Everybody knows that Yaakov Avinu on his way to Padan Aram had a dream. He dreamed of malachei Elokim ascending a ladder, עֹלִים וְיֹרְדִים בּוֹ, going up on a ladder and coming down.
Many years later when he was leaving the house of Lavan with his family, he encountered a machaneh Elokim, a company of malachim. A remarkable thing. In the dream that he had before he came to Lavan, he only dreamed about seeing malachei Elokim. He didn’t see any malachim, it was only a dream. On the way going away from Lavan he encountered malachim, he saw them. וַיֹּאמֶר יַעֲקֹב כַּאֲשֶׁר רָאָם מַחֲנֵה אֱלֹקִים זֶה, this is the camp of Elokim. He saw the malachim with his eyes.
Bereishis 5782 – The Marriage Bond
https://torasavigdor.org/parshah-booklets/bereishis-5782/
Love is not the criterion of behavior in marriage. Love should be a result, but the criterion is loyalty.
So the attitude of Torah – not only Torah; lehavdil decent gentiles once upon a time in their wedding ceremony used to say, “Do you take this person for better or for worse?” and they said, “I do.” And we, lehavdil, surely do that!
Like I said, ודבק – loyalty has to be the criteria. And forget about love. Of course it’s a duty; ואהבת לרעך כמוך – you have to love every fellow Jew. And those people with whom you are frequently in contact, certainly! And there are very many reasons why a woman and a husband should love each other more than strangers do. Of course, you can never forget the fundamental duty to love a fellow Jew. You must love a fellow Jew!
But no matter what, even if romance long ago flew out of the window – and it does fly out immediately; of course, because it’s a false concept – nevertheless loyalty takes its place through thick and thin.
Here I see in the street a fat husband waddling down the street and a fat wife next to him. They’re middle aged. Nothing romantic. But they’re loyal to each other. They’re married and they’re going to stick together. They’ll be buried side by side. Nothing lovable anymore. I look at them – I couldn’t imagine any romance between them. It’s long past that age. And still they’re intensely loyal to each other. If he would have a nervous breakdown, she would nurse him. She wouldn’t send him away to the insane asylum. If she’d be old and decrepit, he’d push her in a wheelchair.
Don’t you see an old man pushing an old woman in a wheelchair loyally? He doesn’t say, “I’m going to get rid of her. She’s too much of a bother.”
Here’s an old husband; he’s in diapers. He’s senile. But his wife is loyal to him till the end. She changes his diapers every day five or six times. Because she married him and she’s going to remain with him til the last minute and she’s going to the next world and be side by side with him in Olam Haboh.
And that’s the ideal of a marriage. It’s not built on romance. It’s not built on any ideas of a Prince Charming or a princess. It’s built on the idea of ודבק, loyalty. You’re together forever. It’s like part of your body. You’re not going to say goodbye to part of your body because it’s not as good as it used to be. You may have an old hand or even an old heart. You’ll hold onto it as long as you can
He Loves the Loyal
Q:
When we lain Rus on Shavuos what’s one of the lessons we should learn from that story?
A:
We learn how great is the middah of loyalty. Here’s a strange situation. There’s a Jewish woman, Naomi, whose husband decided to go away from Eretz Yehuda because there was a famine. And so they went to Eretz Moav to wait until the famine would end in Eretz Yehuda.
In the meantime, the husband died and you know, when the father dies, it’s like a sefer where one of the covers falls off. The cover falls off, so the pages start falling out too. So now his two sons took gentile wives.
And finally Hakodosh Boruch Hu took away the two sons because they married gentile women and they died and now she was left alone with those two women.
Then she heard that in Eretz Yehuda כִּי פָקַד ה׳ אֶת עַמּוֹ – that Hashem had pity on His people, לָתֵת לָהֶם לָחֶם – He gave them food once more (1:6). So she said, “I’m going back to Yehuda.”
Everybody knows the story, how these two young women were so much in love with her that they said, “We’re going with you.” And they both set out together to join her.
And she said, “Please, don’t go with me. Stay here. It won’t be good for you. You’ll be strangers. Go back to your people, to your father and mother. Stay here in Moav.”
But they didn’t want to listen. And as they walked on the road, Naomi was begging them to go back and she was arguing with them. You can picture that.
Nobody was present except Hakodosh Boruch Hu and He was watching the proceedings. These three lonely women were on the country road, and Hakodosh Boruch Hu was listening. And finally Orpah broke down and she wept and she kissed Naomi and she turned back to Midyan.
Then Naomi turned to Rus and said, “Look what the other one did. You do the same. Go back home.”
And Rus said, “Nothing doing. Nothing doing!”
And Naomi starts begging her. Rus says, “Nothing doing! אֲשֶׁר תֵּלְכִי אֵלֵךְ – wherever you go I’m going to go, בַּאֲשֶׁר תָּמוּתִי אָמוּת – I’ll die wherever you die, עַמֵּךְ עַמִּי – your people will be my people!”
When Hakodosh Boruch Hu saw that Rus was exercising her free will, her bechirah in the middah of ne’emanus, of emunah, loyalty, that she wanted to stay together with Naomi no matter what, so Hakodosh Boruch Hu pushed her tongue to say one more thing. And she added, “וֵאלֹקַיִךְ אֱלֹקָי – Your G-d is my G-d.” Ooh wah! That’s already something else! That was siyata diShmaya. Hashem said, “I’m going to give you a gift,” and her tongue said these words. That was Hashem’s gift to Rus, her schar for being a ne’eman, for being loyal.
And we know what happened. When Moshiach will come, he won’t deny that he came from his Bubbeh Rus.
And it’s only because of the middah of loyalty that she was zocheh to it. That’s a big lesson for us, that Hashem loves those who are loyal. That’s why we say those words in the Akdamos on Shavuos: בְּרַם בְּאֶמְתָנוּתָא - but because of our emunah. Hakodosh Boruch Hu despite everything, because of our emunah, that’s why sof kol sof He’s going to give us all the things. He’s describing Olam Habo, the happiness of the tzaddikim in Olam Habo, and he says, בְּרַם בְּאֶמְתָנוּתָא – it’s all because of emunah, תְּקוֹף הֵמָנוּתָא – because of the strength of their loyalty.
We have to know that this is the middah because of which the Am Yisroel is a nation forever. We belong to Hashem forever. וְאַתֶּם הַדְּבֵקִים בַּה׳ אֱלֹקֵיכֶם – because you’re loyal to Me, because you’ll stick to Me, חַיִּים כֻּלְּכֶם הַיּוֹם – you’ll be forever. It’s a covenant, a bris Hashem made. If you’re daveik in me, then just as I am forever, then you’ll be forever too. Because of your loyalty to Me, because you never forget what happened that day at Har Sinai when you became My people forever, that’s why you will all be with Me forever – in this world and the next.