ill person, is, 'I confess before You, O Lord, my God and the God of my fathers, that my healing and my death are in your hand. May it be Thy will, to heal me completely, and if I die, my death should be an expiation for all sins, wrongs and rebellious acts, which I have committed sinfully, wrongfully and rebelliously before You, and grant me a share in Paradise, and favour me with the world to come which is stored away for the Righteous.' (And if one desires to prolong as in the confession for the Day of Atonement, one has the right to do so.)

~ Why have a generic text?

~ What does this text say? What values does it espouse?

A more traditional viddui to be said when the ill person cannot. This ritual involves the family

Invite the family to gather around the bed of the ill person, and to hold them. If it feels appropriate, begin by humming a niggun, a wordless melody, and then add the words:

וּפְרשׁ עָלֵינוּ סֻכַּת שְלוֹמֶךָ

Ufros aleynu sukkat shlomekhah

Spread over us Your sukkah of Peace.

Chaplain, family member, or friend says:
The Jewish tradition provides us with rituals to sanctify the passing of time and to mark life’s transitions. Just as each year we say a confessional prayer, a vidui on Yom Kippur to mark the transition from year to year, so too we will mark this transition with a vidui.

We pray that this vidui will prove to signify a transition to new life, even as we know that it may mark life’s final transition (Based on the Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 338).

Chaplain, family member, or friend says::
Since (name) is unable to speak, I will recite the vidui prayer on their behalf:

מוֹדִים אֲנַחְנוּ לָךְ אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ וֶאֱלֹהֵי אֲבוֹתֵינוּ וְאִמּוֹתֵינוּ שֶׁחַיֵּינוּ מְסוּרִים בְּיַדְּךָ. יְהִי רָצוֹן מִלְּפָנֶיךָ שֶׁתֵּרָפֵא שֶׁתְּרַפֵּא אֶת _____ הָחֹלֶה הָחֹלָה הַמִּסְכֵּן הַזֶּה רְפוּאָה שְׁלֵמָה וְאִם הַמָּוֶת כַּלָּה יָבֹא בְּאַהֲבָה בְּשָׁלוֹם וּבַהֲבָנָה

Modim anakhnu lakh Adonai eloheynu v’elohey avoteynu v’imoteynu shekhayenu musrim b’yadkha. Yehi ratzon milfaneykha sheteyrafey/shetrapey et ______ hakholey/ hakholah hamiskeyn hazeh r’fuah sh’leymah v’im hamavet kalah yavoh b’ahavah b’shalom u’vahavanah

Ad-nai our God and God of our ancestors, we acknowledge that all life is in Your hands. May it be Your will to send complete healing to (name). But, if the end is imminent, may it come with love, with peace, and with understanding.

בְּעוֹדֵנוּ מְבַקֵּשׁ לִבֵּנוּ סְלִיחוֹת, בָּעֵת הַמָּוֶת, יְהִי רָצוֹן מִלְּפָנֶיךָ שֶׁנִּסְלָחִים אֲנַחְנוּ. אָנָּא כַּפֵּר ל_____ כֹּל חִטֵּאתִיו שְׁחֲטָאֵינו בְּגָלוּי וּבְסֵתֶר. תַּסְתִּירֵהוּ בַּצֵּל כְּנַפְּךָ וְתֵן לוֹ חֵלֶק בַּגָּן עֵדֶן

B’odeynu m’vakesh libeynu s’likhot, ba’et hamavet, yihi ratzon milfanekha shenislakhim anakhnu. Ana kaper l’______ kol khiteytiv sh’khataeynu b’galui u’v’seter. Tastireyhu batzel k’naf’kha v’ten lo khelek bagan eden.

In life, our heart asks for forgiveness, in death let it be your will that we are forgiven. Forgive and release (name) from any hurts or wrongdoings done consciously or unconsciously. Grant him/her shelter in the shadow of Your wings and a portion in Gan Eden.

אֲבִי יְתוֹמִים וְשׁוֹמֵר אַלְמָנוּת הֵגֵן בָּעֵד קְרוֹבָיו אֲשֶׁר נַפְשׁוֹ/נַפְשָׁה קְשׁוּרָה בְּנַפְשָׁם. בְּיַדְּךָ יַפְקִיד רוּחוֹ/רוְּחָה. פָּדִיתָ אוֹתוֹ/אוֹתָה אֲדֹנָי אֵל אֱמֶת

Avi y’tomim v’shomer almanoot hegen ba’ed k’ruvav asher nafsho/nafshah k’shurah b’nafsham. B’yadkha yafkid rukho/rukha. Padita oto/otah Ad-onai, E-l emet.

Guardian of the Bereaved protect his/her family, for his/her soul and theirs are intertwined. In Your hand he places his/her spirit. True God, You have redeemed him/her.

Chant together:

שְׁמַע יִשְׂרָאֵל אֲדֹנָי אֱלֹהֵינוּ אֲדֹנָי אֶחָד

Shema yisrael Ad-onay Eloheynu Ad-onay ekhad.

בָּרוּךְ שֵׁם כְּבוֹד מַלְכוּתוֹ לְעוֹלָם וָעֵד

Barukh shem kevod malkhuto le’olam va’ed.

אֲ דֹנָי הוּא הָאֱ לֹהִים

Adonay hu ha’Elohim

Repeat:

אֲ דֹנָי הוּא הָאֱ לֹהִים

Adonay hu ha’Elohim

Sing or say quietly to the ill person directly:

מִיְמִינְךָ מִיְמִינֵךְ מִיכָאֵל וּשְׂמְאֹלְךָ וּשְׂמְאֹלֵךְ גַּבְרִיאֵל וּמִלְפָנְךָ וּמִלְפָנֵךְ אוּרִיאֵל וּמְאָחוֹרְךָ וּמְאָחוֹרֵך רְפָאֵל וְעַל רֹאשְׁךָ רֹאשֵׁךְ שְׁכִינַת אֵ ל. חַזֵּק וְאַמֵּץ אַל תָפְחֵד וְאַל הֶחָרִיד- כִּי עִמְּךָ עִמֵּךְ אֲ דֹנָי אֱ לֹהֶיךָ אֱלֹהָיִךְ בְּכֹל אֲשֶׁר תִּלְּךָ/תִּלֵּךְ

Mi’y’minkha mi’y’minekh mikhael u’smolkha/u’smolekh gavriel u’milfanekha/u’milfanekh uriel u’makhorkha/u’makhorekh r’fael v’al roskha/roshekh sh’khinat el. Khazek v’ametz, al tafkhed v’al heykharid- ki imkha/ imekh Adonai elokhekha/elokhayikh b’khol asher tilkha/tilekh.

At your right is Michael, at your left is Gabriel, before you is Uriel, and behind you is Raphael, and above your head God’s presence dwells. Be strong and find courage; do not fear, and do not dismay – God is with you wherever you may go.

אֲדֹנָי יִשְׁמֹר צֵאתְךָ צֵאתֵךְ וּבֹאֵךָ וּבוֹאֵךְ מֵעַתָּה וְעַד עוֹלָם

Ad-onay yishmor tzeytkha u’voekha me’atah ve’ad olam.

May God guard your going out and coming in, from now until eternity.

If it feels appropriate, pick up the opening niggun to close.

By: Rabbi Isabel de Koninck, https://ritualwell.org/ritual/vidui-one-unable-speak/

A Modern personal Viddui with less emphasis on sin:

Our God and God of our ancestors, I acknowledge that all of life is in Your hands.

I pray for my healing, please let me feel embraced by a complete and healing love and forgiveness. All whom I love are precious to me. Please protect them (list names).
May our souls be woven together for all time.

Hamalach hagoel oti mikol ra yevarech et han’arim vikareh bahem sh’mi
V’shem avotai Avraham v’Yizchak v’yidgu larov b’kerev ha’aretz.

May the angel who redeemed me from all evil, bless my beloveds; and let my name be named in them, and the name of my fathers Abraham and Isaac; and let them grow into a multitude​ in the midst of the earth.

Grant hope and strength to my family and caregivers, guiding their hands and hearts and decisions with wisdom, loving care, and skill.

Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Ekhad.

Hear O Israel the Lord is our God, the Lord is One.

(adapted from: https://ritualwell.org/ritual/prayer-time-serious-illness-modern-vidui/)

Adapted for saying it in someone's behalf:

Our God and God of our ancestors, we acknowledge that all of life is in Your hands.

We pray for healing for this beloved wo/man.
May s/he be filled and embraced by a complete and healing love and forgiveness.
May he always know how precious his life is to those who love her/him.

Protect her/his beloved family: ______________________________________________.
Their souls are woven together for all time.

Grant hope and strength to his family and caregivers, guiding their hands and hearts and decisions with wisdom, loving care, and skill.

Ki malakhav yetzaveh lach, lishmorkha b’chol d’rakhekha.
May angels be appointed for her/him, to guard her/him on all his paths.

In Your hand lies her/his spirit. In Your Great Name, You hold the life and memories of each soul on earth. You redeem us, Ad-nai, God of Truth.

Shema Yisrael Adonai Eloheinu Adonai Ekhad.
Hear O Israel the Lord is our God, the Lord is One.

(adapted from: https://ritualwell.org/ritual/prayer-time-serious-illness-modern-vidui/)

דיני הגוסס (ואמירת צידוק הדין) ומה הם הסימנים היפים [מהסימנים נשמטו בשו"ע ונמצאו בטור יו"ד ע"ש]. ובו ה"ס:
הגוסס הרי הוא כחי לכל דבריו אין קושרין לחייו ואין סכין אותו ואין מדיחין אותו ואין פוקקין את נקביו ואין שומטין הכר מתחתיו ואין נותנין אותו על גבי חול ולא על גבי חרסית ולא על גבי אדמה ואין נותנין על כריסו לא קערה ולא מגריפה ולא צלוחית של מים ולא גרגיר של מלח ואין משמיעין עליו עיירות ואין שוכרין חלילין ומקוננות ואין מעמצין עיניו עד שתצא נפשו וכל המעמץ עם יציאת הנפש ה"ז שופך דמים ואין קורעין ולא חולצין ולא מספידין עליו ולא מכניסין עמו ארון לבית עד שימות ואין פותחין עליו בצדוק הדין עד שתצא נפשו: הגה וי"א דאין חוצבין לו קבר אע"פ שאינו עמו בבית עד אחר שימות (ריב"ש סי' קי"ד) ואסור לחצוב שום קבר להיות פתוח עד למחר שלא יקברו בו המת באותו היום ויש סכנה בדבר (רבינו ירוחם בשם ר"י החסיד ז"ל) וכן אסור לגרום למת שימות מהרה כגון מי שהוא גוסס זמן ארוך ולא יוכל להפרד אסור להשמט הכר והכסת מתחתיו מכח שאומרים שיש נוצות מקצת עופות שגורמים זה וכן לא יזיזנו ממקומו וכן אסור לשום מפתחות ב"ה תחת ראשו כדי שיפרד אבל אם יש שם דבר שגורם עכוב יציאת הנפש כגון שיש סמוך לאותו בית קול דופק כגון חוטב עצים או שיש מלח על לשונו ואלו מעכבים יציאת הנפש מותר להסירו משם דאין בזה מעשה כלל אלא שמסיר המונע (הכל בהגהת אלפסי פ' אלו מגלחין):

One in a dying condition is considered a living being in all respects: we may not tie up his jaws, nor may we annoint him with oil, nor wash him, nor stop off his organs of the extremities, nor may we remove the pillow from under him, nor may we place him on sand, clay-ground or earth, nor may we place on his stomach a dish, a shovel, a flask of water or a globule of salt, nor may we summon the towns on his behalf, nor may we hire pipers and lamenting women, nor may we close his eyes before his soul departs. And whosoever closes [the dying person's] eyes before death is regarded as one who sheds blood.

One may not rend garments, nor bare the shoulder in mourning, nor make a lamentation for him, nor bring a coffin into the house in his presence before he dies, nor may we begin the recital of Ẓidduk Haddin before his soul departs.

Gloss: Some say that we may not dig out a grave for him. although it is not [done] in his presence, [i.e.,] in the house, — before he dies. It is [likewise] forbidden to dig out any grave to be [left] open until the next day, in which the corpse will not be buried the same day, and there is danger in this. It is likewise forbidden to cause [aught] to hasten the death of one who is in a dying condition, e.g., one who has been in a dying condition for a long time, and could not depart, — [the law is that] we may not remove the pillow or the mattress from under him [just] because some say that there are feathers from some fowl which cause this [prolongation of death]. He may likewise not be moved from his place. It is also forbidden to place the Synagogue keys under his head in order that he may depart. However, if there is aught which causes a hindrance to the departure of the soul, e.g., [if] near that house there is a knocking sound, viz., a wood-cutter, or there is salt on his tongue, and these hinder the departure of the soul, it is permitted to remove it therefrom, for there is no [direct] act [involved] in this, since he merely removes the hindrance.

~ What does this section tell us about someone who is "actively dying"? Why?

כיון שנטה אדם למות אין רשאין ליפרד ממנו כדי שלא תצא נפשו והוא יחידי. (ומצוה לעמוד על האדם בשעת יציאת נשמה שנאמר ויחי עוד לנצח לא יראה השחת כי יראה חכמים ימותו וגו') (תהלים מ"ט) (הגהות אלפסי שם):

As soon as one feels death approaching, they should not separate themselves from that person, lest one's soul depart while one is alone. And it is a religious duty to stand near the [dying] person during the departure of the soul, as it is written, 'That he should still live always; that he should not see the pit. For he sees that wise men die, the fool and the brutish together perish etc. (Ps. 49)'

~ What is this source telling us?

IMMINENT DEATH ~ GOSES

  • A person in his or her final moments of life is known as a goses, which means "dying", or "moribund." This word is derived from the sound heard coming from the throat as the chest cavity narrows. The Talmud teaches that the Shechinah (Divine Presence) stands at the head of the goses. This special status means that the dying individual should be treated as a living person in all respects and not as an object or as one to be avoided.
  • Everything possible to save a person's life is pursued even if it means transgressing Shabbat (Sabbath) or a Yom Tov (Jewish Holy Day). In the same vein, we do not take any action that would hasten a person's death.
  • Should death happens in a hospital - there are specific procedures to be followed. A doctor needs to sign a death certificate.
  • Organ donation arrangements - if there are any, please make sure the deceased's wishes are known. All branches of Judaism allow organ donation, though procedures may vary.
  • Have a list of persons to be notified after death occurs. This will include significant others that are not present, the rabbi or synagogue (if deceased/family is affiliated) and funeral services.
  • When death is imminent, a Jewish Chaplain, or other Jewish Clergy should be notified to give moral support to the family and to the dying person by praying with them and offering practical counsel and assistance.
  • The presence of loved ones brings necessary and important psychological comfort to the goses, as well as meeting the emotional needs of those who love him/her.
  • If at all possible, the one who is dying should not be left alone. And do limit conversations to those that meet the needs of the dying person. One should leave the room to eat, drink, or discuss extraneous matters with another visitor.
  • Psalms and prayers may be recited to ease the loved-one's passing. Psalms 23, 91, 103, 121,130 and 139 are particularly appropriate. Singing, telling stories, background music may all be comforting.
  • The dying person traditionally recites the Vidui, a confessional prayer. If the dying person is unable to recite this confessional, a person in attendance may recite the Vidui on that person's behalf. Care should be taken that this does not distress the dying person. It should be explained that saying the Vidui does not mean that death is imminent.

What to Do Immediately Upon Death:

  • It is traditional for all those present to recite the words, Baruch Dayan Ha-Emet (Praised is the True Judge) immediately upon death (or, if not present, upon learning of the death). Mourners (the son, daughter, sister, brother, mother, father, or spouse of the deceased) also perform kri'a ("tearing" of a piece of clothing), though this may be done before the funeral or the burial.
  • The deceased should not be left unattended, so right after death, people take turns doing sh'mira ("watching" of the body) until the Chevra Kadisha or the funeral director arrives. See here for resources for those minutes or hours: https://kavodvnichum.org/virtual-shmirah-library/

In addition, any of those present may assist with these steps:

  • Close the eyes and mouth of the deceased and straighten the limbs.
  • Cover the deceased with a sheet.
  • Contact the significant family members or companions of the deceased to inform them of the death.
  • If the family is affiliated with a synagogue, contact the Rabbi or the community.
  • If the family is not affiliated, contact a community Rabbi, Jewish Chaplain, or the Chevra Kadisha (Burial Society), the sacred burial team who prepares the body for burial. Spiritual Care and Multi-faith Services will have many of these phone numbers.

Some may also want to:

  • Open the windows in the room where the deceased is lying. (If weather is an issue, open a window, then close it as needed.)
  • Place a lighted candle near the head of the deceased (not done on Shabbat; on Yom Tov, kindle from a pre-existing flame).
  • Cover the mirrors in the room where the deceased is lying.
  • If the deceased died in a hospital or other medical setting, medical personnel may remove tubes, needles, etc.
  • If it is not a case of natural death (such as a violent death or a sudden death), or if the deceased is an organ or tissue donor, the pattern may differ in some respects.

Adapted from: https://dc.jewish-funerals.org/pending-just-and-after-death

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