Avos 1:13 נָגֵד שְׁמָא, אָבֵד שְׁמֵהּ (all)

I.e since he is only looking to mefarseim his shem people will now attribute all his previous maalos to insincere "tzivios" putting on a show to get honor but not that he actually has these maalos in a sincere way. All his maalos stem from & are rooted in gaava

See however https://torasavigdor.org/parshah-booklets/terumah-5783/ Artificial Man

In a well-known letter (Kovetz Igros 3:61), the Chazon Ish writes: “Just as we don’t find lovers of wisdom who love wisdom only a bit but hate it in abundance, so too in regard to those who love Torah and mitzvos, there cannot be love of moderation and hatred of extremism… The kind of moderation that’s acceptable is for those who are moderates to (at least) love extremism, longing for it with their whole selves and educating their families to aim for the heights of extremism. How pathetic, however, is the moderation that despises extremism.”

Torah Extremism and its Opposite

BY JONATHAN ROSENBLUM · JUNE 13, 2007

In Igros Chazon Ish (III, 61), the Chazon Ish identifies extremism as deriving from the quest for perfection, and writes that without extremism perfection is impossible. Those who are forever proclaiming their disdain for extremism, he writes, “will inevitably find themselves consorting with counterfeiters [of Torah] and the feeble-minded.”

The Chazon Ish goes on to castigate those groups who are always declaring their moderation and opposition to anything smacking of extremism, while insisting that their faith in Torah and the words of Torah is quite adequate. Of such claims, the Chazon Ish writes caustically, “Just as there is no such thing as a lover of wisdom who loves just a little bit of wisdom, but hates too much of it, so there cannot be one who loves Torah and mitzvos, but hates too much of it.”

Those words of the Chazon Ish should give pause to all of us who find ourselves complaining at one time or another of the extremism or kana’us of the Torah world. Such criticisms take many forms, some more valid than others. But it is incumbent upon the critics to constantly ask themselves if underlying their criticism might not have its source in too little love of Torah and words of Torah. It is, after all, always easy to be moderate if nothing very important is at stake.

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THE CHAZON ISH was, in fact, uncompromising with respect to anything touching upon Torah values. Yet the extremism or kana’us that he exemplified bears little resemblance to what often passes for kana’us in our world today, and provides no support for our self-styled zealots.

His was a kana’us in which every action was measured with the calipers of Torah. The Chazon Ish, Rav Shach used to say, was the last person to “know Shas” and to be able to measure every word or action in terms of the entirety of Shas.

The Chazon Ish once described a certain group famed for its zealotry to Rabbi Shlomo Lorincz as “Jews from before Mattan Torah,” by which he meant that their zeal was not shaped by the ways of the Torah.

And he was always on the lookout for a false zealotry. In the early days of the State of Israel, there was a group that called itself Bris Kana’aim, whose modus operandi was to note the license plate numbers of cars seen driving through religious neighborhoods on Shabbos. After Shabbos, they would locate those cars and torch them.

The Chazon Ish called the leaders of Zeirei Agudath Israel together and told them to publicly protest the actions of the “zealots.” And he had his treasured spokesman Rabbi Moshe Shoenfeld write an essay for publication entitled, “Violence is a Foreign Offshoot in Our Vineyard.”

Now the question is why say ‘your inside like your outside’? It should say baro ketocho; his outside should be like his inside.

You should make yourself a tzaddik, an eved Hashem, and then, once you’re an authentic servant of Hashem then you can be one on the outside too. Then you can reveal yourself to the world. Otherwise you’re a fraud. You’re going to make believe you’re good when really you’re not so good yet?

The answer is, absolutely! Chas veshalom if a person will make his outside like his inside. Whatever he feels inside, he should show in public? Chas veshalom!

Part II. Deception Is Everything

Layers of Gold

But that’s not the most important thing. We have to understand this subject of living artificially in a broader and more important sense. It’s not merely a way to get along with others and to succeed in Olam Hazeh. That too, but it’s much more than that, much more than success in Olam Hazeh.

We’re learning from the gold covering of the aron that if you want to be authentically good, then you must start by being artificial. You can’t be natural in this world and make something out of yourself. That’s a big limud we have to get into our heads – if you want to be authentic, if you want to be a good Jew, you have to start by being artificial.

Living unnaturally, being artificial on the outside, that’s how you change on the inside eventually. You have to start layering up the outside of your heart with pure gold. And little by little your outside is going to change your insides.

The Golden Grocer

Let’s say you are a grocer and you have customers that come in all day long, and many of them are big nuisances. They’re bothersome. One of them wants to return an open can of sardines. “It’s not the ones I wanted. Take it back and give me my money.”

What will the poor grocer do with the can of sardines? It’s a loss. You know what he’s thinking? He wants to be natural. He wants to take the open can of sardines and pour it onto her head. But he knows that it would be a big mistake. He has to make a living and this is part of it. So he takes it and puts it in the garbage can. He gives her the money and he keeps quiet.

He’s always saying, “Yes, yes.” Women always come in and bother him and complain. But he smiles at all of them and he’s agreeable to everything because they patronize his store and he needs them.

You should know that this grocery business of his is not merely for parnassah in Olam Hazeh. He’s making a living in Olam Habo as a result. Because the more he acts that way – artificially – on the outside, the more it’s changing him on the inside. After years and years, he becomes a patient man. He trained himself to be a mentch. He’s gaining good middos. He’s quiet, and he’s kovesh es yitzro. He’s being koneh shleimus.

The Golden Rebbi

That’s why I say it’s good to be a melamed. If you’re a melamed, a teacher, so everyone knows that לֹא הַקַּפְּדָן מְלַמֵּד – if you’re angry you can’t be a teacher (Avos 2:5). He wants to keep his job; maybe he can get a raise too, so he’s nice to all the boys. They’re kicking their feet under the table to each other and making all kinds of trouble for him. He’d like to take a strap and give them a beating; “ooh, would that be good”. That’s what he’s thinking. But he can’t; he’ll lose his job. So he smiles and caresses the little boy’s cheek. He’s patient and he’s koneh shleimus. He becomes better and better each time he acts unnaturally. And so, more than the salary that they give him in the yeshivah is what he’s giving himself in perfection of character.

Rabbonus too. Rabbonus is wonderful because you have to act better than you are. And you eventually become better than you are. I’m telling you from experience. It works.

That’s the secret the Torah is teaching us as we study the aron. Hashem wants you to change yourself. Our purpose in life, the function of being created, our entire success is based on changing ourselves, our character. And the way to change your insides is by means of your outside. Even if you don’t mean it but you act artificially. You must be artificial!

That’s a surprise to many people. To the American ear it’s especially grating because it means we are not born in this world to live a natural life. We’re here to live an unnatural life. And the quicker we get this into our heads, the more we’ll be ready to start on the journey towards shleimus. The success of a human being is not in being natural.

Fake It and Make It

Now, this subject of pretending to be better than you actually are is the great principle enunciated by our great teacher in the Mesillas Yesharim (Ch. 7). We’ve said it here a number of times but it’s never too much. And that is the principle of הַחִיצוֹנִיּוּת מְעוֹרֶרֶת אֶת הַפְּנִימִיּוּת – the outwardliness stirs up the inwardliness. What you do outwardly affects what you are inwardly. Behave as if you are good and little by little you’ll become what you pretend to be.

And so, that’s the principle involved in being an artificial man. In order to make some progress in life, it is important to go one step ahead of what you actually are now. You cannot ‘be yourself’ and make any progress. To become better than you are, you must start acting as if you actually are already good right now. Tocho kebaro – cover yourself with gold on the outside; keep pouring gold on the outside until little by little your inside follows along.

Now one of the areas in which a person can make tremendous progress by being artificial is in the area of bein adam lachaveiro, how we act with our fellow man. If you’re ambitious to make something out of yourself, to be a good person in your tocho, the first step is to be a good person on the baro, on the outside. And even though you know you’re a fraud – you know that it’s not you; you’re a faker – it’s a mitzvah to be a faker.

So when you deal with people, you’re dealing with your wife or with your husband or with your neighbors or with the man on your street, with anybody you talk to or look at or deal with, think, “I want to get that person to have a good opinion of me. I want to fake it until I make it.” And if you’re serious about it, you’ll make it. I guarantee you’ll make it.

Fake Love

Let’s say you go out of here tonight and on the sidewalk outside you see someone who is not your friend. Naturally, you’d like to ignore him. But you remember what you heard in the lecture and you figure you might as well try it, so you smile and let out a big “Shalom aleichem, Berel!” In your heart, you might despise that man. You didn’t learn yet how to love your fellow Jew, וְאָהַבְתָּ לְרֵעֲךָ כָּמוֹךָ. You didn’t think about that yet. But right now it doesn’t matter because tonight you’re being artificial. “Shalom aleichem, it’s so good to see you,” you say to him. “Oh,” you’re thinking, “it feels so unnatural.”

“No matter,” Hashem says, “That’s My boy! Finally you’re getting started. Finally you’re going to make something from yourself.” And even though it’s not real, you’re only an actor, you’re putting on a show, nevertheless, you should know that these things are for your benefit.

Now don’t think this is stam talk. You should know it’s avodas Hashem. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, “I’m giving you the right, I’m giving My permission; you have permission to do that.” Because once you start out on such a career of making believe you’re a good man, what’s going to happen to you? You’re going to become a good man. Absolutely you’ll become a better man because of that.

If day after day you’ll meet people and you’ll say, “Oh, I’m so happy to see you again.” You’re not happy to see them. But if you say that a thousand times, after a while, a little bit comes into your mind. One day you might even become an oheiv Yisroel.

Smile too! Practice it tonight when you get home. Practice it on your wife, on somebody you’ll meet in the hall. Practice it on the street. Here comes your neighbor from down the block. Now you’re not interested in that person. You’re interested in getting home as soon as possible and that person means nothing to you. Oh, what an opportunity that is! You’re not interested but you’re going to be artificial now. Ooh wah! You’re already a different person.

And that’s what it says in the Mishna הֲוַי מְקַבֵּל אֶת כָּל אָדָם בְּסֵבֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת – Greet every person with a pleasant countenance. כָּל אָדָם means every man. Now how can you do that to every man? Sometimes you’re bored from this fellow; he’s a nudnik. Sometimes the fellow likes to talk a lot and you’re in a hurry to get rid of him.

So how is it possible to greet every man? The answer is panim yafos – you can do it with your face; it’s not necessary to do it with your heart. With your face, you can smile at everybody even if you don’t feel it in your heart. And if you do it frequently enough with your face, then some echo of that will be represented in your inner feelings.

A human being, by means of his external behavior can change himself. Ok, so you’re not so good. But right now, act like you’re good. Always try to gain honor in the eyes of people, don’t worry that you’re doing it for your kovod. If you’re doing it because you want to cover yourself with gold in order to eventually cover your inside with gold too, then absolutely there’s nothing better than that.

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