We say every Friday night, “Grace is false and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears Hashem – she should be praised.”[1]
Yet, Rebbe Yochanan says that one of three things that keep the world in existence[2] is that a woman appears graceful to her husband[3]and Rebbe Chiyah says that a wife is only for beauty.[4]
Are Rebbe Yochanan and Rebbe Chiyah contradicting what Shlomo HaMelech wrote in Mishlei?
Not in the slightest.
When is, a woman praised? If she fears Hashem. Then, her grace and beauty will become known to all.
Therefore, when one is looking for his potential wife, the Seforno[5] gives us a guideline:
“One should try to marry a woman who is fitting for him and who is suitable to become attached to him, for unless the man and the woman are similar to each other, their bond will not be a true bond. If they are similar, they will share the same opinions.”
A friend of mine suggesting the following thought:
“If he’s only ‘looking’ for a woman to who is like ‘Miss America’ – i.e. grace and beauty, those two alone are worthless and he’s someone that’s easily fooled by appearances.”[6]
[1] Mishlei 31:30.
[2] ArtScroll Sotah 47a, note 12.
[3] Sotah 47a.
[4] Kesuvos 59b and Megillah 15a.
[5] Mikra’os Gedolos Sefer Bereishis (ArtScroll), page 111, Seforno to Bereishis 2:24 “על כן” and Derech Eretz by Rabbi Shaul Wagschal, page 58.
[6] see Sotah 47b.