Sources from essay by Rabbi Mari Chernow in The Mussar Torah Commentary
God's anger (kaas) may not be surprising, but it is shocking nonetheless. It is wrathful, ruinous, and terrifying as God threatens nothing short of calamity. This is precisely the anger that teachers of Mussar warn against. The Talmud cautions us about anyone who
"tears his garments or scatters his money or breaks his vessels in his anger." These actions are mild and restrained compared to the destruction that God intends to bring upon the people of Israel in Ki Tisa.
Thankfully, that destruction does not come to be. In several mid-rashim the Rabbis read God's words "Now, let Me be" (Exodus 23:10) as intending the exact opposite of their face-value meaning. That is, in supposedly telling Moses not to intervene, God is inviting Moses to intervene! If so, the phrase reveals God's own misgivings about the force of God's own rage. Before Moses so much as raises an eyebrow in objection, God suggests that there is reason to object.
-Rabbi Mari Chernow
(ט) וַיֹּאמֶר ה' אֶל משֶׁה רָאִיתִי אֶת הָעָם הַזֶּה מַהוּ וְהִנֵּה עַם קְשֵׁה עֹרֶף הוּא אָמַר רַבִּי יְהוּדָה בֶּן פּוֹלְוָיָה בְּשֵׁם רַבִּי מֵאִיר רְאוּיִים הֵן לְהֵעָרֵף. אָמַר רַב יָקִים שְׁלשָׁה חֲצוּפִים הֵם חָצוּף בַּחַיָּה כֶּלֶב בָּעוֹף תַּרְנְגוֹל וּבָאֻמּוֹת יִשְׂרָאֵל. אָמַר רַבִּי יִצְחָק בַּר רַדִּיפָא בְּשֵׁם רַבִּי אַמֵּי אַתָּה סָבוּר שֶׁהוּא לִגְנַאי וְאֵינוֹ אֶלָּא לְשִׁבְחָן אוֹ יְהוּדִי אוֹ צָלוּב. אָמַר רַבִּי אָבִין עַד עַכְשָׁו קוֹרִין אֶת יִשְׂרָאֵל בְּחוּצָה לָאָרֶץ הָאֻמָּה שֶׁל קְשֵׁה עֹרֶף. אָמַר רַב נַחְמָן תֵּדַע לְךָ שֶׁהֵם קָשִׁים כְּשֶׁבָּא הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא לִתֵּן לָהֶם אֶת הַתּוֹרָה מַה כְּתִיב בָּהֶם (שמות י״ט:ט״ז): וַיְהִי בַיּוֹם הַשְּׁלִישִׁי בִּהְיֹת הַבֹּקֶר אָמַר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אַרְאֶה לָהֶם כָּל נִסַּי וּלְוַאי לֶהֱנֵי וְהִנֵּה עַם קְשֵׁה עֹרֶף הוּא וְעַתָּה הַנִּיחָה לִי וְיִחַר אַפִּי בָּהֶם וַאֲכַלֵּם וְכִי משֶׁה הָיָה תּוֹפֵשׂ בְּהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא שֶׁהוּא אוֹמֵר הַנִּיחָה לִי אֶלָּא לְמָה הַדָּבָר דּוֹמֶה לְמֶלֶךְ שֶׁכָּעַס עַל בְּנוֹ וְהִכְנִיסוֹ לְקִיטוֹן וּמַתְחִיל לְבַקֵּשׁ לְהַכּוֹתוֹ וְהָיָה הַמֶּלֶךְ מְצַעֵק מִן הַקִּיטוֹן הַנִּיחָה לִי שֶׁאַכֶּנּוּ וְהָיָה פַּדְגּוֹג עוֹמֵד בַּחוּץ אָמַר הַפַּדְגּוֹג הַמֶּלֶךְ וּבְנוֹ לִפְנִים בַּקִּיטוֹן לָמָּה הוּא אוֹמֵר הַנִּיחָה לִי אֶלָּא מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהַמֶּלֶךְ מְבַקֵּשׁ שֶׁאֵלֵךְ וַאֲפַיְסֶנוּ עַל בְּנוֹ לְכָךְ הוּא מְצַעֵק הַנִּיחָה לִי כָּךְ אָמַר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא לְמשֶׁה וְעַתָּה הַנִּיחָה לִי אָמַר משֶׁה מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא רוֹצֶה שֶׁאֲפַיֵּס עַל יִשְׂרָאֵל לְפִיכָךְ הוּא אוֹמֵר וְעַתָּה הַנִּיחָה לִי מִיָּד הִתְחִיל לְבַקֵּשׁ עֲלֵיהֶם רַחֲמִים הֱוֵי וַיְחַל משֶׁה אֶת פְּנֵי ה' אֱלֹהָיו:
(9) “Behold, it is a stiff-necked people. Now, let Me be and My wrath will be enflamed against them and I will destroy them” (Exodus 32:9–10) – was Moses restraining the Holy Blessed One, that He says: “Let Me be”? Rather, to what is the matter comparable? It is to a king who became angry with his son. He took him in to a chamber and began preparing to strike him. The king was shouting from the chamber: ‘Let me be so I may strike him!’ The [son’s] tutor was standing outside. The tutor said: The king and his son are inside the chamber. Why is he saying: Let me be? It is because the king wishes that I will go and placate him regarding his son. That is why he is shouting: Let me be. So too, the Holy Blessed One said to Moses: “Now let Me be.” Moses said: It is because the Holy Blessed One wants me to placate Him regarding Israel; that is why He is saying: “Now, let Me be.” Immediately he began asking for mercy for them. That is, “Moses implored the Lord his God” (Exodus 32:11).
אָמַר לוֹ הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא לֹא יִהְיוּ שְׁתֵּי הַפָּנִים בְּכַעַס אֶלָּא כְּשֶׁתִּרְאֶה אוֹתִי נוֹתֵן רוֹתְחִין הֱוֵי נוֹתֵן צוֹנֵן, וּכְשֶׁתִּרְאֶה אוֹתִי נוֹתֵן צוֹנֵן הֱוֵי נוֹתֵן רוֹתְחִין.
(15) God said to Moses: Let not the two of us be angry, but when you see Me pour hot [water], you pour cold, and when you see Me pour cold, you pour hot.
Moses takes the opportunity and convinces God to relent. Had that not been the case, Ki Tisa might have been an illustration of the teaching of Orchot Tzadikim, "It is impossible for the angry one to escape great sin," and that of Abraham ibn Hasdai, "Anger begins with madness and ends with regret." It seems that God teeters just on the edge of both madness and regret.
Must anger lead to regret? As an emotion, no. But as a momentary justification for behavior we would not otherwise condone, perhaps.
-Rabbi Mari Chernow
הַמְקָרֵע בְּגָדָיו בַּחֲמָתוֹ, וְהַמְשַׁבֵּר כֵּלָיו בַּחֲמָתוֹ, וְהַמְפַזֵּר מְעוֹתָיו בַּחֲמָתוֹ, יְהֵא בְּעֵינֶיךָ כְּעוֹבֵד עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה. שֶׁכָּךְ אוּמָּנוּתוֹ שֶׁל יֵצֶר הָרָע: הַיּוֹם אוֹמֵר לוֹ עֲשֵׂה כָּךְ, וּלְמָחָר אוֹמֵר לוֹ עֲשֵׂה כָּךְ, עַד שֶׁאוֹמֵר לוֹ עֲבוֹד עֲבוֹדָה זָרָה וְהוֹלֵךְ וְעוֹבֵד.
One who rends his garments in his anger, or who breaks his vessels in his anger, or who scatters his money in his anger, should be like an idol worshipper in your eyes, as that is the craft of the evil inclination. Today it tells him do this, and tomorrow it tells him do that, until eventually, when he no longer controls himself, it tells him worship idols and he goes and worships idols.
This association of anger with idolatry also reveals why anger is such a frightful power. When a person loses his or her temper, he or she becomes overwhelmed and overpowered by the emotion of anger. By allowing that to happen, a person yields authority over their life to the raging emotion, and it is then the power of anger [i.e., rather than God] that the angry person serves.
-Alan Morinis
How interesting, then, that this parashah includes God's well-known self-description: "Adonai! Adonai! God compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in kindness and faithfulness" (Exodus 34:6).
This verse will be repeated throughout the Tanach and ultimately included in holy day liturgy. It lays out God's admirable qualities, those that we human beings are to notice and emulate. Perhaps God's words are aspirational here, and instructive. Perhaps, once the emotion has subsided and forgiveness has occurred, God vows to behave differently in the future. These words may then be understood as a reflection on how anger ought to show up in a relationship. They do not describe how God has recently acted, but rather prescribe, with optimism and hope, how God will control divine anger in the future.
-Rabbi Mari Chernow
As with every middah, we are in search of the appropriate place and space for anger, too. The ideal presented in Ki Tisa is "slow to anger," that is, anger that is tempered by thoughtful consideration. Ourgoal is to avoid either underreacting or overreacting to anger?
Ifwe tend to overreact, then we might consider the wisdom found in Proverbs, "Better to be slow to anger than mighty, to have self-control than to conquer a city" (Proverbs 16:32). We might seek strategies that help assuage our anger before we react, Several possibilities may be found in KiTisa, in Moses's approach to calming God down.
If we tend to underreact, then we might examine how to prioritize our own needs. If we never get angry, we may have an overabundance of humility or compassion. If we never get angry, there may be anger under the surface with the power to control us just as much as overt anger does.
The teachings of the Talmud, Ibn Hasdai, Orchot Tzadikim, Proverbs, and Ki Tisa itself guide us to identify anger and give it healthy space to breathe. They warn of the danger of unmanaged rage. They invite us to learn from anger as we strengthen our emotional and spiritual health. Anger contains great wisdom. Our task is to give it honor but not too much power, to listen to it carefully without wholly deferring to it, and to find within it sparks of holiness.
Questions to Ask
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Do the clothes you wear on any given day impact your behavior?
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How is this behavior similar to or different from your behavior when you are wearing something else?