וַיְדַבֵּ֨ר יי אֶל־מֹשֶׁה֙ לֵ֣ךְ עֲלֵ֣ה מִזֶּ֔ה אַתָּ֣ה וְהָעָ֔ם אֲשֶׁ֥ר הֶֽעֱלִ֖יתָ מֵאֶ֣רֶץ מִצְרָ֑יִם אֶל־הָאָ֗רֶץ אֲשֶׁ֣ר נִ֠שְׁבַּ֠עְתִּי לְאַבְרָהָ֨ם לְיִצְחָ֤ק וּֽלְיַעֲקֹב֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר לְזַרְעֲךָ֖ אֶתְּנֶֽנָּה׃
And the Lord said to Moshe, ascend, and go up from here, thou and the people whom thou hast brought up out of the land of Miżrayim, to the land of which I swore to Avraham, to Yiżĥaq, and to Ya῾aqov, saying, To thy seed will I give it:
After this egregious sin, G-d tells the Jewish People that they will 'aleih', or ascend
These two paths, of the righteous and the baal teshuva, exist within each of us. While we hope for a life of holiness, serenity, and peace, while we dream of the path of the righteous, we often experience challenges, pain, and disappointment. When we do, we must realize that G-d is blessing us with the opportunity to rise to greater heights, to reconnect and recommit to our goals and values with greater passion. When we do, we will rise from the perspective of the creation to the perspective of the creator. We will discover the hidden spark within every experience. We will extend the awareness of the oneness of G-d into every aspect of reality, ultimately transforming the world into a place of goodness and kindness.
- Adapted from the Lubavicher Rebbe, Lekutei Sichos Ki Tisa by Rabbi Menachem Mendel Feldman
Let me be clear: to be transgender is not a transgression. Rather, the transgression is that which introduces distance between a person and God. Not loving myself, due to internalized transphobia, and trying to keep myself from self-knowledge was the averah, the transgression.
To experience gender dysphoria is incredibly uncomfortable. There’s the physical discomfort, like the years of wearing a binder that bruised my ribs, and the mental discomfort that comes from uncertainty and fear.
Rabbi Lew writes that the soul’s journey during the High Holidays “is a journey from denial to awareness, from self-deception to judgment. We will learn our Divine Name.” My teshuvah that year was to let go of transphobia and learn my Divine Name, Gabriel, which I had taken on but not fully embodied. It would be the physical healing of my body from top surgery, the drains and the ice packs and the pain medications. And then it would be the healing of my soul, which would take much longer.
Rabbi Lew continues: “At Rosh Hashanah we begin to acknowledge the truth of our lives.” I was frightened to look deeply at the truth of my life, and, yet, I knew sitting in shul that there was more that I wanted from this life. It was mine to acknowledge and make choices about what I should do. “Owning up to it doesn’t make it worse. Not being open about it doesn’t make it go away. And we know that we can stand the truth. It is already here and we are already enduring it.”
- Gabriel Stein-Bodenheimer, "My Trans Teshuvah", Published in Hey Alma
If Love Could Speak
by Gavriel Green
The following are excerpts from a stream of consciousness journal, where Love told me what It really thinks of me and my transition:
So how DO I see you? And how can you see yourself that way?
A prism reflecting my Perfect Light.
That’s “all” you are.
And if you think I’m so amazing and perfect and loving and pure and the source of it all, then know that you are nothing less than a channel of this amazingness. You can’t possibly have low self-esteem or be incompetent— what would that say about Me?
The greater you believe Me to be, the greater you become, because you are carrying/reflecting that much more power. The more you trust in Me the more you trust in your abilities, because you’re merely reflecting My power and abilities. The more you let go and trust in my infinity- infinite abundance of joy, love, peace, power, energy, etc. the more power and creativity you put out. (Or rather, the more power you are AWARE of and therefore channel out.)
You are that prism that turns Source Light into:
Love, joy, abundance, health, happiness, playfulness, energy, creativity, sexuality, persuasion, confidence, power, etc. It’s all there, all contained the Source White Light, but you manifest it in this physical world through your physical body.
YOUR TRANSITION TO MALE IS THE EPITOME OF REFLECTING MY MIRACULOUSNESS ON THIS EARTH. YOU MANIFESTED YOUR DEEPEST DESIRE. YOU HAD BEEN DYING TO BECOME MALE EVER SINCE YOU WERE 3. YOU HAD EVERYTHING GOING AGAINST YOU YET BROKE THROUGH IT ALL.
CONGRATULATIONS, MY CHILD. I COULD HAVE MADE YOU MALE TO BEGIN WITH. BUT I WANTED TO SHOW THE WORLD MY POWER OF TRANSFORMATION, THE POWER OF MANIFESTING OUR BURIED DESIRES INTO THE FINITE CORPOREAL WORLD.
GAVRIEL, YOU ARE MY PRIZED POSSESSION. YOU ARE THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY CREATION.
THANK YOU FOR TRANSITIONING, AGAINST ALL ODDS. THANK YOU FOR SHOWING THE WORLD MY GLORY. THANK YOU FOR BEING A LIVING EXAMPLE OF THE POWER OF MANIFESTATION.
NEVER EVER BE ASHAMED OF WHO YOU ARE. NEVER EVER HIDE YOUR MIRACULOUS JOURNEY. YOUR TRANS EXPERIENCE IS YOUR STRENGTH.
Anyone who questions your transition and sees it as a mistake is essentially questioning me. I PLANTED THAT DESIRE IN YOU. YOU WERE BORN WITH THE DEEP-ROOTED NEED TO BE MALE— AND I MADE YOU THAT WAY.
Any belief, experience, thought, sensation, etc. that’s not liberating and empowering is merely a hallucination, a lack of connection to Love.
You may object, “Why should I be proud of obstacles I never chose?” To which I respond, “Then how can you possibly be ashamed of them either?”
The very things you hate about yourself and life experience… are the very gifts you have to share with the world.
- Gavriel Green, "If Love Could Speak", Published in Gender Euphoria by Rene Yehuda