Illustration Credit: Rivka Tsinman
Commentary פַּרְשָׁנוּת
Standing by the well, Avraham’s servant asks God for a sign that he is choosing the right wife for Yitzhak. He says that if a woman offers to give water to him and his camels, then he will know that she is the one.
What can we learn from the way that Avraham’s servant chose Rivkah?
אֹתָהּ הֹכַחְתָּ – רְאוּיָה הָיְתָה לוֹ, שֶׁתְּהֵא גּוֹמֶלֶת חֲסָדִים, וּכְדַי לִכָּנֵס בְּבֵיתוֹ שֶׁל אַבְרָהָם.
This is the one you have proven – She is a good match for Yitzhak, because she does acts of hesed (kindness), and this shows she is worthy to be part of Avraham’s family.
Rashi says the servant saw that Rivkah was kind, generous, friendly, and helpful. She passed the test! The servant was looking for a person with these traits because that’s who would fit into Avraham’s family.
- What do you look for in a friend?
- Do people around you share Rivkah’s qualities? Are people around you appreciated for the right reasons?
But when Rambam describes the halakhot about not looking for mysterious signs to help you know what to do in life, his example is Avraham’s servant!
וְכֵן הַמֵּשִׂים סִימָנִים לְעַצְמוֹ אִם יֶאֱרַע לִי כָּךְ וְכָךְ אֶעֱשֶׂה דָּבָר פְּלוֹנִי וְאִם לֹא יֶאֱרַע לִי לֹא אֶעֱשֶׂה, כֶּאֱלִיעֶזֶר עֶבֶד אַבְרָהָם. וְכֵן כָּל כַּיּוֹצֵא בַּדְּבָרִים הָאֵלּוּ הַכּל אָסוּר.
It’s totally forbidden to create signs for yourself, by saying “if x or y happens, then I will do a certain thing, but if it doesn’t happen then I won’t” — like what Eliezer the servant of Avraham did.
Rambam doesn’t think too highly of the servant’s strategy.
- Is setting up tests of people, or tests of God, a good model for decision-making? How do you make big decisions in your life?
- If you were Avraham’s servant, would you have made a test for Rivkah, or made God give you a sign? Or would there be another way to figure out if Rivkah will marry Yitzhak?
- What would have happened if, on the day the servant showed up, Rivkah had sprained her ankle, or was just not feeling up to carrying so much water? Would Avraham’s servant not have chosen her?
- Could both Rashi and Rambam be saying something that is true?
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