Parshas Vayechi

Toras Avigdor

Smiling and Milking

The Gemara in Kesuvos (111b) quotes the possuk from Parshas Va’yechi: ” ולבן שנים מחלב” – “And white-toothed from milk” (Bereishis 49:12). The simple meaning of this posuk is that Yaakov blessed Yehuda that his land in Eretz Yisroel would be so abundant with grazing land, and healthy cattle, that his teeth would turn white from the abundance of milk.

But the Gemara makes a play on words, and instead of reading it as white-toothed because of milk, we read it as “white teeth are better than milk.” Chazal say as follows: טוב המלבין שיניים לחבירו יותר ממשקהו חלב – “It is better when you show white teeth to a person – that means a smile – more than giving him a drink of milk.”

Now let’s study this and you’ll see that this subject will repay you in popularity, it’ll repay you in business, and it’ll repay you in good health. People don’t realize how neglected this principle is and how very important it is what we are studying right now.

What does it mean that a smile is better than giving a drink of milk? Let's say you go to the grocery and you buy a case of J&J kosher milk, and you stand at the corner of Kings Highway and Ocean Parkway with that case; and you have a handful of Dixie cups too, and each person who passes by, you give him a cup of fresh milk.

A glass of milk is a very big thing – in case you don’t drink any milk, it’s a good idea to start. Milk supplies a person with a lot of necessary material, important nutrients for the body. It’s full of calcium. Calcium is constantly being removed from our bones as we go about our lives and it has to be replaced. Milk does that for you.

Your teeth too; the calcium and casein and phosphorus in milk protects the teeth; it keeps them healthy. And as soon as the milk goes down and is absorbed the proteins give an immediate boost to your muscles – while the casein breaks down slowly, strengthening your muscles all day long with a steady supply of vitamins – even while you sleep the casein is at work strengthening you.

And so as that cup of milk goes down the throats of the recipients of your kindness it’s giving them strength. All day long that person is going to operate with the power of the milk you poured into him. You’re making him energetic. You’re making him healthy. You’re making him happy.

The Milkman Statue

And when you do it on a public scale to very many people – you’re giving out milk to everyone that passes you by – so you’re a tremendous benefactor to Mankind. After 120 years, when you leave this life, the people should get together and put up a statue for you on Ocean Parkway and Kings Highway for all generations to see. They’ll make a little park there on the mall and all the people will have to make a detour around a statue of a man in marble, standing, pouring out milk in a marble Dixie cup. People will speak well of you forever: “You remember that fellow who used to stand here pouring us cups of milk. Ahh! That man made my day every day. He lifted a burden off my shoulders.”

The truth is he deserves more than a statue. And he’ll get it in the world to come. Just for one Dixie cup of milk he’s going to get reward. If he does it for the public, he’ll be rewarded forever and ever.

Rising Milk Prices

Now, I’m not going to be the one to criticize you if you don’t want to go through the trouble of buying a case of kosher milk and lugging it through to the street corner and standing with Dixie cups and pouring it in for each person. It’s expensive too. Milk costs a lot of money nowadays. Kosher milk costs even more. Everything costs. But suppose a man has the money to do it and he has the time but he doesn’t; will he be held accountable? I don’t know. I’m not doing it myself so I don’t want to think about the prospects.

But along comes the Gemara and tells us something that’s even better than milk. And this is something that you have to consider the prospects of not doing because you have no excuse.

The Gemara is teaching us that if you stand at Ocean Parkway and Kings Highway and you smile a friendly smile to people who pass by, it is better for them, better for their health, than giving them a glass of milk. It gives them a lift that milk cannot give. It makes them feel that they’re somebody. The warmth of friendship gives them such an energy, such a happiness, that it changes them from the inside out. Showing interest in a person, gives him a lift for the whole day. Milk goes into the stomach, into the bones, but a smile, an expression of interest and concern, goes all the way into the soul. It’s a burst of sunshine on a cloudy day. Much more beneficial than sunshine, because it makes a person feel like he’s on top of the world.

Suicide Prevention

It could be somebody was passing by dejected. Let’s say he has been trying to find a decent job for a long time. And meanwhile the young lady with whom he was going out finally told him that it’s all off. And now he doesn’t even have carfare to go to the bay – he’s thinking of taking a long hike down to the bay and jumping in.

And as he passes by, here’s a man. It’s you. You happen to know him and give him a friendly smile. And now the whole world becomes illuminated with sunlight. You have no idea what you have done. You have given him a new hold on life. He turns around and decides to go back and buy a copy of the newspaper and look for another job. And he starts life anew.

I’m not exaggerating. People don’t realize how neglected this great principle is, how very important is the subject we’re studying now. The next man who passes you, he’s angry at what his wife just said to him before he left the house. He’s walking in the street mumbling to himself and thinking of ways to get even. He’s thinking maybe he should catch a plane to Los Angeles. Maybe he should run away and get even with her — he’ll come back the same day of course — but whatever it is, as he’s walking and mumbling in the street he’s wallowing in his troubles. And along you come and you flash him a smile.

Smiling Instructions

Now, is it so hard to smile at others? Not really. It could be that your face is already frozen into a scowl from so many years of not practicing this Gemara. But even so, it’s not that difficult to change.

And to make it even easier, our Sages guided us. I told you before that even the easy things require some study; just to talk in general terms, it’s not enough. And so we’re fortunate that our Sages spoke about this subject.

It states in Pirkei Avos: "Shammai says, הֱוֵי מְקַבֵּל אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם בְּסֵבֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת – You should receive all people with a pleasant cast of countenance” (Avos 1:15). Shammai said only a few words, less than ten words, but it’s full of information. This maxim has at least four parts to it.

First of all, it says, “kol ha’adam — all people.” It means not only the person you like, who smiles at you. Kol ha’adam means even a nudnick, even someone you don’t like. Some people are not so pleasant. Sometimes a fellow likes to talk a lot, and you’re in a hurry to get rid of him. But still, a smile you can afford to give him. That’s the command of the Torah — you should greet every man with a pleasant cast of countenance. And so, that’s number one to think about this week: Kol ha’adam. Every person deserves from you a seiver panim yafos.

Show Your Face

Now, seiver panim yafos is three things. It says seiver and panim and yafos. It means three different things. I’ll explain that.

First of all, it includes panim. You must show your face to a person, not your ear. Panim means you show him the front of your face, not your profile.

Let’s say you walk into the house tonight and your mother says, “Hello, Chaim. Were there many people at the lecture tonight?” You’re passing by, going to your room, so without turning your head you say, “Yes, Ma. It was crowded.” That’s wrong. It says panim. It means, turn your face around.

When you come home from the Bais Yaakov, and your mother is standing in the kitchen, are you going to walk by the kitchen and just show your mother your ear? Show your face to your mother, not the back of your head. You have neck muscles. That’s what they’re for, so you should show your mother your face.

Not only in the house. When you’re passing by a Jew on the street or someone in the hall of the yeshivah, in the hall of the Bais Yaakov and the person greets you, don’t greet that person with your profile. Turn your face. That’s number one — panim. Greet people with your face.

Friendly and Pleasant

The second thing is seiver. Seiver is from the word sevara. Sevara means thought, intention. Showing your face sometimes can be as full of expression as turning the bottom of a pan toward them. You might turn your face to your mother, your sibling, your fellow Jew, but your face is deadpan. Oh, no; the face is only part of the story. There must be some expression, some interest in your face. Show you’re interested.

There must be some seiver, some thought in the face. Show that you’re thinking of that person when you look at him, that you’re interested in him. Not merely a look, a stare, a meaningless expression — put some sevara into it.

And the third part of your smile is yafos — a pleasant face! You show your face, and it’s a thoughtful face, but there’s a scowl? No. No! יָאִיר פָּנָיו! Shine your smile on him. Show him a thoughtful smile.

Selichos Smiles

Now, the Gemara says you should show white teeth. Of course, if you brush your teeth every day and you’re able to flash a white smile, that’s the best thing; but any kind of teeth are good. Even a yellow smile, a brown smile. It’s still a very great thing because any type of smile gives another person life. The warmth of friendship gives your fellow man such energy, such happiness. It makes him feel that he’s somebody. You give him a friendly smile, and the whole world becomes illuminated with sunlight. You have no idea what you have done.

And there are no excuses. It doesn’t matter if you have your own thoughts in your head, your own worries. Your face is a reshus harabim (public property); it’s affecting other people, so it’s your responsibility. Rav Yisrael Salanter related when he was a boy in the town of Salant, he once met a man on Selichos morning. Selichos in the olden days was serious business. So this man was coming from Selichos, and his face was still wet with tears. And so, when Rav Yisrael greeted him, the man barely noticed him; he was intent on his own teshuvah (repentance) thoughts. He had just finished weeping through his tefillos and he barely noticed Rav Yisrael.

Many years later, Rav Yisrael wrote in his writings: "Is it my fault that you’re a y’rei Shamayim (G-d fearing)?" That means, do I have to suffer because you’re a y’rei Shamayim (G-d fearing)? You hear that? It means that whatever you have in your heart should remain there. Could be that there are worries on your mind, but as far as your fellow Jew, it should be tzahalaso b’fanav — on your face you must show interest, and happiness.

More Than a Minhag

I’ve seen this. I’ve been in the company of very great men who practice this. I remember one of my rebbeim; he was an old man and in his heart he was mourning because he felt that his time was coming to an end and he hadn’t accomplished enough. He looked back, and he saw his misdeeds. He was considering that soon would be the day of judgement, and he was thinking about how to make amends. It was evlo b’libo, in his mind there was mourning. But even if you barged in on him while he was busy with his own thoughts, he didn’t show it! He was an oved Hashem (a servant of Hashem), and therefore, to those around him he always displayed a happy face.

And so, make it a principle of yours this week that ya’ir panav, your face should shine on people. It’s an obligation! It’s not merely some minhag it’s a mishnah said by the great Tanna’im: Greet people with a pleasant cast of countenance.

When you meet people on the street, don’t pass them by with your head down, with a hangdog look, with just the corner of your eye. You must make it your business to raise up your face and shine your countenance upon them. Practice it tonight when you get home. Practice it on your wife, or on somebody you’ll meet here in the hall outside. Practice it all week long.

So make it your principle in life, that you’re going to make everybody that you encounter impressed with your friendliness. A friendly smile, a face of שמחה is often the greatest gift you can bestow on someone else. You’re showing an interest in somebody, some concern and caring, and that’s the deepest desire of your fellowman. And it’s so easy to do. You don’t have to buy expensive milk. You don’t have drag the milk crates to the corner of Ocean Parkway.

Everybody is rich when it comes to giving out smiles. And you can live a life of success with that alone. I’m not exaggerating; that’s how important this is. Smiling at your fellow Jews is one of the greatest forms of גמילת חסדים available to you. And that’s because the best, the easiest, the most frequent, and one of the most important forms of bestowing kindness is what you do with your own countenance. And then you’ll become one of the great forces in nature that Hakodosh Boruch Hu has enlisted in His remarkable plan of showering Mankind with His happiness.