...it was the bat mitzvah ceremony, which began to develop in the early twentieth century, that blazed the trail to equality. In the wake of the first bat mitzvah ceremony, there followed egalitarian weddings and naming ceremonies for daughters (together with the addition of spiritual components to the circumcision ceremony for male infants). This egalitarian consciousness paved the way for the creation of hundreds of new ceremonies which express the feminist desire for cultural equality, reflect the female life cycle and have no precedent in normative halakhah. These ceremonies deal mostly with various aspects of women’s lives and bodies. They may involve purification after rape, sexual exploitation or sexual harassment, or celebrate menarche, conception, birth and menopause. Most of the new ceremonies are based in one way or another upon female traditions, such as preparation ceremonies for a wedding, fertility rituals or ceremonies that marked old age and the anticipation of death, which existed on the fringes of masculine culture.
For orthodox women, menopause means saying good-bye to the monthly ritual of mikvah. I know some women who still cry because they miss this private reminder of their youth. But most find a new closeness with their husbands now that there are no restrictions on their monthly time together. True, there is no more “honeymoon” period, that special joy that comes from being apart for twelve days a month and then coming together again. But after a lifetime of the monthly breaks, maybe the spiritual opposite of being in a constant state of togetherness is G‑d ’s way of saying, you and your husband finally have enough experience with each other – you’ve earned the wisdom to handle it.
(ג) שָׁמַע שְׁמוּעָה טוֹבָה מְבָרֵךְ בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה יְיָ׳ אֱלֹקֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם הַטּוֹב וְהַמֵּטִיב. שָׁמַע שְׁמוּעָה רָעָה מְבָרֵךְ בָּרוּךְ דַּיַּן הָאֱמֶת. וְחַיָּב אָדָם לְבָרֵךְ עַל הָרָעָה בְּטוּב נֶפֶשׁ כְּדֶרֶךְ שֶׁמְּבָרֵךְ עַל הַטּוֹבָה בְּשִׂמְחָה שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (דברים ו ה) ״וְאָהַבְתָּ אֵת יְיָ׳ אֱלֹהֶיךָ״ וְגוֹ׳ (דברים ו ה) ״וּבְכָל מְאֹדֶךָ״. וּבִכְלַל אַהֲבָה הַיְתֵרָה שֶׁנִּצְטַוֵּינוּ בָּהּ שֶׁאֲפִלּוּ בְּעֵת שֶׁיָּצֵר לוֹ יוֹדֶה וִישַׁבֵּחַ בְּשִׂמְחָה:
(3) If one hears good news, one says a blessing: "Blessed art thou, O Lord our God, King of the Universe, Who art good, and doest good." If one hears evil news, one says, "Blessed be the true judge." A person has to bless God with good will, for evil events, in the same way as he has to bless Him with joy for good events, as it is said "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, with all thy soul and with all thy might." (Deuteronomy 6:5). In the principle of the abounding love of God for which we are commanded is included that, even at a time when one is in distress, one should thank and praise Him with joy.
(א) אֵלוּ שֶׁאָדָם חַיָּב לְהִתְאַבֵּל עֲלֵיהֶן דִּין תּוֹרָה. אִמּוֹ וְאָבִיו בְּנוֹ וּבִתּוֹ וְאָחִיו וַאֲחוֹתוֹ מֵאָבִיו. וּמִדִּבְרֵיהֶם שֶׁיִּתְאַבֵּל הָאִישׁ עַל אִשְׁתּוֹ הַנְּשׂוּאָה. וְכֵן הָאִשָּׁה עַל בַּעְלָהּ. וּמִתְאַבֵּל עַל אָחִיו וְעַל אֲחוֹתוֹ שֶׁהֵן מֵאִמּוֹ:
...These are [the relatives] for whom a person is obliged to mourn according to Torah law - one's mother and father, son and daughter, brother and sister [who share] his father. And from the words [of the rabbis], the husband mourns for the wife to whom he is wed, and similarly the wife for her husband. And one mourns for a brother and sister [who share] his mother.
(ירמיהו כב, י) אל תבכו למת ואל תנודו לו אל תבכו למת יותר מדאי ואל תנודו לו יותר מכשיעור הא כיצד שלשה ימים לבכי ושבעה להספד ושלשים לגיהוץ ולתספורת מכאן ואילך אמר הקדוש ברוך הוא אי אתם רחמנים בו יותר ממני
[The Sages taught about the verse]: “Weep not for the dead, neither bemoan him” (Jeremiah 22:10): “Weep not for the dead” excessively; “neither bemoan him” more than according to the allotment. How [to do this]? Three days for weeping, and seven for eulogizing, and thirty for [the prohibition against] ironing clothing and for [the prohibition against] cutting hair. From here and going forward, the Holy One, Blessed be He, said: You should not be more merciful with [the dead] than I am.
n(ז) וַיִּסְפְּדוּ שָׁם וגו' (בראשית נ, י), וּמִנַּיִן לְאֵבֶל שֶׁהוּא שִׁבְעָה, רַבִּי אַבָּא מַיְתֵי לָהּ מֵהָכָא, וַיַּעַשׂ לְאָבִיו אֵבֶל שִׁבְעַת יָמִים, וּלְמֵדִין דָּבָר קֹדֶם מַתַּן תּוֹרָה. רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ בְּשֵׁם בַּר קַפָּרָא מַיְתֵי לָהּ מֵהָכָא (ויקרא ח, לג): וּמִפֶּתַח אֹהֶל מוֹעֵד לֹא תֵצְאוּ שִׁבְעַת יָמִים וגו', מָה אַתֶּם נִמְשַׁחְתֶּם בְּשֶׁמֶן הַמִּשְׁחָה שִׁבְעָה יָמִים, אַף אַתֶּם שִׁמְרוּ לַאֲחֵיכֶם שִׁבְעָה יָמִים. רַבִּי הוֹשַׁעְיָא מַיְתֵי לָהּ מֵהָכָא (ויקרא ח, לה): וּפֶתַח אֹהֶל מוֹעֵד תֵּשְׁבוּ יוֹמָם וָלַיְלָה שִׁבְעַת יָמִים, מָה הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא שִׁמֵּר לְעוֹלָמוֹ שִׁבְעָה יָמִים, אַף אַתֶּם שִׁמְּרוּ לַאֲחֵיכֶם שִׁבְעָה יָמִים, דְּאָמַר רַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן לֵוִי שִׁבְעָה יָמִים נִתְאַבֵּל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא עַל עוֹלָמוֹ ... רַבִּי יִרְמְיָה וְרַבִּי חִיָּא בַּר אַבָּא בְּשֵׁם רֵישׁ לָקִישׁ (עמוס ח, י): וְהָפַכְתִּי חַגֵּיכֶם לְאֵבֶל, מַה יְּמֵי הַחַג שִׁבְעָה אַף יְמֵי הָאֵבֶל שִׁבְעָה. ... וּמִנַּיִן שֶׁאֵין אֵבֶל בְּשַׁבָּת רַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ דְּסִכְנִין בְּשֵׁם רַבִּי לֵוִי מַיְתֵי לָהּ מֵהָכָא (משלי י, כב): בִּרְכַּת ה' הִיא תַעֲשִׂיר וְלֹא יוֹסִף עֶצֶב עִמָּהּ, בִּרְכַּת ה' הִיא תַעֲשִׁיר (בראשית ב, ג): וַיְבָרֶךְ אֱלֹקִים אֶת יוֹם הַשְּׁבִיעִי. וְלֹא יוֹסִף עֶצֶב עִמָּהּ, זֶה הָאֵבֶל, הֵיךְ מָה דְאַתְּ אָמַר (שמואל ב יט, ג): כִּי נֶעֱצַב הַמֶּלֶךְ עַל בְּנוֹ...
...And they eulogized there, etc. (Breishit 50:10) And from where do we know that mourning extends for seven days [shivah]. R. Aba said: It comes from this [verse], And he performed mourning for his father for seven days. And as for those who say that this matter occurred before the giving of the Torah, Reish Laqish [said] it comes from this: And you shall not go out from the entrance to the Tent of Meeting for seven days, etc. (Vayiqra 8:33) Just as you were anointed with oil for an anointing of seven days, even so you shall watch over your brother for seven days. R. Hoshaiya [said]: It comes from this [verse] - And you shall sit at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting day and night for seven days [Vayiqra 8:35]. Just as the Holy One (blessed be He) watched over His world for seven days, even so you shall watch over your brother for seven days - for R. Yehoshu'a b. Levi said that the Holy One (blessed be He) mourned over His world for seven days...R. Yirmiyah and R. Khiya bar Aba in the name of Reish Laqish [said it comes from the verse:] And you shall reverse your holidays to mourning (Amos 8:10). Just as a holiday has seven days, even so the days of mourning are seven...
And from what source [do we know] that there is no mourning on Shabbat? R. Yehoshu'a of Sikhnin [said] in the name of R. Levi: it comes from this [verse]: The blessing of God gives riches and sadness cannot add to it (Mishlei 10:22). The blessing of God gives riches - And God blessed the seventh day (Breishit 2:3). And sadness cannot add to it - this is mourning, as where it says thus: For the king was saddened for his son (II Shmu'eil 19:3)....
(א) קדיש יתום:
אבל: יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא. [קהל: אמן]
בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ בְּחַיֵּיכון וּבְיומֵיכון וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשרָאֵל בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב, וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן]
קהל ואבל: יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא:
אבל: יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרומַם וְיִתְנַשּא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל שְׁמֵהּ דְּקֻדְשָׁא. בְּרִיךְ הוּא. [קהל: בריך הוא:]
לְעֵלָּא מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא וְשִׁירָתָא תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן]
יְהֵא שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא וְחַיִּים עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשרָאֵל. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן]
עושה שָׁלום בִּמְרומָיו הוּא יַעֲשה שָׁלום עָלֵינוּ וְעַל כָּל יִשרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן: [קהל: אמן]
...[The Orphan's Kaddish]
Mourner: May His great name be exalted and sanctified - [Congregation: Amen.] - in the world that He has created according to His will, and may His sovereignty be made sovereign in our lifetimes and our days, and in the lifetime of all the House of Israel swiftly and in a near time, and say Amen. [Congregation: Amen.]
Congregation and Mourner: May His great name be blessed forever, and forever and ever.
Mourner: Blessed and praised and adorned and elevated and carried above and beautiful and raised up and hymned - so may the name of the Holy One (blessed be He) be made - [Congregation: Blessed be He.] - above all blessings and songs, praises and consolations which may be said in the world. And say Amen. [Congregation: Amen.]
Let there be great peace from heaven and life upon us and upon all Israel. And say Amen. [Congregation: Amen.]
May He who makes peace in His heights make peace upon us and upon all Israel. And say Amen. [Congregation: Amen.]
The most well-known source [for the mourner's kaddish]... is the wide-spread legend about Rabbi Akiva (or: Rabban Yohanan Ben Zakkai) who meets a dead man in a cemetery who is scurrying to-and-fro carrying coal or wood on his head. The dead man tells him that he is suffering punishment after death and that his son can save him from his punishment by praying, reciting the Shema, reading the torah and reciting barekhu et hashem hamevorakh in public. Rabbi Akiva then looks for the son and teaches him, and when the son prayed in public and recited the barekhu, at that moment, they released the father from punishment. In many versions of the story, Rabbi Akiva also teaches the son the kaddish and many think that this story is the origin of the mourner’s kaddish. However, recent comparison of 17 versions of this story indicate that the original list of mitzvot in the story did not include the kaddish; it was added later when children began to recite the kaddish yatom or mourners kaddish (see Ginzberg, A.N.Z. Roth, Lerner and Golinkin). Even so, this story is the reason cited by most halakhic authorities for reciting the kaddish yatom.