Two Great Jewish Love Stories--And A Few That Are Not So Great

Here is a simple definition of "romantic love."

Romantic Love

Open Education Sociology Dictionary

The strong emotional attachment between two or more people, typically used to describe people in a sexual relationship.

Using this definition, we can say that a relationship that qualifies as "romantic love" should be mutual, passionate and sexual in nature.

The Bible gives us a few examples of relationships that meet some of these criteria, but not all.

בראשית כ״ט:ו׳-י׳

(ו) וַיֹּ֥אמֶר לָהֶ֖ם הֲשָׁל֣וֹם ל֑וֹ וַיֹּאמְר֣וּ שָׁל֔וֹם וְהִנֵּה֙ רָחֵ֣ל בִּתּ֔וֹ בָּאָ֖ה עִם־הַצֹּֽאן׃ (ז) וַיֹּ֗אמֶר הֵ֥ן עוֹד֙ הַיּ֣וֹם גָּד֔וֹל לֹא־עֵ֖ת הֵאָסֵ֣ף הַמִּקְנֶ֑ה הַשְׁק֥וּ הַצֹּ֖אן וּלְכ֥וּ רְעֽוּ׃ (ח) וַיֹּאמְרוּ֮ לֹ֣א נוּכַל֒ עַ֣ד אֲשֶׁ֤ר יֵאָֽסְפוּ֙ כׇּל־הָ֣עֲדָרִ֔ים וְגָֽלְלוּ֙ אֶת־הָאֶ֔בֶן מֵעַ֖ל פִּ֣י הַבְּאֵ֑ר וְהִשְׁקִ֖ינוּ הַצֹּֽאן׃ (ט) עוֹדֶ֖נּוּ מְדַבֵּ֣ר עִמָּ֑ם וְרָחֵ֣ל ׀ בָּ֗אָה עִם־הַצֹּאן֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר לְאָבִ֔יהָ כִּ֥י רֹעָ֖ה הִֽוא׃ (י) וַיְהִ֡י כַּאֲשֶׁר֩ רָאָ֨ה יַעֲקֹ֜ב אֶת־רָחֵ֗ל בַּת־לָבָן֙ אֲחִ֣י אִמּ֔וֹ וְאֶת־צֹ֥אן לָבָ֖ן אֲחִ֣י אִמּ֑וֹ וַיִּגַּ֣שׁ יַעֲקֹ֗ב וַיָּ֤גֶל אֶת־הָאֶ֙בֶן֙ מֵעַל֙ פִּ֣י הַבְּאֵ֔ר וַיַּ֕שְׁקְ אֶת־צֹ֥אן לָבָ֖ן אֲחִ֥י אִמּֽוֹ׃

Genesis 29:6-10

(6) He continued, “Is he well?” They answered, “Yes, he is; and there is his daughter Rachel, coming with the flock.” (7) He said, “It is still broad daylight, too early to round up the animals; water the flock and take them to pasture.” (8) But they said, “We cannot, until all the flocks are rounded up; then the stone is rolled off the mouth of the well and we water the sheep.” (9) While he was still speaking with them, Rachel came with her father’s flock—for she was its shepherd. (10) And when Jacob saw Rachel, the daughter of his uncle*uncle Lit. “mother’s brother.” Laban, and the flock of his uncle Laban, Jacob went up and rolled the stone off the mouth of the well, and watered the flock of his uncle Laban.

בראשית כ״ט:ט״ז-כ׳

(טז) וּלְלָבָ֖ן שְׁתֵּ֣י בָנ֑וֹת שֵׁ֤ם הַגְּדֹלָה֙ לֵאָ֔ה וְשֵׁ֥ם הַקְּטַנָּ֖ה רָחֵֽל׃ (יז) וְעֵינֵ֥י לֵאָ֖ה רַכּ֑וֹת וְרָחֵל֙ הָֽיְתָ֔ה יְפַת־תֹּ֖אַר וִיפַ֥ת מַרְאֶֽה׃ (יח) וַיֶּאֱהַ֥ב יַעֲקֹ֖ב אֶת־רָחֵ֑ל וַיֹּ֗אמֶר אֶֽעֱבׇדְךָ֙ שֶׁ֣בַע שָׁנִ֔ים בְּרָחֵ֥ל בִּתְּךָ֖ הַקְּטַנָּֽה׃ (יט) וַיֹּ֣אמֶר לָבָ֗ן ט֚וֹב תִּתִּ֣י אֹתָ֣הּ לָ֔ךְ מִתִּתִּ֥י אֹתָ֖הּ לְאִ֣ישׁ אַחֵ֑ר שְׁבָ֖ה עִמָּדִֽי׃ (כ) וַיַּעֲבֹ֧ד יַעֲקֹ֛ב בְּרָחֵ֖ל שֶׁ֣בַע שָׁנִ֑ים וַיִּהְי֤וּ בְעֵינָיו֙ כְּיָמִ֣ים אֲחָדִ֔ים בְּאַהֲבָת֖וֹ אֹתָֽהּ׃

Genesis 29:16-20

(16) Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older one was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. (17) Leah had weak eyes; Rachel was shapely and beautiful. (18) Jacob loved Rachel; so he answered, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” (19) Laban said, “Better that I give her to you than that I should give her to an outsider. Stay with me.” (20) So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.

Jacob's love for Rachel burned brightly throughout their marriage. Rachel was his favorite wife. Jacob favored Rachel's children, Benjamin and Joseph. Yet there is no indication that Rachel loved Jacob with the same passion. If she did, she probably would not have allowed Jacob to marry Leah as well. And she might not have blamed Jacob for her difficulties in conceiving. It is hard to say whether their passion and emotional attachment was truly mutual.

שמואל ב י״א:ב׳-ג׳

(ב) וַיְהִ֣י ׀ לְעֵ֣ת הָעֶ֗רֶב וַיָּ֨קׇם דָּוִ֜ד מֵעַ֤ל מִשְׁכָּבוֹ֙ וַיִּתְהַלֵּךְ֙ עַל־גַּ֣ג בֵּית־הַמֶּ֔לֶךְ וַיַּ֥רְא אִשָּׁ֛ה רֹחֶ֖צֶת מֵעַ֣ל הַגָּ֑ג וְהָ֣אִשָּׁ֔ה טוֹבַ֥ת מַרְאֶ֖ה מְאֹֽד׃ (ג) וַיִּשְׁלַ֣ח דָּוִ֔ד וַיִּדְרֹ֖שׁ לָאִשָּׁ֑ה וַיֹּ֗אמֶר הֲלוֹא־זֹאת֙ בַּת־שֶׁ֣בַע בַּת־אֱלִיעָ֔ם אֵ֖שֶׁת אוּרִיָּ֥ה הַֽחִתִּֽי׃

II Samuel 11:2-3

(2) Late one afternoon, David rose from his couch and strolled on the roof of the royal palace; and from the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, (3) and the king sent someone to make inquiries about the woman. He reported, “She is Bathsheba daughter of Eliam [and] wife of Uriah the Hittite.”

David lusts after Bathsheba. He initiates an adulterous relationship and has Bathsheba's husband killed when she becomes pregnant. David marries Bathsheba amid a scandal. In spite of losing her first son, Bathsheba bears Solomon. She becomes David's favorite wife. Nevertheless, the relationship is founded o a power imbalance. It is not clear if Bathsheba has any feelings toward David at all. She may well have had no choice but enter into the adulterous relationship.

רות ג׳:ז׳-ט״ו

(ז) וַיֹּ֨אכַל בֹּ֤עַז וַיֵּשְׁתְּ֙ וַיִּיטַ֣ב לִבּ֔וֹ וַיָּבֹ֕א לִשְׁכַּ֖ב בִּקְצֵ֣ה הָעֲרֵמָ֑ה וַתָּבֹ֣א בַלָּ֔ט וַתְּגַ֥ל מַרְגְּלֹתָ֖יו וַתִּשְׁכָּֽב׃ (ח) וַֽיְהִי֙ בַּחֲצִ֣י הַלַּ֔יְלָה וַיֶּחֱרַ֥ד הָאִ֖ישׁ וַיִּלָּפֵ֑ת וְהִנֵּ֣ה אִשָּׁ֔ה שֹׁכֶ֖בֶת מַרְגְּלֹתָֽיו׃ (ט) וַיֹּ֖אמֶר מִי־אָ֑תְּ וַתֹּ֗אמֶר אָֽנֹכִי֙ ר֣וּת אֲמָתֶ֔ךָ וּפָרַשְׂתָּ֤ כְנָפֶ֙ךָ֙ עַל־אֲמָ֣תְךָ֔ כִּ֥י גֹאֵ֖ל אָֽתָּה׃ (י) וַיֹּ֗אמֶר בְּרוּכָ֨ה אַ֤תְּ לַֽיהֹוָה֙ בִּתִּ֔י הֵיטַ֛בְתְּ חַסְדֵּ֥ךְ הָאַחֲר֖וֹן מִן־הָרִאשׁ֑וֹן לְבִלְתִּי־לֶ֗כֶת אַֽחֲרֵי֙ הַבַּ֣חוּרִ֔ים אִם־דַּ֖ל וְאִם־עָשִֽׁיר׃ (יא) וְעַתָּ֗ה בִּתִּי֙ אַל־תִּ֣ירְאִ֔י כֹּ֥ל אֲשֶׁר־תֹּאמְרִ֖י אֶעֱשֶׂה־לָּ֑ךְ כִּ֤י יוֹדֵ֙עַ֙ כׇּל־שַׁ֣עַר עַמִּ֔י כִּ֛י אֵ֥שֶׁת חַ֖יִל אָֽתְּ׃ (יב) וְעַתָּה֙ כִּ֣י אׇמְנָ֔ם כִּ֥י (אם) גֹאֵ֖ל אָנֹ֑כִי וְגַ֛ם יֵ֥שׁ גֹּאֵ֖ל קָר֥וֹב מִמֶּֽנִּי׃ (יג) לִ֣ינִי ׀ הַלַּ֗יְלָה וְהָיָ֤ה בַבֹּ֙קֶר֙ אִם־יִגְאָלֵ֥ךְ טוֹב֙ יִגְאָ֔ל וְאִם־לֹ֨א יַחְפֹּ֧ץ לְגׇאֳלֵ֛ךְ וּגְאַלְתִּ֥יךְ אָנֹ֖כִי חַי־יְהֹוָ֑ה שִׁכְבִ֖י עַד־הַבֹּֽקֶר׃ (יד) וַתִּשְׁכַּ֤ב מַרְגְּלוֹתָו֙ עַד־הַבֹּ֔קֶר וַתָּ֕קׇם (בטרום) [בְּטֶ֛רֶם] יַכִּ֥יר אִ֖ישׁ אֶת־רֵעֵ֑הוּ וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ אַל־יִוָּדַ֔ע כִּי־בָ֥אָה הָאִשָּׁ֖ה הַגֹּֽרֶן׃ (טו) וַיֹּ֗אמֶר הָ֠בִ֠י הַמִּטְפַּ֧חַת אֲשֶׁר־עָלַ֛יִךְ וְאֶחֳזִי־בָ֖הּ וַתֹּ֣אחֶז בָּ֑הּ וַיָּ֤מׇד שֵׁשׁ־שְׂעֹרִים֙ וַיָּ֣שֶׁת עָלֶ֔יהָ וַיָּבֹ֖א הָעִֽיר׃

Ruth 3:7-15

(7) Boaz ate and drank, and in a cheerful mood went to lie down beside the grainpile. Then she went over stealthily and uncovered his feet and lay down. (8) In the middle of the night, the man gave a start and pulled back—there was a woman lying at his feet! (9) “Who are you?” he asked. And she replied, “I am your handmaid Ruth. aA formal act of espousal; cf. Ezek. 16.8.Spread your robe over your handmaid,-a for you are a redeeming kinsman.” (10) He exclaimed, “Be blessed of the LORD, daughter! Your latest deed of loyalty is greater than the first, in that you have not turned to younger men, whether poor or rich.bI.e., she sought out a kinsman of her dead husband; see note at 2.20 above. Her first act of loyalty had been to return with Naomi. (11) And now, daughter, have no fear. I will do in your behalf whatever you ask, for all the cLit. “gate of my people.”elders of my town-c know what a fine woman you are. (12) But while it is true I am a redeeming kinsman, there is another redeemer closer than I. (13) Stay for the night. Then in the morning, if he will act as a redeemer, good! let him redeem. But if he does not want to act as redeemer for you, I will do so myself, as the LORD lives! Lie down until morning.” (14) So she lay at his feet until dawn. She rose before one person could distinguish another, for he thought, “Let it not be known that the woman came to the threshing floor.” (15) And he said, “Hold out the shawl you are wearing.” She held it while he measured out six measures of barley, and he put it on her back.
When shedSo in many Heb. mss; most mss. read “he.” got back to the town,

There is a degree of mutuality and tenderness in the relationship of Boaz and Ruth. They are drawn to each other because of their respective character and kindness They do eventually marry and have a son, Obed. Perhaps this is a romantic relationship. However, there is also a power dynamic here. Boaz is a close relative of Ruth's deceased husband. He is older and wealthy and ultimately Ruth needs Boaz to support her and her mother-in-law Naomi. Boaz also has a level of obligation to marry Ruth--though he could have declined to fulfill the obligation and passed it on to someone else. Would Ruth and Boza been drawn to each other if they had no connection to one another? Hard to say

So where can we find an examples of true romantic love in our tradition?

Let's look first at Shir HaShirim, the Song of Songs.

שיר השירים ה׳

(ח) הִשְׁבַּ֥עְתִּי אֶתְכֶ֖ם בְּנ֣וֹת יְרוּשָׁלָ֑͏ִם אִֽם־תִּמְצְאוּ֙ אֶת־דּוֹדִ֔י מַה־תַּגִּ֣ידוּ ל֔וֹ שֶׁחוֹלַ֥ת אַהֲבָ֖ה אָֽנִי׃ (ט) מַה־דּוֹדֵ֣ךְ מִדּ֔וֹד הַיָּפָ֖ה בַּנָּשִׁ֑ים מַה־דּוֹדֵ֣ךְ מִדּ֔וֹד שֶׁכָּ֖כָה הִשְׁבַּעְתָּֽנוּ׃ (י) דּוֹדִ֥י צַח֙ וְאָד֔וֹם דָּג֖וּל מֵרְבָבָֽה׃ (יא) רֹאשׁ֖וֹ כֶּ֣תֶם פָּ֑ז קְוֻצּוֹתָיו֙ תַּלְתַּלִּ֔ים שְׁחֹר֖וֹת כָּעוֹרֵֽב׃ (יב) עֵינָ֕יו כְּיוֹנִ֖ים עַל־אֲפִ֣יקֵי מָ֑יִם רֹֽחֲצוֹת֙ בֶּֽחָלָ֔ב יֹשְׁב֖וֹת עַל־מִלֵּֽאת׃ (יג) לְחָיָו֙ כַּעֲרוּגַ֣ת הַבֹּ֔שֶׂם מִגְדְּל֖וֹת מֶרְקָחִ֑ים שִׂפְתוֹתָיו֙ שֽׁוֹשַׁנִּ֔ים נֹטְפ֖וֹת מ֥וֹר עֹבֵֽר׃ (יד) יָדָיו֙ גְּלִילֵ֣י זָהָ֔ב מְמֻלָּאִ֖ים בַּתַּרְשִׁ֑ישׁ מֵעָיו֙ עֶ֣שֶׁת שֵׁ֔ן מְעֻלֶּ֖פֶת סַפִּירִֽים׃ (טו) שׁוֹקָיו֙ עַמּ֣וּדֵי שֵׁ֔שׁ מְיֻסָּדִ֖ים עַל־אַדְנֵי־פָ֑ז מַרְאֵ֙הוּ֙ כַּלְּבָנ֔וֹן בָּח֖וּר כָּאֲרָזִֽים׃ (טז) חִכּוֹ֙ מַֽמְתַקִּ֔ים וְכֻלּ֖וֹ מַחֲמַדִּ֑ים זֶ֤ה דוֹדִי֙ וְזֶ֣ה רֵעִ֔י בְּנ֖וֹת יְרוּשָׁלָֽ͏ִם׃

Song of Songs 5

(8) I adjure you, O maidens of Jerusalem!

If you meet my beloved, tell him this:
That I am faint with love.
(9) How is your beloved better than another,
O fairest of women?
How is your beloved better than another”
That you adjure us so?
(10) My beloved is clear-skinned and ruddy,
Preeminent among ten thousand. (11) His head is finest gold,
His locks are curled
And black as a raven. (12) His eyes are like doves
By watercourses,
Bathed in milk,
bMeaning of Heb. uncertain.Set by a brimming pool.-b (13) His cheeks are like beds of spices,
gSeptuagint vocalizes as participle, “producing.”Banks of-g perfume
His lips are like lilies;
They drip flowing myrrh. (14) His hands are rods of gold,
Studded with beryl;
His belly a tablet of ivory,
Adorned with sapphires. (15) His legs are like marble pillars
Set in sockets of fine gold.
He is majestic as Lebanon,
Stately as the cedars. (16) His mouth is delicious
And all of him is delightful.
Such is my beloved,
Such is my darling,
O maidens of Jerusalem!

שיר השירים ו׳

(א) אָ֚נָה הָלַ֣ךְ דּוֹדֵ֔ךְ הַיָּפָ֖ה בַּנָּשִׁ֑ים אָ֚נָה פָּנָ֣ה דוֹדֵ֔ךְ וּנְבַקְשֶׁ֖נּוּ עִמָּֽךְ׃ (ב) דּוֹדִי֙ יָרַ֣ד לְגַנּ֔וֹ לַעֲרֻג֖וֹת הַבֹּ֑שֶׂם לִרְעוֹת֙ בַּגַּנִּ֔ים וְלִלְקֹ֖ט שֽׁוֹשַׁנִּֽים׃ (ג) אֲנִ֤י לְדוֹדִי֙ וְדוֹדִ֣י לִ֔י הָרֹעֶ֖ה בַּשּׁוֹשַׁנִּֽים׃ {ס} (ד) יָפָ֨ה אַ֤תְּ רַעְיָתִי֙ כְּתִרְצָ֔ה נָאוָ֖ה כִּירוּשָׁלָ֑͏ִם אֲיֻמָּ֖ה כַּנִּדְגָּלֽוֹת׃ (ה) הָסֵ֤בִּי עֵינַ֙יִךְ֙ מִנֶּגְדִּ֔י שֶׁ֥הֵ֖ם הִרְהִיבֻ֑נִי שַׂעְרֵךְ֙ כְּעֵ֣דֶר הָֽעִזִּ֔ים שֶׁגָּלְשׁ֖וּ מִן־הַגִּלְעָֽד׃ (ו) שִׁנַּ֙יִךְ֙ כְּעֵ֣דֶר הָֽרְחֵלִ֔ים שֶׁעָל֖וּ מִן־הָרַחְצָ֑ה שֶׁכֻּלָּם֙ מַתְאִימ֔וֹת וְשַׁכֻּלָ֖ה אֵ֥ין בָּהֶֽם׃ (ז) כְּפֶ֤לַח הָרִמּוֹן֙ רַקָּתֵ֔ךְ מִבַּ֖עַד לְצַמָּתֵֽךְ׃ (ח) שִׁשִּׁ֥ים הֵ֙מָּה֙ מְלָכ֔וֹת וּשְׁמֹנִ֖ים פִּֽילַגְשִׁ֑ים וַעֲלָמ֖וֹת אֵ֥ין מִסְפָּֽר׃ (ט) אַחַ֥ת הִיא֙ יוֹנָתִ֣י תַמָּתִ֔י אַחַ֥ת הִיא֙ לְאִמָּ֔הּ בָּרָ֥ה הִ֖יא לְיֽוֹלַדְתָּ֑הּ רָא֤וּהָ בָנוֹת֙ וַֽיְאַשְּׁר֔וּהָ מְלָכ֥וֹת וּפִֽילַגְשִׁ֖ים וַֽיְהַלְלֽוּהָ׃ {ס} (י) מִי־זֹ֥את הַנִּשְׁקָפָ֖ה כְּמוֹ־שָׁ֑חַר יָפָ֣ה כַלְּבָנָ֗ה בָּרָה֙ כַּֽחַמָּ֔ה אֲיֻמָּ֖ה כַּנִּדְגָּלֽוֹת׃ {ס}

Song of Songs 6

(1) “Whither has your beloved gone,
O fairest of women?
Whither has your beloved turned?
Let us seek him with you.” (2) My beloved has gone down to his garden,
To the beds of spices,
To browse in the gardens
And to pick lilies. (3) I am my beloved’s
And my beloved is mine;
He browses among the lilies.
(4) You are beautiful, my darling, as Tirzah,
Comely as Jerusalem,
Awesome as bannered hosts. (5) Turn your eyes away from me,
For they overwhelm me!
Your hair is like a flock of goats
Streaming down from Gilead. (6) Your teeth are like a flock of ewes
Climbing up from the washing pool;
All of them bear twins,
And not one loses her young. (7) Your brow behind your veil
[Gleams] like a pomegranate split open. (8) There are sixty queens,
And eighty concubines,
And damsels without number. (9) Only one is my dove,
My perfect one,
The only one of her mother,
The delight of her who bore her.
Maidens see and acclaim her;
Queens and concubines, and praise her.
(10) Who is she that shines through like the dawn,
Beautiful as the moon,
Radiant as the sun
Awesome as bannered hosts?

שיר השירים ח׳:ו׳-ז׳

(ו) שִׂימֵ֨נִי כַֽחוֹתָ֜ם עַל־לִבֶּ֗ךָ כַּֽחוֹתָם֙ עַל־זְרוֹעֶ֔ךָ כִּֽי־עַזָּ֤ה כַמָּ֙וֶת֙ אַהֲבָ֔ה קָשָׁ֥ה כִשְׁא֖וֹל קִנְאָ֑ה רְשָׁפֶ֕יהָ רִשְׁפֵּ֕י אֵ֖שׁ שַׁלְהֶ֥בֶתְיָֽה׃ (ז) מַ֣יִם רַבִּ֗ים לֹ֤א יֽוּכְלוּ֙ לְכַבּ֣וֹת אֶת־הָֽאַהֲבָ֔ה וּנְהָר֖וֹת לֹ֣א יִשְׁטְפ֑וּהָ אִם־יִתֵּ֨ן אִ֜ישׁ אֶת־כׇּל־ה֤וֹן בֵּיתוֹ֙ בָּאַהֲבָ֔ה בּ֖וֹז יָב֥וּזוּ לֽוֹ׃ {ס}

Song of Songs 8:6-7

(6) Let me be a seal upon your heart,
Like the seal upon your hand.bLit. “arm.”
For love is fierce as death,
Passion is mighty as Sheol;
Its darts are darts of fire,
A blazing flame. (7) Vast floods cannot quench love,
Nor rivers drown it.
If a man offered all his wealth for love,
He would be laughed to scorn.

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