(ה) הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, אֵין בּוּר יְרֵא חֵטְא, וְלֹא עַם הָאָרֶץ חָסִיד, וְלֹא הַבַּיְשָׁן לָמֵד, וְלֹא הַקַּפְּדָן מְלַמֵּד, וְלֹא כָל הַמַּרְבֶּה בִסְחוֹרָה מַחְכִּים. וּבְמָקוֹם שֶׁאֵין אֲנָשִׁים, הִשְׁתַּדֵּל לִהְיוֹת אִישׁ:
(5) He used to say: A brute is not sin-fearing, nor is an ignorant person pious; nor can a timid person learn, nor can an impatient person teach; nor will someone who engages too much in business become wise. In a place where there are no men, strive to be a man.
(יח) לֹֽא־תִקֹּ֤ם וְלֹֽא־תִטֹּר֙ אֶת־בְּנֵ֣י עַמֶּ֔ךָ וְאָֽהַבְתָּ֥ לְרֵעֲךָ֖ כָּמ֑וֹךָ אֲנִ֖י יי׃
(18) You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against members of your people. Love your fellow as yourself: I am יי.
What is Compassion?
Etymology of “Compassion”: com "with, together" (see com-) + pati "to suffer" (see passio); to suffer together
Rachamim רחמים: Hebrew for "compassion" but also connected to the word for "womb."
דתניא זה אלי ואנוהו התנאה לפניו במצות עשה לפניו סוכה נאה ולולב נאה ושופר נאה ציצית נאה ספר תורה נאה וכתוב בו לשמו בדיו נאה בקולמוס נאה בלבלר אומן וכורכו בשיראין נאין אבא שאול אומר ואנוהו הוי דומה לו מה הוא חנון ורחום אף אתה היה חנון ורחום
What is the source for the requirement of: “This is my God and I will glorify Him”?...Abba Shaul says: Ve’anveihu should be interpreted as if it were written in two words: Ani ve-Hu, me and Him [God]. Be similar, as it were, to Him, the Almighty: Just as God is compassionate and merciful, so too should you be compassionate and merciful.
Jewish Self-Compassion 101
Rabbi Jill Zimmerman, "Lovingkindness Practice for Self & Others"
In terms of self-compassion, many of us find it far easier to be loving and kind to others than to our own selves. We have a self-critical commentary running in the background of our thoughts throughout the day: “I shouldn’t have said that…I messed up…Will I ever learn….”
Having this kind of negative self-talk wears on own hearts and souls. Additionally, self-criticism “impacts our bodies by stimulating inflammatory mechanisms that lead to chronic illness and accelerate aging” says Dr. Richard Davidson in a recent New York Times article.
Al Shelosha Devarim: The World (of Self-Compassion) Stands on Three Things...
1. Self-Kindness (vs. Self-Judgement) // "Nedivut Atzmit" - Alleviating Negative Self-Talk
"...being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism...recognize that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so...be gentle when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals."
(ו) יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה וְנִתַּאי הָאַרְבֵּלִי קִבְּלוּ מֵהֶם. יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וּקְנֵה לְךָ חָבֵר, וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת:
(6) Yehoshua ben Perachiah and Nitai of Arbel received from them. Yehoshua ben Perachia says, "Make for yourself a mentor, acquire for yourself a friend and judge every person as meritorious."
(ג) כִּי צָרִיךְ הָאָדָם לְחַפֵּשׂ וּלְבַקֵּשׁ לִמְצֹא בְּעַצְמוֹ אֵיזֶה מְעַט טוֹב, כְּדֵי לְהַחֲיוֹת אֶת עַצְמוֹ, וְלָבוֹא לִידֵי שִׂמְחָה כַּנַּ"ל
...A person has to judge themselves favorably and find in themselves some remaining good point, in order to give themselves the strength to avoid falling completely, God forbid. On the contrary, they will revive themselves and bring joy to their souls with the little bit of good they find in themselves.
- Here, Rabbi Nachman suggests that “judging ourselves favorably” can actually lead to joy and save us from “falling completely.” How do you think one can balance seeking out the good points in oneself while also facing the facts when they’ve misstepped or seriously erred?
- It can sometimes be too difficult to identify or emotionally connect to good points, especially when one is at “rock-bottom.” How do you think you could follow Rebbe Nachman’s advice even in the hardest times? What or who would you need in that moment, before, or after?
2. Common Humanity (vs. Isolation) // "Tzelem Elokim" & "Enoshiyut"
לָא קַשְׁיָא: הָא בְּאוּר דִּידַן, הָא בְּאוּר דְּגֵיהִנָּם. אוּר דִּידַן — בְּמוֹצָאֵי שַׁבָּת, אוּר דְּגֵיהִנָּם — בְּעֶרֶב שַׁבָּת. וְאוּר דְּגֵיהִנָּם בְּעֶרֶב שַׁבָּת אִיבְּרִי? וְהָא תַּנְיָא: שִׁבְעָה דְּבָרִים נִבְרְאוּ קוֹדֶם שֶׁנִּבְרָא הָעוֹלָם, וְאֵלּוּ הֵן: תּוֹרָה, וּתְשׁוּבָה, וְגַן עֵדֶן, וְגֵיהִנָּם, וְכִסֵּא הַכָּבוֹד, וּבֵית הַמִּקְדָּשׁ, וּשְׁמוֹ שֶׁל מָשִׁיחַ.
The Gemara answers: This is not difficult. This baraita is referring to our fire, and that baraita is referring to the fire of Gehenna. The Gemara explains: Our fire was created at the conclusion of Shabbat, but the fire of Gehenna was created on Shabbat eve. The Gemara proceeds to ask: Was the fire of Gehenna created on Shabbat eve? Wasn’t it taught in a baraita: Seven phenomena were created before the world was created, and they are: Torah, and repentance, and the Garden of Eden, and Gehenna, and the Throne of Glory, and the Temple, and the name of Messiah.
Anthem by Leonard Cohen
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
3. Mindfulness (vs. Over-Identification) // "Kavana" - Recognizing Suffering and Our Needs
"...willingness to observe our negative thoughts and emotions with openness and clarity, so that they are held in mindful awareness. Mindfulness is a non-judgmental, receptive mind state in which one observes thoughts and feelings as they are, without trying to suppress or deny them."
״דְּאָגָה בְלֶב אִישׁ יַשְׁחֶנָּה״, רַבִּי אַמֵּי וְרַבִּי אַסִּי, חַד אָמַר: יַשִּׂחֶנָּה מִדַּעְתּוֹ, וְחַד אָמַר: יְשִׂיחֶנָּה לַאֲחֵרִים.
§ The Gemara explains another verse in Proverbs: “If there is care in a man’s heart, let him quash it [yashḥena]” (Proverbs 12:25). Rabbi Ami and Rabbi Asi dispute the verse’s meaning. One said: He should forcefully push it [yasḥena] out of his mind. One who worries should banish his concerns from his thoughts. And one said: It means he should tell [yesiḥena] others his concerns, which will lower his anxiety.