(יד) הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אִם אֵין אֲנִי לִי, מִי לִי. וּכְשֶׁאֲנִי לְעַצְמִי, מָה אֲנִי. וְאִם לֹא עַכְשָׁיו, אֵימָתָי:
(14) He [also] used to say: If I am not for myself, who is for me? But if I am for my own self [only], what am I? And if not now, when?
If I am not for me, who will be for me?
Selichot, 2003 by Harold M. Schulweis
The Kotzker Rebbe, a most enigmatic and troubled tzaddik, spent the last
twenty years of his life depressed and in seclusion. Once, when visited by his
friend and greeted with, "Peace be with you, Rabbi," the Kotzker Rebbe
responded by saying, "Don't you recognize me?" I am the "sacred
goat."
Why a sacred goat? The Kotzker told the tale: "Once an old Jew lost
his snuff box made of the horn of a goat. 'I've lost my snuff box made
of horn,' he wailed. And then the old Jew came upon a sacred goat that
was pacing the earth and the tips of his black horns touched the stars.
When the goat heard the old Jew lamenting, he leaned down to him
and said, 'Cut a piece from my horns - whatever you need to make a
new snuff box.' The old Jew did this, made a new snuffbox and filled it
with tobacco. When he returned to the House of Study, he offered
everyone a pinch of tobacco. Everyone was awed by the scent: 'What a
wonderful tobacco! It must be because of the box. Where did you get
it?' And the old man told them about the sacred goat. Then one after
the other, they went out onto the street and looked for the sacred
goat. The sacred goat was pacing the earth and the tips of his black
horns touched the stars. One after the other they went up to him and
begged permission to cut off a bit of his horns. And time after time the
sacred goat leaned down to grant the request. Box after box was
made, and the fame of the boxes spread far and wide. Now the sacred
goat still paces the earth - but he has no horns.”
And when I am for myself alone, what am I?
רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר חֲלַשׁ. עַל לְגַבֵּיהּ רַבִּי יוֹחָנָן. חֲזָא דַּהֲוָה קָא גָּנֵי בְּבֵית אָפֵל. גַּלְיֵיהּ לִדְרָעֵיהּ וּנְפַל נְהוֹרָא. חַזְיֵיהּ דַּהֲוָה קָא בָּכֵי רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: אַמַּאי קָא בָּכֵית? אִי מִשּׁוּם תּוֹרָה דְּלָא אַפֵּשְׁתְּ — שָׁנִינוּ: אֶחָד הַמַּרְבֶּה וְאֶחָד הַמַּמְעִיט, וּבִלְבַד שֶׁיְּכַוֵּין לִבּוֹ לַשָּׁמַיִם. וְאִי מִשּׁוּם מְזוֹנֵי — לֹא כׇּל אָדָם זוֹכֶה לִשְׁתֵּי שֻׁלְחָנוֹת. וְאִי מִשּׁוּם בְּנֵי — דֵּין גַּרְמָא דַּעֲשִׂירָאָה בִּיר. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: לְהַאי שׁוּפְרָא דְּבָלֵי בְּעַפְרָא קָא בָּכֵינָא. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: עַל דָּא וַדַּאי קָא בָּכֵית, וּבְכוֹ תַּרְוַיְיהוּ. אַדְּהָכִי וְהָכִי אֲמַר לֵיהּ: חֲבִיבִין עָלֶיךָ יִסּוּרִין? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: לֹא הֵן וְלֹא שְׂכָרָן. אֲמַר לֵיהּ: הַב לִי יְדָךְ, יְהַב לֵיהּ יְדֵיהּ, וְאוֹקְמֵיהּ.
The Gemara relates that Rabbi Elazar, another of Rabbi Yoḥanan’s students, fell ill. Rabbi Yoḥanan entered to visit him, and saw that he was lying in a dark room. Rabbi Yoḥanan exposed his arm, and light radiated from his flesh, filling the house. He saw that Rabbi Elazar was crying, and said to him: Why are you crying? Thinking that his crying was over the suffering that he endured throughout his life, Rabbi Yoḥanan attempted to comfort him: If you are weeping because you did not study as much Torah as you would have liked, we learned: One who brings a substantial sacrifice and one who brings a meager sacrifice have equal merit, as long as he directs his heart toward Heaven. If you are weeping because you lack sustenance and are unable to earn a livelihood, as Rabbi Elazar was, indeed, quite poor, not every person merits to eat off of two tables, one of wealth and one of Torah, so you need not bemoan the fact that you are not wealthy. If you are crying over children who have died, this is the bone of my tenth son, and suffering of that kind afflicts great people, and they are afflictions of love. Rabbi Elazar said to Rabbi Yoḥanan: I am not crying over my misfortune, but rather, over this beauty of yours that will decompose in the earth, as Rabbi Yoḥanan’s beauty caused him to consider human mortality. Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Over this, it is certainly appropriate to weep. Both cried over the fleeting nature of beauty in the world and death that eventually overcomes all. Meanwhile, Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Is your suffering dear to you? Rabbi Elazar said to him: I welcome neither this suffering nor its reward. Upon hearing this, Rabbi Yoḥanan said to him: Give me your hand. Rabbi Elazar gave him his hand, and Rabbi Yoḥanan stood him up and restored him to health.
When Rabbi Hiyya dismisses Rabbi Yochanan's question so abruply, he seems to awaken Yochanan to the futility of theology in the face of suffering. What does seem to work in such circumstances? Empathy, the human touch, the presence of another. "He said give me your hand. He gave him his hand and he healed him".
R. Alan Lew, Be Still and Get Going: A Jewish Meditation Practice for Real Life
Heaven happens frequently in life, in small incidents. Sometimes we invoke it and sometimes it 'happens' as an act of grace, a free gift.
R. Lionel Blue, Godseekers' Guide
Dear Godseeker, you don't have to wait for heaven to happen, any unselfish action is an invitation for heaven to be present. You can often tell its presence by an inner glow which stays with you for a short time, often only seconds, and then disappears like a dream you can't remember but know was important. But it is the real thing, and such seconds need consideration and mediation.
R. Lionel Blue - Godseekers' Guide
And if not now, when?
(ז) אָמַר רַבִּי יְהוּדָה בַּר סִימוֹן, יְהִי עֶרֶב אֵין כְּתִיב כָּאן, אֶלָּא וַיְהִי עֶרֶב, מִכָּאן שֶׁהָיָה סֵדֶר זְמַנִּים קֹדֶם לָכֵן. אָמַר רַבִּי אַבָּהוּ מְלַמֵּד שֶׁהָיָה בּוֹרֵא עוֹלָמוֹת וּמַחֲרִיבָן, עַד שֶׁבָּרָא אֶת אֵלּוּ, אָמַר דֵּין הַנְיָן לִי, יַתְהוֹן לָא הַנְיָן לִי. אָמַר רַבִּי פִּנְחָס טַעְמֵיהּ דְּרַבִּי אַבָּהוּ (בראשית א, לא): וַיַּרְא אֱלֹהִים אֶת כָּל אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה וְהִנֵּה טוֹב מְאֹד, דֵּין הַנְיָין לִי יַתְהוֹן לָא הַנְיָין לִי.
(7) Rabbi Judah bar Simon said: it does not say, ‘It was evening,’ but ‘And it was evening.’ Hence we derive that there was a time-system prior to this. Rabbi Abbahu said: This teaches us that God created worlds and destroyed them, saying, ‘This one pleases me; those did not please me.’ Rabbi Pinhas said, Rabbi Abbahu derives this from the verse, ‘And God saw all that He had made, and behold it was very good,’ as if to say, ‘This one pleases me, those others did not please me.’
Thomas Merton: ‘If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, and ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the things I want to live for.’
And if not with others, how?
Judaism isn't supposed to be comfortable - Rabbi Sheila Shulman.
‘Community offers the promise of belonging and calls for us to acknowledge our interdependence. To belong is to act as an investor, owner, and creator of this place. To be welcome, even if we are strangers. As if we came to the right place and are affirmed for that choice. To feel a sense of belonging is important because it will lead us from conversations about safety and comfort to other conversations, such as our relatedness and willingness to provide hospitality and generosity. Hospitality is the welcoming of strangers, and generosity is an offer with no expectation of return. These are two elements that we want to nuture as we work to create, strengthen, and restore our communities. This will not occur in a culture dominated by isolation, and its correlate, fear.’
‘Restoration begins when we think of community as a possibility, a declaration of the future that we choose to live into.’ ‘The communal possibility rotates on the question “What can we create together?”
‘To be accountable is to act as an owner and creator of what exists in the world, including the light and dark corners of my own existence.’
‘The question to begin to reclaim our power as citizens is ‘if you believed this to be true, in what ways would that make a difference, or change your actions?’
‘Accountability is the willingness to acknowledge that we have participated in creating, through commission or omission, the conditions that we wish to see changed.
Ownership is the decision to become the author of our own experience.
‘Hospitality is the welcoming not only of strangers, but also of the strange ideas and beliefs they bring with them.’
Peter Block, Community: The Structure of Belonging
(ד) וַיֹּ֣אמֶר מֹשֶׁ֔ה אֶל־כׇּל־עֲדַ֥ת בְּנֵֽי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל לֵאמֹ֑ר זֶ֣ה הַדָּבָ֔ר אֲשֶׁר־צִוָּ֥ה יְהֹוָ֖ה לֵאמֹֽר׃ (ה) קְח֨וּ מֵֽאִתְּכֶ֤ם תְּרוּמָה֙ לַֽיהֹוָ֔ה כֹּ֚ל נְדִ֣יב לִבּ֔וֹ יְבִיאֶ֕הָ אֵ֖ת תְּרוּמַ֣ת יְהֹוָ֑ה.....
(י) וְכׇל־חֲכַם־לֵ֖ב בָּכֶ֑ם יָבֹ֣אוּ וְיַעֲשׂ֔וּ אֵ֛ת כׇּל־אֲשֶׁ֥ר צִוָּ֖ה יְהֹוָֽה.....
(4) Moses said further to the whole community of Israelites:
This is what Adonai has commanded: (5) Take from among you gifts to the LORD; everyone whose heart so moves him shall bring them—gifts for Adonai......And let all among you who are skilled come and make all that Adonai has commanded...