Al naharot Bavel, sham yashavnu gam bachinu, v’zochreinu et Tzion,
By the waters, the waters of Babylon
We laid down and wept, and wept, for thee Zion
We remember, we remember, we remember thee Zion.
Gates of Repentance: The New Union Prayerbook for the Days of Awe (1978)
"We are arrogant, brutal, careless, destructive, egocentric, ... [ending the list with] insolent, and joyless.... Our sins are an alphabet of woe."
Blessing Before Reading from the Scroll of Lamentations
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹקֵֽינוּ, מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂנוּ אֲסִירֵי-תִּקְוָה
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher asanu asirei tikvah.
We praise you, O God, Sovereign of existence, who has made us captives of hope.
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יי אֱלֹקֵֽינוּ, מֶֽלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָֽׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֺתָיו, וְצִוָּֽנוּ עַל מִקְרָא מְגִלָּה.
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam, asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav, v’tzivanu al mikra m’gillah.
We praise You, O God, Sovereign of existence, who has hallowed our lives with commandments and commanded us to read this scroll.
(א) אֵיכָ֣ה ׀ יָשְׁבָ֣ה בָדָ֗ד הָעִיר֙ רַבָּ֣תִי עָ֔ם הָיְתָ֖ה כְּאַלְמָנָ֑ה רַבָּ֣תִי בַגּוֹיִ֗ם שָׂרָ֙תִי֙ בַּמְּדִינ֔וֹת הָיְתָ֖ה לָמַֽס׃ {ס} (ב) בָּכ֨וֹ תִבְכֶּ֜ה בַּלַּ֗יְלָה וְדִמְעָתָהּ֙ עַ֣ל לֶֽחֱיָ֔הּ אֵֽין־לָ֥הּ מְנַחֵ֖ם מִכׇּל־אֹהֲבֶ֑יהָ כׇּל־רֵעֶ֙יהָ֙ בָּ֣גְדוּ בָ֔הּ הָ֥יוּ לָ֖הּ לְאֹיְבִֽים׃ {ס} (ג) גָּֽלְתָ֨ה יְהוּדָ֤ה מֵעֹ֙נִי֙ וּמֵרֹ֣ב עֲבֹדָ֔ה הִ֚יא יָשְׁבָ֣ה בַגּוֹיִ֔ם לֹ֥א מָצְאָ֖ה מָנ֑וֹחַ כׇּל־רֹדְפֶ֥יהָ הִשִּׂיג֖וּהָ בֵּ֥ין הַמְּצָרִֽים׃ {ס} (ד) דַּרְכֵ֨י צִיּ֜וֹן אֲבֵל֗וֹת מִבְּלִי֙ בָּאֵ֣י מוֹעֵ֔ד כׇּל־שְׁעָרֶ֙יהָ֙ שֽׁוֹמֵמִ֔ין כֹּהֲנֶ֖יהָ נֶאֱנָחִ֑ים בְּתוּלֹתֶ֥יהָ נּוּג֖וֹת וְהִ֥יא מַר־לָֽהּ׃ {ס} (ה) הָי֨וּ צָרֶ֤יהָ לְרֹאשׁ֙ אֹיְבֶ֣יהָ שָׁל֔וּ כִּֽי־יְהֹוָ֥ה הוֹגָ֖הּ עַ֣ל רֹב־פְּשָׁעֶ֑יהָ עוֹלָלֶ֛יהָ הָלְכ֥וּ שְׁבִ֖י לִפְנֵי־צָֽר׃ {ס} (ו) וַיֵּצֵ֥א (מן בת) [מִבַּת־]צִיּ֖וֹן כׇּל־הֲדָרָ֑הּ הָי֣וּ שָׂרֶ֗יהָ כְּאַיָּלִים֙ לֹא־מָצְא֣וּ מִרְעֶ֔ה וַיֵּלְכ֥וּ בְלֹא־כֹ֖חַ לִפְנֵ֥י רוֹדֵֽף׃ {ס}
Lonely sits the city
Once great with people!
She that was great among nations
Is become like a widow;
The princess among states
Is become a thrall. (2) Bitterly she weeps in the night,
Her cheek wet with tears.
There is none to comfort her
Of all her friends.
All her allies have betrayed her;
They have become her foes. (3) Judah has gone into exile
Because of misery and harsh oppression;
When she settled among the nations,
She found no rest;
All her pursuers overtook her
In the narrow places.-b (4) Zion’s roads are in mourning,
Empty of festival pilgrims;
All her gates are deserted.
Her priests sigh,
Her maidens are unhappy—
She is utterly disconsolate! (5) Her enemies are now the masters,
Her foes are at ease,
Because the LORD has afflicted her
For her many transgressions;
Her infants have gone into captivity
Before the enemy.
(6) Gone from Fair Zion are all
That were her glory;
Her leaders were like stags
That found no pasture;
They could only walk feebly
Before the pursuer.
Introduction to the Kübler-Ross Model ("The Five Stages of Grief")
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first introduced this model of grief for those suffering from terminal illness in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. In later papers, she opened these stages to any catastrophic personal loss (personal, professional, physical, mental, environmental, etc.).
The five include (1) denial, (2) anger, (3) bargaining, (4) depression, and (5) acceptance.
Kübler-Ross asserted that these stages do not need to follow this order, nor does every person who grieves have to experience every single one of these steps. It is possible to switch back and forth between stages/phases as time goes on. Each individual experiences a highly personalized process, with acceptance as an ultimate and inevitable goal.
Information on the Kübler-Ross model has been paraphrased or quoted directly in this source sheet from https://hdsa.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/13080.pdf.
Denial
Denial can be read as a temporary defense in which a person thinks, "this can't be happening, not to me." Denial often transforms into a heightened awareness of our environment, the situation and people who are left behind.
The first chapter of Eicha (Lamentations) can show some challenges where the speaker grapples with accepting the full devastation that has occurred. There is some rationalization and "bright-siding"--that the destruction isn't as severe as it first appears. The speaker blames enemies and external circumstances. Denial can also be a struggle to accept the harsh realities of destruction, a distortion as a coping mechanism to deal with with overwhelming grief and devastation.
(ז) זָֽכְרָ֣ה יְרוּשָׁלַ֗͏ִם יְמֵ֤י עׇנְיָהּ֙ וּמְרוּדֶ֔יהָ כֹּ֚ל מַחֲמֻדֶ֔יהָ אֲשֶׁ֥ר הָי֖וּ מִ֣ימֵי קֶ֑דֶם בִּנְפֹ֧ל עַמָּ֣הּ בְּיַד־צָ֗ר וְאֵ֤ין עוֹזֵר֙ לָ֔הּ רָא֣וּהָ צָרִ֔ים שָׂחֲק֖וּ עַ֥ל מִשְׁבַּתֶּֽהָ׃ {ס} (ח) חֵ֤טְא חָֽטְאָה֙ יְר֣וּשָׁלַ֔͏ִם עַל־כֵּ֖ן לְנִידָ֣ה הָיָ֑תָה כׇּֽל־מְכַבְּדֶ֤יהָ הִזִּיל֙וּהָ֙ כִּי־רָא֣וּ עֶרְוָתָ֔הּ גַּם־הִ֥יא נֶאֶנְחָ֖ה וַתָּ֥שׇׁב אָחֽוֹר׃ {ס} (ט) טֻמְאָתָ֣הּ בְּשׁוּלֶ֗יהָ לֹ֤א זָֽכְרָה֙ אַחֲרִיתָ֔הּ וַתֵּ֣רֶד פְּלָאִ֔ים אֵ֥ין מְנַחֵ֖ם לָ֑הּ רְאֵ֤ה יְהֹוָה֙ אֶת־עׇנְיִ֔י כִּ֥י הִגְדִּ֖יל אוֹיֵֽב׃ {ס}
In the days of old
Jerusalem recalled
In her days of woe and sorrow,
When her people fell by enemy hands
With none to help her;
When enemies looked on and gloated
Over her downfall. (8) Jerusalem has greatly sinned,
Therefore she is become a mockery.
All who admired her despise her,
For they have seen her disgraced;
And she can only sigh
And shrink back. (9) Her uncleanness clings to her skirts.
She gave no thought to her future;
She has sunk appallingly,
With none to comfort her.—
See, O LORD, my misery;
How the enemy jeers!
My heart is in anguish,
I know how wrong I was-e
To disobey.
Outside the sword deals death;
Indoors, the plague. (21) When they heard how I was sighing,
There was none to comfort me;
All my foes heard of my plight and exulted.
For it is Your doing:
You have brought on the day that You threatened.
Oh, let them become like me!-f (22) Let all their wrongdoing come before You,
And deal with them
As You have dealt with me
For all my transgressions.
For my sighs are many,
And my heart is sick.
שִׂים שָׁלוֹם טוֹבָה וּבְרָכָה חֵן וָחֶֽסֶד וְרַחֲמִים עָלֵֽינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשְׂרָאֵל עַמֶּֽךָ
בָּרְכֵֽנוּ, אָבִֽינוּ, כֻּלָּֽנוּ כְּאֶחָד בְּאוֹר פָּנֶֽיךָ
כִּי בְאוֹר פָּנֶֽיךָ נָתַֽתָּ לָּֽנוּ יהוה אֱלֹהֵֽינוּ
תּוֹרַת חַיִּים וְאַֽהֲבַת חֶֽסֶד וּצְדָקָה וּבְרָכָה וְרַחֲמִים וְחַיִּים וְשָׁלוֹם
וְטוֹב בְּעֵינֶֽיךָ לְבָרֵךְ אֶת עַמְּךָ יִשְׂרָאֵל בְּכָל עֵת וּבְכָל שָׁעָה בִּשְׁלוֹמֶֽךָ
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יהוה הַמְבָרֵךְ אֶת עַמּוֹ יִשְׂרָאֵל בַּשָּׁלוֹם
|
Sim shalom tova uvracha chen vachesed verachamim Barechenu avinu kulanu ke'echad be'or panecha... |
Grant peace, welfare, blessing, grace, loving kindness and mercy unto us and unto all Israel, thy people. Bless us, O our Father, even all of us together, with the light of thy countenance...
Blessed art thou, O Lord, who blessest thy people Israel with peace.
Anger
Anger occurs when we think to ourselves, "It's not fair! Who can we blame?" Anger can deflect our caregivers as we lash out with misplaced feelings of rage and resentment.
In Eicha Chapter 2, we are confronted with a leitmotif of rage and wrath, the speaker overwhelmed by intense feelings of rage and resentment. Anger is projected on and directed to God, with feelings of Divine betrayal and abandonment. Fury is shared about God's perceived lack of intervention or protection. God's anger is also emphasized multiple times throughout this chapter, blazing forth with destruction to the people and city that were once so beloved. For both God and the speaker, anger can be utilized as an expression for emotional turmoil alongside the depth of their pain and loss.
The Lord in His wrath
Has shamed Fair Zion,
Has cast down from heaven to earth
The majesty of Israel.
He did not remember His Footstool
On His day of wrath. (2) The Lord has laid waste without pity
All the habitations of Jacob;
He has razed in His anger
Fair Judah’s strongholds.
He has brought low in dishonor
The kingdom and its leaders. (3) In blazing anger He has cut down
All the might of Israel;
He has withdrawn His right hand
In the presence of the foe;
He has ravaged Jacob like flaming fire,
Consuming on all sides. (4) He bent His bow like an enemy,
Poised His right hand like a foe;
He slew all who delighted the eye.
He poured out His wrath like fire
In the Tent of Fair Zion. (5) The Lord has acted like a foe,
He has laid waste Israel,
Laid waste all her citadels,
Destroyed her strongholds.
He has increased within Fair Judah
Mourning and moaning. (6) He has stripped His Booth like a garden,
He has destroyed His Tabernacle;
The LORD has ended in Zion
Festival and sabbath;
In His raging anger He has spurned
King and priest.
Delusion and folly.
They did not expose your iniquity
So as to restore your fortunes,
But prophesied to you oracles
Of delusion and deception. (15) All who pass your way
Clap their hands at you;
They hiss and wag their head
At Fair Jerusalem:
“Is this the city that was called
Perfect in Beauty,
Joy of All the Earth?” (16) All your enemies
Jeer at you;
They hiss and gnash their teeth,
And cry: “We’ve ruined her!
Ah, this is the day we hoped for;
We have lived to see it!”-k
To whom You have done this!
Alas, women eat their own fruit,
Their new-born babes!
Alas, priest and prophet are slain
In the Sanctuary of the Lord! (21) Prostrate in the streets lie
Both young and old.
My maidens and youths
Are fallen by the sword;
You slew them on Your day of wrath,
You slaughtered without pity. (22) You summoned, as on a festival,
My neighbors from round about.
On the day of the wrath of the LORD,
None survived or escaped;
Those whom I bore and reared
My foe has consumed.
Y'hiyu l'ratzon imrei fi, v'hegyon libi l'fanecha Adonai, tzuri v'go-ali.
May the words of my mouth and the prayer of my heart be acceptable to You, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.
Bargaining
Bargaining involves our hopes that there might be a trade off ("I'll do anything if only...," "Please just let me...," "I would give up [X] in order to...") for a reward. With hopes of delaying the inevitable, we negotiate for an extension of life, of relationships, of experiences, of time.
Eicha Chapter 3 is a unique chapter, as it's written as a triplet acrostic, really diving deeply into the feelings of confusion, inadequacy, suffering, and even hope. Our speaker seems to be trying to negotiate with God, seeking mercy and restoration in the midst of immense suffering. Our speaker begs for God's compassion and understanding, while recognizing the transgressions of the community. They hope that if they genuinely repent and promise to return to righteousness, that God will forgive the people and redeem them. Seeking divine intervention, this chapter can be read as an emotional attempt by the speaker to strike a deal with God, praying for an end to their suffering. Bargaining in Eicha, as in life, highlights the human struggle to find meaning and purpose in the face of adversity and the desire to regain divine favor through sincere entreaties and intentional action.
Was wormwood and poison; (20) Whenever I thought of them,
I was bowed low.
(21) But this do I call to mind,
Therefore I have hope: (22) The kindness of the LORD has not ended,
His mercies are not spent. (23) They are renewed every morning—
Ample is Your grace! (24) “The LORD is my portion,” I say with full heart;
Therefore will I hope in Him. (25) The LORD is good to those who trust in Him,
To the one who seeks Him; (26) It is good to wait patiently
Till rescue comes from the LORD. (27) It is good for a man, when young,
To bear a yoke; (28) Let him sit alone and be patient,
When He has laid it upon him. (29) Let him put his mouth to the dust—
There may yet be hope. (30) Let him offer his cheek to the smiter;
Let him be surfeited with mockery. (31) For the Lord does not
Reject forever, (32) But first afflicts, then pardons
In His abundant kindness. (33) For He does not willfully bring grief
Or affliction to man,
Over the ruin of my poor people.
(49) My eyes shall flow without cease,
Without respite, (50) Until the LORD looks down
And beholds from heaven.
אֲנִי מַאֲמִין בֶּאֱמוּנָה שְׁלֵמָה בְּבִיאַת הַמָּשִֽׁיחַ, וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁיִּתְמַהְמֵֽהַּ, עִם כָּל זֶה אֲחַכֶּה לּוֹ בְּכָל יוֹם שֶׁיָּבוֹא.
Ani ma'amin b'e munah sh'leimah b'viat ha mashiach,
v'af al pi sh'yitmameah, im kol zeh achacheh lo b'chol yom sheyavo.
I believe with perfect faith in the coming of the Messiah, and, though he tarry, I will wait daily for his coming.
Depression
Depression leads us to envision a depth of emotion tied to the certainty that our lives are drastically about to change--and a reluctance to continue on. People might close themselves off from their communities, disconnecting from love and comfort while succumbing to their overwhelming grief. We are warned not to attempt to cheer a person in this stage--"it is an important time for grieving that must be processed."
One could read Eicha Chapter 4 through a lens of profound sense of sadness, hopelessness, and despair in the aftermath of Jerusalem's destruction. Our speaker expresses deep and unrelenting sorrow over the loss of their city, its people, and the destruction of their way of life. Powerlessness pervades the chapter, echoing the emptiness and hollowness of the void left by the city's destruction, underlined by the speaker's feelings of isolation and abandonment. Vivid imagery of death, decay, and desolation evoke feelings of despondency and struggle for our speaker (and perhaps too even for us).
Exceeded the iniquity-c of Sodom,
Which was overthrown in a moment,
Without a hand striking it. (7) Her elect were purer than snow,
Whiter than milk;
Their limbs were ruddier than coral,
Their bodies were like sapphire. (8) Now their faces are blacker than soot,
They are not recognized in the streets;
Their skin has shriveled on their bones,
It has become dry as wood. (9) Better off were the slain of the sword
Than those slain by famine,
Who pined away, [as though] wounded,
For lack of-a the fruits of the field. (10) With their own hands, tenderhearted women
Have cooked their children;
Such became their fare,
In the disaster of my poor people.
Defiled with blood,
So that no one was able
To touch their garments. (15) “Away! Unclean!” people shouted at them,
“Away! Away! Touch not!”
So they wandered and wandered again;
For the nations had resolved:
“They shall stay here no longer.” (16) The LORD’s countenance has turned away from them,
He will look on them no more.
They showed no regard for priests,
No favor to elders. (17) Even now our eyes pine away
In vain for deliverance.
As we waited, still we wait
For a nation that cannot help.
Hashiveinu Adonai eilechah, v'nashuvah. Chadeish yameinu k'kedem.
Take us back, O LORD, to Yourself, and let us come back; Renew our days as of old!
Acceptance
Acceptance is our ability to confidently handle the certainty of drastic change. We understand that our attitudes and preparation are the only ways that we can move forward toward the future. It is here that we come to terms with destiny and death, acknowledging and accepting our ultimate lack of control.
In Eicha Chapter 5, our speaker seems to have come to terms with the reality of Jerusalem's destruction and the consequences of their actions. They have accepted the history of Jerusalem, acknowledging its former glory and the blessings they once enjoyed. There is some acceptance of responsibility for the sins and transgressions that led to the destructive downfall of Jerusalem. By doing so, they recognize that there needs to be meaningful action and change and a willingness to return to a righteous path in order to achieve repentance and restoration. Our speaker accepts Divine authority and embraces the present, with a hopeful nod towards the future, surrendering to God's plan.
Your throne endures through the ages. (20) Why have You forgotten us utterly,
Forsaken us for all time? (21) Take us back, O LORD, to Yourself,
And let us come back;
Renew our days as of old!
Blessing After Reading from the Scroll of Lamentations
בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְהֹוָה מְנַחֵם צִיּוֹן וּבוֹנֵה יְרוּשָׁלָֽיִם:
Baruch Atah Adonai, m'nacheim Tzion u'vonei Yerushalayim.
Blessed are You, O God, who comforts Zion and rebuilds Jerusalem.
Nachamu
Music and English: Elana Arian
Text: Isaiah 40:1
Nachamu, nachamu ami yomar Eloheichem (2x)
Comfort us, comfort us in our wilderness,
Comfort us as we struggle to take care of one another.
Comfort us, comfort us in our wilderness,
Comfort us as we struggle with this world.