(יב) כַּבֵּ֥ד אֶת־אָבִ֖יךָ וְאֶת־אִמֶּ֑ךָ לְמַ֙עַן֙ יַאֲרִכ֣וּן יָמֶ֔יךָ עַ֚ל הָאֲדָמָ֔ה אֲשֶׁר־יי אֱלֹהֶ֖יךָ נֹתֵ֥ן לָֽךְ׃ (ס)
Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long upon the land which Adonai your God has given you.
(א) וַיְדַבֵּ֥ר יי אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֥ה לֵּאמֹֽר (ב) דַּבֵּ֞ר אֶל־כָּל־עֲדַ֧ת בְּנֵי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֛ל וְאָמַרְתָּ֥ אֲלֵהֶ֖ם קְדֹשִׁ֣ים תִּהְי֑וּ כִּ֣י קָד֔וֹשׁ אֲנִ֖י יי אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃ (ג) אִ֣ישׁ אִמּ֤וֹ וְאָבִיו֙ תִּירָ֔אוּ וְאֶת־שַׁבְּתֹתַ֖י תִּשְׁמֹ֑רוּ אֲנִ֖י יי אֱלֹהֵיכֶֽם׃
And Adonai spoke unto Moses, saying: Speak to all the congregation of the children of Israel, and say to them: You shall be holy, for Adonai your God is holy. Everyone of you shall be in awe [or: fear] of his mother and father, and keep my Sabbaths: I am Adonai your God.
(ג) אמו ואביו תיראו. כַּאן הִקְדִּים אֵם לְאָב, לְפִי שֶׁגָּלוּי לְפָנָיו שֶׁהַבֵּן יָרֵא אֶת אָבִיו יוֹתֵר מֵאִמּוֹ, וּבְכָבוֹד הִקְדִּים אָב לְאֵם, לְפִי שֶׁגָּלוּי לְפָנָיו שֶׁהַבֵּן מְכַבֵּד אֶת אִמּוֹ יוֹתֵר מֵאָבִיו, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁמְּשַׁדַּלְתּוֹ בִדְבָרִים (שם):
(4) אמו ואביו תיראו EVERYBODY OF YOU SHALL FEAR HIS MOTHER AND HIS FATHER: Scripture mentions the father before the mother because it is manifest to God that the child honors the mother more than the father, because she endeavors to win him over by kindly words. Therefore, by mentioning the father first, Scripture emphasizes the duty of honoring him (Kiddushin 30b).
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin
From Jewish Literacy, p.580:
There are two general injunctions in the Torah regulating how one is expected to feel and act toward one's parents: The fifth commandment [found in in Exodus 20:12] commands that one honor them, while [the verse in Leviticus 19:3] states: "Let each man be in awe of his mother and father, and keep my Sabbaths." What is strangely lacking in the Torah is a commandment to love one's parents, even though the Torah has no compunctions about commanding love in other relationships; people are told to [“Love your neighbor as yourself” (Lev. 19:18); “And you shall love the Lord your God” (Deut. 6:5); “You shall love the stranger” (Lev. 19:34)].
Perhaps it was believed that in a relationship as intimate as that between parents and children, love could not be commanded; either it is present or it isn't. What can be commanded, however, are honor and awe, acts and emotions that can be expressed and acted upon even during those painful periods when love might be lacking.
According to the rabbis, "awe" means deep, abiding respect, for example as in not sitting in one's father's place at the table, or in not siding with a parent's adversary during a dispute.... Honor in Jewish law is interpreted as undertaking basic obligations towards parents, including, if necessary supplying them with food and clothing. Because of the enormous increase in recent decades in human longevity, a far larger percentage of people live now to their eighties and even nineties than in the past; often, however, with terrible mental and/or physical infirmities. Thus, the command to honor one's parents has in many ways become much more difficult to observe.
From Olam Magazine, Summer 2001:
In addition, many children, much as they might love their parents most of the time, go through periods of estrangement from them. Thus, what the Torah is offering us is a guideline for behavior even during those periods when we might not be feeling loving toward our parents. Even at those times when we feel our parents have not been fair to us, or even when we have seen them do something we regard as wrong, we are still obligated to honor them. (However, in instances of parents who have physically or sexually abused their children, I believe that children do not owe the parents respect or anything else for that matter.)
Honor Adonai with your wealth, with the best of all your income.
כי אתא רב דימי אמר פעם אחת היה לבוש סירקון של זהב והיה יושב בין גדולי רומי ובאתה אמו וקרעתו ממנו וטפחה לו על ראשו וירקה לו בפניו ולא הכלימה
When Rav Dimi came from Eretz Yisrael to Babylonia, he said: Once Dama ben Netina was wearing a fine cloak [sirkon] of gold, and was sitting among the nobles of Rome. And his mother came to him and tore his garment from him and smacked him on the head and spat in his face, and yet he did not embarrass her.
ובאת אמו וקרעתו - יש במדרש שהיתה מטורפת מדעתה:
The midrash says that she was senile.
ת"ר איזהו מורא ואיזהו כיבוד מורא לא עומד במקומו ולא יושב במקומו ולא סותר את דבריו ולא מכריעו כיבוד מאכיל ומשקה מלביש ומכסה מכניס ומוציא
Our Rabbis taught: What is reverence [or: awe, or: fear] and what is honor? Reverence means that the child must neither stand nor sit in the parent’s place, may not contradict a parent’s words, nor do anything that harms a parent’s interests. Honor means that a child must give a parent food, drink, and clothing, and provide transport.
ת"ש שאלו את ר"א עד היכן כיבוד אב ואם אמר להם כדי שיטול ארנקי ויזרקנו לים בפניו ואינו מכלימו
Come and hear: They asked Rabbi Eliezer how far one must go in honoring their father and mother. Rabbi Eliezer said to them: Even if a parent takes a wallet and throws it into the sea in front of his child, then the child does not embarrass them.
(י) מִי שֶׁנִּטְרְפָה דַּעְתּוֹ שֶׁל אָבִיו אוֹ שֶׁל אִמּוֹ מִשְׁתַּדֵּל לִנְהֹג עִמָּהֶם כְּפִי דַּעְתָּם עַד שֶׁיְּרֻחַם עֲלֵיהֶן. וְאִם אִי אֶפְשָׁר לוֹ לַעֲמֹד מִפְּנֵי שֶׁנִּשְׁתַּטּוּ בְּיוֹתֵר יְנִיחֵם וְיֵלֵךְ לוֹ וִיצַוֶּה אֲחֵרִים לְהַנְהִיגָם כָּרָאוּי לָהֶם:
One whose father or mother has had their "mind torn away" must care for them and behave according to the parent's mental condition until God has mercy upon them. If it is impossible for the child to stand before the parent because they cannot be compassionate, they should go and charge others with appropriate care for them [the parent].
Rabbi Israel ben Joseph Al-Nakawa (14th c. Spain)
A son must not dishonor his father in his speech. For example, when the father is old and wants to eat early in the morning, as old men do, and the son says, "Ha! The sun is not yet up, and already you're eating!?" Or when the father asks: "Son, how much did you pay for this coat?" and the son says, "Don't worry about it. I bought it, and I have paid for it, so it is no business of yours!" Or when a son thinks to himself: "When will this old man die so that I can be free of what he costs me?"
(א) מצות כיבוד אב ואם - לכבד האב והאם, שנאמר (שמות כ יב) כבד את אביך ואת אמך וגו'. ובא הפרוש (קדושין לא, ב) אי זהו כבוד, מאכיל ומשקה מלביש ומכסה מכניס ומוציא.
(1) The mitzvah to honor parents-- to honor father and mother, as the Torah says (Ex 20:12) "Honor your father and your mother." And the commentary (Kiddushin 31:2) explains, "What does it mean to 'honor'? To feed, give drink, dress, bring in, and take out."
(ב) משרשי מצוה זו, שראוי לו לאדם שיכיר ויגמל חסד למי שעשה עמו טובה, ולא יהיה נבל ומתנכר וכפוי טובה שזו מדה רעה ומאוסה בתכלית לפני אלקים ואנשים. ושיתן אל לבו כי האב והאם הם סבת היותו בעולם, ועל כן באמת ראוי לו לעשות להם כל כבוד וכל תועלת שיוכל, כי הם הביאוהו לעולם, גם יגעו בו כמה יגיעות בקטנתו, וכשיקבע זאת המדה בנפשו יעלה ממנה להכיר טובת האל ברוך הוא שהוא סבתו וסבת כל אבותיו עד אדם הראשון, ושהוציאו לאויר העולם וספק צרכו כל ימיו והעמידו על מתכנתו ושלמות אבריו, ונתן בו נפש יודעת ומשכלת, שאלולי הנפש שחננו האל, יהיה כסוס כפרד אין הבין, ויעריך במחשבתו כמה וכמה ראוי להזהר בעבודתו ברוך הוא.
(2) The root of the mitzvah to honor parents is that it is fitting for a person to acknowledge and return kindness to people who were good to him, and not to be an ungrateful scoundrel, because that is a bad and repulsive attribute before God and people. And to take to heart that your father and mother are the reason you exist in the world, and for that it is truly fitting to honor them in every way and give every benefit you can, because they brought you to the world, and worked hard for you when you were little.
Once you take this idea to heart, you will move up from it to recognize the good of the Blessed God who is the cause of you and all your ancestors until the first man, and took you out into the world's air, and fulfilled your needs every day, and made your body strong and able to stand, and gave you a mind that knows and learns, for without the mind that God granted you, you would be "like a horse or a mule who does not understand" (Ps 32:9). And you should think long and hard about how fitting it is to be careful in your worship of the Blessed One.
(ג) דיני המצוה, כגון כבוד זה מנכסי מי חיב לעשותו אם משל אב או משל עצמו, והלכה (שם לב א) משל אב אם יש לו נכסים לאב ואם לאו יחזר הבן אפילו על הפתחים (עי' ירושלמי קידושין א ז) ויאכיל אביו, וכבוד אב ואם אי זה קודם ועד היכן כבוד אב, ואם מחל על כבודו אם יהיה מחול. ואם יראנו עובר על דברי תורה באיזה לשון ימנעהו, ואם יצוהו אביו לעבר על דברי תורה שלא יאמינהו בזה, וכי חיב לכבדו בחיו ובמותו, וכיצד הוא הכבוד במותו, ויתר פרטיה, מבוארים בקדושין וקצת מהן במקומות אחרים מהגמרא (יו''ד סימן ר''ס).
(3) Regarding the specific rules of this mitzvah, such as: Whose property should be spent on this honor, the child's or the parent's? The ruling is that it is out of the parent's if the parent has property, but if not, the child must even beg door to door in order to feed their parent...
(ד) ונוהגת בכל מקום ובכל זמן בזכרים ובנקבות (קידושין לא, א) כל זמן שאפשר להן, כלומר בכל עת שלא ימנעו אותן בעליהן. והעובר עליה, בטל עשה וענשו גדול מאד שנעשה כמתנכר לאביו שבשמים, ואם יש כח בבית דין כופין אותו כמו שכתבנו למעלה (במצוה ו) שבבטול עשה כופין בית דין.
(4) This mitzvah applies in all places and times, for males and for females any time they are able.... And one who violates it disobeyed a positive commandment, and their punishment is very great, for they are like one who ignores their Heavenly Father, and if the court is able, they force him, as we wrote above, that the court forces obedience to positive commandments.