According to all the standards we employ...the aged person is condemned as inferior... Conditioned to operating as a machine for making and spending money, with all other relationships dependent upon its efficiency, the moment the machine is out of order and beyond repair, one begins to feel like a ghost without a sense of reality... Regarding himself as a person who has outlived his usefulness, he feels as if he has to apologize for being alive.
May I suggest that man’s potential for change and growth is much greater than we are willing to admit, and that old age be regarded not as the age of stagnation but as the age of opportunities for inner growth.
The years of old age...are indeed formative years, rich in possibilities to unlearn the follies of a lifetime, to see through inbred self-deceptions, to deepen understanding and compassion, to widen the horizon of honesty, to refine the sense of fairness.
Perhaps this is the must urgent task: to save the inner man from oblvion, to remind ourselves we are duality of mysterious grandeur and the pompous dust. Our future depends upon our appreciation of the reality of the inner life, of the splendor of thoughts, of the dignity of wonder of reverence. This is the most important thought: God has a stake in the life of man, of every man. But the idea cannot be imposed from without; ever man must discover it; it cannot be preached, it must be experienced.
And when we speak of joy here, we are not speaking of fun. Joy is a deep release of the soul, and it includes death and pain. Joy is any feeling fully felt, any experience we give our whole being to. We are conditioned to choose pleasure and to reject pain, but the truth is, any moment of our life fully inhabited, any feeling fully felt, any immersion in the full depth of life, can be the source of deep joy.
The only way death is not meaningless is to see yourself as part of something greater: a family, a community, a society. If you don’t, mortality is only a horror. But if you do, it is not. Loyalty, said Royce, “solves the paradox of our ordinary existence by showing us outside of ourselves the cause which is to be served, and inside of ourselves the will which delights to do this service, and which is not thwarted but enriched and expressed in such service.” In more recent times, psychologists have used the term “transcendence” for a version of this idea. Above the level of self-actualization in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, they suggest the existence in people of a transcendent desire to see and help other beings achieve their potential.”
(1) So appreciate your vigor in the days of your youth, before those days of sorrow come and those years arrive of which you will say, “I have no pleasure in them”; (2) before sun and light and moon and stars grow dark, and the clouds come back again after the rain:
(3) When the guards of the house I.e., the arms. become shaky,
And the men of valorc I.e., the legs. are bent,
And the maids that grind I.e., the teeth. grown few, are idle,
And the ladies that peer through the windows I.e., the eyes. grow dim,
(4) And the doors to the street I.e., the ears. are shut—
With the noise of the hand mill growing fainter,
And the song of the bird growing feebler,
And all the strains of music dying down
(5) When one is afraid of heights
And there is terror on the road.—
For the almond tree may blossom,
The grasshopper be burdened,
And the caper bush may bud again
These plants, after seeming dead for part of the year, revive, unlike man
But man sets out for his eternal abode,
With mourners all around in the street.— (6) Before the silver cord snaps
And the golden bowl crashes,
The jar is shattered at the spring,
And the jug is smashed at the cistern.
(7) And the dust returns to the ground
As it was,
And the lifebreath returns to God
Who bestowed it. (8) Utter futility—said Koheleth—
All is futile!
When you are young and healthy, you believe you will live forever. You do not worry about losing any of your capabilities. People tell you “the world is your oyster,” “the sky is the limit,” and so on. And you are willing to delay gratification—to invest years, for example, in gaining skills and resources for a brighter future. You seek to plug into bigger streams of knowledge and information. You widen your networks of friends and connections, instead of hanging out with your mother. When horizons are measured in decades, which might as well be infinity to human beings, you most desire all that stuff at the top of Maslow’s pyramid—achievement, creativity, and other attributes of “self-actualization.” But as your horizons contract—when you see the future ahead of you as finite and uncertain—your focus shifts to the here and now, to everyday pleasures and the people closest to you.
(יב) כַּבֵּ֥ד אֶת־אָבִ֖יךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּ֑ךָ לְמַ֙עַן֙ יַאֲרִכ֣וּן יָמֶ֔יךָ עַ֚ל הָאֲדָמָ֔ה אֲשֶׁר־יי אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ נֹתֵ֥ן לָֽךְ׃ (ס)
Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long upon the land which Adonai your God has given you.
(ג) הַנּוֹתֵן לְבָנָיו וּבְנוֹתָיו הַגְדוֹלִים, שֶׁאֵינוֹ חַיָּב בִּמְזוֹנוֹתֵיהֶם, כְּדֵי לְלַמֵּד אֶת הַבָּנִים תּוֹרָה וּלְהַנְהִיג הַבָּנוֹת בְּדֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה, וְכֵן הַנּוֹתֵן מַתָּנוֹת לְאָבִיו וְהֵם צְרִיכִים לָהֶם, הֲרֵי זֶה בִּכְלַל צְדָקָה. וְלֹא עוֹד אֶלָא שֶׁצָּרִיךְ לְהַקְדִּימוֹ לַאֲחֵרִים. וַאֲפִלוּ אֵינוֹ בְּנוֹ וְלֹא אָבִיו, אֶלָא קְרוֹבוֹ, צָרִיךְ לְהַקְדִּימוֹ לְכָל אָדָם. וְאָחִיו מֵאָבִיו, קוֹדֵם לְאָחִיו מֵאִמּוֹ. וַעֲנִיֵּי בֵּיתוֹ קוֹדְמִין לַעֲנִיֵּי עִירוֹ, וַעֲנִיֵּי עִירוֹ קוֹדְמִין לַעֲנִיֵּי עִיר אַחֶרֶת.
וְיוֹשְׁבֵי אֶרֶץ יִשְׂרָאֵל קוֹדְמִין לְיוֹשְׁבֵי חוּצָה לָאָרֶץ. הַגָּה: פַּרְנָסַת עַצְמוֹ קוֹדֶמֶת לְכָל אָדָם, וְאֵינוֹ חַיָּב לָתֵת צְדָקָה עַד שֶׁיִּהְיֶה לוֹ פַּרְנָסָתוֹ, וְאַחַר כָּךְ יַקְדִּים פַּרְנָסַת אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ, אִם הֵם עֲנִיִּים, וְהֵם קוֹדְמִים לְפַרְנָסַת בָּנָיו. וְאַחַר כָּךְ בָּנָיו, וְהֵם קוֹדְמִים לְאֶחָיו, וְהֵם קוֹדְמִים לִשְׁאָר קְרוֹבִים, וְהַקְּרוֹבִים קוֹדְמִים לִשְׁכֵנָיו, וּשְׁכֵנָיו לְאַנְשֵׁי עִירוֹ, וְאַנְשֵׁי עִירוֹ לְעִיר אַחֶרֶת. וְהוּא הַדִּין אִם הָיוּ שְׁבוּיִים וְצָרִיךְ לִפְדּוֹתָן. (הַכֹּל בַּטּוּר).
This is the language of the Rambam and the Tur and the Shulchan Aruch: One gives to their adult sons and daughters, even if one is not obligated to feed them, in order to teach them Torah and train them to act in a righteous manner. And similarly, if one gives a present to their parents and they need [the gift], this is in the category of tzedakah. Furthermore, one must prioritize their parents over other people, and this is true for [prioritizing] other relatives as well. Even if [the relative] is not your child, nor are you their parent, but just another relative, you must prioritize them before any other person. And your sibling from your father’s side precedes your sibling from your mother, and the poor of your house precede the poor of your city, and the poor of your city precede the poor of another city - until here are their words. And the poor of your city are those who reside in your city. Those poor who come to your city from another city - they are considered the poor of another city even though they are currently with you, but many disagree with this. [Translation by AJWS]
Ḥoni went home and said to the members of the household: Is the son of Ḥoni HaMe’aggel alive? They said to him: His son is no longer with us, but his son’s son is alive. He said to them: I am Ḥoni HaMe’aggel. They did not believe him. He went to the study hall, where he heard the Sages say about one scholar: His halakhot are as enlightening and as clear as in the years of Ḥoni HaMe’aggel, for when Ḥoni HaMe’aggel would enter the study hall he would resolve for the Sages any difficulty they had. Ḥoni said to them: I am he, but they did not believe him and did not pay him proper respect. Ḥoni became very upset, prayed for mercy, and died. Rava said: This explains the folk saying that people say: Either friendship or death, as one who has no friends is better off dead.
וְהוֹכִחַ אַבְרָהָם אֶת אֲבִימֶלֶךְ וגו' (בראשית כא, כה), אָמַר רַבִּי יוֹסֵי בַּר חֲנִינָא הַתּוֹכַחַת מְבִיאָה לִידֵי אַהֲבָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (משלי ט, ח): הוֹכַח לְחָכָם וְיֶאֱהָבֶךָּ, הִיא דַּעְתֵּיהּ דְּרַבִּי יוֹסֵי בַּר חֲנִינָא דְּאָמַר כָּל אַהֲבָה שֶׁאֵין עִמָּהּ תּוֹכָחָה אֵינָהּ אַהֲבָה. אָמַר רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ תּוֹכָחָה מְבִיאָה לִידֵי שָׁלוֹם, וְהוֹכִחַ אַבְרָהָם אֶת אֲבִימֶלֶךְ, הִיא דַּעְתֵּיהּ דְּאָמַר כָּל שָׁלוֹם שֶׁאֵין עִמּוֹ תּוֹכָחָה אֵינוֹ שָׁלוֹם.
“Abraham said: I will swear” (Genesis 21:24).
“Abraham reprimanded Avimelekh regarding the well of water that Avimelekh's servants had stolen” (Genesis 21:25).
“Abraham reprimanded Avimelekh…” – Rabbi Yosei bar Ḥanina said: Reprimand leads to love, as it is stated: “Rebuke a wise person, and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8). This is consistent with [another] opinion of Rabbi Yosei bar Ḥanina, as he said: Any love that is not accompanied by reprimand is not [true] love.
Reish Lakish said: Reprimand leads to peace – “Abraham reprimanded Avimelekh.” This is consistent with [another] opinion of his, as he said: Any peace that is not accompanied by reprimand is not [true] peace.