Is hope, in the midst of a personal or national crisis, naïve? How is possible, when facing loss, pain, anguish, or fear to feel that there is something hopeful about tomorrow? When we feel desperate, suffering “the dark night of the soul”, is there a way out?
The Dark Night of the Soul
(יא) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֜ה אֶל־יהוה לָמָ֤ה הֲרֵעֹ֙תָ֙ לְעַבְדֶּ֔ךָ וְלָ֛מָּה לֹא־מָצָ֥תִי חֵ֖ן בְּעֵינֶ֑יךָ לָשׂ֗וּם אֶת־מַשָּׂ֛א כׇּל־הָעָ֥ם הַזֶּ֖ה עָלָֽי׃ (יב) הֶאָנֹכִ֣י הָרִ֗יתִי אֵ֚ת כׇּל־הָעָ֣ם הַזֶּ֔ה אִם־אָנֹכִ֖י יְלִדְתִּ֑יהוּ כִּֽי־תֹאמַ֨ר אֵלַ֜י שָׂאֵ֣הוּ בְחֵיקֶ֗ךָ כַּאֲשֶׁ֨ר יִשָּׂ֤א הָאֹמֵן֙ אֶת־הַיֹּנֵ֔ק עַ֚ל הָֽאֲדָמָ֔ה אֲשֶׁ֥ר נִשְׁבַּ֖עְתָּ לַאֲבֹתָֽיו׃ (יג) מֵאַ֤יִן לִי֙ בָּשָׂ֔ר לָתֵ֖ת לְכׇל־הָעָ֣ם הַזֶּ֑ה כִּֽי־יִבְכּ֤וּ עָלַי֙ לֵאמֹ֔ר תְּנָה־לָּ֥נוּ בָשָׂ֖ר וְנֹאכֵֽלָה׃ (יד) לֹֽא־אוּכַ֤ל אָנֹכִי֙ לְבַדִּ֔י לָשֵׂ֖את אֶת־כׇּל־הָעָ֣ם הַזֶּ֑ה כִּ֥י כָבֵ֖ד מִמֶּֽנִּי׃ (טו) וְאִם־כָּ֣כָה ׀ אַתְּ־עֹ֣שֶׂה לִּ֗י הׇרְגֵ֤נִי נָא֙ הָרֹ֔ג אִם־מָצָ֥אתִי חֵ֖ן בְּעֵינֶ֑יךָ וְאַל־אֶרְאֶ֖ה בְּרָעָתִֽי׃ {פ}
(11) And Moses said to יהוה, “Why have You dealt ill with Your servant, and why have I not enjoyed Your favor, that You have laid the burden of all this people upon me? (12) Did I produce all these people, did I give birth to them, that You should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom as a caregiver carries an infant,’ to the land that You have promised on oath to their fathers? (13) Where am I to get meat to give to all this people, when they whine before me and say, ‘Give us meat to eat!’ (14) I cannot carry all this people by myself, for it is too much for me. (15) If You would deal thus with me, kill me rather, I beg You, and let me see no more of my wretchedness!”
(ד) וְהֽוּא־הָלַ֤ךְ בַּמִּדְבָּר֙ דֶּ֣רֶךְ י֔וֹם וַיָּבֹ֕א וַיֵּ֕שֶׁב תַּ֖חַת רֹ֣תֶם (אחת) [אֶחָ֑ד] וַיִּשְׁאַ֤ל אֶת־נַפְשׁוֹ֙ לָמ֔וּת וַיֹּ֣אמֶר ׀ רַ֗ב עַתָּ֤ה יהוה קַ֣ח נַפְשִׁ֔י כִּֽי־לֹא־ט֥וֹב אָנֹכִ֖י מֵאֲבֹתָֽי׃
(4) He himself [i.e. Elijah] went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush and sat down under it, and prayed that he might die. “Enough!” he cried. “Now, O ETERNAL One, take my life, for I am no better than my predecessors.”
(ז) פִּתִּיתַ֤נִי יהוה וָאֶפָּ֔ת חֲזַקְתַּ֖נִי וַתּוּכָ֑ל הָיִ֤יתִי לִשְׂחוֹק֙ כׇּל־הַיּ֔וֹם כֻּלֹּ֖ה לֹעֵ֥ג לִֽי׃ (ח) כִּֽי־מִדֵּ֤י אֲדַבֵּר֙ אֶזְעָ֔ק חָמָ֥ס וָשֹׁ֖ד אֶקְרָ֑א כִּֽי־הָיָ֨ה דְבַר־יהוה לִ֛י לְחֶרְפָּ֥ה וּלְקֶ֖לֶס כׇּל־הַיּֽוֹם׃ (ט) וְאָמַרְתִּ֣י לֹֽא־אֶזְכְּרֶ֗נּוּ וְלֹֽא־אֲדַבֵּ֥ר עוֹד֙ בִּשְׁמ֔וֹ וְהָיָ֤ה בְלִבִּי֙ כְּאֵ֣שׁ בֹּעֶ֔רֶת עָצֻ֖ר בְּעַצְמֹתָ֑י וְנִלְאֵ֥יתִי כַּֽלְכֵ֖ל וְלֹ֥א אוּכָֽל׃ (י) כִּ֣י שָׁמַ֜עְתִּי דִּבַּ֣ת רַבִּים֮ מָג֣וֹר מִסָּבִיב֒ הַגִּ֙ידוּ֙ וְנַגִּידֶ֔נּוּ כֹּ֚ל אֱנ֣וֹשׁ שְׁלֹמִ֔י שֹׁמְרֵ֖י צַלְעִ֑י אוּלַ֤י יְפֻתֶּה֙ וְנ֣וּכְלָה ל֔וֹ וְנִקְחָ֥ה נִקְמָתֵ֖נוּ מִמֶּֽנּוּ׃ ...
(יח) לָ֤מָּה זֶּה֙ מֵרֶ֣חֶם יָצָ֔אתִי לִרְא֥וֹת עָמָ֖ל וְיָג֑וֹן וַיִּכְל֥וּ בְּבֹ֖שֶׁת יָמָֽי׃ {פ}
(7) You enticed me, O ETERNAL One, and I was enticed; You overpowered me and You prevailed. I have become a constant laughingstock, Everyone jeers at me. (8) For every time I speak, I must cry out, Must shout, “Lawlessness and rapine!” For the word of GOD causes me Constant disgrace and contempt. (9) I thought, “I will not mention it, No more will I speak in God’s name”— But [the divine word] was like a raging fire in my heart, Shut up in my bones; I could not hold it in, I was helpless. (10) I heard the whispers of the crowd— Terror all around: “Inform! Let us inform against him!” All my [supposed] friends Are waiting for me to stumble: “Perhaps he can be entrapped, And we can prevail against him And take our vengeance on him.” ....
(18) Why did I ever issue from the womb, To see misery and woe, To spend all my days in shame!
(ב) אֵלִ֣י אֵ֭לִי לָמָ֣ה עֲזַבְתָּ֑נִי רָח֥וֹק מִֽ֝ישׁוּעָתִ֗י דִּבְרֵ֥י שַׁאֲגָתִֽי׃
(2) My God, my God, why have You abandoned me; why so far from delivering me and from my anguished roaring?
(א) שִׁ֥יר הַֽמַּעֲל֑וֹת מִמַּעֲמַקִּ֖ים קְרָאתִ֣יךָ יְהֹוָֽה׃
(1) A song of ascents. Out of the depths I call You, O LORD.
How does Yom Kippur not only accept, but push us to accept that a realistic assessment of the world and our lives may lead us to being despondent? At the same time, how does this holy day offer us lifelines for pulling ourselves out of the depths of despair?
Seeking God's Help
(ב) וַיִּתְפַּלֵּ֣ל יוֹנָ֔ה אֶל־יהוה אֱלֹהָ֑יו מִמְּעֵ֖י הַדָּגָֽה׃ (ג) וַיֹּ֗אמֶר קָ֠רָ֠אתִי מִצָּ֥רָה לִ֛י אֶל־יהוה וַֽיַּעֲנֵ֑נִי מִבֶּ֧טֶן שְׁא֛וֹל שִׁוַּ֖עְתִּי שָׁמַ֥עְתָּ קוֹלִֽי׃ ...
(ח) בְּהִתְעַטֵּ֤ף עָלַי֙ נַפְשִׁ֔י אֶת־יהוה זָכָ֑רְתִּי וַתָּב֤וֹא אֵלֶ֙יךָ֙ תְּפִלָּתִ֔י אֶל־הֵיכַ֖ל קׇדְשֶֽׁךָ׃
(2) Jonah prayed to the ETERNAL his God from the belly of the fish. (3) He said: In my trouble I called to GOD, Who answered me; From the belly of Sheol I cried out, And You heard my voice ...
(8) When my life was ebbing away, I called GOD to mind; And my prayer came before You, Into Your holy temple.
Openness to the Support of Others and Paying It Forwrd
רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר חֲלַשׁ. עַל לְגַבֵּיהּ רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן. חֲזָא דַּהֲוָה קָא גָּנֵי בְּבֵית אָפֵל. גַּלְיֵיהּ לִדְרָעֵיהּ וּנְפַל נְהוֹרָא. חַזְיֵיהּ דַּהֲוָה קָא בָּכֵי רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר.
אֲמַר לֵיהּ: אַמַּאי קָא בָּכֵית?
אִי מִשּׁוּם תּוֹרָה דְּלָא אַפֵּשְׁתְּ — שָׁנִינוּ: אֶחָד הַמַּרְבֶּה וְאֶחָד הַמַּמְעִיט, וּבִלְבַד שֶׁיְּכַוֵּין לִבּוֹ לַשָּׁמַיִם.
וְאִי מִשּׁוּם מְזוֹנֵי — לֹא כׇּל אָדָם זוֹכֶה לִשְׁתֵּי שֻׁלְחָנוֹת.
וְאִי מִשּׁוּם בְּנֵי — דֵּין גַּרְמָא דַּעֲשִׂירָאָה בִּיר.
אֲמַר לֵיהּ: לְהַאי שׁוּפְרָא דְּבָלֵי בְּעַפְרָא קָא בָּכֵינָא.
אֲמַר לֵיהּ: עַל דָּא וַדַּאי קָא בָּכֵית, וּבְכוֹ תַּרְוַיְיהוּ.
אַדְּהָכִי וְהָכִי אֲמַר לֵיהּ: חֲבִיבִין עָלֶיךָ יִסּוּרִין? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: לֹא הֵן וְלֹא שְׂכָרָן.
The Gemara relates that Rabbi Elazar, another of Rabbi Yoḥanan’s students, fell ill. Rabbi Yoḥanan entered to visit him, and saw that he was lying in a dark room. Rabbi Yoḥanan exposed his arm, and light radiated from his flesh, filling the house. He saw that Rabbi Elazar was crying, and said to him: Why are you crying? Thinking that his crying was over the suffering that he endured throughout his life, Rabbi Yoḥanan attempted to comfort him: If you are weeping because you did not study as much Torah as you would have liked, we learned: One who brings a substantial sacrifice and one who brings a meager sacrifice have equal merit, as long as he directs his heart toward Heaven. If you are weeping because you lack sustenance and are unable to earn a livelihood, as Rabbi Elazar was, indeed, quite poor, not every person merits to eat off of two tables, one of wealth and one of Torah, so you need not bemoan the fact that you are not wealthy. If you are crying over children who have died, this is the bone of my tenth son, and suffering of that kind afflicts great people, and they are afflictions of love. Rabbi Elazar said to Rabbi Yoḥanan: I am not crying over my misfortune, but rather, over this beauty of yours that will decompose in the earth, as Rabbi Yoḥanan’s beauty caused him to consider human mortality. Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Over this, it is certainly appropriate to weep. Both cried over the fleeting nature of beauty in the world and death that eventually overcomes all. Meanwhile, Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Is your suffering dear to you? Rabbi Elazar said to him: I welcome neither this suffering nor its reward. Upon hearing this, Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Give me your hand. Rabbi Elazar gave him his hand, and Rabbi Yoḥanan stood him up and restored him to health.
Discussion: Who in this story is the healer? Who is being healed?
Our traditions insist on us being with others in moments of potential depression - visiting the sick, comforting mourners, including the lonely (“the stranger, the orphan and the widow”) in festive celebrations, and offering hospitality, as well as being together five times in community for yizkor (the 3 major festivals, on Yom Kippur, and the yahrzeit of a loved one). Why?
(ו) הֲל֣וֹא זֶה֮ צ֣וֹם אֶבְחָרֵ֒הוּ֒ פַּתֵּ֙חַ֙ חַרְצֻבּ֣וֹת רֶ֔שַׁע הַתֵּ֖ר אֲגֻדּ֣וֹת מוֹטָ֑ה וְשַׁלַּ֤ח רְצוּצִים֙ חׇפְשִׁ֔ים וְכׇל־מוֹטָ֖ה תְּנַתֵּֽקוּ׃
(ז) הֲל֨וֹא פָרֹ֤ס לָרָעֵב֙ לַחְמֶ֔ךָ וַעֲנִיִּ֥ים מְרוּדִ֖ים תָּ֣בִיא בָ֑יִת כִּֽי־תִרְאֶ֤ה עָרֹם֙ וְכִסִּית֔וֹ וּמִבְּשָׂרְךָ֖ לֹ֥א תִתְעַלָּֽם׃
(6) No, this is the fast I desire:
To unlock fetters of wickedness,
And untie the cords of the yoke (Change of vocalization yields “lawlessness”)
To let the oppressed go free;
To break off every yoke.
(7) It is to share your bread with the hungry,
And to take the wretched poor into your home;
W
hen you see the naked, to clothe them,
And not to ignore your own kin.
(א) וַיְדַבֵּ֥ר יהוה אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֥ה לֵּאמֹֽר׃ (ב) דַּבֵּ֞ר אֶל־כׇּל־עֲדַ֧ת בְּנֵי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֛ל וְאָמַרְתָּ֥ אֲלֵהֶ֖ם קְדֹשִׁ֣ים תִּהְי֑וּ כִּ֣י קָד֔וֹשׁ אֲנִ֖י יהוה אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃ ...
(ט) וּֽבְקֻצְרְכֶם֙ אֶת־קְצִ֣יר אַרְצְכֶ֔ם לֹ֧א תְכַלֶּ֛ה פְּאַ֥ת שָׂדְךָ֖ לִקְצֹ֑ר וְלֶ֥קֶט קְצִֽירְךָ֖ לֹ֥א תְלַקֵּֽט׃ (י) וְכַרְמְךָ֙ לֹ֣א תְעוֹלֵ֔ל וּפֶ֥רֶט כַּרְמְךָ֖ לֹ֣א תְלַקֵּ֑ט לֶֽעָנִ֤י וְלַגֵּר֙ תַּעֲזֹ֣ב אֹתָ֔ם אֲנִ֖י יהוה אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃ (יא) לֹ֖א תִּגְנֹ֑בוּ וְלֹא־תְכַחֲשׁ֥וּ וְלֹֽא־תְשַׁקְּר֖וּ אִ֥ישׁ בַּעֲמִיתֽוֹ׃ ...
(יג) לֹֽא־תַעֲשֹׁ֥ק אֶת־רֵֽעֲךָ֖ וְלֹ֣א תִגְזֹ֑ל לֹֽא־תָלִ֞ין פְּעֻלַּ֥ת שָׂכִ֛יר אִתְּךָ֖ עַד־בֹּֽקֶר׃ (יד) לֹא־תְקַלֵּ֣ל חֵרֵ֔שׁ וְלִפְנֵ֣י עִוֵּ֔ר לֹ֥א תִתֵּ֖ן מִכְשֹׁ֑ל וְיָרֵ֥אתָ מֵּאֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ אֲנִ֥י יהוה׃ (טו) לֹא־תַעֲשׂ֥וּ עָ֙וֶל֙ בַּמִּשְׁפָּ֔ט לֹא־תִשָּׂ֣א פְנֵי־דָ֔ל וְלֹ֥א תֶהְדַּ֖ר פְּנֵ֣י גָד֑וֹל בְּצֶ֖דֶק תִּשְׁפֹּ֥ט עֲמִיתֶֽךָ׃ ...
(יז) לֹֽא־תִשְׂנָ֥א אֶת־אָחִ֖יךָ בִּלְבָבֶ֑ךָ הוֹכֵ֤חַ תּוֹכִ֙יחַ֙ אֶת־עֲמִיתֶ֔ךָ וְלֹא־תִשָּׂ֥א עָלָ֖יו חֵֽטְא׃ (יח) לֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י יהוה׃
(1) יהוה spoke to Moses, saying: (2) Speak to the whole Israelite community and say to them: You shall be holy, for I, your God יהוה, am holy ...
(9) When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not reap all the way to the edges of your field, or gather the gleanings of your harvest. (10) You shall not pick your vineyard bare, or gather the fallen fruit of your vineyard; you shall leave them for the poor and the stranger: I יהוה am your God. (11) You shall not steal; you shall not deal deceitfully or falsely with one another ...
(13) You shall not defraud your fellow [Israelite]. You shall not commit robbery. The wages of a laborer shall not remain with you until morning. (14) You shall not insult the deaf, or place a stumbling block before the blind. You shall fear your God: I am יהוה. (15) You shall not render an unfair decision: do not favor the poor or show deference to the rich; judge your kin fairly ...
(17) You shall not hate your kinsfolk in your heart. Reprove your kin but incur no guilt on their account. (18) You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against members of your people. Love your fellow as yourself: I am יהוה.
Discussion:
- Why is are these passages we read on Yom Kippur - Isaiah as the haftara in the morning and the Torah as the final reading of the afternoon as we close the period of self-reflection and teshuvah?
- Is there a difference between "aspirational hope" (e.g. peace in our time) and "reasonable hope" (engaging in actions that are sensible, moderate, and possible for us to attain)? How might such a limited scope of hope help us feel more positive?
- Why might it be important to engage in the behaviors encouraged by the Torah and haftara of this day even if we do not feel hopeful?
- And might the very act of generosity itself create a greater sense of hopefulness?
Do Not Despair
Rebbe Nachman (1776-1810) was the great grandson of the Ba'al Shem Tov and started a Hassidic sect, the Breslov Hassidim, that focus even more than many other hassidic groups on joyful service of God. Many modern scholars suggest that Rebbe Nachman suffered from depression or may have even had bipolar disorder.
(ג) וְהָעִקָּר – לְחַזֵּק עַצְמוֹ בְּכָל מַה שֶּׁאֶפְשָׁר, [כִּי אֵין שׁוּם יֵאוּשׁ בָּעוֹלָם כְּלָל. (וְאָמַר אָז בְּזֶה הַלָּשׁוֹן: קַיין יִאוּשׁ אִיז גָאר נִיט פַאר הַאנְדִין), וּמָשַׁךְ מְאֹד אֵלּוּ הַתֵּבוֹת "קַיין יִאוּשׁ וְכוּ'" וַאֲמָרָם בְּכֹחַ גָּדוֹל וּבְעַמְקוּת נִפְלָא וְנוֹרָא מְאֹד, כְּדֵי לְהוֹרוֹת וּלְרַמֵּז לְכָל אֶחָד וְאֶחָד לְדוֹרוֹת, שֶׁלֹּא יִתְיָאֵשׁ בְּשׁוּם אֹפֶן בָּעוֹלָם, אֲפִלּוּ אִם יַעֲבֹר עָלָיו מָה], וְאֵיךְ שֶׁהוּא, אֲפִלּוּ אִם נָפַל לְמָקוֹם שֶׁנָּפַל, רַחֲמָנָא לִצְלָן, מֵאַחַר שֶׁמְּחַזֵּק עַצְמוֹ בַּמֶּה שֶׁהוּא, עֲדַיִן יֵשׁ לוֹ תִּקְוָה לָשׁוּב וְלַחֲזֹר אֵלָיו יִתְבָּרַךְ.
(3) The main thing is to encourage oneself in every way possible {for there is no such thing as despair! (What he said was: Kein yiush iz gor nit fahr-handin !) He drew out these words Kein yiush…, and said them emphatically and with very amazing and awesome depth, in order to instruct and hint to each and every person throughout the generations not to despair under any circumstances, no matter what happens to him.} And be what may, even if one has fallen to where he has fallen, God spare us, since he encourages himself with something, he still has hope of repenting and returning to God.
This is a Breslov folk song based on his teaching "do not despair."
רבי נחמן מברסלב כך אומר
לא/אסור להתייאש
אם הגיע זמן קשה
רק לשמוח יש
Rebbe Nachman of Breslov says this:
Don't / It's forbidden to despair.
If a difficult time comes,
One should only be happy!
This is one version of this song:
Discussion: Is saying, "don't worry, be happy" (essentially what the Bratslaver Rebbe said) actually helpful? Can it make one who is despondent more upset? Or can the act of speech actually create a new reality ("And God said ...")?
I suppose Rabbi Nachman of Breslov’s injunction against despair should be enough to keep me going, but it’s not. My comforts are like yours: my kids, friends, radical amazement. It’s not the fate of the world that darkens me; it’s the brokenness of the human condition.
Sometimes I try to take refuge in the Buddha’s insight: “Life is suffering.” But I can’t quite achieve the non-attachment—the renunciation of desire—that that kind of enlightenment requires.
All of which brings the absurdism of Samuel Beckett to mind: “You must go on, I can’t go on, I’ll go on.” That’s me, in 11 words.
Marty Kaplan, quoted in “It is Forbidden to Despair” (The
Jewish Journal, June 24, 2012)
Humility and Hope
(כז) אַ֡ךְ בֶּעָשׂ֣וֹר לַחֹ֩דֶשׁ֩ הַשְּׁבִיעִ֨י הַזֶּ֜ה י֧וֹם הַכִּפֻּרִ֣ים ה֗וּא מִֽקְרָא־קֹ֙דֶשׁ֙ יִהְיֶ֣ה לָכֶ֔ם וְעִנִּיתֶ֖ם אֶת־נַפְשֹׁתֵיכֶ֑ם וְהִקְרַבְתֶּ֥ם אִשֶּׁ֖ה לַיהוה׃
(27) Mark, the tenth day of this seventh month is the Day of Atonement. It shall be a sacred occasion for you: you shall practice self-denial, and you shall bring an offering by fire to יהוה;
The Hebrew root means "poor", often in Torah alluding to suffering or afflictions, such as the widow and orphan (Exodus 22:21), the bitterness of exile in Egypt (Exodus 1:11), or the harsh way Sarah treats Hagar (Genesis 16:11). On Yom Kippur we realize what we cannot change, yet are reminded of what we can do to change ("teshuvah, t'fillah, and tzedakah tempers the severe decree"). And, in the end, it is also a day about God's forgiveness.
To know we cannot change everything … maybe much of anything … is a lesson in humility. Humility is not about thinking less of yourself. It is about thinking of yourself less.
C.S. Lewis
Our traditions do not speak about nirvana or human perfection - salvation, but that we are have the capacity to hit the mark more, to do a tikkun ha'nefesh and tikkun olam.