Illustration Credit: Noa Kelner
Halakhah הֲלָכָה
וְלֹא תַחְמֹד אֵשֶׁת רֵעֶךָ
וְלֹא תִתְאַוֶּה בֵּית רֵעֶךָ
שָׂדֵהוּ וְעַבְדּוֹ וַאֲמָתוֹ שׁוֹרוֹ וַחֲמֹרוֹ וְכֹל אֲשֶׁר לְרֵעֶךָ:
Lo tahmod (do not desire) your neighbor’s wife.
Lo titaveh (do not desire) your neighbor’s house, or their field, or their servant, or their animals, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.
Is this another mitzvah about what to think or feel?!
Not according to Rambam!
כָּל הַחוֹמֵד עַבְדּוֹ אוֹ אֲמָתוֹ אוֹ בֵּיתוֹ וְכֵלָיו שֶׁל חֲבֵרוֹ אוֹ דָּבָר שֶׁאֶפְשָׁר לוֹ שֶׁיִּקְנֵהוּ מִמֶּנּוּ וְהִכְבִּיר עָלָיו בְּרֵעִים וְהִפְצִיר בּוֹ עַד שֶׁלְּקָחוֹ מִמֶּנּוּ אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁנָּתַן לוֹ דָּמִים רַבִּים הֲרֵי זֶה עוֹבֵר בְּלֹא תַּעֲשֶׂה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר "לֹא תַחְמֹד" (שמות כ:יד, דברים ה:יח)....
כָּל הַמִּתְאַוֶּה בֵּיתוֹ אוֹ אִשְׁתּוֹ וְכֵלָיו שֶׁל חֲבֵרוֹ. וְכֵן כָּל כַּיּוֹצֵא בָּהֶן מִשְּׁאָר דְּבָרִים שֶׁאֶפְשָׁר לוֹ לִקְנוֹתָן מִמֶּנּוּ. כֵּיוָן שֶׁחָשַׁב בְּלִבּוֹ הֵיאַךְ יִקְנֶה דָּבָר זֶה וְנִפְתָּה בְּלִבּוֹ בַּדָּבָר עָבַר בְּלֹא תַּעֲשֶׂה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר "לֹא תִתְאַוֶּה" (דברים ה:יח).
If you desire a servant, a house, or utensils that belong to someone else, and then you put a lot of pressure on the owner until they give it to you, even if they sell it to you for a lot of money, you have violated “lo tahmod”....
If you desire a home, a wife, utensils, or anything else belonging to someone else, as soon as you plan in your heart about how you might possibly get it from them, and you convince yourself that you can get it, you have violated “lo titaveh.”
According to this, lo tahmod and lo titaveh are about actions, not feelings. Lo tahmod is about pressuring someone to give you something that’s theirs, even if you pay for it. And lo titaveh is about making a plan to get something that belongs to someone else, even if you don’t carry out the plan.
- What’s the problem with these things? What’s wrong with making a plan to take something if that plan is just in your head? And what’s wrong with pressuring someone to sell something to you? If you pay them, isn’t that fair?
- Have you ever felt pressured to give something to a friend, or to make a trade? What was that like?
- When you see cool stuff that other people have, what are some helpful things to say or think to yourself?
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