Are We Eating Yet? Making Your Pesach Night An Uplifting Experience

The Pesach Seider is often cited as the model of the quintessential educational experience as envisioned by our sages. It is interactive and stimulates all of our senses to create a profound impact on our core identities. A close look, however, reveals that the way it is currently practiced, and more significantly, the way we prepare our students for it, may actually rob it of a substantive portion of its designed effect.

משנה פסחים י׳:ד׳

(ד) מָזְגוּ לוֹ כוֹס שֵׁנִי, וְכָאן הַבֵּן שׁוֹאֵל אָבִיו, וְאִם אֵין דַּעַת בַּבֵּן, אָבִיו מְלַמְּדוֹ, מַה נִּשְׁתַּנָּה הַלַּיְלָה הַזֶּה מִכָּל הַלֵּילוֹת...

Mishnah Pesachim 10:4

(4) A second cup [of wine] would be mixed for him. And here the son asks [questions to] his father. And if the son has no understanding [in order to ask questions], his father teaches him [to ask]: "Why is this night different from all [other] nights?

The continuation of the Mishnaic description states that the father should teach his child according to the child’s ability to understand and suggests that the teaching begins with an exploration of how bad things were before they got better.

דברים כ״ו:ה׳

(ה) וְעָנִ֨יתָ וְאָמַרְתָּ֜ לִפְנֵ֣י ׀ יקוק אֱלֹקֶ֗יךָ אֲרַמִּי֙ אֹבֵ֣ד אָבִ֔י וַיֵּ֣רֶד מִצְרַ֔יְמָה וַיָּ֥גָר שָׁ֖ם בִּמְתֵ֣י מְעָ֑ט וַֽיְהִי־שָׁ֕ם לְג֥וֹי גָּד֖וֹל עָצ֥וּם וָרָֽב׃

Deuteronomy 26:5

(5) You shall then recite as follows before the LORD your God: “My father was a fugitive Aramean. He went down to Egypt with meager numbers and sojourned there; but there he became a great and very populous nation.

Let us consider what preparation this child had for this event. Was the child trained in advance to memorize a series of questions he would perform for the assembled? Apparently not, as the Mishnah seems to suggest that the questions are spontaneous. In fact, there is no fixed text for the questions the child asks, only for the father whose child has failed to notice the changes at the table…

Zvi Grumet suggests the following:
“Creating a contemporary educational program for the seider needs to focus on the parents as much as on the children, restoring the parent's role as a key transmitter of an oral tradition, and should account for the essentially non-text component of the evening. In the younger grades, model siddurim should be held for parents, and not their children. Educational packets should present parents with the tools for leading a seider which positions the children at the center of an inquisitive process directed by the parents; as their children grow, parents need to be taught how to encourage their children to ask more substantive questions.” [1]

[1] http://bit.ly/1Mcz5X5.

Rav Shimon Schwab says, “From my earliest youth, I remember that the children would ask each other on the first morning of Pesach, ‘How long did your Seider last?’ This was true in my youth and it is still the case today" (On Prayer, page 541).

If the children were to ask me this now, I would answer them, "I made sure to eat the afikoman before Chatzos (midnight)" - (ibid., page 541)

אורח חיים תע״ז:א׳

(א) דיני אכילת האפיקומן. ובו ב' סעיפים:
לאחר גמר כל הסעודה אוכלים ממצה השמורה תחת המפה כזית כל אחד זכר לפסח הנאכל על השובע ויאכלנו בהסיבה ולא יברך עליו ויהא זהיר לאכלו קודם חצות: (ויקדים עצמו שגם ההלל יקרא קודם חצות) (ר"ן פרק ע"פ וס"ב דמגילה):

Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chayim 477:1

(1) After eating the whole meal, each person eats a kezayit from the shemura matza that was wrapped up. This is done to remember the Korban Pesach which eaten on a full stomach. One should eat the afikomen reclining. Do not make a bracha on eating the afikomen. Be sure to eat the afikomen before halachic midnight. Rema: Try to finish Hallel before halachic midnight as well.

משנה ברורה תע״ז:ו׳

(ו) (ו) ויהא זהיר וכו' - שכיון שהוא זכר לפסח צריך לאכלו בזמן פסח והפסח אינו נאכל אלא עד חצות וכ"ש כזית הראשון שמברכין עליו על אכילת מצה שצריך ליזהר מאד שלא לאחרו עד חצות ובדיעבד אם איחר מסתפקים הראשונים אם יצא ידי חובתו וע"כ יאכלנו ולא יברך עליו על אכילת מצה וגם מרור אף שהוא מדרבנן יזהר לאכלו קודם חצות ואם איחר יאכלנו בלא ברכה ואם החשיך לו קודם אמירת הגדה עד סמוך לחצות יקדש וישתה כוס ראשון ויטול ידיו ויברך המוציא ועל אכילת מצה ויאכל וגם יברך על המרור תיכף קודם חצות ואח"כ יאמר הגדה ואח"כ יסעוד סעודתו [אחרונים]:

Mishnah Berurah 477:6

...

Many people are not concerned with this and eat the afikoman after chatzos [See Igros Moshe, Orach Chayim volume 5, siman 38 (8)]

קיצור שלחן ערוך קי״ח:ו׳

(ו) יָכִין מוֹשָׁבוֹ מִבְּעוֹד יוֹם בְּמַצָּעוֹת נָאִים כְּפִי יְכָלְתּוֹ, וּבְאֹפֶן שֶׁיּוּכַל לְהַטּוֹת וּלְהָסֵב בִּשְׂמֹאלוֹ. וַאֲפְלּוּ הוּא אִטֵּר, יָסֵב בַּשְּׂמֹאל שֶׁל כָּל אָדָם. גַּם אֶת הַקְּעָרָה יָכִין מִבְּעוֹד יוֹם, כְּדֵי שֶׁמִּיָּד בְּבוֹאוֹ מִבֵּית הַכְּנֶסֶת יוּכַל לַעֲשׂוֹת אֶת הַסֵּדֶר בְּלִי עִכּוּב.

Kitzur Shulchan Arukh 118:6

(6) You should prepare your seat [at the table] while it is still daytime, with the nicest pillows you can afford, placing them in such a way that you can recline and lean on the left side. Even a left-handed person should recline on the left side. You should also prepare the seder plate while it is still day, in order that immediately on returning home from the synagogue you can begin the seder without delay.

משנה ברורה תע״ב:ה׳

(ה) (ה) עד שתחשך - ר"ל לאחר צאת הכוכבים ולא בין השמשות:

Mishnah Berurah 472:5

...

משנה ברורה תע״ב:ב׳

(ב) (ב) בבית המדרש - ר"ל שעוסק בלמודו וה"ה לענין תפלה צריך לזרז עצמו לקרות ק"ש ולהתפלל ולילך תיכף לביתו:

Mishnah Berurah 472:2

...

According to some poskim, even the recitation of Hallel should be completed before chatzos (Rav Schwab on Prayer, page 541)

אורח חיים תע״ז:א׳

Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chayim 477:1

I must point out that the present - day practice which all the children read from their sheets which they received in schools is not exactly in accordance with the mitzvah of, ‘You shall tell to your children,’ etc (Rav Schwab on Prayer, page 541)

שמות י״ג:ח׳

(ח) וְהִגַּדְתָּ֣ לְבִנְךָ֔ בַּיּ֥וֹם הַה֖וּא לֵאמֹ֑ר בַּעֲב֣וּר זֶ֗ה עָשָׂ֤ה יקוק לִ֔י בְּצֵאתִ֖י מִמִּצְרָֽיִם׃

Exodus 13:8

(8) And you shall explain to your child on that day, ‘It is because of what יקוק did for me when I went free from Egypt.’

The children have started a new mitzvah of, ‘You shall teach your father and mother,' which makes it extremely difficult to reach the mitzvah of achilas matzah - and certainly the afikoman - before chatzos (Rav Schwab on Prayer, page 541).

Rather than discourage the children from actively participating, they should keep their remarks brief so that the father or another leader of the Seider, can read the text of the Haggadah and explain the nissim of yetzias Mitzrayim (Ibid., page 541)

In 2010, Rav Hershel Schachter took a strong stand regarding teaching children the simple understanding of the Haggadah Shel Pesach. He said the following, “I think that that’s a major problem,” said Rav Schachter. “[At] all the different yeshivos and all the day schools, the rabbeim a lot of times teach the children gematrios and roshei teivos and pshetlach and vehi shemada…[that] it means this and it means that. They don’t tell them the poshut p’shat. I think it is a problem with Chumash as well…they teach all the children p’shetlach on all the pesukim.
I think we should try to straighten out the yeshivos and the chinuch, and the day schools… should teach the poshut pshat, without the gematrios and without the roshei teivos. They should know what the pirush hamillos is. We shouldn’t have the children eat up so much time with all these roshei teivos and p’shetlach. And then we finish the Afikoman after chatzos and we finish the Arbah Kosos after chatzos. They should be trained to say over the poshut p’shat” .

אורח חיים תע״ב:א׳

דיני הסיבה וארבע כוסות. ובו טז סעיפים:
יהיה שלחנו ערוך מבעוד יום כדי לאכול מיד כשתחשך ואף אם הוא בבית המדרש יקום מפני שמצוה למהר ולאכול בשביל התינוקו' שלא ישנו אבל לא יאמר קידוש עד שתחשך:

Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chayim 472:1

...Your table should be set from the daytime, in order to eat right away when it becomes dark; And even if he is in the Bet Midrash, he should leave because it is a commandment to hurry and eat (at the seder) for the children who may fall asleep, but a person should not recite Kiddush until it gets dark.

משנה ברורה תע״ב:ג׳

(ג) (ג) שמצוה למהר ולאכול וכו' - ר"ל לזרז לעשות הסדר כדי שלא יישנו התינוקות כשידעו שלא ישתהה הרבה עד האכילה וממילא ישאלו מה נשתנה וישיב להם ויקיים מה שכתוב והגדת לבנך ביום ההוא:

Mishnah Berurah 472:3

(3) There is a mitzvah to hurry to eat etc...Meaning, you must be careful to perform the Seder (timely) is that the children don't go to sleep waiting for the meal to start. They need to ask the questions, and you need to answer them to fulfill the commandment of "You will tell your children on that day".

[see sha’ar hatziyon #2]

However, the children should be encouraged to say their divrei Torah during the meal (i.e. shulchan orech) [Rav Schwab on Prayer, page 541]

Dr. David Lieberman says that people are generally more open and easy going with a speaker when they have a full belly.

If there is time or otherwise, during the daytime meals of Yom Tov (Rav Schwab on Prayer, page 541)

תלמוד ירושלמי שבת ט״ו:ג׳:ב׳

הלכה: ג׳. רִבִּי בְּרֶכְיָה בְשֵׁם רִבִּי חִייָא בַּר בָּא. לֹא נִיתְנוּ שַׁבָּתוֹת וְיָמִים טוֹבִים אֶלָּא לַעֲסוֹק בָּהֶן בְּדִבְרֵי תוֹרָה.

Jerusalem Talmud Shabbat 15:3:2

HALAKHAH: 3. Rebbi Berekhiah in the name of Rebbi Ḥiyya bar Abba: Sabbaths and holidays were given only for being occupied with words of the Torah.

On Seider night it’s a mitzvas asei d’Oreisa to retell to one’s children the events surrounding yetzias Mitzrayim… The saying of so-called “gute vertluch,” good, short pieces of Torah, is very nice, but if these are not details of the narrative of yetzias Mitzrayim – or its meaning and message – they are not a part of this mitzvah. On Seider night, children are encouraged to ask any question relevant to yetzias Mitzrayim and the father has a special mitzvah d’Oreisa to respond to these questions and tell his children about the miracles HaKadosh Baruch Hu did for us…” (Rav Schwab on Prayer, page 541)

פסחים קט״ז א:ז׳

וּלְפִי דַּעְתּוֹ שֶׁל בֵּן אָבִיו מְלַמְּדוֹ. מַתְחִיל בִּגְנוּת וּמְסַיֵּים בְּשֶׁבַח. וְדוֹרֵשׁ מֵ״אֲרַמִּי אוֹבֵד אָבִי״, עַד שֶׁיִּגְמוֹר כׇּל הַפָּרָשָׁה כּוּלָּהּ.

Pesachim 116a:7

And according to the intelligence and the ability of the son, his father teaches him about the Exodus. When teaching his son about the Exodus. He begins with the Jewish people’s disgrace and concludes with their glory. And he expounds from the passage: “An Aramean tried to destroy my father” (Deuteronomy 26:5), the declaration one recites when presenting his first fruits at the Temple, until he concludes explaining the entire section.

משנה תורה, הלכות חמץ ומצה ז׳:א׳

מִצְוַת עֲשֵׂה שֶׁל תּוֹרָה לְסַפֵּר בְּנִסִּים וְנִפְלָאוֹת שֶׁנַּעֲשׂוּ לַאֲבוֹתֵינוּ בְּמִצְרַיִם בְּלֵיל חֲמִשָּׁה עָשָׂר בְּנִיסָן שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמות יג ג) "זָכוֹר אֶת הַיּוֹם הַזֶּה אֲשֶׁר יְצָאתֶם מִמִּצְרַיִם" כְּמוֹ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמות כ ח) "זָכוֹר אֶת יוֹם הַשַּׁבָּת". וּמִנַּיִן שֶׁבְּלֵיל חֲמִשָּׁה עָשָׂר תַּלְמוּד לוֹמַר (שמות יג ח) "וְהִגַּדְתָּ לְבִנְךָ בַּיּוֹם הַהוּא לֵאמֹר בַּעֲבוּר זֶה" בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁיֵּשׁ מַצָּה וּמָרוֹר מֻנָּחִים לְפָנֶיךָ. וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ בֵּן. אֲפִלּוּ חֲכָמִים גְּדוֹלִים חַיָּבִים לְסַפֵּר בִּיצִיאַת מִצְרִים וְכָל הַמַּאֲרִיךְ בִּדְבָרִים שֶׁאֵרְעוּ וְשֶׁהָיוּ הֲרֵי זֶה מְשֻׁבָּח:

Mishneh Torah, Leavened and Unleavened Bread 7:1

According to a biblical positive command, we must tell on the night preceding the fifteenth day of Nisan all about the miracles and wonders that were performed for our forefathers in Egypt. As it is stated (Exodus 13:3), "Remember this day that you went out of Egypt"; just as it is stated (Exodus 20:8), "Remember the day of the Shabbat." And from where [do we know] that [the remembering] is on the night of the fifteenth? [Hence,] we learn to say (Exodus 13:8), "And you shall recount to your son on that day, saying, 'Because of this'" - at the time that there is matsa and bitter herbs (being 'this') laying in front of you. And [this is the case] even though he does not have a son. Even great scholars are required to tell about the exodus from Egypt. Anyone who relates at length about the events that occurred deserves praise.

משנה תורה, הלכות חמץ ומצה ז׳:ב׳

מִצְוָה לְהוֹדִיעַ לַבָּנִים וַאֲפִלּוּ לֹא שָׁאֲלוּ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמות יג ח) "וְהִגַּדְתָּ לְבִנְךָ". לְפִי דַּעְתּוֹ שֶׁל בֵּן אָבִיו מְלַמְּדוֹ. כֵּיצַד. אִם הָיָה קָטָן אוֹ טִפֵּשׁ אוֹמֵר לוֹ בְּנִי כֻּלָּנוּ הָיִינוּ עֲבָדִים כְּמוֹ שִׁפְחָה זוֹ אוֹ כְּמוֹ עֶבֶד זֶה בְּמִצְרַיִם וּבַלַּיְלָה הַזֶּה פָּדָה אוֹתָנוּ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא וַיּוֹצִיאֵנוּ לְחֵרוּת. וְאִם הָיָה הַבֵּן גָּדוֹל וְחָכָם מוֹדִיעוֹ מַה שֶּׁאֵרַע לָנוּ בְּמִצְרַיִם וְנִסִּים שֶׁנַּעֲשׂוּ לָנוּ עַל יְדֵי משֶׁה רַבֵּנוּ הַכֹּל לְפִי דַּעְתּוֹ שֶׁל בֵּן:

Mishneh Torah, Leavened and Unleavened Bread 7:2

It is one's duty to inform the children even if they ask no questions, as it is written: "You shall tell your son" (Exodus 13:8). The father should instruct his son according to the child's understanding. For example, he should say to one small or foolish: "My son, all of us were slaves in Egypt, like this maidservant or like this manservant, and on this night God redeemed and liberated us." If the son is grown up and intelligent, he should inform him about everything that happened to us in Egypt, and about the miracles that were wrought for us by our teacher Moses; all in accordance with the son's understanding.

משנה תורה, מצוות עשה קנ״ז

לספר ביציאת מצריים בלילה הראשון של חג המצות, שנאמר: "והגדת לבנך" (שמות יג,ח).

Mishneh Torah, Positive Mitzvot 157

To discourse concerning the departure from Egypt on the first night of the Feast of Passover, as it is said, “And thou shalt tell thy son on that day, saying….” (Ex. 13:8).

With Hashem’s help, may we merit to fulfill the mitzvah of recounting the story of the Exodus in the proper fashion.