Havdala For Women

This Week's in Hilchos Shabbos Review: Havdala For Women

Opinion #1- Women are obligated in the mitzva of Havdala:

The first opinion rules that women are obligated in the mitzva of Havdala. Although reciting Havdala is a positive, time-bound mitzva, women are still obligated, because it is a “Shabbos mitzva” and is therefore linked to the thirty-nine melachos of Shabbos (like the mitzva of Kiddush).

Opinion #2- Women are exempt from the mitzva of Havdala:

The second opinion rules that women are exempt from the mitzva of Havdala. This opinion argues that only mitzvos that take place during Shabbos, such as the mitzva of Kiddush, can be linked to the mitzvos lo sa’aseh of Shabbos. Havdala which takes place after Shabbos has already ended cannot be considered a “Shabbos mitzva” and therefore cannot be linked to the mitzvos lo sa’aseh of Shabbos. As a result, Havdala remains a positive, time-bound mitzva, which women are generally exempt from performing.

Is it permissible for a woman to recite her own Havdala?

Based on these two opinions the authorities discuss whether a woman may recite her own Havdala. There are two opinions:

1. The opinion of the Rema.

The Rema writes that a woman may not recite her own Havdala, but instead should make sure to hear it recited by a man. He explains that since, as we discussed, it is uncertain whether a woman is obligated to recite Havdala, she must follow the stringencies of both opinions. Meaning, although a woman must be careful to fulfill the mitzva of Havdala to comply with the first opinion, she should nevertheless not recite it on her own. Since according to the second opinion she is not obligated in the mitzva of Havdala, reciting the beracha of Havdala would be a beracha levatala (a blessing made in vain). The Rema therefore rules that a woman may not recite her own Havdala, but rather must make sure to hear it recited by a man.

2. The opinion of the other authorities.

The Mishna Berura cites other authorities that rule that it is permissible for women to recite Havdala on their own. They argue that even according to the second opinion that women are indeed exempt from performing Havdalah, a woman may nevertheless choose to perform the mitzvah and recite the berachos. This is because although women are exempt from mitzvos aseh she’hazman grama, a woman may take upon herself to perform these mitzvos and may even recite a beracha when performing them. For example:
• Although women are exempt from the mitzva of lulav and esrog, as they are positive, time-bound mitzvos, a woman may perform the mitzva of lulav and esrog, and even recite the beracha when performing the mitzva.
• Although women are exempt from the positive, time-bound mitzva of shofar, a woman may perform the mitzva of shofar, and even recite the beracha when performing the mitzva.

Accordingly, these poskim rule that a woman may choose to recite Havdalah and recite the berachos, even if they are indeed exempt from the mitzvah. The Mishna Berura concludes that the halacha follows these poskim, and therefore it is permitted for a women to recite Havdala on her own. In fact, if a woman cannot hear Havdala recited by a man she is required to recite Havdala on her own to comply with the opinions that rule that women are indeed obligated in Havdala.

A woman drinking the wine of Havdala
Although we have concluded that it is halachically permissible for a woman to recite Havdala, the poskim write that according to Kabbala there is an issue with a woman drinking from the wine of Havdala.

The Mishna Berura wonders, how is it ever permissible for a woman to recite Havdala on her own if the custom is for women to refrain from drinking the wine of Havdala? Even if it is halachically permitted for a woman to recite her own Havdala, wouldn’t it still be inadvisable to drink the Havdala wine based on this kabbalistic concern?

Therefore, the Mishna Berura explains that a woman should always try to listen to a man reciting Havdala so that she can avoid drinking the Havdala wine. However, if a woman finds herself in a situation where she is unable to listen to a man reciting Havdala, she must recite her own Havdala and drink the wine. Since the only way for her to fulfill her obligation of Havdala is by reciting it on her own, she must do so – even if it means overriding this kabbalistic concern. Accordingly, as we discussed earlier, if a woman is not able to listen to Havdala recited by a man, she must recite Havdala on her own, and drink the wine herself.

Listening to Havdala over the Telephone

The majority of poskim rule that one may not fulfill the obligation of Havdala by listening to it recited over the telephone. Rav Yaakov Kamenetzky writes, “A woman may not fulfill her obligation of Havdala over the telephone, since it is not the actual voice of the one reciting Havdala.” However, Rav Moshe Feinstein ruled that if a woman is in a situation where it is impossible to hear Havdala (or recite it on her own), she should listen to Havdala over the telephone.

To Summarize
There is a dispute among the poskim whether women are obligated in the mitzva of Havdala. A woman must follow the stringent opinion and fulfill the mitzva of Havdalah. A woman may recite Havdala on her own.

However, due to a kabbalistic reason, women refrain from drinking the wine of Havdala. Therefore, to avoid drinking from the Havdala wine a woman should try to listen to a man recite Havdala. However, if a woman is in a situation where she cannot listen to a man recite Havdala, she must recite Havdala on her own and drink the Havdala wine.

Eating and Performing Melacha before Havdala
A woman waiting for her husband to arrive home from shul must also be aware of the halachos of eating and performing melacha before fulfilling the mitzva of Havdala.

Eating before Havdala
The Shulchan Aruch rules that once the time to recite Havdala arrives, it is prohibited to eat or drink anything (besides water) before fulfilling the mitzva of Havdala. The first thing that one should perform immediately after Shabbos ends is recite Havdala, therefore Chazal instituted that once it turns dark (and one’s obligation to recite Havdala begins), one may not eat or drink before fulfilling the mitzva of Havdala. Accordingly, a woman who is waiting for her husband to recite Havdala may not eat or drink until she hears or recites it.

Performing melacha before Havdala
The Shulchan Aruch rules that it is prohibited to perform any melacha until one recites Havdala. The Mishna Berura adds that this includes performing any prohibited activity whether it is forbidden mid’Oraisa or mid’Rabbanan.

The Shulchan Aruch adds, that one may begin performing melacha before reciting Havdala in one of the following two ways:

1. By reciting “Ata chonantanu” when davening ma’ariv.
2. By saying “Baruch hamavdil bein kodesh l’chol.”

The Mishna Berura explains that reciting these phrase serves as a recognition of the fact that Shabbos has ended, and by doing so one “escorts” the Shabbos out. Therefore, after one has escorted the Shabbos, he may begin performing melacha.

Accordingly, the Rema writes that “one should be careful to tell the women (who are waiting for their husbands to recite Havdala) that they may begin performing melacha only after [tzeis hakochavim (halachic nightfall) has arrived and] reciting “Baruch hamavdil bein kodesh l’chol.” The Mishna Beruraemphasizes that reciting these phrases one permits performing melacha after Shabbos has

Gazing at one’s fingernails during the beracha of Borei Me’orei ha’Eish

The Shulchan Aruch writes that when reciting the beracha of borei me’orei ha’eish over the Havdala candle the custom is to look at one’s fingernails. The Mishna Berura explains that this is because one must derive enough benefit from the light of the Havdala candle that he can differentiate between two different objects. We look at our fingernails to determine whether there is enough light to differentiate between our fingernails and the skin that surrounds them.

The poskim question why the custom is to specifically use one’s fingernails as the indicator and not a different object. There are two reasons given:

1. The Mishna Berura explains that because fingernails are always growing and multiplying, we look at our fingernails in the beginning of the week as a good sign.
2. The Pri Megadim explains that Chazal teach us that before Adam haRishon sinned his entire body was covered with the material of fingernails. When he sinned, this material contracted to cover only the ends of his fingers, and the rest of his body was covered by skin. To remember the sin of Adam we look at our fingernails during Havdala.

Should women gaze at their fingernails during Havdala?

The Ketzos haShulchan writes “I have noticed that women do not gaze at their fingernails when the beracha of borei me’orei ha’eish is recited over the Havdala candle, and I wonder this is so? Perhaps the reason for this is because, according to the Pri Megadim we look at our fingernails in order to remember the sin of Adam, women do not partake in this custom since it was Chava who caused Adam to sin.”

The majority of poskim do not agree with the explanation of the Ketzos haShulchan. They rule that women too should adhere to this custom and look at their fingernails when the beracha of borei me’orei ha’eish is recited. This seems to be the accepted practice among women nowadays.

Rav Shimshon Pincus (Nefesh Chaya, p.45) gives a deeper understanding as to why women are exempt from positive, time-bound mitzvos:

The uniqueness of women and their approach to getting close to haKadosh baruch Hu differs from that of a man. The Jewish man can be compared to the sun, which constantly needs to generate its own energy in order to produce light. A Jewish man must perform all the mitzvos of the Torah in order to produce his spiritual energy.

The Jewish woman, however, can be compared to the moon, which produces light by means of reflection. A Jewish woman can produce spiritual energy by reflecting the spiritual light of G-d. Therefore, a Jewish woman does not need to perform all the mitzvos of the Torah in order to produce spiritual light. As long as she makes sure she is pure enough to reflect the spiritual light of haKadosh baruch Hu, she can produce the same light as man without needing to perform all the mitzvos of the Torah